If I Die, Will You Still Hate Me? - Chapter 12

“The little boat has vanished ever since.”

After watering the last bucket, Tan Hui looked up and saw Ye Xun bringing her lunch. Her fellow villagers also noticed Ye Xun and joked, “Your little grandson came to bring you food!”

The single sentence made Tan Hui beam with joy. Ye Xun looked exactly like the ideal grandson in the minds of her generation—courteous, generous, and articulate, always mindful of everyone.

Ye Xun greeted everyone in the field from afar, thoughtfully answering their questions with perfect etiquette. Tan Hui patted his shoulder and said they should find a shaded spot to eat.

Finally, the two settled under the shade of a tree. Ye Xun laid out a mat, opened the lunch boxes, and the aroma instantly filled the air. Tan Hui broke a branch in two, casually swept the dirt away, and motioned for Ye Xun to eat some too.

Ye Xun waved a hand: “There’s more at home. I’ll go back and eat with Xiaozhou.”

He had never called Jiang Xuzhou ‘Xiaozhou’ before. Firstly, because he was younger than Jiang Xuzhou, secondly, none of their friends called him that, and even Tan Hui didn’t call him that. There must be some hidden story.

Sure enough, when Tan Hui heard him use the name, her brow furrowed unnaturally, and the smile faded from her voice. She said sternly, “Don’t call him Xiaozhou next time.”

Ye Xun feigned surprise and asked hesitantly, “Is there something about…”

Tan Hui’s brow furrowed deeply. She hesitated for a moment, then sighed, seemingly convincing herself: “Forget it. You’ve been together for almost ten years. It’s time you knew.”

Mei Yue and Jiang Yongjun initially doted on their first child, but all the affection ended when Jiang Xuzhou had his first attack. He was only four or five months old when Mei Yue suddenly noticed her son’s lips were blue, and he would gasp for air when feeding or crying. They rushed to the hospital, fearing the worst, and the final diagnosis confirmed their suspicion—Tetralogy of Fallot.

This is a severe, common congenital heart defect in children. Without treatment, the natural lifespan is around 30 years, and that’s only if they are extremely lucky.

The couple discussed it all night, holding the sleeping Jiang Xuzhou. The next day, they packed their bags and told Tan Hui they were going out to work and would bring their son to the city for school later.

Tan Hui, a traditional Chinese medicine practitioner, recognized Jiang Xuzhou had heart disease but didn’t know that Mei Yue and Jiang Yongjun weren’t actually going out to work. She and Jiang Zhong genuinely thought they were leaving to earn money to treat the child. The two elderly people did their best to care for their grandson, watching him grow from an infant into a handsome teenager and finally a promising young entrepreneur.

But the couple never returned.

Tan Hui knew surgery was the best treatment, but they could never save enough for the operation. She had countless times seen little Jiang Xuzhou leaning against a tree trunk, clutching his chest, desperately sucking in air. Due to chronic lack of oxygen, his weight and height constantly lagged behind his peers.

She scoured the medical books at home, searched the surrounding area for herbs, brewed medicine day after day, and repeatedly watched Jiang Xuzhou drink the black-brown traditional medicine from a bowl bigger than his face.

Her prayers drifted up to the heavens along with the rising smoke from the boiling medicine.

The deities really did bless her grandson.

Everyone praised Jiang Xuzhou as a formidable young man with a boundless future, but she only knew that Jiang Xuzhou had a tough life, was lucky, and had narrowly escaped death many times.

Tan Hui sighed again, pushed the untouched rice bowl away, and said: “Zhouzhou didn’t use to be called that. He was originally named Jiang Chengzhi because Mei Yue and Jiang Yongjun hoped he would have great aspirations.”

“The later name change was because that worthless son of mine heard a line of poetry somewhere, something about a ‘little boat’,” Tan Hui’s voice held a trace of fury. “He wanted this son to die sooner.”

Her last sentence pressed down on Ye Xun’s chest like a heavy stone, making him gasp for air. He knew the line of poetry Tan Hui was referring to: “The little boat has vanished ever since (小舟從此逝).”

Ye Xun had grown up in a happy and complete family, hearing only the most beautiful words and hopes from his parents. He had no idea that there were parents in the world who would curse their own child with such malice.

His hand, hanging by his side, trembled. A sudden, overwhelming urge arose in him to rush back and hug Jiang Xuzhou, to hear him speak, to feel a strong, forceful heartbeat.

And finally tell him: though some people in this world wish you dead, others wish you alive.

While Ye Xun was learning the truth, Jiang Xuzhou was busy taking one phone call after another.

He had just hung up with Wu Yi when an unknown number came in. He had no choice but to put down his chopsticks and answer the call.

“Xiaozhou? Have you eaten?” A woman’s voice rang out. Jiang Xuzhou couldn’t place her.

“Excuse me, who is this?” Jiang Xuzhou asked.

The woman showed no hint of apology: “Xiaozhou, you are truly forgetful, being a big shot. I’m your mother.”

Jiang Xuzhou: “…I’m sorry, I don’t have your number.”

Mei Yue wasn’t at all bothered: “It’s fine, it’s fine. Now you do, right?”

Jiang Xuzhou didn’t want to chat casually with her. Besides, what shared history did they have to talk about? He hadn’t seen either of them since he could remember.

“Do you need something?”

He still felt that Mei Yue wouldn’t show up without a motive.

Mei Yue laughed a few times and praised Jiang Xuzhou lavishly, pouring out almost every complimentary word she knew.

“Get to the point,” Jiang Xuzhou couldn’t help but remind her.

He felt utterly cold, and the words he spoke were laced with ice.

Mei Yue was secretly a little afraid of this son, since she was clearly in the wrong, but for the sake of her other son, she swallowed her fear: “Well…” She hesitated, but pressured by Jiang Chengzhi beside her, she finally spoke. “Are there any positions available at the company? Your younger brother just graduated… two or three years ago, and he’s looking for a job.”

Jiang Xuzhou had never heard that he had a younger brother, nor did he know his name, what he looked like, or his age. Yet, he was expected to arrange a job for this total stranger.

It was utterly ridiculous.

In an instant, he understood the true purpose of Mei Yue and Jiang Yongjun tracking him down.

He asked with amused curiosity: “What position were you thinking of arranging for him?”

Mei Yue hadn’t expected him to ask this, and she was overjoyed: “I think the Vice President position you have is quite good. You can let your brother take that.”

“It’s the family business; you can’t let it go to outsiders. If you let your brother take it, then when… well, when the time comes, the people below will also trust him.”

Although Mei Yue mumbled over the word “die,” Jiang Xuzhou wasn’t stupid and naturally guessed her meaning. But he hadn’t expected Mei Yue to be so brazen, practically demanding the entire Baiwen Group.

Jiang Xuzhou chuckled a few times. He hadn’t had any water after taking call after call, and his throat felt dry enough to smoke. His hoarse laughter made Mei Yue on the other end shiver. She looked at Jiang Chengzhi beside her for help, afraid to speak.

Both of her sons were terrifying.

Jiang Chengzhi glanced at his trembling mother, took the phone with disdain, and his tone was somewhat sincere: “Brother, we should keep the assets within the family, you know.”

Jiang Xuzhou recognized Jiang Chengzhi was using their bl00d relation to pressure him. He gave a cold laugh. Having been in this position for so long, it had been a very long time since anyone other than Ye Xun had put pressure on him.

He was too lazy to argue with the other party, so he decisively hung up the phone. The phone hit the table with a thud, sliding forward until it struck the porcelain bowl in front of him.

The food was still warm, but he had no appetite left. The whole vile conversation was utterly sickening.

He picked up the bowl from the table, carried it to the sink with one hand, and then covered the remaining food with a dust cover, intending to wait until Ye Xun returned to deal with it. This time, he was more careful. He took his pain medication and daily medication from the car, placed them under his pillow, and put several bottles of mineral water on the desk—this way, no matter what happened at night, he wouldn’t disturb Ye Xun again.

As for the injury on his arm, he hadn’t intended to treat it, but knowing he was at Tan Hui’s house, he figured she would scold him relentlessly if she saw it. So, he took off his sweater, revealing the wound which was still bleeding. He washed the dirt out with cold water and bandaged it with clean gauze.

When he was injured, his sleeve was rolled up to his elbow. He had kept it rolled up while making the food, but Ye Xun hadn’t seen it or mentioned it.

He knew that Ye Xun had already moved on from him as an ex. No matter what he did, he wouldn’t win back his affection or love.

He had to move forward.

But where was his “forward”? Did he even have a “forward” left?

Jiang Xuzhou put his bloodstained clothes into a trash bag and threw it into the village trash can. He returned to the room, opened the window to dispel the faint smell of bl00d, and collapsed onto the bed, his head resting on his uninjured arm. He closed his eyes.

Sunlight streamed into the room, but he couldn’t feel it. A chill burrowed out from his bones, sweeping over his entire body, making him shiver. But he was stubborn. Even though the blanket was right beside him, he wouldn’t reach for it, choosing instead to endure the cold.

Eventually, he fell asleep.

Ye Xun returned to the house with the empty lunch box and immediately noticed the cleaned dining table and the food prepared for him. He had listened to Tan Hui talk a lot about Jiang Xuzhou’s childhood, how he grew up as a left-behind child to become the person he was today.

Tan Hui’s voice became choked up toward the end, and she repeatedly squeezed Ye Xun’s hand, saying, “Xiao Xun, you must be good to Zhouzhou. I’m old now and won’t be around for many years. You have to be the one to walk the rest of the path with him. His temper is a bit reserved, please be patient with him.”

Ye Xun half-promised and half-coaxed her for a long time before Tan Hui calmed down.

He ate the food in his bowl. Though it was a little cold, the taste was as good as ever.

“Is it cold? I’ll warm it up for you,” Jiang Xuzhou heard the commotion. Suppressing his fatigue, he walked to the door, leaning against the door frame, his eyes still closed. “Eating cold food will make your stomach hurt.”

Ye Xun quickly finished his meal and put down his chopsticks: “No need. You should come out earlier next time.”

Jiang Xuzhou squinted, shook his head, and then washed the dishes and the thermos, putting them into the sterilizer. As he walked past Ye Xun’s chair, he tripped on the chair leg, stumbled a few steps, and managed to stop himself. He glanced back at the chair leg but said nothing.

It was Ye Xun who spoke: “President Jiang, watch your step. Don’t try to fake an accident for money.”

He slowly wiped his mouth: “Even if you did, I couldn’t afford to pay you.”

Jiang Xuzhou detected the resistance and distance in his words. He waved his hand and went into the room without saying a word.

This behavior met Ye Xun’s expectations. He pouted, feeling bored, and since he didn’t want to nap, he decided to wander around the village.

He slowly walked along the village’s concrete road. He was very familiar with this road. When Jiang Xuzhou hired the construction crew to pave it, he often brought Ye Xun to watch, allowing him to witness how a muddy track was transformed into a concrete road. He even remembered the day the road was finished. During the day, Jiang Xuzhou humbly told the village cadres that it was all his duty. But at night, after everyone had gone to sleep, he secretly took Ye Xun’s hand, ran to the middle of the road, and proudly thumped his chest, asking for praise.

The Jiang Xuzhou of that time was vibrant, and Ye Xun had helped bring out his childlike side.

The current Jiang Xuzhou was more reserved and much more lifeless.