Irreversible Sadism (GL) - Chapter 12

The sound of blank gunfire echoes from the school grounds.

It must be the sports festival committee, having finished their rehearsal for tomorrow, goofing around.

If they’re already so excited the night before, who knows how high they’ll fly on the day itself?

That said, I’m aware that the sensation in my toes is somewhat unclear. It’s probably because I’m looking forward to it. Not just the sports festival itself, but also the fact that there are no classes, and above all, tomorrow is a special day that makes my heart race.

While it’s not a day when anything goes, a little mischief is allowed. Tonight, hair color spray will likely sell out at drugstores everywhere.

“I’m looking forward to it.”

In the classroom bathed in the evening glow, it was just me and Tateha.

I was chosen as a member of the sports festival committee in the same way I became the class representative. I had been busy preparing panels until I spotted Tateha and slipped out. The preparations were already complete, and we had almost free time, so it shouldn’t be a problem.

I perched on the windowsill, gazing outside.

“Aren’t you looking forward to it, Tateha?”

The classroom, illuminated by the setting sun, felt different from the usual atmosphere during lessons, almost possessing a sacredness akin to a church. There were no bags hanging by the desks. No people. No teachers. The blackboard was neatly erased. The hallway was silent. The lights in the stairwell had already been turned off. Even after twenty minutes, the chime hadn’t rung.

It felt like we were doing something special.

Squinting at the curtains fluttering in the gentle breeze, Tateha smiled ambiguously.

“I don’t know. I’m not sure.”

“But there are people who don’t like noisy things. I’ve loved the sports festival for as long as I can remember.”

Being part of the sports festival committee or the cheerleading squad for four consecutive years was a quiet source of pride for me. I had been in the cheerleading squad for three years in middle school, and this year, I was on the committee. Working together to make the event better suited my personality.

“Oh, but this is something to look forward to.”

Tateha showed me an unused piercer.

On the day of the sports festival, minor violations of school rules are permitted. Some people even come with their hair dyed bright red, so getting a piercing is relatively inconspicuous among those.

Tateha had mentioned wanting to get her ears pierced just this morning. I was surprised when I heard it, but I quickly agreed.

She probably just wanted to feel the needle pass through her body.

“I wonder if it’ll sting. But since the needle will pierce through the flesh… it’s probably going to hurt, right?”

Tateha’s excitement swelled as she took the piercer out of the bag.

“Wow, the needle is thicker than I thought.”

“I’m going to do it all at once, so it shouldn’t hurt as much as you think.”

Last summer vacation, I had pierced my ears with friends. It was a temporary fashion statement, but it was fun. Maybe because I wore it on one ear, I was surprised at how much I started to pay attention to which side was showing. I had been looking to the left so that people could see the earring, which might have been a bit childish.

“I want you to do it, Ruri-chan.”

Tateha brushed her hair back. Her ears, usually hidden, were now exposed, and for a moment, the setting sun made them shine white like the morning sun. I responded with a hushed voice and took the piercer from Tateha.

“Which side do you want, right or left?”

“Maybe the right?”

Not grasping the intent behind her choice, I scooped it up like a bucket with a hole in the bottom.

As I touched Tateha’s ear, she squinted her eyes like a cat being petted. I set the piercer in place, and Tateha placed her hand over her heart. I could tell she was nervous.

“Here we go.”

I had helped with this a few times before, but usually, when I pierce someone’s ear, they close their eyes. However, Tateha looked up at me as if I were holding a treasure, staring intently. My tense expression reflected in her glistening eyes. I didn’t even know what emotions were shaping my face.

With a swift motion, I pushed the needle through, and the plastic stopper made a clicking sound.

Tateha’s mouth opened slightly, and a faint breath escaped.

“I’m going to push it again.”

I needed to push harder from here; otherwise, the needle would stop midway and not pierce through.

“Stay still; it could be dangerous if you move.”

If the angle of the needle changes, it becomes harder to pierce. I placed my hand on Tateha’s cheek to keep her steady.

My palm felt surprisingly hot. No, it was Tateha’s face that was hot. Her flushed cheeks, illuminated by the setting sun, retained their color even in the light.

In the classroom, which was just the two of us, the sound of the transparent first piercing settling in echoed.

“It went through.”

When I released my hand, Tateha curiously stroked her right ear, tracing the contours there.

“You shouldn’t take it out for a month; it might get infected. Also, you should let your hair down.”

I helped her let her hair down, and each strand flowed orderly, hiding the hole in her ear.

“I had you pierce it again, huh?”

The motionless black of her artificial eye was obscured by the smile forming on her eyelids.

The crows and bats began to mix in the setting sun. When I checked the clock, it was already half past five.

“Tateha, you like pain, don’t you?”

“Y-yeah.”

Tateha shrank back shyly, nodding slightly. It felt like she had just opened the door to a bittersweet story about love. The imbalance of it made me feel unsteady on my feet.

“Is it… pleasurable?”

I realized I had stepped into a difficult question only after I had opened my mouth.

“It feels good… um, I guess. It’s a bit vague, but… more than that, it’s like a proof of existence.”

“Proof?”

“A proof of being alive.”

Tateha blushed, as if revealing the name of someone she liked.

“I don’t have any memories. I can’t remember how I’ve lived or what my purpose was; all I can recall are things that came with pain. Pain etches itself into my memory. That’s why I haven’t forgotten about you, Ruri-chan. I remember everything that happened while you were causing me pain. On that day, at that moment, I was alive. I truly existed… or something like that. S-sorry, I can’t express it well.”

“So, you want pain because you want it etched into your memory?”

“That’s not it. I like pain. Only the things I love remain in my memory. So, when you asked me if I was looking forward to the sports festival earlier, I didn’t know. I can’t remember what I did at past sports days or festivals. I don’t remember feeling happy at all. I’m not even sure if I participated properly.”

“You must have participated, right? There are photos, aren’t there?”

I had stepped on something I shouldn’t have. By the time I lifted my foot, it was too late. My sole was covered in black stains.

“My mom doesn’t come to things like sports festivals.”

Tateha probably hadn’t had memories with her family since she was little. That’s why the boundaries between fun and happy experiences had blurred, and her brain no longer felt joy from slight emotional fluctuations. Perhaps only the vivid sensation of pain had become the fuel that drove Tateha’s heart.

“But right now, I’m really happy! Ever since I met you, Ruri-chan, every day has become an unforgettable day. Thank you for saving me.”

Her smile, illuminated by the setting sun, held a transient brilliance, like the fleeting glow of a sun that would soon set. I couldn’t tell whether it was right or wrong to be happy about it.

If Tateha was happy, then I was glad. But the living proof that only pain brings isn’t a matter of good or bad.

Why does it feel so… precarious?

“I’ll go along with this much, anytime.”

If the pain of getting a piercing is better than stabbing myself with a mechanical pencil or choking myself, it should be healthier… it should be.

I still perceived it as something less severe, an act that would surely get me scolded by a teacher if caught violating school rules. In reality, I might have been better off not getting the piercing at all.

“Ahaha.”

Tateha smiled, revealing her white teeth.

It wasn’t a friendly expression she showed to everyone.

That smile, which she only showed to me, was beautiful, like an angel possessed by a devil.