Irreversible Sadism (GL) - Chapter 27

I walked slowly, yet with a clearly unnatural gait, aiming for the center of the road.

Like an insect sprayed with insecticide, dragging its legs and struggling, I was tossed about by my own weight as I flew toward the silver glimmer.

At that moment, I finally understood.

Perhaps I had been flawed from the very beginning, or maybe it was a problem that preceded even that.

Yes, it was something I could have figured out if I had thought about it. I had been born in the wrong place to begin with. When I fell into this world, something undesirable had infiltrated my body.

That undesirable thing invaded my body and brain, controlling the actions of its host.

I had long since been parasitized.

The parasite that had taken residence within me lived off the electrical signals produced in my brain when I felt pain. It stimulated my nervous system to manipulate me into directing my feet toward the places where I felt pain.

It wasn’t about like or dislike. I was being led to act that way by the insect that had settled deep within my mind.

Even now, it was the same.

Like a mantis parasitized by a hairworm, staggering toward the water’s edge, I was drawn toward the man with the knife.

The awkward, disordered way I walked was likely to make me easier prey. Birds prefer to eat moving insects over those that remain still. But if I moved too nimbly, I would raise suspicion.

So, I feigned weakness in my movements. In reality, I was the most suitable prey in this area. My legs and vision were impaired. If I released ten winged insects at once, the bird would surely go for the one with broken wings that couldn’t fly properly.

“Tateha, where are you going?”

I heard Ruri-chan’s voice from behind me. But it only reached my eardrums and did not resonate deeper within. Not in my head, nor in my heart. What I was fixated on was the place where I felt pain.

The distance to the man was less than five meters. He looked at me, his mouth twisting into a grimace.

It was nostalgic. He had the same expression when Ruri-chan first took me to the bathroom.

This person, too, must have failed to emerge properly.

On this road where nearly a hundred people passed by, only the two of us were unable to walk properly. That was the clearest evidence.

The blade of the knife was long enough. With that, it would surely pierce even deep into the bone. Imagining the vitality being scraped away made me tense up.

This was about to happen. I was about to be subjected to it… The fluid flowing was not cold sweat, but rather a lubricant that activated my body.

“Stop, stop! Tateha!”

A shrill voice echoed throughout the entire street.

Ruri-chan stepped in front of me and glared at the man before us.

“What are you doing? What’s with that knife… put it down, put it down!”

Her legs trembled comically.

An overwhelming fear seeped from Ruri-chan’s back.

“Tateha, step back! Someone, someone call the police! This guy has a weapon, a weapon!”

As the man continued his advance, Ruri-chan also took a step back.

The gazes of those around us were fixed on the man’s hands. The air became taut with tension, as if drawn by the sharp tip of the blade.

But the man did not stop.

I understood all too well the feeling of being unable to stop.

It wasn’t that he couldn’t stop; he couldn’t be stopped.

Blinking was something I couldn’t resist. Whether I was conscious of it or not, the act of moistening my eyes brought a sense of relief and comfort that stirred the desires sleeping deep within me.

I couldn’t resist.

—Ruri-chan’s body trembled.

The man and Ruri-chan were now almost touching.

A silence descended upon the night street, as if time had stopped.

The man stepped away from Ruri-chan. In his hand, there was no knife.

Ruri-chan knelt down, curling up.

On her back, which was bending weakly, a red stain was seeping through her white shirt.

“Ruri-chan?”

I rushed over and called out to her.

Ruri-chan had a pained expression, pressing her hand against her side.

“Ah.”

Something was protruding from Ruri-chan’s abdomen.

…No.

That long, sharp knife, that silver glimmer that seemed to tempt, was embedded in Ruri-chan’s belly.

The spreading red stain had already nearly filled the front of her shirt.

“Tateha.”

Ruri-chan’s eyes met mine. In the depths of her cloudy eyes, a light like that of a lantern flickered faintly.

“…Are you hurt?”

“Yeah.”

“I see… that’s good…”

Ruri-chan’s words were mixed with irregular breaths.

That breathing was something I knew well.

In unbearable pain, the body becomes numb, forgetting how to breathe. Not knowing whether I was inhaling or exhaling, I sought oxygen. My consciousness began to lose its outline, and tingling began to creep into my limbs.

…How enviable.

“Are you okay!? I just called an ambulance!”

A passerby approached with a smartphone in hand. Ruri-chan seemed to say, “Thank you,” but the latter part of her words had already faded away.

A crowd began to gather, and amidst them, Ruri-chan simply curled her body, pressing down on the place where the knife had pierced.

“Ruri-chan.”

I called out to her.

Surely, this was the only chance. If I didn’t ask now, I would never know.

“Does it hurt?”

What resides in that wound? What color does a body drained of bl00d seek? Is your heart beating? Can you feel your body temperature cooling? Is it pleasurable to be stabbed without understanding the situation? What does it feel like to be in a life-or-death crisis, waiting for help, with a pained expression like a heroine from an anime I watched as a child?

“How does it hurt? Where does it hurt? On a scale from one to ten, how much does it hurt? Please tell me.”

Ruri-chan’s response was sluggish. When I shook her shoulder, someone nearby scolded me.

But if I didn’t get an answer, I would remain in the dark for a lifetime.

Because right now, what was happening before my eyes was the scene I had dreamed of since I was little. Of course, I wasn’t the one involved, but I wanted to grasp even a fragment of that pain.

“Maybe a ten… it hurts so much…”

Ruri-chan answered bravely.

“I see! So, it really is the most painful!”

I couldn’t contain my excitement.

While the pain from blows and pressure was not to be dismissed, the moment of being pierced by a sharp pain that penetrated nerves and flesh was the strongest pain a human could feel.

“Ruri-chan, do you think you can endure it? Is that pain something you can bear?”

If it’s unbearable, what will happen? What becomes of pain that cannot be endured, that is released uncontrollably, the identity of which remains unknown? Is it death, after all?

“…I can endure it.”

Ruri-chan looked at me with a defiant smile.

“Because it’s about the same. No, I’ve done worse things… so I have to endure this much…”

Ruri-chan’s hand reached out toward me.

Her bloodied fingertips came closer to my right eye.

“Being stabbed… it hurts this much, huh…”

No, that’s not what I wanted to hear.

I wanted to know the ultimate form of what I had always sought.

I love pain. I can’t be satisfied without pain. I have no interest in anything but pain.

Pain pain pain pain pain pain pain.

The parasite that had taken residence within me was rampaging in my mind.

“Tateha…”

That finger, that warmth.

It gently touched my wind hole.

“I’m sorry for doing something terrible…”

Tears spilled from Ruri-chan’s eyes.

In that moment, a sharp pain shot through my heart.

It felt as if my consciousness was being washed away, a blinding white spreading before me.

What is this?

It hurts.

My chest hurts unbearably.

Stronger than any pain I had felt until now.

An intense pain that could not be expressed on a scale from one to ten gnawed at my heart.

“…Tateha?”

“It… hurts…”

I couldn’t endure it.

There was no way I could hold it in.

I was assaulted by an unbearable pain.

It was far worse than when I stabbed myself with a mechanical pencil, or when my wound was cauterized, or when my ear was torn off; it was so much, much worse.

I never knew such pain existed, such strong pain…

A knife was surely nothing compared to this. This was surely the strongest pain a human could experience.

But still.

It wasn’t pleasant at all.

“Ruri-chan.”

I don’t want this.

I don’t want this pain.

Why? Even though it hurts this much. Even though my nerves are about to be burned away, this feeling of disgust that makes me want to claw at my heart—what is it?

“You won’t die, right?”

I couldn’t tell if bl00d was still flowing or if it had stopped; from the bright red shirt, it was impossible to tell.

“…I don’t know.”

Ruri-chan stared into the void with eyes devoid of light.

Among the crowd, more people began to express concern for Ruri-chan. One of them tried to pull the knife out of Ruri-chan’s abdomen.

“Don’t pull it out!”

I shouted, surprised at the volume of my own voice.

If the knife were pulled out, bl00d would flow. What was being stopped would spill out. If that happened, Ruri-chan would—

From afar, I heard the sound of sirens approaching.

Clutching my chest in agony, I spoke as if to vomit my heart onto the ground.

“I don’t want her to die.”

For some reason, Ruri-chan smiled as she reached out. The hand that rested on my cheek touched me gently.

The liquid accumulated in my right eye, which had lost its light, flowed out in a rush. Ruri-chan’s fingers scooped it up.

The droplets that floated on Ruri-chan’s fingertips sparkled as if reflecting the stars in the night sky.

Those droplets, those tears, seemed to be the ultimate proof, spreading their wings and aiming for the sky.

My body, melted into a gooey mass, began to shape itself with countless memories, experiences, desires, and instincts.

Eyes, nose, ears. And as if washing away the foreign substances lodged in my brain, Ruri-chan’s voice passed through. There was nothing wriggling in the hollowed-out flesh anymore.

The ambulance arrived, and Ruri-chan was carried away on a stretcher.

As I listened to the sirens fading into the distance, I let out a sob.

Among the vomit lay the lifeless body of the parasite, powerless on top of Ruri-chan’s bl00d.