If I Die, Will You Still Hate Me? - Chapter 5
“I love him, and I hate him.”
The old city district of Mo City was dilapidated. Rows of old buildings stood abruptly interspersed among high-rises. A dim streetlamp flickered a few times, startling a wild cat rummaging through a garbage bin.
A young man in his early twenties was startled by the sudden emergence of the cat: “Sh1t, where did that dead cat come from?”
He shook the empty wine bottle in his hand, cursed again, and staggered toward the oldest building in the center.
The worn-out communal door was kicked open by the young man. He kicked his own door twice and yelled at the top of his lungs: “Open the door for me, old man!”
“Is that Xiao Zhi?” Mei Yue asked through the door.
“Hurry up and open it! What are you waiting for!” Jiang Chengzhi pounded his fist on the door. “If you don’t open it, I’ll smash the door down!”
Jiang Yongjun hurried out of the kitchen, wiping his hands casually on his apron, a doting smile on his face: “My son is back.”
Jiang Chengzhi squinted, trying to clearly see that the person in front of him was his father. He spread his hand open and slurred: “Give me money.”
“Mom and Dad don’t have any money left,” Mei Yue stood up and patted Jiang Chengzhi’s back as if comforting a child. “Be good, stay home quietly for a few days, and we’ll give you money in two days.”
Jiang Yongjun also chimed in: “That’s right, Mom and Dad will give you money in two days.”
Jiang Chengzhi looked at Mei Yue and Jiang Yongjun. A dull laughter slowly escaped his throat, growing louder and louder.
Mei Yue and Jiang Yongjun exchanged puzzled glances and followed suit, laughing. Mei Yue continued to pat Jiang Chengzhi’s shoulder, praising him: “Good boy, good boy.”
“Good my ass!” Jiang Chengzhi’s smile vanished. He smashed the empty wine bottle on the floor, glass scattering everywhere. “You gave birth to me but didn’t raise me?”
The sudden outburst severely frightened Mei Yue. She slipped and fell into the broken glass, a sharp shard slicing her aged arm.
“Xiao Yue,” Jiang Yongjun rushed to help her up.
Jiang Chengzhi, smelling strongly of alcohol, looked like a demon crawled out of hell. A fierce glare shone in his eyes as he stared at the two old people collapsed on the floor: “Just give me a straight answer: can you give me money today!”
“Didn’t you say I have a rich older brother?” He grabbed Mei Yue’s collar and roared, “Where is he?”
“Where?” Wu Yi, who had just received the call, rolled out of bed, hastily putting on his coat. His fingers, tightly gripping his phone, were white with force.
The person on the other end was panting heavily, unable to speak for a long time.
“Ye Xun, hurry up and tell me, where is Jiang Xuzhou now, which hospital?” Wu Yi yelled.
“People’s Hospital…” Ye Xun stared at the dried bloodstains on his right palm. The scene that had just unfolded was still vivid in his mind:
When he broke into the villa at Linhai Residence, the lights of the city shining through the window, Ye Xun found Jiang Xuzhou lying face down on the floor. His phone had dropped about a meter away. Ye Xun took a deep breath, trying to suppress the suffocating feeling. He turned on his phone’s flashlight. A pale light shone on Jiang Xuzhou’s ashen face. There were dried bloodstains around his slightly open mouth and beneath his nose.
“Jiang Xuzhou…” Ye Xun’s voice was hoarse, subtly laced with a sob. “Wake up.”
During their time together, Ye Xun had encountered Jiang Xuzhou’s sudden cardiac arrest before, for which he had specifically obtained an emergency aid certificate.
Ye Xun laid Jiang Xuzhou on his back, quickly cleared the pooled bl00d from his nose and mouth, then placed his clasped hands on his sternum and pressed down vertically.
He pressed 30 times, then pinched Jiang Xuzhou’s nose for 2 rescue breaths.
It wasn’t until the paramedics arrived to take over, and Jiang Xuzhou’s heartbeat and breathing slowly returned, that Ye Xun finally dared to let out a long breath, his legs giving way as he collapsed onto the floor.
It was then that he belatedly realized—Jiang Xuzhou had almost ceased to exist in this world.
His ex had truly almost disappeared.
Ye Xun took a deep breath, looking toward the hospital room. Before he could sigh, “Life is unpredictable,” he was startled by the sudden appearance of Wu Yi.
Wu Yi practically threw himself at Ye Xun, asking through his tears: “When did this happen? How is Xuzhou?”
Ye Xun looked down at his own hands, not answering Wu Yi’s question.
“Speak, you’re not mute,” Wu Yi said anxiously.
Ye Xun bit his lip. Just as he was about to speak, he was choked by a few coughs: “Tonight. His breathing and heartbeat were restored when he was brought in.”
“He hasn’t woken up yet. He’s currently under observation.” Ye Xun took Jiang Xuzhou’s phone from his pocket, wiping the bloodstains off with his sleeve. He used a little mineral water to scrub the dried bl00d. As he cleaned, he said, “You stay here and watch him. I have something to do, so I’ll be heading back soon.”
Wu Yi was silent for a moment, then asked: “Ye Xun, do you love Jiang Xuzhou? Even a little bit of love, do you have it?”
Ye Xun finished wiping all the bl00d clean and lit up the screen. The phone vibrated, displaying: Facial recognition unlock successful.
His mouth twitched.
Why hadn’t Jiang Xuzhou deleted his facial recognition profile yet?
“Ye Xun.” Seeing no reaction from Ye Xun, Wu Yi called him again.
Ye Xun hummed a response to Wu Yi while tapping on the phone.
Wu Yi had always disliked Ye Xun’s uncommunicative nature, but considering they were in the hospital, he didn’t argue further.
Ye Xun finished fiddling with Jiang Xuzhou’s phone and turned to Wu Yi. The color of his pupils was lighter than usual, like clean stream water, clear to the bottom.
But Wu Yi didn’t see it that way.
“I love him, and I hate him,” Ye Xun answered the earlier question, word by word. “Wu Yi, love and hatred are not mutually exclusive.”
“I love him, so I saved him. I hate him, so I don’t want him to know I saved him.” He tossed the phone into Wu Yi’s arms. “When Jiang Xuzhou wakes up, tell him you saved him, and that I had nothing to do with it.”
“But Jiang Xuzhou is sick because of you,” Wu Yi said. “Don’t you want to know why he ended up in the hospital?”
Ye Xun paused, then smiled faintly: “So many people come to the hospital every day. I don’t have the energy to find out every single person’s reason.”
With that, he left the hospital without looking back.
The rain in Mo City had eased slightly. Ye Xun’s car was still at Linhai Residence; he had arrived at the hospital in the ambulance.
He checked his watch and saw it was 4:00 AM, so he decided not to call the driver and walked back to the company along the seaside.
The light drizzle fell on Ye Xun, hanging precariously on his messy hair. The seaside was quiet, and the dark blue sea seemed capable of embracing everything. He gradually stopped walking, gazing at the sea.
Suddenly, he felt an urge to take off his shoes and play in the water on the beach, but he quickly dismissed the idea.
“Childish temper,” Ye Xun shook his head and chuckled, slowly stopping his movements.
Ye Xun considered himself a very timid person. He had many impulsive and childish ideas, but he wouldn’t dare act on them unless someone encouraged him.
However, one day, a person appeared behind him, affirmed him, supported him, and then, after he’d done those impulsive things, laughed and teased him for having a childish temper.
Ye Xun took a deep breath. The coolness of the rain and the salty smell of the sea stung his nasal cavity. Tears unknowingly filled his eyes.
He wiped them away with his hand, not caring if they were physiological tears or if he genuinely felt like crying.
He inexplicably remembered the last time he had been to the seaside.
It was a normal evening four years ago. After dinner, he was curled up in a corner of the sofa, his feet restlessly stretching into Jiang Xuzhou’s lap. He was ceaselessly scrolling on his phone, while Jiang Xuzhou put socks on his feet and continued looking at company reports on his tablet.
The information on his phone was mostly about food, drink, and entertainment, but these things weren’t easy for the busy Jiang Xuzhou to participate in; wherever there was network, he would be busy with work. They had argued over this more than once, and each argument would lead to Jiang Xuzhou putting down his phone for a while.
“I’m so bored,” Ye Xun stretched and nudged Jiang Xuzhou. “General Manager Jiang, when will you be finished?”
Jiang Xuzhou slid the tablet screen and said, “Two more pages, almost done. Do you have any ideas?”
Ye Xun put down his phone, a light bulb going off: “Why don’t we go for a walk later? We live by the sea, but we’ve hardly ever walked on the beach.”
Jiang Xuzhou slowly turned his head to look at the person who had just walked on the beach two days ago, and nodded.
They went out around ten o’clock that night. The crowds on the beach had long dispersed, leaving only a few scattered tourists chatting in the coffee shops. Ye Xun loved this feeling: the sound of waves washing ashore; light, cheerful chatting; and faint sounds of children’s laughter. His lover slowly followed behind him.
“Jiang Xuzhou, I have a wish,” Ye Xun walked quickly. He stood by the roadside, looking at the sea, letting the sea breeze mess up his hair.
Jiang Xuzhou slowly walked up to him, his hands tucked into the pockets of his trench coat. He tilted his head, looking at Ye Xun, and asked: “What is it?”
Ye Xun turned his head to look at him, showing his white teeth: “I hope you can stay with me for the rest of my life.”
At that time, Jiang Xuzhou hadn’t had his heart surgery and was at the stage where he’d gasp for breath after every step. Ye Xun also knew he disliked promising things about the future because a promise had to be fulfilled.
Jiang Xuzhou was afraid he wouldn’t have the chance or the possibility to fulfill it.
However, Ye Xun wanted that promise then and there. He was willing to pay any price for it.
Jiang Xuzhou lowered his eyes and remained silent. Ye Xun walked up next to him, slipped his warm hand into Jiang Xuzhou’s pocket, and held his hand.
Jiang Xuzhou’s hand was very cold, and Ye Xun held it tightly, wanting to use his warmth to melt this block of ice.
They were very close. Ye Xun could feel Jiang Xuzhou’s soft, fine breath on the tip of his nose. He whispered, “Can you, Jiang Xuzhou?”
Jiang Xuzhou was slightly taller than Ye Xun. His warm breath touched Ye Xun’s nose when he spoke: “Xiao Xun, this… I can’t promise.”
“I can’t break a contract.”
Ye Xun wouldn’t give up, pouring all his body heat into the “ice block”: “I’m not afraid of you breaking a contract.”
He couldn’t quite remember how it ended, the memory only stopped at Jiang Xuzhou shaking his head and laughing at him, calling him a childish temper.
Perhaps he meant that Ye Xun always liked to link promises with little rituals, like children crossing their pinkies and saying the one who lies is a puppy.
Ye Xun walked into a coffee shop, ordered a cold brew, and leaned against a corner table to think. Now, no one had broken a contract, but two people were puppies.
The phone rang suddenly, interrupting his thoughts. It was Zhao Mingrong.
“General Manager Zhao, why are you calling me in the middle of the night?” Ye Xun tried to make his voice sound cynical.
Zhao Mingrong’s voice sounded exceptionally excited: “Good news, General Manager Ye, this is great news!”
“How so?” Ye Xun had a rough idea of what Zhao Mingrong wanted to say.
Sure enough, Zhao Mingrong chuckled twice, then lowered his voice: “Jiang Xuzhou is hospitalized. General Manager Ye truly had foresight to give everyone a heads-up so early.”
Ye Xun frowned, kicking a small stone with his foot.
How did the news of Jiang Xuzhou’s hospitalization spread so quickly?
Did anyone take photos of them together?
“General Manager Ye?” Zhao Mingrong called Ye Xun over the phone, half-jokingly, “General Manager Ye, you aren’t so happy you’re speechless, are you?”
Ye Xun let out a dry laugh and replied: “General Manager Zhao, your news network is truly impressive.”
“General Manager Ye, to celebrate the success of our cooperation, I even prepared a big surprise.”
“This time, our joint effort will definitely bring down that fellow named Jiang.”
“To your lost love!”
Zhao Mingrong grew more enthusiastic as he spoke. Ye Xun could imagine his animated expression.
However, he couldn’t feel happy. Because bringing down Jiang Xuzhou wouldn’t soothe his hatred. He just wanted to see Jiang Xuzhou suffer, and he wanted to be the only one to see Jiang Xuzhou suffer.
Ye Xun exchanged a few polite words and then hung up the phone.