Let's Do Some Questions - Chapter 99

Before she was six, Song Qinglan had always believed she was happy. Although her father’s health wasn’t good, their family life was harmonious and warm.

Compared to her mother, who was often away from home busy with work, her father spent more time with her. He celebrated her birthdays, took her to amusement parks, played the piano with her, and she drew portraits of him. In Song Qinglan’s eyes, he was the most perfect and gentle person in the world.

This contrast made her mother, who wasn’t often present in her life, seem more like a shadow. Her father often told her to understand her mother’s busyness, to respect and love her, because her mother was busy for their sake and for many others. Song Qinglan was always obedient and admired her mother in her heart.

But all the good things in the world seemed so fragile, as if struck at the most critical point in an unguarded moment, then shattering into pieces.

Her father’s illness seemed to be neither improving nor worsening. Song Qinglan would worry, but she felt he could still be with her for a long time. But when that moment came, she knew that even her father, who loved her most, couldn’t accompany her for much longer.

In the last moment before her father lost consciousness, he was still holding her hand.

Song Qinglan couldn’t forget that moment. Just a moment before, he was holding her hand, praising how good her drawing was, planning what they would do together tomorrow. The next moment, he collapsed and never opened his eyes again.

Her mother rushed back, remained silent for a long time, and finally just stroked her hair, telling her to be strong.

From that time on, Song Qinglan realized she wasn’t actually that happy. And with her father’s departure, the sunlight shining on her no longer felt warm.

She stood in the mourning hall, feeling as if she had been abandoned by everyone.

It was at this time that Tong Yiran entered Song Qinglan’s life.

When Tong Yiran approached her, Song Qinglan was very annoyed, extremely annoyed. She didn’t want anyone to disturb her at all. She just wanted to run to a place where no one could see her and wait for someone who would never return.

But Tong Yiran was too persistent and even told Song Qinglan her own story.

After hearing it, Song Qinglan didn’t actually feel much relief. Tong Yiran’s past sorrow didn’t make her feel better by thinking she wasn’t alone. However, Tong Yiran’s presence did give her less time to dwell on sad things.

Song Qinglan had always been a quiet and gentle child, until her father’s death brought a frost to her face. Then, the addition of a new member caused Song Qinglan to completely break down.

It had only been three months. Song Qinglan was only six at the time. She angrily accused her mother, no longer wanting to admire her. What her father had said was wrong; her mother wasn’t doing it for them, but for herself.

But how could she fight against her mother? She watched numbly as the new member joined. Even though he had a smile on his face, Song Qinglan still found him hypocritical and detestable. She even felt nauseous when she saw her mother.

But Song Zici only thought it was a small emotional outburst due to her not adjusting. During that time, Song Qinglan never called her “Mother.”

She wanted to leave this place, no longer wanting to face all this. Besides her grandfather, she couldn’t find any other way to leave home.

But her grandfather told her she couldn’t. If she left, then that home would no longer belong to her. The traces of her father’s existence would be erased. Her mother could then forget her former husband with a clearer conscience. Everything she was supposed to inherit would belong to someone else, even though that person hadn’t been born yet. And it had only been three months since her father’s death when her mother remarried; they must have had feelings for each other before her father passed away.

Her grandfather asked her, “Can you allow everything that belongs to you and your father to be taken away by others just like that?”

Of course not.

In the end, Song Qinglan decided to stay at home. She would use her very presence to remind her mother and her new husband day and night that someone else had once existed in this family.

From then on, Song Qinglan closed herself off. She still pretended to be obedient, diligently studying many things. Even when Tong Yiran came to say goodbye, saying she was about to move to another city, Song Qinglan showed no emotion.

A year later, another new member was added to the family. Her mother named her ‘Song Man,’ hoping she would have a happy and fulfilling life.

Song Qinglan utterly detested this child, still in swaddling clothes and completely unaware of the world’s malice. She knew this child would one day take away what originally belonged to her.

Her grandfather gave her an idea, telling her what the best course of action was.

Song Qinglan was actually very resistant. Towards someone she didn’t like and didn’t even acknowledge as her sister, she couldn’t express any affection or fondness.

But gradually, she felt this method wasn’t bad.

Her mother, whose work had been delayed by childbirth, quickly threw herself back into work after recovering. Her stepfather, whom she refused to acknowledge, was her mother’s assistant and also had to be busy with her. The little life, only a few months old, was raised by a nanny.

She seemed even more pitiful than herself. At least she once had a father, but Song Man’s father wasn’t always with her. Without the traces of those two people, Song Man looked much more agreeable to Song Qinglan.

She felt Song Man was really carefree, evident even when she was a baby. She didn’t cry or fuss for her parents, just ate and slept, only crying when hungry or needing a diaper change. The nanny said she was the easiest child she had ever taken care of. All the servants in the villa liked this little child, except for Song Qinglan.

Alright, Song Qinglan admitted, she was only a tiny bit agreeable.

She watched the child go from crawling to walking. The first word she learned was ‘Jie’. After learning to walk, she would stumble towards her, making Song Qinglan’s feelings towards her even more complicated. Every day, she told herself this person had nothing to do with her, yet she was helplessly sinking deeper.

Song Qinglan told everyone how much she doted on this younger sister, and everyone believed her. Her grandfather even specifically told her to stay clear-headed.

Song Qinglan’s heart gradually grew cold. The anniversary of her father’s death was the day she detested Song Man the most, especially when looking at Song Man’s innocent, smiling face, which made her feel even more powerless.

What Song Qinglan didn’t expect was that Tong Yiran, who had left, returned a few years later, still pestering her as before, seemingly unbothered by her coldness.

Tong Yiran knew her pain, so she was somewhat surprised by how good Song Qinglan was to Song Man. Whenever Song Qinglan met her gaze, she wanted to escape, as if she was wronging her father and also wronging that child.

Song Qinglan started refusing Tong Yiran’s invitations, but one out of ten times, Tong Yiran would manage to catch her.

“Why do you always avoid me?”

At that time, Tong Yiran was only thirteen, wearing a shirt and jeans, with a ponytail, and a lollipop in her mouth. Her height and worldly experience made her seem much more mature than other thirteen-year-olds. The hand gripping hers was firm and warm.

“Do you hate me?”

Song Qinglan shook her head. She just didn’t know how to face it, nor was she used to people getting close anymore.

If it had been anyone else, they would have given up long ago, but she had met Tong Yiran.

Song Qinglan had seen Tong Yiran’s arrogant and domineering young lady side, and also her silly, giggling side when she pulled her along to watch fireworks. She had seen Tong Yiran’s calm demeanor when kidnapped, and also Tong Yiran’s helpless cries when she (Song Qinglan) was injured.

To her, Tong Yiran was a very special existence.

She knew all her pain and also brought her much joy.

But when Tong Yiran was about to leave again, Song Qinglan still didn’t ask her to stay.

“I’m going abroad. As long as you ask me not to go, I won’t go, Qinglan…”

Tong Yiran gently shook her hand, and even the sun that day seemed dazzling.

“If it’s more beneficial for you, why not go?”

“You know that’s not what I want to hear. Why are you always like this? Benefits can’t weigh everything. Why can’t you do something just because you like it?”

For liking?

Song Qinglan’s mind was blank.

The things she had always been doing weren’t because she liked them, but because they were necessary. Now, that necessity had become her habit, an inseparable part of her life, seemingly impossible to detach.

She had put on a mask, and she didn’t know how much truth was hidden beneath it.

Tong Yiran still left. In the year she was gone, Song Qinglan’s plan seemed to have a breakthrough. The child she had always “doted” on seemed to be developing in the direction she hoped for, but Song Qinglan couldn’t feel happy at all, even tasting bitterness on her tongue.

Song Qinglan watched Song Man gradually become someone everyone disapproved of, yet her heart grew increasingly anxious.

She wanted to raise a formidable caged bird, one that would earn praise but not cross a certain line. But this was too difficult, and Song Qinglan was very conflicted.

A few years later, when Tong Yiran reappeared by Song Qinglan’s side, she had an air that Song Qinglan found unfamiliar and dangerous. Yet, at times, Song Qinglan felt she hadn’t changed, still the same as always.

Tong Yiran started talking to her about common topics, sharing her life. Song Qinglan somewhat yearned for that kind of uninhibitedness but still kept herself confined in her shell.

Song Qinglan considered Tong Yiran a friend, tacitly allowing her into her territory. She had thought it would be a story of lasting friendship, but one day it derailed.

That night was indulgent and absurd. Song Qinglan deliberately didn’t try to stay sober, immersing herself in the warmth felt when they embraced.

The unfamiliar pleasure, the depth in Tong Yiran’s eyes, made her heart palpitate.

After that, their relationship became even more complicated.

Song Qinglan didn’t know if she loved Tong Yiran, but she knew she needed Tong Yiran.

Amidst the conflicts with Song Man and her family, Tong Yiran was her only spiritual solace. She could pull her out of her suffering and give her the care of being loved.

Once, in bed, Tong Yiran again asked the question she had asked many times but Song Qinglan had never answered.

That time, as if by some strange impulse, Song Qinglan answered, and received Tong Yiran’s ecstatic joy.

Infected by that foolishly happy smile, Song Qinglan couldn’t help but smile too.

Because of love, her previously gray world seemed to have gained some vibrant colors.

But this joy didn’t last too long.

Song Man’s sudden confrontation made Song Qinglan lose all will to resist.

The weariness that welled up in her heart and the panic of being discovered and fearing loss made her feel dejected about everything around her. She locked herself in her room, just like that night many years ago when she lost her father. Then, she ridiculously realized that when she made her decision, she might have already lost the possibility of having Song Man’s familial affection; she had never truly possessed it.

All pretense and hypocrisy were torn away. Song Qinglan reverted to her indifferent demeanor. Besides Tong Yiran, there seemed to be nothing particularly interesting.

The night her relationship was discovered was very sudden, or perhaps her mother had already sensed it before then.

Song Qinglan knelt in the study, listening to her mother’s uncomprehending rebukes, without saying a word. She had no strength to speak, nor did she want to argue or even communicate with this person.

“It’s not that you can’t play around privately, but why provoke a Tong Yiran? Her reputation isn’t good. Moreover, you are the future successor of the Song Group. Break up, and then find a new, suitable partner.”

Song Zici’s words made Song Qinglan laugh in anger. She always issued commands with such an unquestionable air, which Song Qinglan found extremely repulsive. She was no longer that six-year-old child who only knew how to cry; she had the right to decide her own life.

“If Dad were still alive, he would definitely want me to live happily, right?”

“What does this have to do with your father?”

“Yeah, it has nothing to do with him. It’s been over ten years, you’ve long forgotten him, haven’t you? You’re so busy, how could you remember a dead person?”

“Song Qinglan! That’s not what I’m discussing with you! Besides, I don’t think I’ve wronged your father in any way. Why do you have to bring it up now?”

“Yes, you have a clear conscience.”

Song Qinglan murmured. In the end, she was the only one affected and pained by it. Her grandfather didn’t care at all; she was the only one who cared.

Listening to the repeated emphasis on what a successor should do, Song Qinglan felt very tired.

She had never done this because she liked it; she had always been shaping herself into a qualified successor. And now, reality told her that if she wanted to obtain one thing, she had to give up another.

Why was she always forced to choose, to face these things? If she had left back then, not participated in Song Man’s upbringing, if none of it had anything to do with her, would she have been free to choose what she wanted to do, instead of living so lifelessly now?

“You reflect on this properly. I hope you can make the right choice. The Song Group doesn’t have to be you; you’re not the only option. Everything you have now was given by me. Think it through carefully.”

Song Qinglan twitched the corner of her mouth, watching her mother slam the door and leave.

After she left, Song Qinglan stood up, rubbed her knees, and sat in her mother’s usual office chair, tracing the grain of the desk with her fingers, silent for a long time.

Suddenly, her phone rang. The call was from Tong Yiran.

Song Qinglan thought she might have sensed something and answered the phone.

“What do you want to eat tonight? I’ll make your favorite dishes, okay? Waiting for you to come back.”

Even though Tong Yiran tried her best to remain calm, Song Qinglan, who knew her so well, still detected the tremor in her voice.

“My mom told me to choose between you and the Song Group.”

Song Qinglan got straight to the point. Panicked words immediately came from the other end.

“Qinglan, I know your long-standing goal, but I can… we can do it together. Without the Song Group, I can give you mine. We can even start something stronger together. I can give it to you, we together, Qinglan… Don’t…”

Tong Yiran’s voice was rushed, her words jumbled.

Song Qinglan didn’t speak. This silence seemed to be killing the person on the other end.

“Song Qinglan… don’t give up on me… Song Qinglan… okay?… Don’t give up on me… I’m begging you.”

There was a sob in Tong Yiran’s voice, reminding Song Qinglan of the afternoon she and Tong Yiran were kidnapped together.

She had been implicated because of Tong Yiran. The kidnappers, discovered before they left, wanted to harm Tong Yiran. Song Qinglan shielded her and fell to the ground.

Tong Yiran had held her and cried continuously, looking terribly ugly.

Tong Yiran crying now must also look very ugly.

“Wait for me to come home for dinner.”

Song Qinglan spoke, and then heard silence from the other end, followed by the sound of someone laughing through tears.

“Really? You promise!”

“When have I ever lied to you?”

“You always lied to me when we were kids.”

“That was so long ago, and you still remember?”

“Of course! I remember everything about you. Then I’ll wait for you to come back.”

“Mm.”

Song Qinglan hung up the phone, looked at the desk, and suddenly let out a laugh.

The laugh contained disdain and sarcasm, but also a sense of release from the past.

She stood up, left the desk without any lingering attachment, stood by the window looking at the scenery outside, and thought about many things she had never considered before.

Miraculously, things she hadn’t understood for over twenty years, she figured out in just half an hour. Her mind was clearer than ever before. Song Qinglan let out a breath of stale air and even leisurely smoothed the wrinkles on her clothes.

When Song Zici entered the study again, she saw Song Qinglan’s calm and composed expression and was somewhat surprised.

“Have you thought it through?”

“I’ve made my decision.”

Before the smile on her mother’s face could fully form, Song Qinglan stated her decision.

“I will leave the Song Group.”

“What do you mean?”

Song Zici was both shocked and angry; clearly, this was beyond her expectations.

“Didn’t you tell me to consider carefully and make a choice?”

“Do you know what this action of yours represents? Without me, you wouldn’t have anything you have now. Are you sure you want to choose this?”

Song Zici’s face was terrifyingly cold. The aura of a powerful businesswoman who dominated the commercial world pressed down on Song Qinglan. Song Qinglan’s expression didn’t change much; she just looked at Song Zici coolly and then curved her lips.

“I’m sure.”

It wasn’t that Song Qinglan hadn’t thought about making a clean break, but she was unwilling.

In her heart, she had long lost any filial affection for Song Zici. Once she walked out this door, all she would have left was gratitude for raising her, and nothing else.

Song Qinglan wasn’t even willing to feel resentment anymore; it was completely unnecessary.

Song Qinglan saw Song Zici’s fury, but she remained calm.

“Fine, your wings have hardened now. I’d like to see what you can achieve without my protection.”

Song Zici said her piece, feeling somewhat powerless, pushed open the door, and left.

Song Qinglan also pushed open the door and left, seeing Song Man standing there.

She didn’t meet her gaze, just brushed past her.

Look at all this, how ironic, how laughable.

Song Qinglan walked out of the house, and suddenly the burden in her heart felt empty, light and airy.

She drove home. Before she could open the door, it was opened from the inside.

Tong Yiran was wearing her favorite long dress and hugged her as she came in.

In this relationship, from an outsider’s perspective, it seemed like she was leading Tong Yiran. Tong Yiran had given a lot for her, followed her footsteps, and was inseparable from her.

But only Song Qinglan herself knew that in this relationship, it was she who couldn’t be without Tong Yiran.

“Actually, I was a bit worried, but I can’t believe you actually chose me.”

Tong Yiran had accompanied Song Qinglan for so long, knew her pain and unwillingness, knew her obsessions and desires. So when she received this news, she was afraid she would be abandoned by Song Qinglan.

After all, she felt she wasn’t a necessity for Song Qinglan. Song Qinglan seemed like a very cold person; this coldness made her keep a distance from everyone. Only when they were intimately close, when Tong Yiran was pressed deep against her, did she feel she could sense her warmth.

But Song Qinglan always seemed to give her unexpected surprises, making her feel how important she was. Just like the kidnapping when she was eleven. She thought she had just unilaterally become good friends with Song Qinglan through her own chattering, as Song Qinglan rarely spoke or responded, even avoiding her. But she never expected Song Qinglan to suddenly rush forward and take that knife for her. How could she not be infatuated with this person?

“Of course, I choose you. What happened to your hand?”

Song Qinglan rubbed her knees and frowned when she saw the bandage on Tong Yiran’s hand.

“I just accidentally cut it, but it’s okay, it doesn’t affect anything!”

My abilities are perfectly fine!

How could Song Qinglan not understand what she was referring to? Her eyelid twitched.

“I’ll go back and tell my mom I’ll choose again.”

“No way, once you’ve chosen me, there are no returns.”

Tong Yiran hugged Song Qinglan’s waist, encircling her in her arms.

Tong Yiran had wanted to celebrate, but was ruthlessly pushed away by Song Qinglan. Song Qinglan stayed up all night writing proposals and plans, sent everything she was currently handling to her assistant, and also sent a resignation letter to Song Zici.

After finishing everything, she leaned back in her chair, looking out at Qingcheng at three in the morning through the still-open window.

In one’s life, one should do something just because they like it.