I Feel Like I’ve Become a Bothersome Person Getting in the Way Between My Childhood Friends. - Chapter 7.2

We safely graduated from high school, and finally, the day came. The day Stanley was to enlist in the military. Xeno and I visited the Stanley household. Seeing his room all tidied up and emptied made me realize again that he was really leaving.

“It’s going to feel lonely not seeing you for a while.”
“It’s not like we’re parting forever. Don’t make that gloomy face, Xeno. Look at Aria—she’s acting like usual.”
“I’m more surprised that Aria looks so calm.”

Normally, joining the military means stepping into an uncertain future. There are deployments to war zones, and stories of pilots crashing in accidents aren’t rare. In other words, from now on, Stanley would be living side by side with death. It wouldn’t be unusual for only a dog tag to come back. Saying this could be a final farewell wasn’t exactly an exaggeration—and that wasn’t funny at all.

But I knew the truth. I knew Stanley would return safely, unharmed.

“I just believe in Stanley, that’s all.”
“After hearing that, I can’t exactly go and betray your expectations, huh?”

As a faint air of sadness filled the room, Xeno reached for the door.
“…I’ll step out for a bit. You two probably have things to talk about.”
“Hey, Xeno.”
“It’s not that I’m being considerate. It’s just that while you’re gone, I’ll end up having the upper hand. It’s only fair to give you that handicap, right?”

After quickly saying that, he quietly left. I wasn’t so dull that I couldn’t tell what Xeno wanted to give Stanley the chance to do. After all, this might not be a farewell he could laugh off.

After a short silence, Stanley seemed to steel himself and spoke.
“There’s something I need to tell you, Aria.”
“Don’t.”
“…Huh?”
“Don’t say anything.”

The more lingering attachments a person has, the harder they fight to survive, no matter how dangerous the battlefield. Even though I was certain Stanley would come back, the existence of someone like me—a bug in this timeline—could still alter the future. That fear hadn’t changed, then or now. I wouldn’t let Stanley sort out his feelings and walk away neatly. I wanted him to leave with lingering attachments, something to hold onto.

“…You’re not going to let me say it, huh.”
“When we’re older.”
“I might die before that, you know.”
“That’s exactly why you can’t.”
“If I say it now, I’d win.”
“I won’t listen.”
“…Really?”
“Really.”

Realizing it was pointless to argue, Stanley gave a dry laugh, lowering his gaze and covering his face with his right hand. I brushed his hand away and lifted his face with both of mine so our eyes could meet. The words I was about to say might become a curse, might bind him—but I didn’t care. As long as it meant he would live and return.

“One day, I’ll listen for real.”
“Until you tell me, you’re not allowed to die.”
“Make me your reason to live, Stanley.”

For the first time, I was the one who initiated a hug. Those were the same words Stanley once said to me. They were unfair words.

Stanley froze for just a moment, then hugged me back tightly.
“I really wanna say it right now.”
“Hey, stop it.”

He laughed, and my back shook from it.
“Yeah, I’ll definitely come back. Definitely.”

His voice was filled with certainty.

Stanley reluctantly let go, showing his teeth in a wide smile. The way he grinned with just the corners of his mouth was cool too, but I liked this boyish smile better—it suited him more.

When we left the room, Stanley, accompanied by his parents, headed to the car. He said a few words to Xeno, gave him a pat on the shoulder, and got in. Together, Xeno and I watched the car drive away.

“He left me in charge.”
“Of what?”
“You. …Up until now, I was the one entrusting you to him. Stan’s going to be busy from now on.”
“We’ll be busy too. I’ll have college, and you’re going to NASA.”
“That’s true. We’d better make sure that when Stan comes back, he won’t be too disappointed in us.”

And like that, one of the childhood friends we had always been together with was gone from our daily lives. Xeno never once asked what Stanley and I talked about that day.

The year without Stanley began.