Irreversible Sadism (GL) - Chapter 13

On the day of the sports festival, there was a rest area inside the tent where students suffering from heatstroke or feeling unwell could take a break.

When I took Tateha, who had scraped his knee, to the nurse, I was told that the disinfectant had just run out and that I needed to go to the infirmary to get some more.

I thought, “But I’m the one with the injury,” just as the nurse was cheering on the students from our team. I exchanged glances with Tateha, asking if he could walk, and he smiled awkwardly and nodded.

Tateha had taken a hard fall during the middle of the class relay race, scraping his knee badly and causing it to bleed. Sand and small stones were stuck in the wound, and it seemed like bacteria would get in if we didn’t wash and disinfect it.

With the sound of blank gunfire and cheers from the field behind us, Tateha and I arrived at the empty infirmary. The gauze and disinfectant were placed in the most obvious spot.

“It might be better to wash it first. Go ahead and lift your leg to that sink. No one’s watching anyway.”

Inside the school building, everything except the restrooms was cordoned off with cones, making it off-limits. Naturally, outsiders couldn’t enter anywhere but the restrooms, and all the students were engrossed in the relay happening on the field.

Despite the absence of people, the atmosphere felt strangely noisy, making my feet feel a little unsteady.

Tateha placed one foot on the sink. When he turned on the faucet, water gushed out vigorously, surprising him. It was a far cry from the water fountain. I remembered that the science lab’s faucet had an equally strong flow.

“I’m getting wet.”

I had only wanted to wash the wound on his knee, but thanks to the vigorous faucet, Tateha’s foot was soaked. Water droplets trickled down his calf, pooling around his ankle and soaking into his sock.

“Ruri-chan?”

“Oh, no. Just dry it off and then we’ll disinfect it. Sit on that chair over there. I’ll take care of it.”

I had Tateha sit on a stool and pressed gauze against his wound. When I dripped the disinfectant on it, Tateha’s knee twitched.

“Does it sting?”

Looking at the wound, it was quite deep. It might leave a scar for a month. When I looked up, I saw Tateha’s eyes, glazed and shimmering like the surface of water.

“…I want you to do more.”

The ringing in my ears drowned out the distant cheers. The surrounding sounds faded away, and I could no longer tell if I was in reality or a dream.

I pressed the disinfectant bottle firmly and poured it into the wound. This liquid might have already served its purpose. Just because I poured a lot doesn’t mean it would disinfect better, yet I found myself worrying that I might get scolded by the nurse for using too much.

After applying a bandage and checking the time, I realized it was almost lunchtime. The schedule indicated that after the ongoing footrace, it would be time for the lunch break.

“Since we’re here, why don’t we go to the classroom?”

Tateha nodded without hesitation, as if he had been about to suggest the same thing.

The classroom was, of course, empty.

For lunch, everyone was enjoying a different experience, spreading blue tarps on the ground or eating in the club rooms, something they couldn’t normally do. It seemed we were the only ones wanting to return to the usual routine inside the school building.

“You were amazing as the anchor, Ruri-chan. I thought we were going to lose because I fell, so, um, you kind of saved me.”

“I’ve always been fast on my feet. I wonder why.”

Even though I hadn’t been exercising, I could run the fifty meters as fast as the boys. I hadn’t practiced at all. Perhaps this was what they called a natural talent. But even with that talent, I had no motivation to pursue track and field, so it felt like giving a cat a gold coin.

“The way you sped past everyone was so cool, Ruri-chan.”

I wondered how I appeared in Tateha’s eyes. I hoped he could see me from a different angle, no longer as the bully I had been back then.

“Tateha, just as you said, I brought a bento.”

At his compliment, I couldn’t find a response and, to deflect, I took the bento box out of my bag. I had borrowed my father’s bento box, so it was a bit large. It didn’t fit in Tateha’s small hands.

“Thank you, Ruri-chan. You’re really amazing. You can do sports, cook, and you’re beautiful too.”

“Beautiful, you say?”

I placed my hand on my cheek, checking my bone structure.

“That’s why everyone admires you.”

When Tateha opened the bento I made, he exclaimed, “Wow!”

Inside were kinpira gobo that I learned from Kururu, along with nikujaga. There was also a healthy stir-fry made with broccoli and chicken. I had added seaweed and cod roe to the rice.

“Is this… a butterfly?”

Initially, at Kururu’s suggestion, I had tried to shape the cod roe into a heart. But a heart-shaped bento was just too much. When I actually shaped it and placed it on the seaweed, it was cute, but it was still a heart, so I hurriedly changed the shape to disguise it.

“Tateha, you liked butterflies, right?”

“Huh? Did I?”

“In elementary school, didn’t you wear a butterfly hairpin?”

“Oh, yeah. You remember that well.”

I felt a bit flustered, realizing I still remembered the shape of a hairpin worn by a classmate from seven years ago. A strange sweat began to bead on my back.

“Well, it’s not that I particularly like butterflies.”

“Is that so?”

“That was… something I’ve had for a long time.”

Tateha, poking at the side of the food, suddenly looked very young.

“I went somewhere and someone bought it for me. I probably said I wanted it… but that’s all I remember.”

“Then it must be something important.”

“Maybe. I can’t really remember.”

Seeing Tateha smile as he ate the nikujaga, I felt my heart soften like the well-cooked potatoes breaking apart.

“Hey, Tateha.”

“What is it, Ruri-chan?”

“Did you fall on purpose during the relay today?”

The way Tateha fell seemed to suggest that his center of gravity was leaning down rather than forward. Normally, if you tripped while running, you would fall forward, but Tateha seemed to have fallen in a way that increased friction, almost as if he had intended to scrape himself.

Tateha didn’t answer. I knew that vague smile of his was often used as a mask to hide something.

Tateha finished the bento. He said it was delicious, which made me happy. I felt relieved. Yet, somewhere in my heart, there was still an emptiness that could never be filled.

“But if I’m with you, Ruri-chan, I won’t forget. I want to turn today into a fun memory.”

“Yeah, let’s do that. Let’s make it a memory we won’t forget. If it’s okay with me, I’ll help.”

The experiences tied to Tateha’s memories, which had blurred and faded, surely couldn’t be ordinary.

If Tateha wished for it, I wanted to help as much as I could. Just like yesterday, if it was something as simple as piercing ears, I would gladly assist. While I couldn’t easily agree to things like stabbing with a mechanical pencil or strangling, I knew I would probably end up doing them. But if it would help Tateha, I would.

“Then, please.”

Tateha brushed his bangs aside and tucked them behind his ear.

On his plump, round earlobe was the transparent earring I had put in for him yesterday. And next to it, there was another earring.

“Did you get another one?”

“Yeah, last night, I thought the piercer might still be usable, so I did it like you did for me, Ruri-chan.”

“But that’s disposable. The spring must have been broken, right?”

“Yeah, so it didn’t go through at all, and I ended up forcing it.”

Tateha was smiling, but that must have been quite painful. The piercer was designed to pierce quickly, so it wouldn’t hurt. To slowly and carefully push that needle through the ear…

The newly added ring-shaped earring, which I had no memory of putting on, felt oddly mechanical and cold.

“Even if you wear it, it’s too far to the edge. It could easily get torn off.”

The earring Tateha had put on was located on the outer edge of his ear, very close to the thinnest part, almost at the tip. It was right on the edge of where there was no cartilage. With that…

At that moment, I had a realization.

The fact that I could notice this meant I was beginning to understand Tateha more, but I couldn’t feel genuine joy.

“Yeah, that’s right. So?”

Tateha touched the ring-shaped earring as if to caress it, then smiled at me.

“Could you just rip this off?”