I'm Actually Panicking Because My Heart Doesn't Beat (GL) - Chapter 37

Golden light leaked from between Guan Xiaoxuan’s fingers, coming from the explosive talisman in her hand. When Xing Tianqing had given it to her, he’d told her that this talisman could tear through the barrier between the real world and the otherworld, helping her escape danger—and that it could also be deadly to weaker entities like Haohao.

The light grew brighter and brighter. A wave of unease surged through Haohao. He turned to run—but before he could move, everything around him changed drastically.

The grayish-white space began to fade away, replaced by the quiet stillness of night.

The thick white fog outside the door disappeared too, replaced by the dim glow of street lamps and the blurry outlines of neon-lit buildings in the distance.

In Haohao’s mind, the otherworld was his domain—his absolute territory. He had complete control over it. Without his permission, no human or supernatural being could just come and go as they pleased.

But now, Guan Xiaoxuan had forcibly dragged him out of his world.

And not just him—the kids who had been sitting dazed on the playground had come out too.

Although Haohao was a ghostly entity, he still had the mind of a child. He wasn’t very thoughtful or quick to react—certainly not as quick as Guan Xiaoxuan.

So when she rushed over and pinned him to the ground, he didn’t even have time to react.

Without hesitation, Guan Xiaoxuan stuffed the still-glowing explosive talisman into Haohao’s mouth and clamped a hand over it so he couldn’t spit it out. Her expression was fierce as she glared down at him. “Did you really think I’d come to the orphanage unprepared?”

The talisman had special properties—Haohao began writhing in agony under her, eyes rolling back, veins bulging from his skin. It looked like he was in unbearable pain.

A gust of wind blew by, and Bai Zhiqi stepped out from the mirror. She glanced at Haohao, whose body was beginning to turn transparent, then looked at Guan Xiaoxuan with a bit of hesitation.

“You really plan to destroy him?” she asked quietly.

Guan Xiaoxuan didn’t answer. She just kept staring down at the little boy in front of her.

Bai Zhiqi stood silently to the side, saying nothing more. The air around them was eerily still. Other than the sound of the wind, Guan Xiaoxuan could only watch as Haohao’s body began to char and blacken.

When people die, they turn into spirits. So what happens when a spirit dies?

Do they turn into those shadowy figures wandering in the white mist?

Haohao was only seven or eight when he died. He was just lonely, so he gathered the other orphans together. In the end, he never really hurt anyone.

Compared to Red Lady and Cheng Yi, or even Bai Zhiqi who was standing beside her now, he wasn’t nearly as dangerous.

His hands were clean—at worst, he was just a mischievous kid.

Guan Xiaoxuan lowered her eyes. She didn’t know why she suddenly started feeling sorry for these spirits. In her understanding, all ghosts and monsters were evil. She shouldn’t pity them just because they looked innocent.

And yet…

In the end, Guan Xiaoxuan let go of her grip. She watched as Haohao turned his head and spat out the now-charred protective charm. He cried so hard he could barely breathe.

Bai Zhiqi gave Guan Xiaoxuan a thoughtful glance and calmly said, “You’re not planning to kill him anymore.”

It wasn’t a question. She was stating a fact.

Guan Xiaoxuan brushed the hair off her forehead and stood up from the boy. With a sigh, she said, “I’m just an ordinary person. I don’t have the heart to hurt a kid.”

“But he’s not a person,” Bai Zhiqi reminded her.

“I know.”

Guan Xiaoxuan didn’t look at Haohao. She spoke with some frustration, “But he can talk and reason. To me, he’s no different from a person.”

Bai Zhiqi didn’t respond. She glanced at the children sitting in a circle on the playground and asked, “What about the missing kids? They look like they’ve lost their minds.”

Only then did Guan Xiaoxuan notice—the kids who had been arguing with her moments ago were now sitting in a circle on the playground, frozen in place. Their eyes were dull, staring blankly at nothing.

Guan Xiaoxuan turned around and looked at the little boy who was still crying and gagging. She walked over and gave him a kick on the butt.

“Stop crying,” she said coldly. “I have some questions.”

Haohao sat on the ground rubbing his tear-streaked eyes, barely daring to breathe.

He knew he had messed up. Really messed up.

He thought that as long as he got rid of Bai Zhiqi, he could control Guan Xiaoxuan in his world. After all, she looked small and easy to bully.

He didn’t expect Guan Xiaoxuan to regain her clarity—and to have a secret weapon. Even her kicks were powerful! How did he ever think she was weak and helpless?

“Wuwuwu…” Haohao cried like a puppy, looking up at her. “Xiaoxuan-jiejie, I know I was wrong. I shouldn’t have targeted you. From now on, I’ll do whatever you say…”

Seeing him cry so pitifully, Guan Xiaoxuan’s expression softened a little. She asked calmly, “Were you controlling those kids?”

Haohao nodded while still sobbing, and tried to please her by saying, “Xiaoxuan-jiejie, you can take them back. I’ve thought it through. Everything I did before was wrong. I caused a lot of trouble. I’ll return their minds soon so they can go home to their parents.”

Guan Xiaoxuan nodded. “Return their minds later. I still have more questions.”

Haohao was quick to respond. He dug into his pocket and pulled out a clear glass marble, handing it to her. “Xiaoxuan-jiejie, this is what I used to bring them into the Otherworld. Their minds are inside this too.”

Guan Xiaoxuan stared at the glass bead. Bai Zhiqi, arms crossed, stood to the side and asked, “That’s a cursed object, right? Where did you get it?”

Haohao turned to look at her. “I don’t know what it is exactly. Someone gave it to me.”

“Someone gave it to you?” Bai Zhiqi looked puzzled. She rubbed her chin and asked, “You’ve been stuck in the Otherworld since you died three years ago. Who gave it to you? Don’t make things up.”

“I’m not lying!” Haohao panicked, worried about getting kicked again. “I thought it was strange too. I didn’t see anyone for years. I was all alone in the orphanage. Then one day, I saw a man walking through the mist. He said I looked pitiful and gave me this. He even taught me how to return to the real world.”

Guan Xiaoxuan frowned. “You said he walked out of the mist?”

Haohao nodded seriously.

“I didn’t know anything back then,” he continued. “After I came out of the Otherworld, I learned that nothing in the mist has intelligence. But I’m sure I didn’t see it wrong. That man really came from the mist.”

Bai Zhiqi was shocked. “Could it be… powerful spirits can move freely through the mist?”

Haohao shook his head. “I don’t know. But after becoming a spirit, I just knew the mist was dangerous. If I went in, I’d die. So even though I was lonely, I never stepped into it.”

The whole story sounded bizarre.

Spirits were already strange enough. But now there was a man who could walk through the mist freely?

Was he a spirit too?

Did he have some special item that let him walk in the mist, or was he just so powerful he didn’t need to worry about the danger?

Guan Xiaoxuan remembered that time on the rooftop of the girls’ dorm. The moment she stepped into the mist, she could feel eyes watching her from all sides.

That feeling was so strong it had left a deep impression on her. So now, hearing about this “man from the mist” made her extra curious.

“Can you tell me more about him?” she asked, looking down at Haohao. “Everything—don’t leave out a single detail.”

Haohao didn’t dare lie. He honestly told her what had happened.

It was a few months ago. He had already been in the orphanage in the Otherworld for three years. He didn’t need food or sleep, so life was long, painful, and lonely.

He thought his afterlife would just continue like that—until one day, he saw a dark figure in the mist.

At first, he assumed it was just one of those drifting shadows. They never came near the orphanage, so he didn’t care. He just watched, bored, wondering when it would pass by.

But the figure didn’t pass by. It stopped right in front of the orphanage gate.

That’s when Haohao realized—it wasn’t a shadow. It was a real person.

The man was over 1.8 meters tall, wearing a sharp black suit with a pure black patterned tie over a white shirt. His hair was brown, and his facial features were sharp, with high brows and nose bridge. His eyes were a coffee-brown color. He looked about forty.

He stood at the orphanage gate, looking down at Haohao through the bars. He smiled gently and said, “Such a small child, already a spirit. You must be very lonely.”

Haohao didn’t understand what he wanted.

The man’s coffee-colored eyes held a hint of kindness, like someone in a high position showing pity to someone below. He reached into his pocket, pulled out the marble, and stretched his hand through the iron bars.

“Take it, child.”

He said softly, “This can help you leave this world and return to the one you used to live in. I’ll teach you how to use it. From now on, it’s yours.”

Haohao looked at the marble, then slowly reached out and took it.

The small, clear glass marble slid from the man’s hand into his. It felt cold, and although it looked still, it somehow seemed like it was moving—though there was nothing inside.

The two of them just stood there, staring at each other through the gate.

After teaching Haohao how to use it, Haohao asked in confusion, “Why are you giving this to me?”

“Because someone wants it,” the man replied gently. “Promise me—keep it safe.”