Lend Me Your Shoulder - Chapter 31
Chapter 31
The night was long and serene, moonlight hung suspended in the branches, about to fall but not yet.
The person in Lu Yanbai’s arms was restless, her finger still tapping his cheek, her toes slightly curled. The moonlight cast gentle, dim shadows on her face.
He didn’t mention that this was actually the first time he had held anyone other than family.
Perhaps it was the beautiful moonlight tonight, or her unusual docility and unreasonableness, that made him exceptionally reach out his hand.
Xu Yeyu murmured, repeating what she had just said, her eyes half-closed and blurry, her words slurred, her tongue pressed against her soft palate: “How come… dimples…”
Lu Yanbai finally came back to his senses, resumed his steps, and found the space to reply to her: “…I don’t have dimples.”
Upon hearing his reply, she became even more uninhibited, resting her head on his shoulder: “You don’t have dimples, so how did I get drunk?”
“…”
He was dumbfounded: “You got drunk on me?”
“Yes,” she seemed to have a good point, rolling her head on his shoulder, then lifting her face, “I just want to sleep after drinking.”
“…………”
He lowered his gaze, his shadow moving slowly with him. Her skirt swayed in the wind, lightly brushing against his fingers.
Xu Yeyu extended her finger again, tapping his cheek.
Tap once, release, then tap a second time.
Three taps, four taps, five taps…
Finally, she stopped, Xu Yeyu released her finger, looked at his cheek, and smiled infatuatedly: “Now you do.”
“Do what?”
“Dimples.”
She was beaming with pride.
He was too lazy to reason with a drunk person, just curved his lips and said nothing.
Until he placed her in the passenger seat, she was still a little reluctant, her hand hooked around his neck.
Lu Yanbai braced his hand on the back of the passenger seat, bent over and unable to move back, facing her in this small space.
“Xu Yeyu,” he finally couldn’t help but call her name, “You should let go now, I need to get out.”
“I don’t want to.” She whined.
Lu Yanbai attempted to reason with the drunkard: “It’s late, you should go back to sleep.”
“I don’t want to.” It would be strange if a drunkard could listen.
He parted his lips, seemed to struggle for a moment, swallowed the words that were stuck in his throat, and after a few attempts, finally raised his hand to stroke the top of her head, uttering a sound almost like coaxing—
“Good girl.”
She looked up at him, slowly blinked, the corners of her eyes gently curving, the light filtered by her eyelashes like a fanned-out image.
“Unless… unless you…”
“Hmm?”
“Unless you call me ‘baby’.”
“…”
“Xu Yeyu.”
Xu Yeyu saw that this unreasonable request didn’t work and backed down: “Then, Yuyu is fine too.”
He truly had no choice; he couldn’t confront a drunk head-on, so he could only resort to a gentle approach.
“Alright,” Lu Yanbai took her hand from around his neck, “Sit comfortably for a bit, we’ll be home soon.”
She lay restlessly in the seat, her expression troubled: “I want you to hold me.”
Lu Yanbai looked at Xu Yeyu, who had regressed almost to the age of six when drunk, closed the car door, and got into the driver’s seat: “How can I hold you now? Should you sit on my lap?”
Xu Yeyu nodded vigorously: “Okay!”
“…”
…
The next day, not surprisingly, Xu Yeyu woke up clutching a tie.
She threw back the covers and got out of bed, a hangover like a pool of water, making her head feel heavy and dizzy.
Pinching her temples, Xu Yeyu felt thirsty and went to the living room to pour a glass of water.
Xiang Wei sat on the sofa, arms crossed, watching her.
“You’re awake?”
“Yeah, what time is it?”
“Half past eleven.”
“Did I sleep that long?” Xu Yeyu put down the glass and then looked at the tie in her hand. “So what’s this? Did I play ‘bondage play’ with someone last night?”
Xiang Wei almost rolled her eyes again: “Don’t pretend with me. Don’t you have a clue whose this is?”
Xu Yeyu tried hard to remember.
“Whose is it? I really don’t remember.”
She stared at the tie for a long time: “…Looks like Professor Lu’s.”
“It’s not ‘looks like,’ it is Professor Lu’s.”
“…”
“Why did Professor Lu come yesterday?” Xu Yeyu remembered seeing him, but the sequence of events was blurry. “Did he specially come to pick me up?”
“No, you sent him your location and specifically forced him to come pick you up.”
“And then I pulled his tie off?”
“I don’t know about that,” Xiang Wei said. “When I came back, you were already lying in bed, with a basin and half a cup of warm water next to you. You were already clutching a tie then. I guess Professor Lu took care of you, and you probably even fleeced him a bit.”
“For specifics, you can ask Professor Lu,” Xiang Wei said.
…
Xu Yeyu sent Lu Yanbai a message, using the excuse of “returning the tie” to arrange a meeting at a Western restaurant.
While waiting for him, Xu Yeyu, bored, opened yesterday’s chat history, wanting to see how she had summoned him.
She had initially thought she had shamelessly sent a long paragraph, spending a long time convincing Lu Yanbai to come. But when she opened the chat box, she had only sent one sentence—
【I’m wasted, coming to pick me up?】
Followed by her hotel’s location.
Xu Yeyu: “…”
She actually only sent eight words, and Professor Lu came over??
The sober Xu Yeyu still couldn’t believe it, let alone how shocked the drunk Xu Yeyu must have been at the time.
She looked up, and across the table, the male protagonist who was coming to pick her up had already walked over, led by the waiter.
Lu Yanbai was wearing a light blue shirt today, without a tie, looking very casual and relaxed.
This color, coupled with the lighting, gave Xu Yeyu the illusion that colorful auspicious clouds would appear around him in the next second.
Today, Professor Lu carried a clean, youthful air. This clean aura did not contradict his composure; instead, it was unexpectedly harmonious and comfortable.
Like an immortal.
As soon as he sat down, he heard Xu Yeyu ask him, “Did you sleep well last night, Professor?”
Lu Yanbai paused for a moment, then closed his eyes: “Not bad.”
“This…” Xu Yeyu took a small box from beside her, opened it, and inside was his tie. “Is this your tie?”
Lu Yanbai glanced at it, and the events of last night flooded his mind.
He had taken her home, asked where her room was, settled her in, given her hot water to drink, and even wrung out a towel to wipe her face. As he was about to leave, his tie was tugged.
She didn’t say anything, just closed her eyes and stubbornly refused to let go, then asked him a question.
The tie was crumpled in her hand, she clutched it so hard that her fingertips were pale pink.
He thought at the time that perhaps drunk people needed something to hold onto for a sense of security, so he left the tie with her.
…
Clearly, Xu Yeyu, unaware of all this, was starting to doubt herself.
“I didn’t do anything excessive to you last night, did I?”
Lu Yanbai shook his head and said very naturally, “No.”
As the words left his mouth, he paused for half a second.
…No?
She had done so many seemingly unreasonable things last night, and yet, in his subconscious, none of it seemed to matter.
He was surprised that his principles were so lenient with her, almost to the point of indulgence.
Xu Yeyu noticed his momentary hesitation and felt a vague sense of trepidation, wondering what she had done to make Professor Lu show such an expression.
The waiter standing nearby heard snatches of conversation: “Did you sleep well last night?” “Was I excessive last night?”
After thinking for a moment, he took out his work phone and called a name on the list: “Table eight, send a non-single person to take their order.”
“What’s wrong?”
He forced a polite smile, gritting his teeth, “I don’t want to stand here; it’s too much dog abuse.”
…
As the meal was nearing its end, Xu Yeyu saw some shimmering objects appear at the entrance.
Looking up, many people held glow sticks of various shapes, especially noticeable in the night.
“Did they buy them somewhere?” she murmured to herself.
A passing waiter replied, “We’re giving them away. Today there’s a lucky draw event. If your consumption reaches a certain amount, you can draw gifts like glow sticks, bracelets, necklaces, and so on. The person in charge of the draw is currently in the next section; they’ll probably come over soon. If you meet the requirements, you can draw.”
Xu Yeyu nodded understandingly: “So that’s how it is. Thank you.”
…
Sure enough, after a while, a waiter pushed a small cart over.
Before he even reached their table, two girls ran over and asked if they could draw.
“Excuse me, this activity is only for couples. The regular activity is drawn at the front desk.”
“Is there an activity at the front desk too?”
“Yes, for non-couples, it’s a voucher drawing activity.”
“No customized glow sticks?”
“That’s right. Due to our store tradition, the customized ones are only for couples’ lucky draws.”
The two girls nodded and went to the front desk.
Xu Yeyu retracted her gaze, meeting Lu Yanbai’s unexpectedly.
She wanted that glow stick, but it seemed like only couples could draw it…
From the looks of it, everyone would definitely think they were a couple. It would be fine to pretend, but she was just afraid Lu Yanbai wouldn’t be willing…
He must have heard the conversation between the waiter and the girls just now.
The cart was getting closer and closer.
Xu Yeyu swallowed, her fingers unconsciously rubbing the placemat.
“How to perfectly salvage the situation after Professor Lu says they’re not a couple?”
Xu Yeyu began to ponder this question in her mind.
“Hello—” The enthusiastic waiter stepped forward, “We have a couple’s lucky draw here. Would you two like to participate?”
After all, he had just heard a colleague in the back room lamenting the utterly miserable treatment they’d endured there.
Lu Yanbai glanced at Xu Yeyu.
Every cell in Xu Yeyu’s body tensed up, and countless answers flashed through her mind.
Lu Yanbai: “Want one?”
Xu Yeyu didn’t expect this reply: “Huh?”
“I saw you seemed to like this earlier,” Lu Yanbai said. “If you want one, we’ll draw once.”
We… draw once…
Xu Yeyu’s eyes suddenly lit up, and her pulse pounded wildly in her neck.
She never expected him not to refuse, and to say those two words: “we.”
Seeing that she hadn’t answered, Lu Yanbai reached out first and took something out of the box.
“Which one do you want?”
Xu Yeyu looked at him: “Can I still choose? I want the one shaped like a ram’s horn!”
After rummaging through the box for a moment, Lu Yanbai took out a box.
Xu Yeyu opened it, and it was indeed the one she wanted. She pressed the switch, and the light purple outline glowed brightly under the light.
The waiter was also surprised, and he smiled slightly at Xu Yeyu: “Your boyfriend is amazing; he can draw whatever you want.”
“…”
Xu Yeyu opened her mouth, feeling like saying yes wasn’t right, and saying no wasn’t right either. After a long moment, she nodded: “Right?”
This “right?” was perfectly delivered, conveying both “perhaps he is my boyfriend” and “he might not be my boyfriend.” After saying it, Xu Yeyu thought it was brilliant.
…
Leaving the restaurant, the city lights were just coming on, and neon signs illuminated the sleepless city.
Xu Yeyu swayed the glow stick in her hand, enjoying the cool night breeze, and narrowed her eyes contentedly.
Thinking about last night, she felt it was necessary to express her gratitude. So, she turned to Lu Yanbai: “Um… thank you for your trouble last night.”
He said faintly: “It’s nothing.”
“Maybe because I was too drunk at the time, I felt a bit uncertain, so I thought of looking for you…” She slowed her steps. “Perhaps subconsciously, I felt that you, Professor, were particularly reliable.”
Lu Yanbai glanced at her in the dim light of night, his voice soft and deep: “I know.”
She smiled, staring at her feet as she walked forward, lost in thought.
After an unknown amount of time, the man spoke: “If there are similar situations in the future, and you feel that others are untrustworthy, you can come to me.”
She looked up at him.
He continued: “Similarly, if you don’t want to confide in others, you can also tell me.”
Lu Yanbai remembered last night, when she tugged on his tie, and with a half-drunk, half-sober voice, she slowly and deliberately asked him: “Do you believe me?”
At that moment, her voice expressed a unique kind of bewilderment and determination, a fragility like looking at an amber specimen—you know it’s fragile, but it’s also stronger than anything else.
He didn’t know what she was asking.
But he thought, as long as she asked that, then his answer would be the same as what he was about to say at this moment—
“I believe you.”
Xu Yeyu stopped walking.
Suddenly, like seeing fireworks, her heart began to explode with myriad sensations.
She smiled: “So that’s why you came to pick me up last night?”
You thought I was really drunk and needed you, so you came?
He frowned: “Didn’t you say before that drinking causes trouble? I came because I was afraid something else might happen to you.”
When the Bana incident happened, in the car, her expression when she said “drinking causes trouble” was full of remorse, as if she had suffered many losses from being drunk.
It was because of that thought that he came.
Xu Yeyu nodded: “So you were afraid something might happen to me again.”
After walking a bit further, she suddenly spoke without warning: “Professor, do you know why I’m so reluctant to drink and feel insecure when I get drunk?”
She had never told anyone the reason behind this.
She thought perhaps it was because she hadn’t talked to anyone for too long, and because Lu Yanbai had just said he believed her, at this moment, an unprecedented, strong urge to confide in him burst forth.
Perhaps it was him who made her feel completely at ease and able to trust.
Lu Yanbai looked at her: “Why?”
Xu Yeyu stopped, standing under the streetlamp, and began to speak, rubbing her hands in the evening breeze.
“I told you about my cousin, right? He’s really good at writing sci-fi novels.”
“The year before last, he was sixteen, at the peak of his popularity. Our family was very happy on his birthday, and so was I.”
“I remember drinking a lot that day. Later, the adults played cards, and we both went into a room to play. After we came out, his emotional state was off. From mild depression, it became severe. He was depressed every day, couldn’t write anything, and never produced any more works.”
Lu Yanbai paused: “No more works?”
Xu Yeyu nodded: “He hasn’t written any short stories or novellas in the past two years, let alone novels. Plus, he dropped out of school early to become a full-time writer, so the family is under a lot of pressure.”
“His parents were very anxious and all thought it was my fault, believing that I was jealous he wrote better than me, so I found a way to harm him. They said a lot of excessive things to him in the darkroom, which caused him to become like this afterward.”
“And I was drunk. I don’t remember what happened at all. But even if I don’t remember anything, I still feel like I wouldn’t do such a thing. How could I be jealous of him? He had achievements; I was too happy for him.”
Lu Yanbai: “Did you ask the person involved?”
“I tried asking my cousin, but as soon as I brought up the darkroom, he would lose control. Fearing it would hurt his emotions, over time, that topic became forbidden territory for him.”
“Her mother pressured me, saying that if I wasn’t feeling guilty, and not trying to suppress his brilliance, I should immediately write a better work to prove it. I was eager to clear my name, so I opened a document that day to write a new story—but the more I wanted to prove myself, the less I could write.”
Lu Yanbai lowered his brows and analyzed: “Trying too hard is counterproductive. What can truly free you is the truth of the entire incident at the time.”
“I know,” Xu Yeyu nodded. “So I stopped forcing myself to write novels. For the past two years, I’ve been looking for the beginning and end of what happened.”
“Professor, do you know why I study psychology?”
Lu Yanbai looked at her.
“I want to understand Jiang Zhou, to help him get over this emotional cold, to let him know that this illness isn’t scary and that he shouldn’t avoid it.”
Xu Yeyu knew that even if he was cured, Jiang Zhou might or might not be willing to talk about what happened that year.
But regardless of whether he was willing to speak, her original intention remained unchanged: she wanted him to recover.
And because of that incident, she developed an instinctive aversion to drinking.
…
The evening breeze was still gently blowing. After a long moment, Lu Yanbai moved closer to her and softly said, “Hmm, you’re very good.”
She had been calmly stating the facts, but hearing his unexpected reassurance, she felt a sudden pang of bittersweet emotion.
Xu Yeyu blinked, hugging her arms: “I really don’t envy Jiang Zhou, never have, never will. What we write isn’t even the same genre, there’s no comparison. We’re both well-known authors in our respective fields; I couldn’t possibly have any motive to harm him.”
“But… but I’ve forgotten everything. I’ve forgotten everything in that darkroom. I don’t know what a person says when they’re drunk. Would I have said things I didn’t mean? Would I have said something that affected Jiang Zhou without realizing it? Would I, when I was unconscious…”
She both believed and doubted herself.
She suddenly looked at Lu Yanbai: “Professor, you’re so smart. Tell me, when a person is drunk, do they say things they didn’t intend to say?”
Lu Yanbai gazed into her beautiful eyes.
Nowhere in a psychology textbook did it discuss the question she was asking. Everything about human nature is inherently variable, almost unsolvable.
But he, who was always extremely rational and never emotional, was, at this moment, no longer objective.
“I don’t know about others,” his voice was deep, drawing in the vast moonlight, “but you wouldn’t.”
“Really?” She looked up, still seeking that last shred of security from him.
Just as a person exposes their most vulnerable side to those they trust the most.
She was the same at this moment.
The wind rustled her skirt, making her look like she wanted to be embraced.
He nodded: “Really.”
After sitting on the bench for a while, the two stood up and left.
She couldn’t quite describe the feeling, but Xu Yeyu let out a long sigh, feeling as if a heavy stone that had been weighing on her heart had finally been lifted.
Waving the glow stick as she walked, Xu Yeyu’s hand slipped, and the ram’s horn of the glow stick grazed her neck.
“Hiss,” she frowned, feeling a stinging sensation on her neck. Covering her neck, she dramatically asked Lu Yanbai, “Professor, check if my neck is hurt?”
“How can I see if you’re covering your neck?”
“Oh.”
She released her fingers and raised her chin.
Lu Yanbai lowered his gaze and said, “There’s a red mark.”
“A red mark?” Xu Yeyu nervously swallowed, looking straight ahead, “Is it serious?”
“It’s fine.”
“I can’t even see what it looks like,” she sounded a bit anxious. “Should I put some medicine on it or something?”
“No need. If it hurts, just put a band-aid on it.”
It was just a small wound, no need to overreact.
“But… don’t I need to disinfect it?” Xu Yeyu said. “I’m afraid the wound will get infected. When my hand bleeds, I usually just put it in my mouth and then apply a band-aid or something, but now the wound is on my neck, and I can’t reach it myself…”
Lu Yanbai saw her so agitated over a small wound, the previous sentimental atmosphere completely gone, and he was both amused and speechless: “Then what? You want me to put it in my mouth for you?”
It was clearly a rhetorical question, meant to convey his amusement at her overreaction, but the three words “I help you” completely changed their meaning in Xu Yeyu’s ears.
Xu Yeyu blinked, licked her lips, her eyes sparkling with light, and asked expectantly: “…Can you?”
Lu Yanbai: “…”