Lady By The Pillow - Chapter 63
63 A Kitten’s Thoughts
“I like it”
It was late at night. The lamp on the bedside table cast a dim golden light. The frosted shade filtered the light, creating a hazy glow, like a layer of mist at the end of a sunset.
The open book was on page 78. The mechanical text was neatly arranged in the center of the page. The yellowing paper reflected the lamp’s smoky yellow light, like the yellow paper from an ancient time when craftsmanship was underdeveloped. This thin piece of paper recorded the affection in “who sent a brocade letter from the clouds.”
In the middle of page 78, two elegant and flowing characters were printed. They looked out of place with the rest of the mechanical text, but they were very beautiful.
[中意 (zhōngyì)]
In Cantonese, it means “to like” or “to be fond of.”
In this first-person novel about a lesbian’s struggles in life, only this paragraph was marked by Wei Jiuyi as “I like it.”
In the book, the protagonist “I” is a street vendor who sells wontons for a living. In the 1990s, “I” fell in love with a flower seller named “A-Qin,” but due to various realistic factors, “I” was unable to elope with A-Qin.
“Now my family is very happy, at least from a worldly perspective. The small stall has become a small shop, and the business is getting better and better. My child has also been accepted into the best high school. But from time to time, I still think of A-Qin. I think of her neat braid, her bright eyes under her bangs, and the camellia flower she would specially save for me every day after closing her stall.
I wonder, if I had been a little braver back then and left with her, would we have two shops now? A wonton shop and a flower shop. Customers would finish their wontons at my place, walk out, and go to her flower shop to buy flowers. But now there is no flower shop, no A-Qin, and no camellia flower that was put in my hand every day. I have few regrets in my life, but every single one of them is related to her. A moment of cowardice can lead to a lifetime of longing. I sometimes wonder, why was I so timid back then? Why was I so hesitant and overthinking? If I had just taken her hand with a cheerful, brave, and open heart, would I not be thinking of the most distant person in the world at a time when the sunset is so beautiful?”
[I like it]
The typeface, forged by a hard pen, was elegant and graceful. The sharp strokes almost tore through the paper. Wei Jiuyi’s handwriting was just like that, extremely beautiful.
Shi Qing could almost imagine the way she wrote it. She must have clapped her hands several times, nodding in approval as she clapped, and then with an expression of “a kindred spirit found at the end of the world,” she wrote those two characters.
But was it really that moving?
It was just a simple and unadorned regret and guilt of a middle-aged person. Wei Jiuyi was so young. How could she have such a strong emotional resonance with a middle-aged person’s self-reflection?
Even Shi Qing, who was 32 years old, couldn’t fully relate to the “I” in the book.
If you miss something, you miss it. If you leave, you leave. Just accept it. Why long for it for the rest of your life?
The dim light had a limited range. It hung like a halo over the bedside table, spreading a faint light on Shi Qing’s lower jaw. Her outline was blurry, like a beautiful portrait reflected on frosted glass.
Her face was unclear, and her eyes were even more so. Only vaguely could you see her slightly trembling eyelashes, which would only blink after a very long time.
Ding!
The phone, which was face-up, suddenly lit up. The notification bar showed that a Weibo account she followed had posted a new update.
Shi Qing didn’t move. She just glanced at the direction of the phone. She vaguely saw the ID name and reached for it.
@WeiJiuyiIsStillWorkingHard: A new skill I learned today, the flying back-handed spear.
In the video, Wei Jiuyi was in battle armor, standing on a city wall. Behind her, yellow sand swirled and smoke billowed. She held a long spear with a red tassel and charged forward quickly. Her left foot stepped on a rock, and her body leaped up. Using the momentum of her leap, she stepped on the city wall with her right foot, and then she suddenly flew into the air and stabbed at the enemy behind her.
The shot was excellent. It followed Wei Jiuyi from behind, moving at the same speed as her. In the shot, her flowing long hair and scarlet cape were entangled and tangled, like a roaring giant dragon in a black cloud. The camera stopped at the moment she flew back and stabbed, freezing on Wei Jiuyi’s ferocious expression.
Wei Jiuyi was so good at playing ambitious characters. Those eyes were naturally defiant. When she furrowed her eyebrows, she could perfectly portray the image of a general who had fought on the battlefield without any other expression.
It was very beautiful.
The camera work was good, the lighting was good, and even the flying yellow sand was just right.
This wasn’t filmed today. It must have been filmed during the days she was in the hospital when the crew moved Wei Jiuyi’s solo scenes to the front for concentrated filming. It was released today, probably because they just decided to use this set of shots.
Shi Qing suddenly felt a little curious. She wanted to see what the other shots that the director had discarded looked like, as they might have also been beautiful.
Or rather, she wanted to see if there were any other angles of Wei Jiuyi’s impressive shot.
With that thought, she replayed the video again.
It was only 10 seconds long. It was over quickly.
After the third time, she was suddenly pulled out of her professional appreciation. Her brain hadn’t recovered yet, but her eyes already had their own idea. They landed on the most glaring sentence on the open book page.
A moment of cowardice can lead to a lifetime of longing.
Cowardice about what?
She didn’t know.
Longing for whom?
She wasn’t sure.
But in that instant, she felt a strange resonance with the “I” in the book. It was an uncomfortable feeling of having her soul infiltrated by an outsider, an inability to drive them away.
It was so uncomfortable that she couldn’t sleep all night.
…
“Teacher Shi, this is the medicinal wine my dad sent me.”
After work the next day, Zhang Yulan stopped the car and handed Shi Qing a 2-liter glass jar. Various medicinal herbs were settled at the bottom of the brown liquid.
“My dad is an old traditional Chinese medicine doctor. This medicinal wine of his is very effective, especially for the lumbar spine. If you drink a small cup every night before bed, I guarantee you won’t have any more pain. The principal of my high school used to have a fractured lumbar spine. He drank this every day, and now he doesn’t feel any pain on rainy days.”
Zhang Yulan was a walking Traditional Chinese Medicine spokesperson. Ever since she received that priceless figure from Shi Qing, she became even more concerned about Shi Qing’s lumbar spine. She had a one-hour phone call with her family, describing Shi Qing’s symptoms and recovery status, and had them specially concoct a jar for Shi Qing.
“Okay. Thank you. Yulan, you went to so much trouble again.” Shi Qing took the jar with both hands, one holding the bottom and the other supporting the body of the jar.
“Oh, what are you talking about? You even gave me a limited edition figure!” Zhang Yulan scratched the back of her head.
“Do I drink one cup a day?” Shi Qing asked about the specific dosage.
“Yes. If it’s hard for you to measure, Teacher Shi, just use one of those regular glass cups from the cafeteria and pour about a third.”
“Okay. The alcohol content isn’t high, right?”
“No, it’s only about six or seven percent. My dad added brown sugar, so it’s not bitter. But don’t be greedy. Sister Ya said you’re allergic to alcohol, and you’ll feel uncomfortable if you drink too much.”
“Okay. Thank you.”
“Hehe, it’s a small thing!”
Shi Qing held it and shook it. The reddish-brown wine liquid hit the glass bottle, making a crisp sound. The stick-like herbs at the bottom of the bottle swayed slightly.
This was such a big jar. She probably wouldn’t finish it even when the filming was done.
“Sister, give it to me. It’s heavy.”
“Okay. Be careful.”
“It’s fine. You’re the one who needs to be careful. Don’t bend over.” Dong Ya took the bottle and held it in her arms like a child.
After a few more pleasantries, Zhang Yulan patted the outside of her thighs with both hands.
“Well, Teacher Shi, I’ll head back to the set now?”
Shi Qing nodded. “Mhm, okay. Be careful on the road.”
She smiled at Zhang Yulan. The light from the streetlights looked just like the half-lit lamp from last night. That sentence, “A moment of cowardice can lead to a lifetime of longing,” ate away at her brain like a worm, and the plague spread rapidly.
She hesitated, but in the end, she asked,
“Yulan, is Teacher Wei’s injury okay?”
Today, the crew was divided into two groups, A and B. Fan Erhua was in charge of her Group A, catching up on the dramatic scenes they had missed. The second director’s Group B was filming Wei Jiuyi’s action scenes.
Wei Jiuyi was always low-key. It was only when Zhang Yulan came to pick her up and she didn’t see Wei Jiuyi that she found out she was still filming at night with an injury.
Zhang Yulan was stunned for a moment. Her heart, which was already pounding with immense joy, beat even faster. She took her foot off the RV’s steps, turned around, and her expression had returned to that of a humble assistant.
“She’s fine. It’s just a scratch. She just got hit by a stick by accident. I’ll just rub some safflower oil on it for her when I get back.”
Shi Qing’s hand was in the pocket of her apricot-colored trench coat. Her thumbnail was digging into the pad of her index finger, and her nail bed was turning white.
“Then you should keep an eye on her. When she gets busy, she doesn’t know how to take care of herself. It would be bad if it became a chronic issue.”
Zhang Yulan was moved. “Okay, okay, don’t worry, Teacher Shi! I have safflower oil in the car. I already massaged her when she got hurt this morning. When she gets off work and we go back, I’ll massage her again for a while.”
Only then did Shi Qing feel a little relieved. “Okay. Thank you for your hard work.”
Zhang Yulan smiled and waved her hand. “It’s nothing. It’s my job.”
Shi Qing still wanted to say something. “Then…”
Zhang Yulan understood. “Don’t worry, I’ll definitely pass on your concern!”
Shi Qing quickly denied it. “No need. I’m just a colleague, so I’m just showing a little concern.”
Zhang Yulan gave her an OK sign. “Okay, okay. I understand.”
Shi Qing felt a little awkward. It was the kind of predicament that even an adult would fall into when being misunderstood.
She just felt that Wei Jiuyi hadn’t finished work yet and had to arrange for Zhang Yulan to send her back. Although taking her car seemed to have become a habit, they were filming on two different sets today, and it felt like she was inconveniencing Zhang Yulan, so she owed her a favor.
That was why she showed a little concern as a colleague.
Zhang Yulan said she understood. Did she really understand?
It would be bad if she passed on the wrong message and Wei Jiuyi misunderstood it.
She picked up her phone and put it down again. She stayed on Wei Jiuyi’s chat interface for more than ten minutes. The last message in the chat log was from Wei Jiuyi this afternoon: [I have to film the night attack scene tonight, so I can’t go back with you. Yulan will pick you up later.]
At that time, she wanted to ask, “The night attack scene is a big one. Which parts are you filming tonight? Until when? Director Fan doesn’t like staying up late, and he never used to go past 9 p.m. Will you be able to today?”
But at that time, she held her phone in her hand for a long time and only replied with [Okay, thanks].
She was afraid that excessive concern would disrupt the relationship that was currently strained under the “on-screen couple” shell, and she was also afraid that excessive indifference would make Wei Jiuyi think “you hate me” again.
A feline’s thoughts were hard to guess.
A kitten’s were even more so.
Ding!
A WeChat notification sounded. A new message popped up in the silent chat interface.
[Wei Jiuyi: How’s the medicinal wine from Yulan?]