Lend Me Your Shoulder - Chapter 28

Chapter 28

Xu Yeyu dashed from the cold drink section all the way to the checkout.

Xiang Wei scoffed at her, “Do you know what you looked like just now?”

“What?” Xu Yeyu turned around, holding her water.

“Like the kind of fan who, after a concert, loves to tell their idol,” Xiang Wei clicked her tongue, “How do you know he’s thin? Do you think men are like women, easily gaining weight when they eat?”

“…”

Xiang Wei: “I have a friend who eats a large bowl of yellow braised chicken and a ten-dollar wrap for lunch, with a stomach that could fit a cow, and still doesn’t get fat. Maybe Professor Lu is like that—looks thin in clothes, but muscular without. You don’t need to worry.”

Xu Yeyu suddenly understood and nodded, “You’re right. After all, practice makes perfect. I shouldn’t jump to conclusions rashly in the future.”

Xiang Wei nodded, “Right?”

Xu Yeyu said righteously, “I’ll have to wait until I see what he looks like without clothes to know if he’s truly thin.”

Xiang Wei: “…”

“Just go die.”

Xu Yeyu thought seriously for a moment, then said, “No.”

Xiang Wei: “What’s no?”

Xu Yeyu stood still, gently shaking the Yakult in her hand, looking at the lights in front of her and speaking eloquently, “I can’t die. Who would be Lu Yanbai’s wife if I died? A loyal person like him would surely vow not to marry in this life, and I don’t want to see him unhappy…”

She turned around, and Xiang Wei, unwilling to listen to her nonsense, had already strode several meters away, without looking back.

Xu Yeyu: “…”

…

Since the shopping was done, the return trip was put on the agenda.

Xu Yeyu checked the high-speed rail tickets and booked one for five days later. That meant she would finish Lu Yanbai’s class on Sunday and then head back on Monday.

She sent Lu Yanbai a message in advance: 【Professor, I have to go out for a bit. I’m not sure if I can make it back for class next Saturday. If I can, I’ll continue; if not, I’ll let you know in advance, and we can make up the missed classes later. Is that okay?】

As expected, Lu Yanbai said yes.

After Lu Yanbai agreed, Xu Yeyu exited the chat and found Jiang Zhou’s WeChat ID in her list, then clicked on it.

Jiang Zhou hadn’t posted on Moments for a long time, and their last chat record was over half a year ago.

Since his depression, his already scarce contact with the outside world had become even thinner. Everything seemed dull in his eyes.

He turned down continuous class gatherings; he refused board games he once loved; he even lost interest in chatting and playing on his phone.

He liked to shut himself in his room and sit. Before, it was fine, usually writing novels in his room, but as his depression worsened, he completely stopped writing, producing no works in the past two years.

At 15, Jiang Zhou rose to fame with his debut novel. Not only was his novel successful, but his sci-fi novellas and short stories even went abroad and won many international awards.

Having lived only a sixth of his life, he had achieved what many people couldn’t accomplish in a lifetime.

At that time, everyone thought his life would be glorious and brilliant, soaring to the highest heights, enjoying applause and admiration. He would become everyone’s pride.

So even when he chose to drop out of school to become a full-time writer, his family, despite some reservations, still nodded.

No one could have imagined that the peak of his brilliance would only last for one year.

When Jiang Zhou was 16, Xu Yeyu found some non-prescribed medications and sharp objects in his cabinet.

Depression came on fiercely, completely engulfing the still-underage Jiang Zhou. He was like a piece of iron, sinking endlessly in water.

No one could pull him out, not even himself.

…

A few months later, Jiang Zhou attempted suicide—

Xu Yeyu still remembers the hum of the ambulance at midnight, breaking the facade of peace. Her mother shook her awake from sleep, and her father drove through the night to the emergency room entrance.

Looking at the brightly lit emergency room, Xu Yeyu’s mind went blank, her hands and feet were cold, and she prayed for Jiang Zhou’s safety over and over again with bated breath.

All the family members who could come arrived, sitting or standing in a cluster in the corridor. Even now, when she recalls it, the scene still seems to have sound.

Someone was crying, someone was cursing loudly, someone was gritting their teeth, their eyes red, roaring—

“Why wasn’t it like this before? Why has it been like this ever since that time between you and him?!”

Xu Yeyu closed her eyes, cutting off all the images and sounds.

A thin light seeped in from outside the window, appearing on her eyelids. With her eyes closed, she could feel a fuzzy, warm glow cast into the dimness.

Soon, she would be going back.

…

Five days later, Xu Yeyu boarded the high-speed rail home.

The high-speed rail quickly took her back to the city she knew so well. As soon as she exited the station, Chen Zhi and Xu Yuan were standing at the entrance, waving at her.

After getting in the car, they exchanged warm greetings for a while, Xu Yeyu answered each question thoroughly and in detail.

“We’re having dinner tomorrow afternoon. Grandma and Grandpa miss you very much,” Xu Yuan said, turning the steering wheel. “They ask me twenty times a week if you’ve come back yet.”

“Got it,” Xu Yeyu nodded. “How many people are going?”

“Everyone,” Chen Zhi said.

Xu Yeyu was silent for a moment, then nodded and said okay.

Chen Zhi noticed her daughter’s momentary distraction and looked at her through the rearview mirror, “It’s okay, you don’t need to worry.”

Chen Zhi added, “After all… A-Zhou’s situation is much better than when you left.”

Xu Yeyu opened her mouth, then shook her head. Her voice was pale but firm, “Mom, I didn’t.”

Chen Zhi turned to look at her, her gaze warm, “Mom knows.”

…

After staying at home for a day, there was a family dinner at a restaurant the next day.

Before the family dinner began, Xu Yeyu messaged Jiang Zhou, asking if he was going.

Because Jiang Zhou had rarely participated in external activities in the past two years, even family events were seldom attended.

Jiang Zhou asked her if she was back and said if she went, he would go.

Xu Yeyu replied: 【I’ll be there.】

Jiang Zhou: 【Then I’ll go too.】

Xu Yeyu: 【Are you at home now? Will you come with Mom and Dad later?】

Jiang Zhou: 【No.】

Xu Yeyu frowned.

【Where are you now? I’ll come pick you up.】

After several minutes, Jiang Zhou sent a location: the park.

Xu Yeyu breathed a sigh of relief.

…

When Xu Yeyu arrived at the park, Jiang Zhou was staring blankly at the river.

The wind by the river was a bit strong, blowing his hair, which hadn’t been properly trimmed in a long time.

Xu Yeyu walked over, “Why are you here?”

Jiang Zhou’s voice was a little tired, “They were arguing early this morning. I didn’t want to listen.”

Xu Yeyu paused, not asking the reason for the argument, but looked at the decent sunlight and suggested, “The weather’s nice today. Let’s go for a run at the gym.”

She had seen a gym nearby when she passed by earlier, and the environment seemed quite good; they could go in and try it out.

After a period of study, she knew that a certain amount of exercise was very helpful in treating depression, even comparable to taking some medications.

Jiang Zhou was a bit unwilling, his dark circles drooping, “Forget it, I don’t want to go.”

Xu Yeyu pulled him, trying to persuade him, “You haven’t seen your sister in ages. Just consider this as accompanying me this time.”

Jiang Zhou had always been close to Xu Yeyu since childhood. No matter how rebellious he was in front of adults, he always listened to his older sister. He even admired her more after becoming famous. Xu Yeyu wasn’t sure of the reasons why.

Even though he didn’t like these things, for Xu Yeyu’s sake, Jiang Zhou still moved his feet.

No matter why he listened to her, Xu Yeyu thought, being able to persuade him was a very good sign.

…

After running for a long time at the gym and doing some stretching exercises, Jiang Zhou, who hadn’t been active for too long, was breathless. His eyebrows were streaked with sweat, but he still looked listless.

Looking at those dark circles, one couldn’t help but wonder how many sleepless nights he had endured, how many times he had felt anxious and broken down.

After leaving the gym, Xu Yeyu tossed him a bottle of water. She still wanted to persuade him to see a psychologist, so she carefully broached the subject, “A-Zhou, do you want to see…”

“No.”

Jiang Zhou seemed to know what she was going to say and quickly interrupted.

Xu Yeyu lowered her eyes, “Why?”

“They don’t let me see one, and I don’t want to,” Jiang Zhou casually tugged at the corner of his mouth. “Only abnormal people see them.”

After seeing one, they would only say he was making a fuss, that he had gone crazy from writing.

Not only that, but after this, he would have to endure even more secretive and meaningful looks from society.

Even if society didn’t have such looks, Jiang Wu and Chen Gefei would replace society and give him strange looks.

Just thinking about it made him a hundred percent repulsed by the idea.

“How can you think that?” Xu Yeyu frowned, her voice as gentle as possible, trying to persuade him, “It’s like getting a shot when you have a cold or a fever; it’s very normal. You’re not a freak, A-Zhou.”

“Many people misunderstand because they don’t understand, so they’re afraid and they avoid it. This really isn’t some unspeakable strange illness; it’s just a cold for your emotions,” Xu Yeyu tried to persuade him to understand depression. “Many people are like you. We will also give you strength. Don’t be afraid.”

After saying this, she suddenly remembered a certain evening, under the setting sun’s afterglow, Lu Yanbai’s finger pointing at a document, calmly telling her, “As of 2016, our country has ninety million depression patients, but how many receive formal treatment? Only 4%. If treated, the cure rate for depression is nearly 80%. This is actually a very common illness, and it’s not that difficult to cure. The hardest part to overcome is actually their inner self.”

It was that conversation, and the data he gave her in the article, that made her decide to help Jiang Zhou emerge from his world of self-loathing and doubt, to open himself up, discard societal judgment, and accept treatment from a psychologist.

It was also because of this that she wanted to write a long novel related to depression. If it could help even one person realize the importance of this matter, then this article would be meaningful.

Jiang Zhou looked up, his gaze shifting uncertainly towards Xu Yeyu: “…Really?”

“Really,” Xu Yeyu said. “It’s like your shadow, hiding in places you can and can’t see. The faster you run, the tighter it chases, but if you try to calm down and shake its hand, you’ll find it’s not scary, you’re not scary, and the gazes around you aren’t scary either. We’re all your backup.”

Jiang Zhou seemed to be thinking about her words, remaining silent for a long time.

…

Until a call came in, Chen Zhi reminded Xu Yeyu that the family dinner was about to start and to arrive early.

Xu Yeyu took Jiang Zhou to the restaurant. Standing at the door of the private room, she heard the conversation inside.

Chen Gefei’s voice was a bit sharp: “How would I know where he went again? He’s always running away from home, so strange…”

Xu Yeyu glanced back at Jiang Zhou, who had a look of accustomed indifference.

Chen Gefei looked towards the door and, upon seeing Xu Yeyu enter with Jiang Zhou, her expression immediately became somewhat peculiar.

Jiang Wu sat next to Chen Gefei and cast a glance in their direction.

Their family atmosphere was truly strange, strange and oppressive, Xu Yeyu thought to herself as they sat down.

…

Everyone was seated, and it was the elders’ turn to speak. The old woman, always concerned about her children, held Xu Yeyu’s hand and kept saying, “Are you doing well lately? How’s your writing coming along? Is it okay? Don’t work too hard. The last time I went to your room, I saw such a big stack on your bookshelf… Relax a bit, don’t wind yourself up too tightly. Your mom told me you often get anxious when you can’t write? Don’t worry, the works will come…”

The old woman had only spoken halfway, and while Xu Yeyu, the person concerned, hadn’t replied, Jiang Zhou’s back began to twitch.

Xu Yeyu looked over and saw Jiang Zhou holding his bowl and crying, tears falling into it one by one.

It wasn’t like he was moved; it seemed more like he was losing control of his emotions.

Everyone froze for a few seconds, wondering how he could have been fine moments ago and now be emotionally distraught.

With his family all there and his son crying, Jiang Wu felt humiliated and slapped the table forcefully, “Why are you crying for no reason? Stop those tears!”

People with severe depression have difficulty controlling their emotions and often break down crying or have negative thoughts for no apparent reason. It’s not an act or a weakness; they’re just too suffocated, and they themselves are helpless.

Xu Yeyu quickly realized that Jiang Zhou’s emotions might have exploded without warning and immediately said, “Don’t yell at him, he doesn’t want to be like this.”

She walked over to Jiang Zhou, “Do you want to go back and rest? Go back, rest, and sleep a bit.”

“Rest? What rest!” Jiang Wu frowned. “You can’t coddle him. He’s always making a fuss, what’s there to cry about?”

“Don’t mind him, he’s just throwing a tantrum.”

“Jiang Zhou, look at yourself. We’re out in public. Get yourself together,” Jiang Wu clenched his fists, gritting his teeth in warning.

Xu Yeyu looked up, “Grandma, let’s send A-Zhou back.”

With the elder stepping in, things became much easier to handle.

To prevent Jiang Zhou from being pressured by Jiang Wu even after returning, Xu Yeyu signaled to her father, asking Xu Yuan to take Jiang Zhou back first.

Those who were leaving also left together for now. Only Chen Gefei, Chen Zhi, Xu Yeyu, and Jiang Wu remained in the private room.

Her mother, her aunt, and her uncle.

Jiang Zhou’s steps were still soft as he left; his retreating figure looked very fragile.

Xu Yeyu felt a little heartache and watched him leave until he was out of sight before turning around and saying, “He’s not making a fuss. In this situation, what family should give is guidance and encouragement. Even if not encouragement, at least understanding. They shouldn’t double down on the pressure, making him feel more isolated and misunderstood, which will only worsen his condition.”

…

Chen Gefei, who had been silent, suddenly stood up, “Condition? What condition? My son isn’t sick! Don’t you dare talk nonsense!”

“I think it’s you,” Chen Gefei abruptly slammed down her bowl and chopsticks. “He was perfectly fine before, and everything was fine while you were away. But as soon as you came back and met with him, he inexplicably became like this!”

“He clearly isn’t sick, but it’s you who keeps telling him to face his illness. If it weren’t for your persuasion, would he be acting up so brazenly? I think even a normal person would be led astray by you, Xu Yeyu. You’re truly consumed by jealousy, that’s why you came up with such a method to harm your brother.”

Chen Zhi also stood up, “Enough.”

“Enough?! How is it enough?!” Chen Gefei’s eyes were wide. “This is the second time, Xu Yeyu. Last time it was the same. After returning from the winery, Jiang Zhou inexplicably started going crazy, shutting himself in all day, taking sleeping pills like food, and his already unstable emotions became even more erratic, becoming more and more like a mentally ill person—”

Xu Yeyu’s pupils suddenly constricted, “He’s not mentally ill! How can you say that about him?”

Chen Gefei gritted her teeth, “It’s not me saying it, it’s you who harmed him. Because you’re jealous that he writes better than you, you’re jealous that he won so many awards at such a young age. You used despicable methods to hurt him, to make him like this, so he can never pick up a pen again.”

Xu Yeyu closed her eyes, “I didn’t.”

Chen Gefei laughed, “You didn’t? Then tell me why Jiang Zhou’s emotions changed drastically after you and he spent three hours alone at the winery? If you’re not guilty, if it’s not because he writes better than you want to harm him, then write a better one to prove it to me! Do you dare? You don’t dare, because you can’t write one at all. Isn’t that why you’re feeling guilty?”

Chen Gefei looked at her glasses, almost spitting out each word, “Xu Yeyu, you destroyed our family.”

Xu Yeyu clenched her fists and replied calmly.

“Regarding the truth of what happened back then, regarding the reason for Jiang Zhou’s worsening depression, I’m already looking into it, and I believe I’ll find it soon. The day I find it, I hope you can still say these words without batting an eye in the face of irrefutable evidence.”

“Go ahead and look,” Chen Gefei laughed, “Let’s see what tricks you can pull, let’s see what you can find!”

“I will prove,” Xu Yeyu raised her eyes, “that from the very beginning, the one who harmed Jiang Zhou was not me, nor will it be me.”

…

The family dinner thus dispersed. Xu Yeyu’s resolve became even stronger. She would give Chen Gefei’s suspicions a powerful rebuttal.

The incident at the dinner table didn’t affect Xu Yeyu much. After a few sleeps at home and exchanging some nonsense with Professor Lu, her mood greatly improved.

Anyway, it wasn’t like she couldn’t find the truth. There was no need for her to be anxious or depressed.

She would find it eventually, and once she proved herself, Chen Gefei would naturally no longer have such arrogant airs.

When she turned the tables, how would Chen Gefei react to her ridiculous behavior?

…

After returning to L City, Xu Yeyu prepared to make a trip to the winery.

Standing on the arch bridge, she looked into the distance. She didn’t see anything else, but she did spot a very familiar figure.

Xu Yeyu hadn’t expected to run into Lu Yanbai here.

He walked towards her, and when he looked up, he clearly saw her too.

Xu Yeyu was descending from an elevated position. Seeing that he had also spotted her, she decided to jump down to greet him. Just as they were a few steps apart, Xu Yeyu took a leap—

Since it was her first time jumping, she didn’t control her strength or direction well and stumbled right into Lu Yanbai’s embrace.

…

His embrace was even warmer and broader than she had imagined.

Lu Yanbai, afraid she would fall, almost instinctively raised his hands to catch her.

Seeing his arms open, Xu Yeyu couldn’t help but wrap her own hands around his waist.

Lu Yanbai: “…”