I Tried to Become a Worthless Scumbag to Break Our Engagement for His Happiness, but Instead I Was Hugged, Kissed, and Sworn Eternal Love by the Ice Knight (BL) - CHAPTER 34

“Fleck?”

Fleck finally felt saved and let out a breath of relief. He tried to raise his voice. That was why he had stayed still, saving what little strength he had. But because of the crushing weight, no sound came out.

“Fleck? Where are you? …Fleck.”

Don’t think I went home on my own. Fleck imagined the worst and forced out a broken voice.

“Rocca… kyoro… tsuka… kyo…”

Ah, it’s stabbing me. It hurts. It’s heavy. It’s painful. Help me, Heliosphere.

“Fleck, where are you?! Fleck!!”

Through the wooden floorboards, footsteps were drawing near. I want to say I’m here, but the weight keeps me from making a sound.

“Fleck!”

But at once, the weight vanished. The pain disappeared too. The numbness was still there. The ache had not yet left.

“Ah… why are you…”

Heliosphere’s face twisted in sorrow, in suffering, and also in frustration, as he lifted Fleck into his arms. All around them, yellowed papers were scattered. It seemed he had blown the documents away with magic. The sound of papers being crumpled underfoot could be heard. They’re important documents, Fleck thought. But even so, he couldn’t say a word.

“Please… take better care of yourself.”

The Eastern Demonfront, the very front lines, were truly side by side with death. Fleck was a civil officer, so he had never been to the front. Even so, he knew. At the front lines, no one could ever return without wounds. That was why doctors and medics were always busy. Fleck had even helped them a few times.
So, he knew. He had seen it with his own eyes— The look in the eyes of a medic who cared for a soldier, even though the soldier was not strong, yet kept going to the battlefield. The voice and gaze that begged, Please come back alive.

It was the same. Just like that medic. The voice and gaze of Heliosphere.

That comes from a heart that wants to protect the weak, the calm Fleck inside him cried out. No, it’s not, no, it’s not, it’s absolutely not! the selfish Fleck insisted.

“I… I’m sorry.”

In the end, all he could do was apologize. He could no longer think about what the right response should be, or what Heliosphere’s true feelings were. All he felt was regret.

“That day too, it was the same.”

That day must be that day. Everything had changed since then. That had been his intention.
And yet. Why? The seed of doubt sprouted and was torn apart inside him.

“I’m sorry…”

“Let’s go home for today.”

“…Yes.”

Saying that, Heliosphere carried Fleck while casting healing magic on him. Would they really just go home like this? Fleck glanced at the scattered floor. Then, softly, the papers floated up, gathered together, and returned neatly to the shelf. Ah, so he can use magic like that too. Seeing Heliosphere’s excellence, Fleck’s heart was filled only with guilt.

The carriage, where there was usually some light conversation, felt stifling with awkward silence that day.

Usually, Fleck would talk about the parts of the documents he copied that weren’t classified and were amusing, and Heliosphere would speak of classes or other trivial things.

Usually.

And Fleck should have known better than anyone that this “usual” was fragile and fleeting. It would soon be lost. This relationship, too, was only temporary, not the same as before. Then why always, why still, why from now on— Why did his optimistic nature so easily make him believe otherwise? Fleck hated himself for it from the bottom of his heart.

“That staff.”

Heliosphere, in an offhand manner, looked at the black staff Fleck had been gripping tightly and asked.

“Y-yes…”

Heliosphere had spoken to him. That alone made Fleck so happy that he couldn’t stop his smile, usually hidden away.

“Was it a gift from someone?”

Heliosphere’s tone seemed to grow colder, and Fleck felt a chill and shivered. Even so, he had to answer, so he forced his mouth to move.

“Th-this… the former boss of the Demonfront gave it to me.”

“Do you feel attached to it?”

“I-it’s just… very durable…”

“I see.”

With only that, Heliosphere fell silent. And without another word, he escorted Fleck to the entrance hall.
Not even a “See you tomorrow.” He simply left. That was natural— And yet, it was unbearably, unbearably lonely. That night, for the first time in a long while, Fleck cried himself to sleep.