Irreversible Sadism (GL) - Chapter 34

“Wake up, Tateha. It’s morning.”

As I shook her shoulder, her pale hair caught the morning sunlight, shimmering brilliantly. It felt like discovering a jewel hidden in the sand, and my sleepy mind began to awaken to the splendor of the day. Tateha’s hair, fragrant like roses, made me want to lean in closer and breathe in the air that enveloped her.

Tateha, sleeping on her side in a curled-up position like a baby, stirred at the sound of my voice.

“Good morning, Tateha.”

When Tateha wakes up, she has a habit of sniffling. After a soft snuffle, she grasped the blanket beneath her face and pulled it closer.

“Were you cold?”

“Nope.”

Still lingering in the remnants of her dreams, she gazed up at me with dazed eyes. I felt my neck tilt back under the weight of her unwavering gaze, which refused to look away.

“Let’s get up for now. Your uniform is in the closet. Your mom had it cleaned.”

“Got it.”

Tateha emerged from the bed, dragging the blanket along with her.

“Hey, Ruri-chan.”

Her calling my name made my shoulders jump.

“…What’s up?”

“Did you have a bad dream or something?”

“Eh, was I maybe tossing and turning?”

“Just once in the middle of the night.”

Tateha nodded.

I couldn’t remember the details of the dream, but I had a vague sense of sadness, as if tears were welling up inside me. It was the kind of dream that was easily forgotten upon waking, so it probably wasn’t anything significant.

In the dream, I felt like Tateha was calling for me. “Ruri-chan, Ruri-chan.” That voice seemed closer to the Tateha from elementary school than the one I knew now.

“It’s okay; it was just a dream. Oh, were you worried about me?”

“Not really.”

Tateha turned her face away with a pout and began to unbutton her pajamas. Her attitude had changed quite a bit since elementary school. In class, she sometimes laughed and spoke in a friendly manner like before. But when she was with me, her expressions had become more subdued. Moreover, her voice lacked inflection.

Since that day she jumped off the school building, Tateha had changed. Yet, strangely enough, she seemed less fragile now compared to before. It felt as if she was closer to being her true self.

“Why are you staring?”

Tateha, holding her discarded pajamas, peered at me with a puzzled expression.

Oh no. This must look like I was staring at her underwear.

Tateha’s body was worryingly thin and pale. Yet, within that pure whiteness were numerous scars I had inflicted, resembling gravel mixed into fresh snow.

“…Do you want to see?”

“I’m sorry. I’ll change too.”

If I said I wanted to see, I could predict that Tateha would probably show me. The thought made my face heat up. Asking Tateha for something like that felt wrong, and it made my heart ache.

In fact, I wasn’t very good at seeing other people’s naked bodies or underwear. I had gone to pools and hot springs with friends since I was young, but I could never keep my gaze steady.

The awkwardness, akin to embarrassment, twisted my eyes around. If a friend teased me, saying, “Hey, Ruri, your face is turning red,” I would retreat underwater and not come up.

The same phenomenon occurred when I saw Tateha’s bare skin.

I hurriedly changed into my uniform and went downstairs to the living room with Tateha.

“Good morning, Ruri and Tateha. You two were a bit late this morning.”

“Good morning! I forgot to set my alarm. Honestly, it’s a miracle I woke up at all.”

“That’s not something to be proud of. Tateha, did you sleep well?”

“Yes, thank you, Auntie.”

When Tateha smiled brightly, my mother, who was preparing breakfast in the kitchen, returned the smile.

Tateha had always called my mother “Ruri-chan’s mom,” but when I suggested, “Isn’t that a bit long? Just call her Auntie,” Tateha started calling her Auntie from then on. My mother didn’t seem to mind and laughed, saying, “It’s fine, it’s fine. Auntie is perfectly correct,” while covering her wrinkled mouth.

After finishing the leftover beef stew, sesame-dressed komatsuna, miso soup, and bamboo shoot rice from last night, Tateha and I headed to the washroom.

As we brushed our teeth together, my mother smiled and said, “You two look like sisters.” With foam at the corners of her mouth, Tateha tilted her head.

“I’m the big sister, right?”

I asked Tateha, but she ignored me.

I let out a wry smile and spat out the water I had in my mouth.

“Tateha, come here. I’ll do your hair.”

Still, wanting to be a big sister was a dream of mine as well. Having been an only child, I longed for a sister, preferably a younger one I could take care of. I wasn’t very good at relying on others, so even if I had a big sister, I wasn’t confident I could openly lean on her.

Tateha stood silently in front of me. She probably didn’t care much about having her hair done. Her doll-like, expressionless face stared intently at her reflection in the mirror.

I wet her bangs and blew them to the sides, then sectioned them into two parts and curled the ends inward. I sprayed some hairspray on the comb and brushed it from the roots to the tips. I also sprayed the handle of the comb and smoothed out the loose strands of her bangs. And just like that, it was done.

It was a simple hairstyle that took less than five minutes, but it changed her impression quite a bit.

“All done.”

Tateha didn’t admire her transformed self; she darted out of the washroom like a cat that had finished being groomed.

No matter how much I styled her hair or did her makeup, Tateha didn’t seem to care. But as long as I was having fun, that was all that mattered.

As we walked along the school route, we felt the morning breeze beginning to chill.

It had been a month since Tateha started living at my house. Since then, she hadn’t returned to her own home even once. Apparently, she had sent a message to her parents, but they hadn’t come to greet us, nor did they seem to check on Tateha at all.

What kind of parents are they? A simmering anger rose within me.

Sure, Tateha might be a little different from ordinary kids. Her heart was covered by a thick cornea, and she might not resemble a human in some ways. But that was all there was to it.

She was honest and a good girl, and above all, she was good at relying on others. When I was pierced by her uncertain gaze, I felt an overwhelming urge to reach out to her.

How could they leave such a child behind? It was unbelievable.

“Tateha, come on. Walk on the sidewalk. It’s dangerous.”

I took Tateha’s hand and reaffirmed my resolve.

I have to protect this child.

Tateha can only rely on me. And I’m probably the only one in the world who can understand her. If Tateha were to fall into someone else’s hands, if she became someone else’s possession, she would surely break again.

Only I can sink Tateha, who is drowning in pain. Only my existence, Ruri Miyama, can control the excess dependency she secretes.

“The cultural festival is coming up soon. Our class is starting preparations today. I think we’ll do it after school, but are you going to stay, Tateha?”

“What about you, Ruri-chan?”

“Of course, I will. I’m part of the cultural festival committee.”

“Then I’ll stay too.”

I wonder if Tateha realizes it.

That her life, her thoughts, her choices, and everything else are gradually being colored by me.

—Is it okay to depend on you?

Is this what it feels like when a centipede crawls up your spine?

The hands I unconsciously raised formed shadows of Tateha and me. It looked as if only I had horns sprouting from my head.

Seeing my hands, Tateha’s eyes widened in surprise. It was only natural. After all, it didn’t make sense. Why was I suddenly spreading my hands?

The impulse to hug her might sound nice. Yes, that would probably be better.

“Rawr, just kidding.”

I couldn’t tell if I had managed to cover it up. Because I myself hadn’t named this impulse.

“Our school’s cultural festival is famous for its large scale. A lot of people from other schools might come.”

“Is that so?”

Tateha looked disinterestedly at the sky.

“Oh, a dragonfly! It’s already autumn.”

A dragonfly flew across my path.

Around the bushes on the school route, countless dragonflies were buzzing about. One of them landed on my shoulder.

Its body, head, wings, and legs were all fragile, made up of tiny joints. A slight flick of my finger could tear its head off, and even a baby’s strength could break its wings. I covered such a delicate life with both hands.

Protecting such a weak existence is what I, who have committed sins, believe I must do from now on. Instead of bullying the weak, if I could be there for them and lend them strength, then the mistakes of that day, the cruel acts I inflicted on Tateha, wouldn’t disappear, but I believe they would at least lessen.

So if those wings ever get torn off, come to me. I will protect you.

As I opened my hands, the dragonfly flew away energetically. It soared under the clear blue sky and headed for the public road.

Then, a truck approached from the opposite direction. The speeding vehicle seemed about to collide with the dragonfly.

It’s dangerous…!

However, the dragonfly narrowly avoided the truck and disappeared into the shadows of the trees.

A large sigh escaped my lips.

“What’s wrong, Ruri-chan?”

Tateha looked up at me with a puzzled expression.

“Ahaha, sorry, sorry, just a little…”

I took Tateha’s hand, which seemed to wander uncertainly in the void.

As I cherished the feel of her smooth skin, I smiled at her.

“—I just thought it was a close call.”