Irreversible Sadism (GL) - Chapter 37

On the day of the cultural festival, as anticipated, there was a large turnout from other schools, and it was a great success.

Our class’s booth, a candy shop, was thought to be relatively easy, but it turned out to be a chaotic scene with far more customers than expected, making it feel like anything but a morning shift.

The most challenging part was the ring toss corner. While it was popular with the kids as predicted, explaining the rules proved to be quite difficult. It was surprisingly hard to convey the rules to children who were barely old enough to understand, with some throwing rings on their own and others trying to take candy without permission.

When I gave up and encouraged a no-rules approach, the next kids followed suit, doing whatever they pleased, which left me utterly exasperated.

At that moment, Tateha came to my rescue.

Tateha was good with children; even if I struggled, everyone listened to what Tateha said.

Thanks to Tateha’s efforts, we somehow managed to handle the morning shift without any major issues.

“Tateha, you’re really good with kids,” I said.

“Really?” Tateha replied.

“Yeah. It feels like you’re used to it. Have you done this kind of thing somewhere before?”

“Not really. I just… did what my mom used to do for me when I was happy.”

As Tateha ate her lunch, she explained while reminiscing about her interactions with her mother.

First, it made her happy when someone made eye contact with her. When spoken to in a voice with inflection and a bouncy tone, she felt reassured.

Tateha shared her memories of her mother doing that for her, but all of them were limited to the day they went to the botanical garden, which made me feel sad.

Tateha’s memories with her mother were confined to that one visit to the botanical garden.

Tracing the hairpin in her hair, Tateha seemed to smile just a little.

It seemed Tateha enjoyed being at the booth, and she started saying she wanted to stay for the afternoon shift too. I genuinely wanted to create memories with Tateha by going around to various places, but for now, I wanted to let her do what she wanted.

That said, I felt like I would regret not experiencing the true essence of the cultural festival. As soon as the afternoon shift began, I decided to head out to the stalls.

After letting Tateha know, I left the classroom.

I put on my blazer over the class T-shirt we made for the festival and began to look for stalls. I thought about candy apples; they seemed like something Tateha would like, but I wondered if they would be available.

As I walked and searched, I heard a voice from behind me.

“Hey, isn’t that Miyama?”

A sensation washed over me, like a hardened lump of sugar melting in hot water.

I was scared to turn around.

But before I could brace myself, the owner of the voice appeared in my line of sight, asserting her presence.

“Yep, it’s definitely Miyama! Look!”

“Wow, it really is! It’s been ages!”

I could never forget that voice or that figure.

In front of me stood a slightly plump girl and a frail girl with unhealthy-looking eyes.

They were my classmates from elementary school.

Nakatani and Sorimachi.

“Oh, oh! Nakatani and Sorimachi! Long time no see!”

I managed to squeeze out those words.

“Wow, I didn’t know you went to this high school, Miyama. You were always so smart!”

Nakata’s voice was as loud as ever. Even amidst the excitement of the cultural festival, her vibrant voice stood out.

“It’s been ages since elementary school, right? You haven’t changed at all; you’re still so fair-skinned. I’m so jealous! Look at Nakata’s belly; it’s like she’s pregnant or something!”

Sorimachi, too, hadn’t changed, her words laced with sharpness. I felt a wave of nostalgia at the familiar tone of conversation, as I was once a part of this group… their leader.

Cold sweat trickled down my back.

Both Nakatani and Sorimachi had completely slipped from my memory until today.

That’s right; I hadn’t been bullying Tateha alone. I had been an accomplice with these two. We had spent the same time together, committing the same sins.

After I had stabbed Tateha with a mechanical pencil, our relationship had disintegrated. When the teachers first intervened in the bullying issue, it was Sorimachi who pointed me out first.

I suddenly recalled Sorimachi’s tearful face as she claimed, “Miyama forced me to do it!” and I unconsciously tightened my grip with my right hand.

The teachers, believing Sorimachi’s skilled acting, proceeded with the narrative that I was the main culprit. Nakata, with the prefectural judo tournament coming up at the end of the month, faded out of the discussion on bullying.

After that, we stopped hanging out. I occasionally saw Sorimachi and Nakatani still getting along, but I never expected them to still be together in high school.

“How have you been? You suddenly stopped coming to school in the latter half of elementary school. Then you transferred in middle school without us knowing.”

“Oh, yeah. A lot happened.”

I thought I had faded from Nakatani and Sorimachi’s sight. But from what they said, they might have been concerned about me.

“Come on, Nakata, stop it. It’s obviously about Asami.”

Asami.

That word hadn’t been uttered among the three of us since elementary school.

An unwanted sensation spread from my toes to the top of my head, repeating itself.

“Oh! Asami! It’s been so long! Asami Tateha! Wow, I totally forgot about her!”

Nakata’s loud voice echoed in the hallway.

“Stop it! Don’t call Tateha’s name like that!”

I felt a murderous intent creeping up behind me, as if I were being chased by someone wielding a knife. An inexplicable fear loomed over me, turning into cold sweat trickling down my neck.

“We had a lot going on with Asami, didn’t we? Looking back, we did some pretty crazy things.”

“Not we, that was all Miyama, right? You stabbed her with a mechanical pencil and even tried to burn her. You even tried to drown her. That was seriously messed up. We tried to stop you, but you just wouldn’t quit.”

It felt like I was being shown a reflection of myself in an old mirror.

I wanted to deny it, but all of it was a reality that had happened. The violence I had inflicted with my own hands was being recounted by those who had been involved.

Suddenly, Sorimachi leaned in closer and whispered in my ear.

“Is Miyama still doing that kind of stuff?”

I instinctively shoved Sorimachi away.

I wanted to apologize, but it was as if Sorimachi had been waiting for my reaction, her crooked teeth peeking out from between her lips.

“You’re not saying you’ve turned over a new leaf, right?”

“I don’t know what you’re trying to say, Sorimachi.”

Sorimachi chuckled, her laughter reminiscent of our elementary school days. Her half-closed eyelids and dull complexion looked eerie.

Sorimachi slapped Nakata’s belly and began to talk with a grin.

“This girl used to do judo, right? But in middle school, she broke her opponent’s neck during a match and sent them to the hospital. She always said judo had too many rules and that she wanted to try grappling until someone broke a bone. I never thought she’d actually do it, but that’s just how it is.”

“What do you mean?”

“It means she can’t change.”

I felt like I had heard that line somewhere before.

But before I could sift through my memories, I was irritated that those words had come out of Sorimachi’s mouth.

“Thanks to that, Nakatani got expelled from her family’s dojo and disowned by her parents. Now she’s living with us. Isn’t that crazy? She’s such a problem child.”

“Sorimachi’s house is big, and if you ask, they’ll give you as many snacks as you want. It’s the best. What about you, Miyama?”

“Hey, are you treating my house like a candy shop? At least show some gratitude.”

These two are living in the same house now…

What kept brushing past my nose was the similarity between my situation and Tateha’s. They were the same. Everything.

“Recently, this girl has been in trouble for choking a girl in her class, and she’s currently suspended. No matter how many times we tell her to stop, she just won’t. It’s like, how much of a musclehead can you be?”

“But isn’t it unavoidable? She’s been training at the dojo since she was little, learning techniques to subdue people, and now she’s told she can’t use that power? It’s torture.”

“…And she always makes excuses like this. I’ve already given up. Because, you know, we did some pretty messed up things too. So there’s probably something wrong with us.”

Sorimachi tapped her temple with her finger.

“Did you get into any trouble too, Sorimachi?”

“Oh, yeah. That’s how it goes, right? With this logic. Well, I’ll tell you something special.”

Sorimachi took half a step forward, grinning at me.

Then, in the next moment, she slipped her hand under my skirt.

I jumped back in shock.

“Hahaha! What a great reaction! Hey, Miyama, were you always this innocent?”

“Anyone would be surprised if you did something like that out of the blue.”

The fingertips that touched my thigh felt as cold as a corpse.

“But you know, our strongest is definitely Miyama. Come on, tell us about yourself, Miyama.”

“Yeah! Miyama, you were the craziest among us!”

“Me…?”

“Of course! Every time you beat up Asami, we were totally freaked out behind the scenes! We thought that was going too far… But if we said anything, who knows what you’d do to us? So we had no choice but to follow you.”

Nostalgically, I stared at my fingertips. They looked like freshly peeled white peaches. Within the juicy skin, the flesh was mixed with something like bl00d.

“Nakatani and I always talked about how you’d definitely do something and end up in a juvenile detention center. So when we saw you today, we were surprised. In two ways.”

“…I see.”

I desperately wanted to escape from this place.

Being with these two was definitely not good.

I hadn’t been able to completely burn away everything I had done.

The atonement I had been doing was merely a temporary fix. It was like stuffing everything into a room that wasn’t being used, only to be opened when guests arrived.

It hadn’t led to a fundamental solution. But since it was a room that wasn’t being used, I just had to avoid opening it.

Talking to these two made me feel like I was about to reach for the door of that unused room. I was terrified that the garbage I had managed to seal away would come tumbling out, reeking of rot.

“Stop glaring at us. We didn’t come over just to tease you.”

“Yeah, exactly! We wanted to apologize to you, Miyama.”

“Apologize?”

Nakatani and Sorimachi frowned slightly, looking a bit awkward. Then, without missing a beat, they bowed their heads.

“We’re sorry for putting everything on you back then!”

“Huh?”

“When it came out that we were bullying Asami, we blamed it all on you, didn’t we? We said you forced us to do it. We were scared at that time. We just ended up putting all the blame on you. We should have been accomplices too.”

“I feel the same way. Even though I was the one who bullied Asami, I ended up looking innocent. You’re angry, right? You must feel betrayed…”

I never expected to be apologized to, so I was taken aback. Looking at the two of them with their heads bowed deeply, I shook my hands back and forth.

“No, it’s not something to apologize for. I’m the one at fault. That’s the truth.”

“…You’re not angry?”

“I’m not angry.”

“Miyama… you’re a good person!”

Nakatani and Sorimachi hugged me, and I nearly toppled over from their weight. As I was pushed against the wall, looking at their relieved smiles, I remembered the times we played together.

We had been bullies. But before that, we had been friends who connected with each other. We walked to and from school together. We always paired up during gym class. During lunch, we would push our desks together and eat.

“I see. I’m glad we called out to you. I’m really happy we got to talk, Miyama.”

“Right! Hey, Miyama, let’s exchange contact information!”

“Huh?”

Nakata’s swollen hand held a smartphone that looked tiny in her grip.

“Oh, what a sneak! You’re going to exchange with me too, right?”

“Yeah, of course…”

As I scanned the code displayed on the screen, Nakatani and Sorimachi’s names appeared in my messaging app contacts.

“Miyama, since we’re at it, let’s hang out next holiday!”

“Sure, but I might have plans and it could be impossible.”

“It’s fine, it’s fine. Just whenever you can.”

As we synced our contact information, Sorimachi poked my upper arm playfully, grinning.

Sorimachi, was she always this touchy?

“By the way, what’s your class doing, Miyama? We were thinking of heading home, but since we’re here, maybe we should drop by your class.”

“Oh, um…”

The candy shop.

Just as I was about to say that, I fell silent.

Tateha was in that classroom right now. She was probably still at the ring toss corner, manning the booth.

What would happen if these two encountered Tateha? Nakatani and Sorimachi were already high school students. They wouldn’t think of bullying Tateha like they did in elementary school, would they? Perhaps this meeting could be a chance for Tateha to take another step forward.

But.

I couldn’t shake off this unsettling feeling.

Tateha was now in a state of pure white, having distanced herself from pain.

In contrast, Nakatani and Sorimachi were filled with intense colors. They were a pitch black that could never be cleansed, with no clear future.

If the three of them were to meet, I had no idea what would happen.

Tateha is currently wearing the butterfly hairpin she used to wear in elementary school, and more than anything, if Nakatani and Satomachi see her right eye, which is a prosthetic, they will immediately recognize her as Tateha.

It’s no good. I can’t let these two go to Tateha.

“My class is doing a museum project this time. We’re putting together a newspaper showcasing thirty years of history in this area, but it’s not very interesting.”

“Ugh, what’s that? Sounds boring.”

“Yeah. So it’s fine if you don’t come.”

“In that case, we’ll head back first. Bye-bye, Miyama. It was nice to see you. I’ll get in touch again!”

“Yeah… bye-bye.”

I waved goodbye to the two of them as they walked toward the student entrance.

As soon as their backs disappeared from view, I slumped down right there.

I was tired, to say the least, but this sense of exhaustion felt like it stemmed from something else entirely.

I need to get back quickly.

After buying a candy apple for Tateha at the stall, I headed toward my classroom.