I Ended Up Cross-Dressing, My Secret Relationship with a Handsome Guy (BL) - Chapter 17

After the journal incident, Yukiho Saito and I started exchanging greetings from time to time.

That’s right—we exchanged greetings. In other words, we were acquaintances.

I wanted to get closer to him, but I stopped myself before giving in to that desire. Even without thinking too hard, I knew for sure that he wouldn’t want to interact with me more than necessary.

Yukiho Saito seemed to dislike standing out. He hated loud things and noisy situations. I had seen him throw cold glances at the rowdy students during break time more times than I could count. During lunch, he would quickly slip away on his own.

I’m not trying to brag, but I attract attention. I often become the center of conversations. If someone like me actively approached Yukiho, it was obvious what would happen.

So, even if I wanted to talk to him, I couldn’t.

After the journal incident, I properly thanked him. But unlike before, there was no trace of that slight smile on his face. Instead, his eyes, calm as an undisturbed surface of water, clearly said, Why are you talking to me?

At that moment, I realized— Yukiho Saito probably saw me as nothing more than a nuisance in his life.

And yet, I couldn’t stop watching him. It wasn’t out of stubbornness anymore—it had simply become part of my daily life. Seeing him in the same space as me gave me a strange sense of relief.

I started to wonder if this was something like being a fan.

“…I Wish I Could Be Like That.”

It was pure coincidence.

Practice had ended early because of the rain, and as I was packing up to leave, I realized I had forgotten something in the classroom. I told my friends to go ahead and returned to the school building, which was nearly empty.

That’s when I saw him.

He was sitting by the window, resting his chin on his hand, gazing outside. His silhouette looked fragile, as if he could disappear the moment I blinked. His voice, quiet like falling snow, reached me more clearly than I expected.

“Yukiho, do you like someone?”

I knew that, in his life, I was nothing but an annoyance.

And yet, before I could stop myself, I had already spoken. It was a sudden, inexplicable impulse.

As I walked past him to look out the window, I saw what had caught his attention—a cheerful, hardworking girl who was fairly popular among the boys, standing with her boyfriend. There was no one else around.

Which meant that Yukiho had been watching these two when he made that comment.

That realization sent an uneasy stir through my chest.

“Did you like her?”

“W-what? No, that’s not…”

Yukiho was hard to read, yet oddly easy to understand.

There was no lie in his words.

If that was the case, then his earlier remark didn’t make sense. So, out of curiosity, I decided to tease him a little.

“Then… was it the guy?”

The look on his face could only be described as pure horror.

I didn’t understand why he reacted that way.

But what shocked me more was how loudly he denied it.

And at the same time… I felt a thrill.

Yukiho Saito, the boy who was always as still as a quiet lake, was visibly shaken by my words.

There was an odd satisfaction in seeing him react like that.

I had observed him for so long that, in that moment, I made a reckless gamble.

“…So, do you want to be a girl?”

As expected, he gave me another expression I had never seen before.

But I knew something about him.

He was weak to pressure, easily swayed by emotions, and—above all—kind.

“If you say you want to be like her, doesn’t that mean you’re interested in dressing like a girl? Oh, wow. I never thought I’d meet someone who actually gets it… wait, unless I’m wrong?”

I let my voice waver on purpose, loosening my grip on his shoulders.

His eyes widened in realization, and then, as if in a panic, he blurted out—

“I’m not wrong!”

For a brief moment, I felt a twinge of guilt.

But it was drowned out by the overwhelming rush of excitement.

The only thought in my head was: I got him.

It was the same feeling as when I caught a giant beetle as a kid, or when I finally tagged someone in a game of chase.

And yet, this feeling was different—messier, deeper, but somehow more beautiful than anything else.

The Secret He Never Knew He Had

Seeing Yukiho Saito in girls’ clothing was, to put it simply, amazing.

It was so amazing that, despite never having prayed before, I silently thanked whatever god existed.

Honestly, it was a bit concerning how easily he fell for my ridiculous pushiness. But in this case, I couldn’t help but pat myself on the back for it.

Because of my relentless persistence, I had dragged him into my little hobby.

And in return, I got to see countless new expressions from him.

His slender neck, his delicate wrists, his narrow waist—his skin, pale like his name suggested. He was thinner than most girls I knew. It felt like I had access to a secret that only his parents might have known.

It was the most thrilling moment of my life.

Surprisingly, he could be quite foul-mouthed, and his expressions were more animated than I had expected.

Knowing a side of Yukiho Saito that no one else at school did filled me with a deep sense of satisfaction.

Spending time with him had become something I couldn’t live without.

After all, I had not only gotten him to indulge in a secret he’d never intended to share, but I had also convinced him to wear the clothes I had secretly picked out for him.

On top of that, I even got to take pictures.

He let me do his makeup.

And more than anything, I could feel that he had started to grow attached to me.

At the time, I still thought this was just fan admiration.

I wondered if this was how people felt when they received special attention from an idol or when women became obsessed with a particular host.

The Mistake I Made

Then came the summer vacation I had been waiting for.

The summer festival.

Walking beside me that day was the most beautiful version of Yukiho I had ever seen.

He was so breathtaking that I wanted to show him off to the entire world.

For a split second, I even considered posting him online.

But I didn’t.

Because I wanted him all to myself.

That’s why I bought a mask for him, and when we ran into Tanaka by accident, I pulled him close, refusing to let anyone else see him.

That alone should have been a sign that something was wrong with me.

And then, as he watched the fireworks, looking more beautiful than ever—I found myself staring.

Before I realized it, I kissed him.

But I thought he would forgive me.

Because we weren’t just normal friends.

I believed, without a doubt, that we were the most important people in each other’s lives.

I thought it was okay.

But I was wrong.

“…Let go of me.”

It was the same quiet voice he had used that rainy afternoon.

But this time—he was crying.

I had wanted to see all of his expressions.

I had wanted to see him angry, flustered, embarrassed—so much that I wished there were no emotions left that I hadn’t seen.

But the way he looked then—like he was barely holding back a scream—was something I never wanted to see again.

I tried to speak, to say something—anything—but my throat felt dry.

And then, I heard the door shut behind him.

That was when I finally understood.

This wasn’t just fan admiration.

But I didn’t know what this feeling was called.