I Ended Up Cross-Dressing, My Secret Relationship with a Handsome Guy (BL) - Chapter 28

Summer, the season I hated most, had ended in the blink of an eye. Autumn passed just as quickly, and now a long winter was approaching.

Even so, for now, it was still late autumn. During the day, as long as I stood in the sunlight, it wasn’t too cold. But by evening, the chill in the air was sharp enough that I had already started bringing my scarf with me.

Just because I disliked summer didn’t mean I was particularly fond of winter, but I had always loved the season itself.

“Saito, see you tomorrow!”

“Yeah, see you.”

As my classmates left for their club activities after school, I remained in the classroom, reading.

Like always, I planned to read until the room was empty and then head to the library.

Since the cultural festival, I had gained more friends, but my daily routine had barely changed. I was still uncomfortable having deep conversations with my family, and I still disliked noisy places.

But even so, just having more friends had made school life so much more enjoyable.

I let my thoughts drift from the book for a moment.

Through the window, I could see students heading home and others practicing for their clubs. Among them, I noticed a pair walking side by side, close enough to feel intimate.

For a moment, I narrowed my eyes.

“Am I jealous?”

It felt like my own mind had asked me the question.

“…I don’t know.”

Seeing that affectionate couple made me think of Kiryu again.

Now that everyone knew I was gay, I would probably never interact with him again. That was partly why I had confessed in the first place—to sever our connection for good.

This was the life I had wanted.

So why did I keep thinking about him?

I let out a small sigh, frustrated with myself.

Just then, I heard a faint clatter from somewhere in the quiet classroom.

I flinched.

Someone else was still here.

Had they heard me talking to myself?

Embarrassed, I quickly pretended to read again, but when I cautiously glanced up, my heart stopped.

There was no mistaking it.

Our eyes met.

For what felt like forever—but was probably just a few seconds—we just stared at each other.

The first one to break the silence was me.

“…What do you want?”

“…Uh.”

Between my seat by the window and Kiryu’s seat near the hallway, four rows of desks separated us.

It was too far to hold a proper conversation.

But I couldn’t move closer.

And maybe neither could he.

His entire posture radiated awkwardness, even more than mine did.

And yet, he refused to look away.

That made me uneasy.

“…Can I talk to you?”

“…Huh?”

“I mean, like Tamata and the others. Can I talk to you like they do?”

“…Why?”

The question slipped from my lips before I could stop it.

At that, Kiryu suddenly stood up and started walking toward me.

I stiffened, completely caught off guard.

Stopping right in front of me, he looked down.

His usual smirk was gone.

His lips were pressed into a thin line, and his brows were slightly furrowed.

He wasn’t angry, but his expression looked so lonely that it only confused me more.

“Because I want to be close to you. Is that not allowed?”

“…Eh?”

“Don’t make that face.”

“No, it’s not that I hate it. I just… don’t understand.”

Confusion.

Complete and utter confusion.

What was he saying?

What was he thinking?

What was he trying to do?

Nothing made sense.

But the one person responsible for this confusion—Kiryu—looked like he was dying inside.

I should have been the one struggling the most.

I was the one whose secret had been exposed.

I was the one who had forced this distance between us.

But looking at him now, it didn’t feel that way.

I let out a slow, deep breath to steady myself. Then, I met his eyes again.

“…Do you not remember what I told you?”

“…I do.”

“Then you should understand. I wasn’t joking.”

Outside, under the clear autumn sky, students called out to each other, their voices lively and bright.

But inside the classroom, between us, the tension was suffocating.

“I’m gay.”

The words came out like a knife to my own gut.

And for just a moment, Kiryu visibly flinched.

I felt relief.

And at the same time, I felt like something inside me had shattered.

“It’s disgusting, isn’t it? That’s why—”

“I never thought that!”

His sudden outburst made me gasp.

Before I could react, his hands gripped my shoulders.

“A-ah, sorry.”

He immediately let go. Exhaling sharply, he dropped into the chair next to mine.

Just that small bit of extra space made it easier to breathe again.

“I never thought you were disgusting, Yukiho. Not when you confessed to me. Not even once.”

“Was I surprised? Yeah. But I never thought that.”

“Well, yeah. I mean, it’s not exactly common to be confessed to by another guy.”

Silence fell between us again.

Kiryu still had a troubled look on his face, as if he were desperately searching for the right words.

Watching him, I felt even more confused.

This conversation was nothing but painful for both of us. It wasn’t productive in any way.

We were already at the point where we could pretend none of this had ever happened, so why was Kiryu trying to bring it all back up?

“…My interests, or rather, my preferences, aren’t exactly normal either.”

After a long silence, he finally spoke.

I blinked slowly.

“If anything, if my secret ever got out, I’d be the one in real trouble. Compared to that, yours is practically mainstream.

If someone searches online, they’ll find plenty of people like you, plenty of stories from those who feel the same way.

But my thing? It’s way too underground, way too niche.

And yet, Yukiho, you never once called me disgusting.”

It felt like it had happened ages ago, but really, not even six months had passed since Kiryu first brought up his fascination with cross-dressing.

I could still remember how I felt back then.

Of course, I was surprised.

And yeah, his excitement had scared me.

I had recoiled from him.

But I also remembered the fleeting flicker of hesitation in his expression as he looked at me.

I remembered the emotions that had surfaced within me at that moment.

“…Being denied for who you are is painful.”

I had never thought he was disgusting.

But I hadn’t understood him either.

Still, I knew the loneliness of having the door shut on me without a second thought.

“That’s why I lied.”

Kiryu was looking at me directly.

His eyes were clear, like water.

“I don’t have any interest in cross-dressing.”

“I know.”

“Because I’m a guy, and I have to live my life as one.”

“I know.”

“There were times I wished I had been born a girl. Maybe then, I could have just been… normal.”

“……Yeah.”

“And that’s why, when you kissed me, I was happy… but I also wanted to disappear.”

To me, everything that had happened felt like a series of once-in-a-lifetime miracles.

But in the end, it had all been driven solely by Kiryu’s curiosity.

None of the emotions I had hoped for were there.

That gap—the gap between my reality and the dream I had wanted—was suffocating.

The worst part was knowing that I had been tempted to reach for more, to ask for something I was never meant to have.

“It hurt.”

Two boys, sitting across from each other, talking.

It was an ordinary scene, one that could happen anywhere.

But the person in front of me…

He was someone I could never forget.

That one feeling alone was enough to take this ordinary moment and turn it into something completely abnormal.

That was how taboo my emotions were.

At least, that’s how I saw it.

But no matter how much I tried, I just couldn’t be “normal.”

My nose stung.

My eyes burned.

My vision blurred.

Then, with a single blink, a tear slipped down my cheek, like a raindrop falling from the sky.

“It really… really hurt.”

“I’m sorry.”

His voice was close.

Warmth enveloped me.

I knew this warmth.

“…I’m sorry.”

Kiryu held me tightly and whispered it again.