Lady By The Pillow - Chapter 45
Chapter 45: A New Relationship (Three)
“Please, Just Let Me In.”
“Can I come over now?”
When Shi Qing heard this through the phone, she finally understood what Wei Jiuzhen meant.
In an instant, the phone felt like a hot iron brand, the heat burning from her earlobe all the way to her heart. Her heart protested with a forceful beat, pulling her consciousness back on track.
“No.” It was one of the few times Shi Qing had been so decisively拒绝.
Wei Jiuzhen was taken aback. “Okay, then I’ll wait for you to think about it more.”
But Shi Qing said, “I think I’ve already thought it through.”
From the two minutes she spent in the elevator after the fans’ protest to her almost heartless tone now, Wei Jiuzhen had already guessed her answer. She cut her off.
“You don’t have to tell me right away, even if you’ve decided. You shouldn’t make important decisions at night. Think about it again tomorrow.”
Shi Qing’s grip on the phone tightened, holding back her wavering heart. “No need. Whether I say it tomorrow or now, the result is the same.”
The chant “No CP, QiQi is enough on her own” still echoed in her ears from when the elevator doors had opened. A lump formed in her chest, suffocating her, and she retreated into a cocoon, wrapping herself up layer by layer.
“We’re on a film set right now. Our priority should be filming. If we were to have that kind of relationship, best case scenario, it’s just our private, dirty secret. Worst case scenario, if someone finds out and it gets exposed online, do you want to make your fans sad?”
Wei Jiuzhen felt like she no longer understood Chinese.
What was “private, dirty secret”? What was “making fans sad”?
Had Shi Qing murdered someone or broken the law? Why would she become “dirty” by being with her and “make fans sad”?
“Ah Qing, you know those people just now weren’t fans. Real fans only care about the work, not my private life.” Wei Jiuzhen tried to stay calm. If she wasn’t careful, Shi Qing would push her further and further away.
Shi Qing didn’t speak. Her thumb dug into the blanket, the rounded nail almost piercing the fabric.
“You should call me ‘Shi-laoshi’ from now on. It’s more appropriate.”
That was the first time Shi Qing had ever hung up on her when the other person still had something to say.
She was afraid Wei Jiuzhen would say something else, and that the next thing she said would make her heart weakly waver, just like it did in the RV. Even though she couldn’t agree to it, being with Wei Jiuzhen, stared at by those intense eyes, she would instinctively want to agree to whatever she said.
This kind of surrender of her own will was terrifying, and what was even more terrifying was that Shi Qing often didn’t realize she was succumbing.
Knock, knock.
There were two clear knocks on the door of her suite. Shi Qing was startled and didn’t move.
Knock, knock.
Two more knocks. Shi Qing finally confirmed that someone was at the door. At 1 a.m., there was no one else who would be knocking on Shi Qing’s door.
Dong Ya had just gotten out of the shower. She peeked through the peephole and then quickly rushed back to the bathroom, turning on the faucet as if she were washing her underwear and pretending not to hear.
Shi Qing walked out of the bedroom and to the front door, but her hand remained on the doorknob.
Just a wall separated them, yet it felt like a barrier between life and death.
Her palm trembled, and she leaned against the heavy door. Shi Qing took a deep breath. The cold night air made her lungs shiver.
“Please go back.” She said. “I’ve already made it clear on the phone.”
There was no sound from outside the door, but Shi Qing knew that, given Wei Jiuzhen’s personality, she wouldn’t leave.
About half a minute later, a muffled voice came through the door. “I wasn’t finished talking.”
Shi Qing felt that this confrontation was inappropriate. “You can tell me anything else you want to say on WeChat. But please don’t stand at my door. If someone sees you, it will be very troublesome.”
Wei Jiuzhen’s throat tightened. The bones in the back of her neck felt like they had been gouged out, and her whole head hung limply, like the body of a pirate hung at the bay to warn the world in the Middle Ages.
“At this hour, everyone is asleep. No one will see. Please… just let me in? I won’t do anything.”
Shi Qing’s voice dropped. “What if I don’t open the door? Are you going to stand there until I do?”
An A-list actress standing outside another actress’s hotel room was ridiculous to anyone who saw it. Once exposed, it wouldn’t just be Wei Jiuzhen in the news, but also her, the culprit who refused to open the door.
If Wei Jiuzhen was using this to force her to open the door, there was no longer any need for them to talk.
Wei Jiuzhen felt a stab in her heart. “Is that what you think of me?”
Shi Qing didn’t say anything. She admitted she was judging her with a small mind. She wasn’t thinking straight. Her thoughts were a chaotic mess. Too many things had happened today. First, Wei Shu’s visit to the set, causing a stir. Then, in the afternoon, Fei Ying’s call, and Wei Jiuzhen, for some reason, grabbing her hand and asking, “Can I?” Then came the evening’s two-person interview, where Wei Jiuzhen’s deliberate creation of a CP dynamic caused a storm online.
In the end, all her thoughts came down to the “No CP, QiQi is enough on her own” she heard when the elevator doors opened.
After the silence, Wei Jiuzhen’s voice came through the door again, this time sounding a little choked up. She must have been truly hurt by Shi Qing’s suspicion.
“I never wanted to force you to do anything you don’t want to. I just wanted to see you, to see if your decision was genuine or if you were saying something you didn’t mean. I just wanted to confirm.”
Towards the end, her voice was so choked up it was hard to understand. Shi Qing looked through the peephole, but she could only see darkness. She couldn’t see anything.
She should open the door.
She should let Wei Jiuzhen in, comfort her, and ease her troubles. But the consequence of doing so would be to break the fragile glass she had so painstakingly built. All the suppressed emotions would burst forth, and she would sink deeper and deeper into the turbulent vortex, eventually losing herself.
Just like Little Jun.
“There’s no need to confirm.”
In the end, reason prevailed. “I can cooperate with you in front of the camera, to play a pair of pleasant colleagues, and maybe with the company’s permission, we can also manage the character CP together. But in private, I think we should keep our distance.”
After she said that, there was a long silence outside the door.
Shi Qing felt uneasy and looked through the peephole again. It was still dark.
Wei Jiuzhen hadn’t left.
Go, little cat. Go.
You should go.
I’m not worth your time.
A wall had cut the world into two sides, both gray.
Inside, Shi Qing leaned her back against the door, looking up at the chandelier in the living room.
Outside, Wei Jiuzhen covered the peephole with one hand and used the other to wipe the tears she couldn’t stop.
“You’re telling me to leave.” Wei Jiuzhen called out her bluff, her tone more forceful than ever before. “But you don’t even have the courage to tell me to my face. Because you’re not sure. You yourself aren’t sure if you truly want me to leave.”
“Shi Qing, you’re a liar. I won’t believe a single word you say.”
The person outside left, but Shi Qing remained leaning against the door. Her raised eyes lowered, staring at the fuzz on the carpet. For a long, long time, she muttered to herself, “I was telling the truth.”
The begonia flowers on the wallpaper, swollen by the light from her phone screen, their moldy green branches and bulging buds shrinking against the flimsy wall, simply refused to bloom.
Wei Jiuzhen lay on her bed, staring at the begonia pattern on the ceiling and the wallpaper, her eyes vacant. Tears slid from the corners of her eyes, glistening in the light of her phone screen, carving two tracks down her temples. The phone, for some reason, had automatically started playing a song when it was thrown on the bed, one from the “For You” section. It was called Angkor Wat.
I can hear the wind in my ear, But I can’t escape your face. The more I try to pull away, The more I move towards your life. Do I have the courage to celebrate your birthday with you? Do you have the courage to take back your promise of devotion? Two people, so crowded. Can’t fit another secret. The more I can’t hold on, The more stubborn I become.
Wei Jiuzhen liked Cantonese songs but had never heard this one.
The greatest punishment the song gave her was that since she spoke Cantonese, she could understand the lyrics without subtitles.
“What a terrible song.” She feebly turned over, fumbling with her phone, her emotions collapsing. “What kind of lyrics are these… who wrote such disgusting lyrics?”
She sobbed even harder, her vision blurred by a watery haze. After several swipes of her hand, she could finally make out the song title at the top of the screen—Angkor Wat.
She searched for the song in her browser, trying to find out what story it was based on and why it felt so relevant to her.
Her search only made her break down further.
“Why are you recommending a homewrecker’s song to me, you stupid phone!” She threw the phone to the corner of the bed and wailed into her pillow. “Even you know I’m a homewrecker. That’s right, I am a homewrecker…”
A homewrecker in the relationship between Shi Qing and Fei Ying, and even more, a homewrecker between the professionally harmonious Shi Qing and Wei Jiuzhen in front of the cameras.
Actors can’t have their own emotions. That way, when they portray a character, they can break down their simple, clean selves and be filled with the character’s life experiences and emotions.
But who can be so heartless as to be completely unresponsive when facing someone they love?
Wei Jiuzhen’s love had died once, on the day Shi Qing sent her away. She sat downstairs with two large suitcases. She maintained her “sensible” and “mature” arrogance until she was out of view of Shi Qing’s window, and then she burst into tears.
From that spot, she could see the entrance to the building. As long as Shi Qing came down to chase her, she would see her first. Then she could go and bite her lips in revenge, telling her she didn’t forgive her while still kissing her.
But Shi Qing never came.
And then her love died.
—Or so she thought.
When she heard that Shi Qing was cast in Empress, Wei Jiuzhen was genuinely excited.
Because she could have her revenge.
She would stand in front of Shi Qing as the superior Best Actress and tell her how the tables had turned. She would show off her newfound maturity and composure, making Shi Qing fall for her from the bottom of her heart. In the process, they could have s3x and be intimate just like before. And when Shi Qing was completely dependent on her, she could tell her, “There is no future for us,” just like Shi Qing had done.
But when she saw Shi Qing again, it only took one look for her to fall apart. The love she had killed with her own hands came back to life. She desperately wanted to talk to Shi Qing, to hold her hand, to kiss her lips, and to lie in the same bed with her, even if they didn’t have s3x.
The more she tried to forget, the more she remembered. The more she tried to let go, the more stubborn she became.
Ah Qing, how much do you think I hate you?