Longing for Love (Twice Reborn) - Chapter 20

The next day, as the rooster crowed at dawn.

Xuyang groggily opened his eyes and pushed aside the bed curtains, only to find Juchen already up and seated before the mirror, meticulously grooming herself with an unusually cheerful demeanor.

“Aren’t you supposed to be on duty today?” Xuyang couldn’t help but ask.

Juchen turned her head, her eyes sparkling with a coy smile, “Indeed.”

After idling away the morning at the Phoenix Pavilion, she reported for duty in the afternoon when the Empress Dowager unexpectedly summoned Juchen to transcribe some texts. The Empress Dowager noticed how frequently Juchen’s gaze drifted toward the crimson sun outside the window.

The Empress Dowager inquired what held her attention so raptly.

Without thinking, Juchen replied, “It feels like the sun is setting unusually slow today.”

The moment the words left her lips, she realized her blunder and hastily amended, “What I meant to say was….”

The Empress Dowager cut her off with an amused chuckle, “You meant you’re eager to be off duty.”

Juchen’s cheeks flushed as if brushed with rouge. The Empress Dowager’s smile deepened as she kindly offered, “If you have urgent matters, I can let you leave early.”

Juchen shook her head vigorously, her face still tinged pink, “No, no, it’s not that urgent.”

The Empress Dowager smiled and gestured gracefully toward the side chamber, “Then fetch my ‘Hundred Birds Paying Homage to the Phoenix’ painting from the study. Keep me company admiring it for a while, and I’ll release you.”

Juchen bowed in assent and retreated to the side chamber. She entered the study, retrieved the scroll, and was about to return when, just as she turned behind the curtain, the Chief Eunuch Pei stood before the drapes and suddenly raised a hand, signaling her to halt.

Juchen stopped in her tracks and peered curiously toward the front hall, where a familiar tall and slender figure came into view.

Knowing the Empress Dowager disliked interruptions during her conversations with Song Mi, Juchen obediently waited behind the curtain with Chief Eunuch Pei. Faint sounds of what seemed like another argument drifted over.

Song Mi had promised the Empress Dowager the previous day that he would stay in the palace to accompany her these few days, but now he was here to inform her of his intention to leave the palace.

The Empress Dowager asked irritably, “Why not rest properly here? What business takes you out of the palace?”

Song Mi stood with his hands behind his back, “I can rest outside the palace as well.”

The Empress Dowager’s lips twitched, well aware of his evasive tactics, and got straight to the point, “Do you have someone waiting for you outside?”

Admittedly, this was merely her conjecture. Song Mi rarely went back on his promises to her, but his current behavior inexplicably triggered her maternal instincts.

Song Mi asked impassively, “Does Your Majesty wish to investigate me?”

“I don’t have time for that!” the Empress Dowager spat, suppressing the shock and anger rising within her, “Are you admitting it then?”

Song Mi rubbed the tip of his nose and raised his brows, an uncharacteristically roguish expression flashing across his features. The Empress Dowager shot him several sharp glances, but failed to wipe that improper look off his face.

She let out a cold laugh and couldn’t help but scold, “All these years, you’ve been so fastidious. When you said ‘though there are three thousand weak waters, I only take one ladleful,’ I actually believed your nonsense! I always thought you were waiting for a celestial beauty. What could possibly be so good about those who throw themselves at you outside? Do you even understand what they’re after?”

Song Mi replied earnestly, “What else could they be after but my body.”

The Empress Dowager’s beautiful eyes widened, her lips trembling speechlessly as her fingers clenched the rim of her teacup. She took a deep breath, not daring to ask whether it was a man or a woman, afraid that his next words might be so shocking they would knock her unconscious.

She tried hard to comfort herself. Indeed, the boy was already past his coming of age years, full of youthful vigor it was perfectly normal for him to dabble in romantic affairs.

The Empress Dowager picked up her round fan and waved it, calming herself for a moment. She couldn’t help but speculate with his temperament, any inclination toward same-s3x affections was absolutely impossible. And as she looked at his handsome face, she couldn’t fathom any reason for his reluctance. The only possibility was that if the woman in question was of equal social standing, he would have simply told her outright and formally sought marriage he would never keep someone hidden away.

After some thought, the Empress Dowager compromised, “Actually, if you’re not ready for marriage yet, you could take a concubine first. But she must be from a respectable family. I could even help you select a few.”

Song Mi didn’t hesitate. “I won’t take a concubine.”

The Empress Dowager let out a long sigh, then pointed the fan at the tip of his nose. “This won’t do, that won’t do Song Zhengzhi, what exactly do you want?”

What did he want?

Truthfully, he hadn’t figured it out yet. But whenever he pondered the question, Li Juchen’s face involuntarily surfaced in his mind. And the moment he remembered that her heart belonged to someone else that every interaction between them was merely a fleeting distraction in her life’s regrets Song Mi’s entire heart froze over.

Seeing his silence, the Empress Dowager fanned herself vigorously, about to speak again when Song Mi cut in with slight impatience, “There’s no need for excessive concern. I know my limits. When the time comes, I’ll end it cleanly.”

There was no future in this matter, and he had no intention of dragging the Empress Dowager into it knowing her, she’d only make things more complicated.

He didn’t want to lie to her outright either, so he left it at that cold remark, delivered with a careless tilt of his brow that held not a shred of sincerity.

Far from being reassured, the Empress Dowager was so infuriated by his rogue demeanor that she nearly choked on her anger.

She shook the fan at him several times, knowing further words were useless.

She couldn’t even bring herself to speak another sentence to him. After a long pause, she tossed the fan onto the table and waved him away. “Get out. Out!”

The man’s figure vanished from the front hall in an instant, leaving Juchen standing motionless behind the curtain, her eyes downcast, all light drained from them.

Of course. Who would ever love a woman who climbed into his bed?

Their paths in this life had already diverged from the past. In his eyes, her first impression was anything but that of a proper young woman how could there be any question of responsibility?

She had never understood why he had loved her in their previous life anyway.

Probably just a momentary lapse in judgment. Now that they had been intimate in this life, he had surely realized she wasn’t anything special.

Perhaps it was for the best. She had never been someone worth him risking his life for.

Even so, when Juchen returned home after her shift and lay alone on the bed, her heart sank like a stone cast into the sea, plummeting endlessly.

That night, Song Mi arrived early at the Ci You Retreat.

He sat in the room for a long time, waiting but the one who had promised to meet him never came.

By June, the eastern capital was bathed in scorching sunlight, the sky cloudless, silently heralding the arrival of blistering summer.

The newly planted greenery in the front courtyard of the Phoenix Pavilion, only a few years old, did little to block the direct rays. The ceaseless chirping of cicadas filled the air, and the ground itself seemed to ripple with visible waves of heat.

Hot weather made people restless, and soon, the Phoenix Pavilion was filled with the discreet sounds of female officials fanning themselves with their documents.

Lu Yun finished drafting the memorial, placed the wolf-hair brush on its stand, and wiped the fine sweat from her brow before complaining, “I remember the palace would start using ice containers as early as May in previous years. Why hasn’t the imperial household sent any this year?”

A female official beside her gently explained, “The embankments at the Yellow River estuary in Shangdu need reconstruction this year. Combined with the disaster relief funds allocated this spring, the treasury is running low. The Empress Dowager has just issued an edict to the Imperial Household Department advocating frugality throughout the palace. I’m afraid we won’t be getting ice containers this year.”

Recalling the hardships endured by the people of Shangdu, Lu Yun could only sigh in understanding.

Xue Wan picked up her palm-leaf fan and waved it for a while before checking the time. “Just bear with it a little longer. It’s almost time, and later I’ll treat everyone to the newly developed ‘milk sugar pour’ at Taiyuan Tower.”

“Milk sugar pour? What’s that? Is it good?”

“They say it’s made by heating milk sugar until soft and pouring it over shaved ice. A five-inch tall cup with crushed ice at the bottom, topped with milk sugar and fruit preserves. Perfectly refreshing in this weather.”

After Xue Wan’s cheerful explanation, enthusiastic responses arose all around.

Fanning herself with a slight smile, her gaze inadvertently drifted to the side. After a moment’s silence, she extended the same invitation to Juchen, who had been silently buried in paperwork without uttering a word.

The addressed person remained completely unresponsive.

Xue Wan couldn’t help but pat her shoulder. Juchen abruptly looked up, and only then did Xue Wan notice she hadn’t written a single character she had been lost in thought the entire time.

“Has something happened recently?” Xue Wan asked with concern. “You’ve seemed distracted these past few days.”

Juchen paused, pressing her fingers to her eyes as if fatigued. “No, I’ve just been overworked recently and am stealing a moment’s rest now.”

“Regarding Shangdu, Juchen truly served as the mainstay of our Phoenix Pavilion,” Lu Yun interjected with admiration. “I’ve never seen anyone work so hard. Since last month, Chief Shen has viewed you in a new light. Who knows you might be the first among us to get promoted.”

The corners of Juchen’s lips lifted in a faint smile. Another female official continued the topic with a sigh: “But after this campaign, Prince Pengshan has achieved another great merit, and his standing in the Grand Secretariat has risen even higher.”