I Ended Up Cross-Dressing, My Secret Relationship with a Handsome Guy (BL) - Chapter 22

Because I loved him, no matter how abnormal it seemed from the outside, I followed his words happily. Because I loved him, I even dressed as a woman, despite having no interest in it—no, despite feeling nothing but emptiness. Because I loved him, even his inexplicable touches made me happy. After all, something like this would never happen again in my life.

Going out with the person I loved, being patted on the head and called cute, even kissing the one I had feelings for—none of that would ever come my way again.

So, I decided to hold on until he got bored of me, until he said, “I’m done with this.” I wanted to stay in this relationship for as long as I could.

And yet, the first one to give up was me.

Because I never imagined that loving someone one-sidedly could be this painful.

I wanted him to love me. I wanted him to touch me while feeling the same love I had for him.

…What a selfish, arrogant desire.

I had known since elementary school that I could never be normal, and yet, just the slightest taste of a dream had left my heart in shambles.

That day, when Kiryu kissed me again during the festival preparations, I got angry.

“Don’t touch me if you don’t love me. Don’t treat me like some convenient toy.”

I lashed out at him. But at the same time, I was furious with myself—for seriously entertaining such an impossible, childish wish.

“…That time, after all,”

On a rainy afternoon, he had held both my hands and looked into my eyes. I still remember his face so vividly that I couldn’t bring myself to say the rest of my thoughts out loud, even as a muttered soliloquy.

—

With the preparations smoothly completed, we welcomed the first Sunday of November—the day of the festival itself.

“Alright, everyone! Let’s give it our all!”

“Why are you acting like the leader, Tanaka?”

“Because the shy class president begged me to hype everyone up!”

With only thirty minutes left before the public was allowed in, the class was gathered in our room, buzzing with excitement. Watching moments like this, I couldn’t deny that Tanaka was truly the mood-maker of our class. On top of that, he was one of the most handsome guys in the school, yet his personality was down-to-earth. His slightly goofy nature made him easy to approach, which naturally made him popular.

And today was the festival itself—meaning Tanaka was in full “crowd-magnet” mode. Not that he needed to try; his natural charm was already overwhelming. I finally understood why the guys in the sports teams kept saying, “Damn, good-looking guys need to explode.”

“Alright, everybody, put your arms around your neighbors!”

“What is this, a sports rally?”

“No time to argue! Get in position! You too, shy boys and shy girls—hurry up!”

Not everyone could gather, but the energy of our group chant was intense. To my left stood Miss Kusunoki, flawlessly dressed in a scholarly men’s outfit, and to my right was a twin-tailed gorilla of a baseball player whose chest muscles seemed ready to burst out of her costume. It was pure chaos.

“Okay, today’s the big day! No other class is as fired up as we are! They can call us a freak-show café all they want—let’s steal the spotlight!”

“Yeah!!”

The resounding cheer made my eyes widen. The ones most fired up were, without a doubt, the “freaks” themselves—the twin-tailed baseball gorilla, the black-gal rugby player with thighs of steel, and the other assorted oddballs.

So this is what a sports team’s vocal power is like…

Having only observed from a distance before, I was dumbfounded by this culture shock.

“Alright, Tanaka and Kiryu, grab the signs and head to the front gate! Cast members and kitchen crew, let’s do one more layout check! Also, I’ve posted the break schedules in the group chat, so make sure to check them! Keep an eye on your phones in case of unexpected changes!”

At the mention of “Kiryu,” my body tensed up involuntarily. I couldn’t help it. No matter how much I tried to suppress my feelings, no matter how much I told myself to be angry and stop thinking about him, I was still in love with him.

I wished I could hate him. But sadly, my memories of him were filled only with warmth, making it impossible to forget him anytime soon.

That’s why, today, I had yet to lay eyes on him even once.

I didn’t have to see him to know—the excitement among the girls in our class said it all.

Kiryu must have looked incredibly good today.

If I saw him now, it would only make it harder for me to move on.

So, my goal for the day was simple: avoid Kiryu entirely and make it through the festival in one piece.

It felt like such a pathetic resolution, but without it, my eyes would inevitably seek him out.

“Yukiho! Just keep smiling, okay? You don’t have to force a grin, just keep your mouth corners up a bit!”

“O-okay.”

“Great! Seriously, out of all our crossdressers, only you and two others look decent. We’re counting on you. Also, our class theme is basically a zoo.”

“…Pfft.”

Seeing the muscular “maid squad” rehearsing the menu with intense determination, I couldn’t help but laugh. That’s when the black-gal rugby player pointed straight at me.

“Don’t get cocky just because you’re passable! We’ve got something you don’t—comedy!”

Then, the rugby black-gal, the twin-tailed baseball player, and the bob-haired judo girl struck an oddly practiced sexy pose.

I collapsed. Literally.

So people can laugh so hard their legs give out…

Of course, my collapse was caught on video and promptly shared in the class group chat. Thanks to that footage, muscle-girl fans flooded our café. Despite it technically not being a maid café, deep male voices chanting “Moe Moe Kyun!” filled the room. Meanwhile, the Tanaka-Kiryu duo had lured in a massive wave of female customers, who were then enchanted by our cross-dressed girls-turned-princely hosts.

As for me and the other crossdressers—the naturally thin, non-athletic ones who weren’t as flashy—we were busy running orders back and forth.

It was hectic, and talking to strangers made me nervous, but seeing their smiles made me feel… fulfilled.

“Yukiho! Someone wants a photo with you!”

“Crossdresser squad, gather up! We have a request!”

“Hey! Don’t put Saito next to me! He makes my face look huge!”

At first, I had been anxious. Honestly, I hadn’t wanted to do this at all. I hated dressing up as a girl—it felt hollow. I disliked interacting with people. I loathed standing out. I thought I’d be fine just existing in the shadows of brighter people.

And yet—

“Should I stand in the front?”

“Ugh, that’d be even more annoying!”

Surrounded by laughing guests, I found myself smiling too.

And for once, it wasn’t a forced smile.

I was actually having fun.

From the bottom of my heart, I really, truly was.