Irreversible Sadism (GL) - Chapter 36
“Eek—!”
That night, a cockroach appeared in the room.
Perhaps it had fled inside to escape the cold that was creeping in from outside.
Hearing my scream, Tateha, who had been relaxing in the room, jumped slightly, his shoulders trembling.
“Cockroach! Cockroach!”
“Yeah, a cockroach.”
“Why are you so calm about it?! It’s a cockroach!?”
“Well, it’s just an insect. Like a dragonfly.”
That’s true, but what is this indescribable feeling of disgust? I don’t feel this way when I see a cantharid or a stink bug, but when I see that black body clinging to the wall, goosebumps rise all over me.
“If there’s one of those, I won’t be able to sleep!”
“So what are you going to do? Let it go?”
“Of course not! I’m going to kill it! I’ll eliminate any cockroach I find on sight!”
“…I see.”
When I went downstairs to report the sighting to my mom, she took out some insect spray and newspaper from the cupboard.
Since a weakened cockroach might charge at me with its last bit of strength, I grabbed a tissue box to use as a shield and weapon and headed back to the room.
The cockroach hadn’t moved from its previous spot. Tateha was staring intently at the cockroach as it waved its antennae back and forth.
“Tateha, if you get too close, it might fly at you.”
“If it flies at me, I can just let it escape outside.”
“No, that’s disgusting. I’m going to kill it, so stay back.”
I moved Tateha to safety and readied the insect spray. The cockroach seemed oblivious to its predicament, leisurely enjoying the sensation of the wall.
Just wait, I’ll take care of you.
“You said you wouldn’t get your hands dirty, right, Ruri-chan?”
“Huh?”
“And yet, you’re going to kill an insect?”
Tateha quietly dropped his voice as he looked at the insect spray gripped in my right hand. I had no way to pick up the words that fluttered down like torn wings.
After immobilizing it, I would crush its body with this tissue box and wipe away the inevitable mess of guts and juice with the newspaper. The thought of the merciless slaughter about to take place made my hands tremble.
“…Hmm, well, just wait a moment.”
Indeed, it might not be necessary to crush it after all.
When I explained the situation to my mom, she mentioned that there was a fumigant for cockroach extermination in the hallway closet. Since we were about to have dinner anyway, she suggested I use it, and I decided to go along with her idea.
Just as my mom said, there was a fumigant in the closet.
I hurriedly carried it back to my room.
“Tateha, I’m going to spray this, so you need to leave the room. It seems we have to keep it sealed for thirty minutes to an hour.”
Tateha was still watching the cockroach. And it seemed that the cockroach was watching Tateha too.
I took Tateha’s hand, which wasn’t moving, and led him into the hallway.
I quickly sprayed the fumigant and exited the room.
I imagined the cockroach scurrying in panic from the smoke that would soon fill the room as I stared at the closed door.
“You were right, Tateha. There’s really no need to kill it. Insects are living beings too, and we should treat them with care. Thank you for teaching me, Tateha.”
An hour later, after finishing dinner, Tateha and I returned to the room after having dessert apples in the living room.
When I opened the door, the distinct dry scent of the fumigant hit my nose.
Looking around the room, I spotted a cockroach lying in the gap of the bookshelf. It still seemed to be alive, flailing its legs in a struggle. However, the overturned cockroach could only move jerkily, as if it were a machine running low on batteries. It was only a matter of time before it would die.
I gently wrapped the struggling cockroach in a tissue. I made sure not to crush or hurt it. I lifted it carefully and opened the window.
“You shouldn’t have wandered in here.”
Once outside the window, the cockroach twisted its body and turned its antennae toward me. It looked like it was begging for help, and I felt the desperation of its life.
As I savored the mystery of living creatures between my teeth, the cockroach suddenly stopped moving. Its legs tucked in, it resembled nothing more than a black grain of rice.
“Ruri-chan, why did you kill it?”
Tateha said something like that, and I was taken aback.
“Huh? I didn’t kill it.”
I hadn’t sullied my hands. The cockroach’s cause of death was the fumigant’s ingredients, not my doing. If anything, I should be thanked for helping the struggling cockroach outside.
It was true that the cockroach might not have been saved. But surely, in its last moments, it was happy to see the outside scenery.
I silently held Tateha’s hand.
It was amusing to see Tateha jump in surprise, and I couldn’t help but laugh.
“There’s no need to be that surprised, you know.”
In contrast to my giggles, Tateha continued to gaze silently out the window.