I'm Actually Panicking Because My Heart Doesn't Beat (GL) - Chapter 3

Guan Xiaoxuan sat quietly at the bus stop all night. She watched the sky change from dark to dawn, slowly sorting through the memories in her mind.

The original Guan Xiaoxuan lost her parents in an accident when she was 13. She grew up in an orphanage until she was 18, then got into the local normal university and moved out of the orphanage to live in the house her parents left her.

Guan Xiaoxuan didn’t have any relatives. She lived entirely off her parents’ savings and insurance money. Plus, she owned an apartment in the city center, so she didn’t have any financial worries.

If she had a normal life, after graduating from university, she would probably become a teacher, work hard, and maybe find someone she liked to spend her life with.

But for some unknown reason, Guan Xiaoxuan chose to end her life at 19.

The Guan Xiaoxuan who now shared her name and body couldn’t remember why that girl had chosen to drown herself. The memory seemed wiped clean, vague and unclear.

All she remembered was that there was a small gathering with not many people, mostly classmates from university. Maybe the answer was hidden among those people.

Guan Xiaoxuan had wondered if the original girl had committed suicide — maybe she felt hopeless or suddenly overwhelmed with sadness. But one thought completely disproved that.

Because Guan Xiaoxuan kept an orange cat.

This orange cat was big and round, could eat a whole pound of cat food in one sitting, and when it swung its paws, it could knock Guan Xiaoxuan down. Before she went to that gathering, she fed the chubby cat, filled its water bowl, and even promised to open a can of cat food for it when she got back.

A girl like that couldn’t have suddenly decided to kill herself at a party.

Guan Xiaoxuan could be disappointed in people, society, or life—but never in her cat. Putting it all together, she believed the original Guan Xiaoxuan’s death was likely a murder or a conspiracy.

If that was true, then the killer was probably someone she knew, someone she might meet once she returned to school.

Guan Xiaoxuan organized her thoughts. Now that she was “alive again” by possessing this body, her original death was a threat to her. Plus, after the chaos in the morgue with zombies, she knew she couldn’t act recklessly.

She looked at the street where sanitation workers were starting their morning cleanup. She stood up, took the folder she had, checked the direction, and followed her memory back “home.”

It was still cold in April. Guan Xiaoxuan was only wearing a stolen white lab coat and was barefoot, but she didn’t feel cold—she barely even sensed temperature. This scared her more because she realized besides having no heartbeat, her body temperature was very low.

“I’m turning cold,” Guan Xiaoxuan sighed quietly, looking toward the Third People’s Hospital in the distance with a frown, and kept walking.

After two hours, she finally arrived at her “home” neighborhood.

The old neighborhood looked worn down. People were already selling breakfast at the entrance, and it was probably six or seven in the morning. Her strange appearance attracted many stares on the street. She hurried past the food stalls and entered the neighborhood.

Once inside, she glanced back at the breakfast stands. The smells were good, but she had no appetite at all.

Guan Xiaoxuan felt despair. Maybe this body really was dead. Even though she had possessed it, it might not truly come back to life. Soon, the organs might start to rot, and corpse spots could appear on her skin.

The more she thought about it, the more scared she got. Goosebumps rose all over her body as she followed her memory to her home.

She found the key in the pile of junk by the door. As soon as she opened it, an orange figure dashed out and ran upstairs. At the corner, the cat glanced back at her.

The orange cat looked down at Guan Xiaoxuan, squinting its eyes slightly.

For some reason, Guan Xiaoxuan felt like the cat was judging her. She was even afraid the chubby cat might see that the soul inside was not the original “Guan Xiaoxuan.”

“Meow~”

The fat cat looked at her for two seconds, then turned and ran upstairs, not noticing anything unusual.

Seeing this, Guan Xiaoxuan relaxed a little. She knew this cat was called “Guazi.” It was the original Guan Xiaoxuan’s pet. Every time the door opened, it would run out to play hide-and-seek until she pulled out some cat treats or opened a can of food, then it would come back.

Apparently, the cat didn’t notice the owner’s soul had changed, which comforted Guan Xiaoxuan.

She didn’t worry about it further. Although the cat looked clever, it was actually timid. It would come back at the slightest noise in the hallway. She wasn’t afraid it would run away. Besides, she planned to open a can of food later to please it.

The two-bedroom apartment was neat and tidy. Guan Xiaoxuan found the wardrobe and took off the lab coat, then picked out pajamas and underwear. She went to the bathroom to wash herself.

The original Guan Xiaoxuan had drowned and nobody had cleaned her, and she had been lying in the morgue for a day. She felt like she was starting to rot.

After washing, she took a bath and lay in the steamy bathroom, thinking about what to do next.

Thinking about the noise she caused at the morgue, she guessed the hospital must have reported it. So many corpses suddenly “coming back to life” would definitely attract attention from higher-ups. They would check surveillance and track movements. Although she tried to avoid cameras, she wasn’t a professional and probably made mistakes. At least the bus stop had her on camera.

Guan Xiaoxuan believed if the police weren’t stupid, they would find her sooner or later. She needed a good story to hide the fact she was possessing another’s body—something believable.

From what she remembered, strange supernatural events sometimes happened in this world, though rarely exposed to ordinary people. At school, she heard about special organizations that investigated such things. She would probably meet those people someday and needed a foolproof explanation ready.

Lying in the bath, she felt the once-cold body slowly warming, a pleasant feeling spreading all over.

Maybe bathing often could help her heart start beating again.

If she could come back to life, her heartbeat might return soon, too.

But she didn’t rush. She had two things to focus on: dealing with the special investigators who would come looking for her and finding out the real cause of the original Guan Xiaoxuan’s death, which was probably hidden in daily life and needed close attention.

While she soaked, she heard soft scratching on the bathroom door. Guazi, the chubby cat, was trying to come in.

Guan Xiaoxuan sighed softly. She had always wanted a pet, but her parents never allowed it. After starting work, she was too busy to take care of one, so she never had a cat of her own before she died.

Thinking this, she lowered her eyes.

She wondered how her parents were doing in the other world. Now she was living by possessing this body here, but what about her corpse in the other world?

Had it already been burned in the crematorium?

The more she thought, the more confused she felt. With a long sigh, she reminded herself that for now, solving the problems in front of her was the most important. Everything else could wait.

After getting out of the bath, she opened a can of treats for the fat cat and locked the bathroom door.

She walked into Guan Xiaoxuan’s bedroom to look for clues. Whatever happened had to leave traces. She believed everything was hidden in daily life and needed careful searching.

The original Guan Xiaoxuan didn’t live in the dorm but in this home two kilometers from school. Guan Xiaoxuan guessed that she chose the local normal university because she didn’t want to leave home far behind.

As she searched, she found some facts:

The girl loved cleanliness. Although the furniture was old, the house was very tidy. Even with a cat, the place wasn’t messy. She cared about her home, even a little obsessed with cleanliness.

She was very emotional. Whether it was keeping the cat or choosing the school, she always thought about staying close to home. On the desk was a photo of her parents from when she was little. The master bedroom still held her parents’ belongings, all kept clean and organized, as if she hadn’t really left home, only gone away for a while.

Guan Xiaoxuan liked to stock up on things. The fridge was full of vegetables and fruits, and the freezer had organized frozen foods. The kitchen cabinets were stuffed with all kinds of instant foods, and the cat food and litter were hoarded like an obsession. With all these supplies, she could stay home for a month without going out.

While thinking, Guan Xiaoxuan suddenly noticed a neatly covered notebook on the bedside table.

It was Guan Xiaoxuan’s diary!

She hurried over, opened it, and found the last entry.

【April 15th, Sunny

They came to find me again today…】