Longing for Love (Twice Reborn) - Chapter 3

The woman wore a purple official robe. From behind, her skin was as white as snow, her hair as black as a crow’s feathers.

Song Mi couldn’t see her face. He only saw that at the end of his painting, he added a very faint, small cinnabar mole behind her left ear where it connected to her neck.

This dream was very simple, yet Song Mi was trapped by it. Every time in the dream, as soon as he put brush to paper, his chest would start to ache an almost sour, piercing pain.

He seemed to be thinking of her, experiencing a kind of intense longing he hadn’t felt in over twenty years. But how could such a humble emotion possibly occur to someone like him?

Seeing doctors and taking medicine did not help. Song Mi had no choice but to gradually accept its presence and coexist with it peacefully.

The dream repeated for several months. Song Mi almost began to think this dream would remain unchanged for ten years. But on the eve of Xuyang’s wedding, the dream suddenly began to change.

It was as if he had seen that silhouette countless times, which was why even such a small detail as the faint red mole behind her ear left such a deep impression.

This time, when he put down his brush, the dream did not end. The moonlight outside the window was dim. Yuan Ruo suddenly appeared beside him, seeming to have been standing there respectfully watching him paint for a long time. He said hoarsely, “If Master can’t let go of Official Li, why not return to the capital?”

As soon as the words fell, the person in front of the easel laughed.

Song Mi’s eyes widened slightly as he heard the thoughts echoing in the dream – Return to the capital, and then what? Her eyes only saw Yuan Zheng. For him, she decided to never marry. There was no room for anyone else. Even if he went back, what use would it be?

But no matter how clear-headed he was, when he suddenly heard the news of that person’s imprisonment, he still couldn’t control the burning emotions in his heart. He mounted his horse and galloped through the night rain back to the capital…

His vision gradually blurred in the pouring rain that obscured heaven and earth.

The next day, Song Mi awoke from the dream, returning to reality. His emotions were in turmoil and he couldn’t calm down for a long time, feeling almost restless.

He was trapped by that urgent, burning emotion from the dream.

And when you want to see someone, when you urgently want to know if they are alright, it’s simply impossible to hold back.

Song Mi clutched his chest, sitting alone in his study for a long time.

Finally, he got up and shamelessly went to attend the wedding he had already politely declined.

Since that person liked Yuan Zheng, she would surely appear at his wedding.

Song Mi’s guess was not wrong. After a few cups of wine and small talk, as he moved through the banquet, he discovered that familiar silhouette at a corner.

She had her head lowered, her hair in a maiden’s bun, exposing her long, beautiful neck. Behind her left ear, against snow-white skin, lay a very faint cinnabar mole, quietly matching the memory deep in his mind.

There was a thunderous sound in Song Mi’s mind. He felt dizzy, had difficulty breathing, and his consciousness seemed to sway and flicker like the candles at the banquet.

Bright lamps hung high at the banquet. He slowly walked from behind her to the front in the dim light beyond the curtains, seeing her face clearly.

It was a very beautiful face a delicate nose, moth like eyebrows, clear and beautiful eyes. He had some impression of this appearance the adopted daughter of the Princess’s family, Li Juchen.

Official Li?

As this title surfaced, Song Mi’s heart suddenly began to race. As the light and shadows shifted, he stood silently, seeing only that she was completely unaware of his presence. She sat at the banquet, drinking alone, crying like a pear blossom in the rain, truly heartbroken.

He stood in the corner watching for a long time, then sent her a silk handkerchief before turning to leave.

Just as he exited the courtyard gate, someone grabbed his wide sleeve from behind.

“Your silhouette resembles the one I love.”

A strangely familiar sweet and clear voice.

It suddenly reminded him of when he first met her in the Princess’s long corridor as a youth. She had come running, out of breath, suddenly grabbing his sleeve from behind. Her breath carried a joyful air, but the smile at the corners of her lips gradually faded as she saw his face clearly.

This time, he still turned his head, letting her see his face clearly.

“Does it still resemble him now?”

She didn’t withdraw her smile like last time. She took two steps back and awkwardly told him she had mistaken him for someone else.

She stood on tiptoe and kissed him.

The scent of alcohol filled his senses, mixed with a faint feminine fragrance that smelled like gardenia.

Along with her body pressing close came a memory of him dying for her in that dark dungeon, flashing through his mind like a bolt of white light.

Song Mi’s eyes widened slightly. He felt it was absurd, yet an uncontrollable chill ran down his spine. He suddenly felt cold, while her skin was delicate and warm. Her palm pressed against his chest, burning his heart.

He unconsciously closed his eyes and held her tightly in his arms, seeking the warmth of her lips. Though it was just a light taste, it felt as if he had gotten drunk along with her.

When he woke up again, the marks of mischief on her body were shocking to behold.

Song Mi had always kept away from women, considering himself not a particularly lustful person. But on that night, he updated his understanding of himself.

However, the next morning, she fled quite quickly.

He originally thought that was it a one nightstand.

Later, when they met again.

She stared at him in a daze for a long time. As he was leaving, she suddenly stopped him and asked if he was free that night.

At that time, they were not familiar with each other, not even nodding acquaintances.

He thought she wanted him to give an explanation for that night’s momentary confusion. Recalling those absurd dreams, remembering that her heart belonged to someone else, Song Mi gave her a cold look and raised an eyebrow, “You want to be with me? I don’t have any status to give you.”

That night was her own initiative, so there was nothing wrong with him saying such things. As things stood, there was indeed a world of difference between them.

But after pondering for a moment, she actually gave an indifferent smile, “It doesn’t matter, I don’t need status. When you take a wife and have children, I’ll know my place and leave.”

Even now when Song Mi recalled that scene, he still laughed at himself in anger.

What was this? Simply using him as a substitute because of some similarity in silhouette?

He should have refused.

But he grabbed her hand, glared at her fiercely, remained silent for a long time, then turned and took her back to his private residence.

He was a bit unwilling after all.

After all, he had kept himself pure for over twenty years. He never imagined that one day, he would become someone’s one nightstand.

And the kind where the other person was even more unwilling to acknowledge it than him.

Until his long fingers stirred that clear spring, hearing her soft gasps in his arms, the lingering gloom in his heart finally seemed to find an outlet, releasing a bit of pleasurable emotion.

The first ray of sunlight in the morning shone through the window.

They each got dressed properly. Song Mi raised his hand to brush the reddened kiss mark behind her ear.

Their eyes met, and they became the kind of relationship she had hoped for.

—

The morning light had not yet dispersed the clouds and mist. The streets were still quiet.

Inside the carriage, Juchen rubbed her legs and leaned against the wall, looking out at the passing scenery through a gap in the window.

If her legs weren’t so weak, Juchen would never have let him send a carriage to take her home.

His carriage was entirely black and not ostentatious. But the tall white horse in front and the auspicious clouds and chi dragon tail carved on the roof subtly revealed his noble status.

There were many people in Chang’an who kept white horses, but not many households could carve chi dragons on their carriage roofs with impunity.

Being with him was her private desire. She didn’t want to ruin his reputation.

The carriage rattled along, heading straight for Baoning Ward. Just as they turned into a small alley, Juchen hesitated repeatedly but still called for the white horse to stop, not letting it continue forward.

Last night’s heavy snow covered the road in the back alley.

Juchen got off the carriage, carrying her book box, and slowly walked towards home.

Mingluan was crouching at the back door waiting for her. Seeing her slender figure from afar, she revealed a faint smile: “Young Miss!”

Then Mingluan’s gaze paused. She saw a white horse’s head peeking out from around the corner behind Juchen, secretly following. Seeming to ensure Juchen had safely arrived home, it swished its tail, slapped its rump, and left without looking back.

Mingluan drew in a sharp breath and hurried forward. As she got close, Juchen nonchalantly reached out her hand and held onto Mingluan’s arm.

Mingluan looked down at her trembling legs and frowned, knowing that man had spent another night with her.

When Mingluan first caught her mistress getting off that man’s carriage, she was absolutely terrified, firmly believing he had coerced her mistress.

After all, her young miss was so beautiful, like a flower or jade. It was inevitable that she would attract some unsavory characters with ulterior motives.

And that man’s status was so high and noble. If he wanted something, who could resist?

But Juchen said she was willing. “I’m the dirty thing circling around him.”
Mingluan asked her why.

“Hmm, to repay a debt of gratitude.”

Mingluan frowned deeply, “But you don’t need to offer your body for that.

What if he gets tired of owing you one day? How will you marry in the future, Young Miss?”

Juchen pondered for a moment, then smiled and said, “It’s not just to repay gratitude. I want it too.”

“Why?”

“Because he’s very skilled. Doing that with him feels very good.”

Mingluan’s cheeks turned bright red. She really couldn’t ask any more.

The two quietly returned home through the back door. As they turned down the long corridor of the back courtyard, Juchen encountered her father Li Ling, who had just returned from morning court.

The Jifang Academy was backed by the Imperial Library. Since Juchen entered the academy, she often lay reading in the library until late at night, staying out all night, which had become commonplace.

She had been sent to be raised by Princess Xianling from a young age. After the princess passed away, she was brought back home. By then, Li Ling had already taken in his beloved Concubine Wu and doted heavily on the pair of children she bore him, with little attention to spare for Juchen.

Later when she grew up, he became even more lax in disciplining her, basically letting her do as she pleased. Not seeing this daughter for days on end didn’t seem odd to him.

Compared to the strictly regulated daughters of other families, Juchen was certainly free. But mixed in with that freedom was some loneliness.

Juchen came forward to pay her respects. Li Ling nodded, and Juchen also greeted the guest beside him.

The guest was Li Ling’s direct subordinate. Seeing Juchen carrying a book box, he immediately gave a thumbs up, praising the young miss for her excellence. “I’ve heard the Jifang Academy is personally overseen by the Empress Dowager and very difficult to enter. Even princesses and county ladies are expelled if they fail the exams. Young Miss, you are truly outstanding.”

Juchen politely thanked him for the praise.

After the guest left, Li Ling saw that Juchen still had a smile on her lips from saying goodbye. He stood with his hands behind his back and said, “Your grades are passable, but don’t become complacent because of a few words of praise from others. Continue to maintain your performance.”

Juchen’s expression dimmed slightly, and she bowed her head and said “Yes.”
In the blink of an eye, the third young master Li Wuyou appeared hopping and skipping around the corner of the corridor, calling out “Father” from afar.

Before he even reached them, Li Ling was already smiling and walking down the steps himself to meet him.

“The snowy ground is slippery, be careful not to fall!”

Li Wuyou was already thirteen years old, but still only thought about playing every day. Yesterday he had been thinking about a new batch of horse gear at the gold market. Today at dawn he was already thinking of going to the market to buy it, pulling Li Ling to ask which color riding boots he thought looked best.

Li Ling smiled and said, “Worry looks handsome in any color, cutting a dashing figure.”

Mingluan couldn’t help muttering softly, “He usually doesn’t care, but is afraid you’ll become arrogant when someone praises you once. The third young master can be praised casually.”

Juchen turned to look at her. Mingluan bit her lip and closed her mouth.

Juchen used to always feel out of place in moments like this. Now she could calmly watch the two of them, as if observing an affectionate father and son from another family.

Li Ling noticed Li Wuyou’s eyes kept glancing behind him. He turned around but didn’t see the usual pair of anxious eyes.

Juchen bowed to bid him farewell. Li Ling hesitated for a moment, then said he would go with her to see her mother.

When Madam Wen saw Li Ling come to visit her, a long-absent glow appeared on her listless face.

But Li Ling had come to tell her he wanted Juchen to enter the palace.

“The latest exam results from Jifang Academy were submitted to Shoukang Palace. The Empress Dowager has taken notice of our Juchen. But Her Majesty respects everyone’s wishes and doesn’t force anyone.” Li Ling said hesitantly, “I think since she has the fortune to serve Her Majesty, it’s not a bad choice.”

But entering the palace meant she couldn’t marry for the time being.

Noble families could certainly send their daughters to the palace, as they had family backing and didn’t need to worry about their future.

For small households in the current times, the most stable path for a daughter was still marriage.

Juchen was already of marriageable age. This delay would make it difficult to find a good match later when she was older.

Hesitation appeared in Madam Wen’s expression.

Juchen stood calmly to the side, waiting to hear her family’s decision about her fate.

But when Madam Wen uttered that familiar “Very well”, her heart still felt a stab of pain.