Little T Lurking in the Beauty Salon, What's the Purpose of All the Flirting? - Chapter 1

Hearing me cry, Lao Mi withdrew her hand from inside my clothes, but she didn’t let go of me, instead pulling me into a tight embrace. I struggled free, shouting, Lao Mi, what the hell are you doing?!

She frowned, touched her tongue to her lips, and said calmly, Say that again! Just try saying it again!

See? Life can be so utterly despairing. Where had all the tender, gentle Ts gone? Fine, I won’t curse anymore. I want to go home, I don’t want to trigger Lao Mi’s adrenal glands, and I definitely don’t want to be forcibly penetrated.

So, instead of the usual barrage of questions—What do you mean by that?! Why are you doing this?! Are you crazy?! You shameless b1tch!—I straightened my clothes and said quietly, I want to go home.

She didn’t reply, but she grabbed me by the arm and dragged me to the bathroom door. Opening it, she said, Go wash your face.

I stood before the mirror, my makeup completely ruined, dark circles under my eyes, hair disheveled, radiating a ravaged beauty. A faint bloodstain lingered on my neck, left by Lao Mi’s tongue. I turned on the water and began washing it away, little by little. My mind was a mess—I felt guilty toward Xixi, disgusted with myself, and resentful for being used by a T I’d only met three times.

After washing, I didn’t want to leave the bathroom. Seeing cigarettes inside, I lit one and sat on the toilet. Yes, I began to replay the night’s events in my mind, reflecting on them. Two conclusions emerged first, I had wronged Xixi; second, I didn’t truly hate Lao Mi. Perhaps, deep down, I had accepted—even anticipated—tonight’s debauchery.

Putting it all together, it suddenly dawned on me I was the one who had sunk the lowest.

When I emerged from the bathroom, Lao Mi was leaning against the wall outside. Feeling more sober now? she asked.

Mm-hmm, I mumbled distractedly, grabbing my bag. After a moment’s hesitation, I turned back to Lao Mi and said, I bet you’ve done this to clients before. Let’s just stop here. Nothing happened between us.

She smiled at me. What else would you expect? What more do you want?

What more do I want? I want to fvck your grandpa! I cursed inwardly as I grabbed my bag and headed for the door. Then I heard Lao Mi call out, Get home early and get some sleep. Wait for my call.

A primal scream tore through my mind. No amount of wall-scratching or floor-pounding could capture the torment I felt at that moment. I couldn’t even tell if, while desperately wanting this whole thing to end, there wasn’t a tiny sliver of longing mixed in…

BUT! This man was utterly despicable, his depravity seeping into every crevice. If I were truly drawn to someone like him, I’d be willingly sinking into degradation, courting my own destruction, I’d be… Xixi… come kill me now!

Back home, sleep eluded me. I turned on my computer and logged onto an older lesbian group, where I posted this question What does it mean if you’re obsessed with a T’s violent behavior, or addicted to irresponsible flirtation and sadistic games?

In the dead of night, my question went unanswered in the group. Clutching my throbbing head, I went to take a shower. Staring at my reflection in the mirror, I began to miss Xixi’s biting and rough handling. Closing my eyes, I even started fantasizing about what Lao Mi would be like—gentle or even more relentless, driving me to climax through pain.

I lingered until the hot water gradually cooled. Opening my eyes, I couldn’t help but laugh at myself. Such a fickle heart, aren’t I?

Returning to my computer, the replies nearly blinded me. One person wrote This sounds like a psychological issue. You should see a therapist. Another asked Have you been hurt before? Someone else commented You’re emotionally stunted, so you seek validation through physical and mental stimulation. The consensus You’re sick!

Reading these responses, I silently resolved that if this was truly some rare condition, I would take Xixi and Lao Mi to the doctor together. After all, they were definitely just as sick as I was.