Long Time No See (GL) - Chapter 23

Grey clouds pressed down on the gloomy sky, causing the air pressure across Xuan’an to drop abruptly. An indifferent wind sharply brushed across Gu Weiran’s forehead. She wandered aimlessly through the streets and alleys, completely unaware that the weather had changed until cold raindrops hit her face, giving her a slight jolt of awareness.

Looking up at the sky, the white clouds were gone, and black clouds covered the top, heavy like her heart.

The biting cold wind was like the roar of a beast, tearing at Gu Weiran’s heart. She had never felt such heartache as she did now; the thought of what Yun Shu had said was completely heartbreaking.

The cold rain lashed down on Gu Weiran, yet she didn’t feel cold. Her whole body had lost sensation. Her heart was torn to shreds by Yun Shu, and she was filled with despair for the world.

The last time she ran out like this was when she learned that Yun Shu had become her stepmother. That time, she ran headlong, only to find Yun Shu following her when she stopped.

But this time, she wouldn’t be there, right?

Every few steps, Gu Weiran hesitated whether to look back. She hated it—hated her, yet still hoped.

She couldn’t possibly be there. Turning around would only lead to disappointment.

“Are you sick? Yes, you are sick.” She scoffed at herself, answering her own question. People on the road were rushing, but only she walked slowly, as if intending to use this rain to sober herself up.

Yet, she felt increasingly miserable, unable to stop thinking despite her wishes. The grievances in her heart rolled into a snowball, growing bigger and bigger.

Along the way, she witnessed the desolation and decay in the rain. She walked like a zombie, eventually finding herself back home.

Had this home lost all meaning the moment Yun Shu left?

She laughed wryly at herself, realizing she was still thinking about the woman who had just scolded her severely. She lowered her head, wiped the water from her face, and opened the door dejectedly.

“Eh, why are you back at this hour?” Su Qing had returned to pick up some things. She was surprised to see Gu Weiran back, and seeing her completely soaked, she quickly pulled her inside. “Why are you so drenched? Hurry up and take a shower and change.”

Gu Weiran stared blankly at Su Qing. The grievances she had bottled up inside poured out like floodwater. She suddenly embraced Su Qing and began to sob, tears flowing out like pearls from a broken string.

“It’s okay, it’s okay. Cry if you need to.” Su Qing gently stroked her back. In recent years, she hadn’t even seen Gu Weiran shed a tear, let alone cry so profusely.

Her crying wasn’t earth-shattering; it was quiet weeping, the quietest form of extreme sorrow.

After crying for a while, Gu Weiran gradually calmed down. Su Qing pushed her into the bathroom to shower and went to the kitchen to brew her some ginger tea.

Warm water poured down over her head. Gu Weiran felt an unprecedented soreness in her legs and feet. She hugged herself and squatted down.

She hated this version of herself, one whose entire world revolved around Yun Shu.

The Yun Shu of the past was gentle and kind, never losing her temper. But the one who returned this time was covered in thorns. Whenever Gu Weiran tried to get close, she would be pierced all over.

Why was it like this? Gu Weiran couldn’t understand.

Su Qing came out with the ginger tea and heard Gu Weiran’s phone ping. She glanced at it and saw Yun Shu’s name on the screen.

Su Qing was thoughtful. Could Weiran’s distress be related to Yun Shu?

The screen light gradually dimmed and turned black. Gu Weiran walked out wearing a bathrobe.

“Achoo!” She sniffed and shivered.

Su Qing handed her the ginger tea. “Drink some quickly to ward off the cold. What’s the difference between getting drenched in this weather and self-abuse?”

“The rain makes one sober. I wish I could knock myself out.” Gu Weiran held the ginger tea with a look of disappointment, her gaze somewhat vacant.

“What exactly happened? Are you willing to talk about it?” Su Qing asked.

Gu Weiran took a sip of the ginger tea, finding that even with sugar added, her heart couldn’t feel any sweetness.

The rain and the crying had calmed her down significantly. She began to recount the story: “I don’t know what I did wrong to make her so furious…”

Gu Weiran thoroughly narrated the entire sequence of events. She repeated Yun Shu’s words, which felt like sprinkling salt on an unhealed wound.

“Susu, tell me, am I a masochist?! Why did I have to meddle? She didn’t appreciate it at all. She said what she does is none of my business and thought I was being self-important. I must deserve this. It makes me so angry.” Gu Weiran’s face was flushed with anger. She lifted the ginger tea and drank it all.

Su Qing laughed out loud. “Gu Weiran, you are truly foolish.”

“What do you mean?”

“General Manager Yun must have been worried, which is why she said such hurtful things. The harsher her words, the more worried she was about you. Besides, you were wrong in this matter.”

Gu Weiran stared at her. “I’m asking you, whose side are you on? Where was I wrong? Besides, I didn’t infringe upon her in any way. It was beneficial to her, not harmful, alright?”

“You infringed upon her heart.”

“What?”

Su Qing rubbed Gu Weiran’s hand and said with a smile, “The reason is actually very simple: you like her.”

“What?!” Gu Weiran jumped up in shock. “What nonsense are you talking about? I’m asexual. I hate dating, resist marriage, and plan to stay single and unattached my entire life. You knew about this in college. How could I be a lesbian?”

“Calm down…” Su Qing narrowed her eyes. “In college, the number of times you mentioned Yun Shu to me was close to three digits. I’m familiar with all your past history with her.”

“Weren’t we just confiding in each other? You told me about the orphanage too.”

“It’s true that we were confiding in each other, but you rarely mentioned your parents. Your joy, happiness, disappointment, and even hatred were all about Yun Shu. Have you ever considered why you were so unable to accept her becoming your stepmother? The more you loathed it, the more you cared. Why did you care so much?”

Gu Weiran couldn’t answer that question.

Su Qing continued, “You like her, perhaps it started even earlier. You’ve lived numbly for so many years, rejecting countless suitors and even calling yourself asexual, simply because you buried her in your heart. But hiding something doesn’t mean forgetting it, Weiran. Honestly ask yourself: the day you reunited with her, besides shock, wasn’t there joy? Haven’t you been looking forward to her return at all these past years?”

The knot wrapped around her heart seemed to be slowly unraveling.

Gu Weiran thought her heart was a desolate wilderness, unaware that Yun Shu had long since planted an oasis there.

In the five years they were apart, she had met all kinds of people, encountered various eccentric suitors, and heard endless sweet talk, yet her heart remained calm as water.

The illnesses she endured, the physical injuries she suffered, the setbacks at work, the ridicule from classmates, and the scrutiny from neighbors were all less impactful than the wound Yun Shu had inflicted on her heart.

Stepmother—this title that scorched her heart—had trapped her for years, becoming an untouchable thorn in her heart.

Now she realized that it might simply be possessiveness at play.

She cared about Yun Shu, but did caring mean love?

“Impossible. She watched me grow up. My concern for her must be familial love…” Gu Weiran didn’t know the taste of romantic love. She didn’t believe those cliché plots would happen to her.

But the things that had taken root in her heart always pricked her when she least expected it.

She was somewhat bewildered. Was it love?

“Weiran, love is a very pure thing. Your world lights up because of her. All your expectations, thoughts, and actions are because of her. She has always been in your heart. You don’t need to think about what to do; your body is the most honest.”

“A joke, a real joke…” Gu Weiran held her forehead, cold sweat breaking out.

Seeing that she was unwilling to face it, Su Qing said softly, “You don’t have to force yourself. Just let things take their course. Alright, I’m going back to the company now. Call me if anything happens. Don’t tough it out alone.”

Gu Weiran sat blankly on the sofa, crystal water droplets hanging on her hair, dripping onto her neck, feeling cool and cold.

She hugged a cushion and heard Su Qing’s voice from the doorway, “Yun Shu sent a message. Take a look. She must be very worried since you ran off like that.”

Gu Weiran weakly lifted her eyes, looked at the phone not far away, then withdrew her gaze and collapsed onto the sofa. Her eyes were unfocused and scattered.

“Ding,” the phone pinged again with a message. She covered her head in annoyance, not wanting to hear it.

Even if Yun Shu apologized, she wouldn’t forgive her!

She never wanted to see that woman again. She absolutely wouldn’t be soft-hearted, absolutely not!

Out of sight, out of mind! Gu Weiran returned to the bedroom to prepare for sleep, but unconsciously stopped when passing by Yun Shu’s room.

She pushed the door open on a whim. The furniture inside was a bit old, and some areas had accumulated dust. Yun Shu’s scent seemed to have gradually faded.

Gu Weiran frowned, turned around to fetch a basin of water, and started cleaning with a rag.

She wiped the bookshelf and the desk until they were spotless, and even changed and washed the four-piece bedding set. No one had lived in this room for a long time, yet it felt as if Yun Shu had never left.

This door was like the door to Gu Weiran’s heart. She had closed it herself and now opened it herself.

It turned out that her heart had always been with Yun Shu.

Gu Weiran channeled her grief and anger into motivation, unconsciously using a lot of force while wiping the desk. She squatted by the desk, opened a drawer, and prepared for a deep clean. She found an old CD inside. The cover clearly displayed a few large characters: Yibeizi de Gudan (A Lifetime of Loneliness).

This was a very old song. Was it one Yun Shu liked in her early years? Gu Weiran had no idea.

She stared at the CD, humming the song unconsciously:

I think I will always be lonely Lonely like this for my entire life I think I will always be lonely Lonely like this for a lifetime The bluer the sky is The more I fear looking up

…

As she hummed, tears flowed uncontrollably down Gu Weiran’s face. She felt as if Yun Shu was facing the world alone in boundless solitude.

What was her mood when she listened to this song? Suddenly abandoned by her biological mother, never talking about longing, never complaining about hardship no matter what happened, never resenting life, and never being discouraged by setbacks, always meeting life with a smile.

Yun Shu once said that when she was capable, she would definitely go find her mother and ask her why she left without a word, abandoning her.

Only at this moment did Gu Weiran understand the sorrow of being dependent on others. Yun Shu’s sensibility and optimism all those years were forced upon her.

No matter how kind her parents were to her, it couldn’t mend the missing piece in her heart.

No one truly understood Yun Shu’s suffering.

Thinking of this, Gu Weiran wiped away her tears, rushed to the living room to pick up her phone, and clicked on the message from Yun Shu: I’m sorry, I’m more afraid of losing you than anyone else.