I'm Not A Master, I'm A Director (Type-Moon Fanfiction) - Chapter 37: The Dreaded May Sickness

Fuyuki City, Matou Family Residence.

“Assassin! You’ve used way too much oil in this dish! Zouken has high cholesterol, are you trying to send him off straight to the afterlife?!”

“Lancer! Are you deliberately trying to sabotage me? Who grills fish without gutting it first? Do you think this is the 1st century AD?”

“Rider! Why on earth did you put so much potherb mustard in the rice? What? Do you want to steam-cook Shirou? Don’t waste our food!”

“Berserker! Did you drag a whole calf into the kitchen again? How many times have I told you, this kitchen can’t handle roasting an entire calf!”

“Sakura! You’re not allowed to secretly throw Grandfather’s worms into the pot! Do you want to ruin everyone’s appetite?!”

…

“So, that’s how it is. Master, Archer is going insane because of them.”

Sitting on the living room sofa, Arturia repositioned the phone’s receiver near her ear and said with a wry smile, “Everyone is full of energy, tirelessly causing trouble for Archer.”

Fate/stay night had crossed over 2 billion yen at the Japanese box office. The excited Heroic Spirits were planning to enjoy a good meal to celebrate. As a result, the Matou family’s kitchen had turned into a stage for EMIYA to angrily scold them.

EMIYA probably never imagined that these unpredictable Heroic Spirits could become so wild, and that one of the Matou family’s young ladies was plotting to throw her grandfather’s prized collection into a pot.

“So, did you cause any trouble for… Archer?” On the other end of the phone, a somewhat tired Shinji asked.

Arturia replied firmly, “Absolutely not. Only Gilgamesh and I haven’t caused any trouble for Archer. It’s a matter of our royal dignity.”

“Come on~” Shinji yawned, “Gilgamesh doesn’t even bother to move, and you were probably banned from the kitchen, right? Otherwise, the whole banquet would be unnecessary since you’d eat everything before it even left the kitchen.”

“That’s absolutely not true!”

Arturia vehemently retorted, but given the way she spoke with a bit of a lisp, it was highly likely that Shinji’s assumptions were close to the mark.

“Master, you’re being too unfair. Even if I am good at eating, I would never do something like that.”

“…”

“Master? Master!”

Arturia shouted loudly twice when she didn’t hear a response from Shinji on the other end of the receiver.

“Huh?”

Shinji made a sound like someone being abruptly awakened from a nap.

With a serious tone, Arturia asked, “Master, you’re really something. Were you even listening to me?”

“Sorry, I zoned out for a moment.” Shinji used his fingers to rub his cheek, sounding apologetic. “What did you just say?”

“Nothing…”

Arturia paused for a moment and then asked, “Master, are you okay?”

“Well… I’m feeling a bit sleepy.”

Unable to resist his drowsiness, Shinji yawned again.

“Sorry, Arturia. I need to rest here; let’s chat tomorrow.”

Shinji, unable to resist the urge to sleep, quickly hung up the phone.

“Master…”

Arturia pinched her chin and fell into thought as she looked at the receiver with a busy tone.

‘It’s so strange. Master, who’s usually so energetic, suddenly seems so tired…’

‘It’s as if his energy has been drained away…’

At that moment, Sakura, who had been chased out of the kitchen by EMIYA, happened to see Arturia deep in thought.

“Miss Saber, is something the matter?”

Arturia expressed her confusion to Sakura: “Earlier, Master called, and he sounded very tired.”

“Onii-sama is tired?” Sakura replied nonchalantly, waving her hand. “I think he’s probably got May Sickness.”

“Oh?”

Sakura didn’t notice Arturia’s puzzled expression; instead, she continued, “I haven’t been feeling energetic lately either. It seems like it’s something that happens in May…”

“Sakura, you too?”

“Yeah.”

“Um… what’s this… May Sickness you’re talking about? Is it some kind of magical curse?”

“…”

“…”

Sakura, who was initially raising her hands in confusion, paused after hearing Arturia’s response. She looked at Arturia as if she were seeing something unbelievable.

“Saber, you really don’t know?”

Arturia admitted somewhat sheepishly, “I’m sorry… While the Holy Grail granted me knowledge, it’s mainly focused on obscure magical rituals…”

“Oh, I see. This might be worth playing around with.”

Sakura quickly realized that this was an excellent opportunity to amuse herself while Shinji was away.

“So, the so-called May Sickness…”

Sakura pretended to be sluggish as she explained, “May Sickness, officially known as ‘magical Circuit Disorder Syndrome,’ is primarily a condition caused by magi whose magical circuits are not in sync with the environment. It usually occurs in Japan between May and June, which is why it’s called ‘May Sickness.'”

Sakura spoke nonsense to Arturia with a serious tone.

“The early symptoms include physical fatigue and a decrease in concentration. In severe cases, there can be dizziness, vomiting, the inability to use magecraft, and, in the final stages, even coughing up blood and death.”

“What… what?!” Arturia’s face turned pale upon hearing Sakura’s explanation. “Will Master die?”

“It shouldn’t be that dramatic,” Sakura waved her hand. “While it was an incurable condition before the decline of myster, it’s not that severe in this era. However, if left untreated, it can still significantly affect the use of magecraft.”

“How could…”

Thinking about Shinji having trouble with magecraft and possibly affecting all the Heroic Spirits in the house, Arturia became visibly anxious.

“Sakura, is there any way to help you and Master? How should you be treated?”

Sakura rolled her eyes and whispered to Arturia, “Well… all you have to do is wear various clothes.”

Upon hearing Sakura’s “treatment plan,” Arturia expressed clear skepticism. “Is that really all there is to it? You’re not joking, are you, Sakura?”

Sakura kindly smiled and said, “In reality, anyone can wear the clothes. But as for my Onii-sama, it’s not a guarantee. He, you know, likes you the most, Saber.”

Arturia clenched her fist and lightly tapped her palm, showing an expression of sudden realization. “I see.”

On the side, Medusa became increasingly convinced that this situation was not reliable. She didn’t know what May Sickness was, but she was certain it couldn’t be as terrifying as Sakura described.

“Uh… Little Sakura.”

“Sister Rider~~ You should want me to get well, too, right?”

Sakura turned to Medusa, and a dark aura emanated from her.

“Yes… yes, of course.”

Frightened by Sakura, Medusa nodded obediently.

‘Sakura… is a scary child.’

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In reality, Shinji in Cannes had absolutely nothing to do with May Sickness. He was simply exhausted from his recent busy schedule.

The perfect premiere of Fate/stay night had gained him recognition at Cannes, drawing numerous viewers eager to discover the true essence of the film.

In fact, the majority of media in Cannes did not give high professional ratings, especially the local French media, almost all of them gave low ratings, and their descriptions of the movie were mostly clichés like those of Japanese film critics.

If we only consider French media, Fate/Stay Night is undoubtedly a worthless movie.

Unfortunately, the Cannes Film Festival is an international film festival, and apart from the French media, there are countless entertainment media from around the world.

Among them, the British media, due to their contrarian thinking and TYPE-MOON films’s PR (Public Relation) efforts, sang praises for Fate/Stay Night.

What’s more, ordinary viewers who have seen the Fate/Stay Night movie spontaneously promoted it to those around them, attracting more people to appreciate this masterpiece that stands out from all the other films at the entire film festival.

If it were a regular time, word of mouth wouldn’t quickly translate into the motivation to watch the movie.

But now it’s the Cannes Film Festival, and everyone gathered here is here for the movies, so the basic conversation among people is always about films.

For a while, the entire town of Cannes was deserted. Regardless of whether people like this type of movie or not, they all want to see what’s going on.

This has caused a great deal of trouble for the TYPE-MOON films company’s staff in Cannes because the manpower allocated for the film festival is simply insufficient.

For this reason, Shinji had to use all the people available in Cannes, including himself.

That’s why he was so tired when talking to Artoria on the phone.

But even so, the theaters showing Fate/Stay Night were still chaotic.

The festival’s security and police had to allocate some of their personnel to help maintain order because there were too many people coming to see Fate/Stay Night.

In just two days, the Cannes police arrested five troublemakers to maintain order.

In theory, with a movie so popular, they should expand the screening and disperse the crowd.

In fact, the festival’s organizers have suggested this to Shinji more than once, but he has always rejected it.

In his view, this kind of overcrowding, like the rush hour in a first-tier city in China, is the best publicity for Fate/Stay Night in Europe and America.

If there are more theaters showing it, the audience will be dispersed, and there won’t be long lines. What materials can Shinji use for publicity?

In addition, there is another reason why Shinji doesn’t want to open more screening rooms—box office revenue.

You should know that all the films shown during the festival have no connection with the production crew.

Since there are ordinary viewers buying tickets for the screenings, there will naturally be box office revenue, but all the box office revenue goes to the organizers, and Shinji’s group doesn’t get a penny.

On the contrary, the additional costs for more screenings have to be borne by the production crew.

Opening more screens not only doesn’t make more money but also costs more money, which makes Shinji reluctant.

Although the organizers claim that this box office will contribute to the art of film, everyone knows what’s really going on.

“These money-hungry French people! They’re really annoying!”

After sending off the organizers’ staff once again, Shinji complained loudly.

“I’ve said it several times, I have no intention of expanding the screenings, but they just don’t understand!”

The old man, Derek Ford, said leisurely, “There’s no way around it, this place is the only chance for them to make money for the whole year, they have to make the most of it.”

Shinji crossed his arms and clicked his tongue, “Ah, if I had known, I would have brought Irisviel and her family here.”

“What’s the use?” Rin was puzzled, “It’s not the Berlinale, and besides, the Einzbern family doesn’t have much influence in France, right?”

“How is it useless?” Shinji retorted, “The only language the French can understand is German, isn’t it?”