Longing for Love (Twice Reborn) - Chapter 61
The Prince of Yunnan’s residence in the Eastern Capital, the Yuan Mansion, served as a resting place for the prince and his wife. Xuyang returned to the princess’ residence and soon received an invitation to a family banquet from the Yuan Mansion’s servants. She declined, citing illness, and stayed in all night.
Juchen stayed by her side, trying to persuade her with many words, but Xuyang ignored them all, only pulling her into drinking together.
Juchen had gotten thoroughly drunk the night before and still couldn’t remember what absurd things she had done. Heart still pounding with lingering fear, she raised her cup and only took a sip.
Xuyang grew displeased. “Why were you willing to drink with someone else last night but not with me? You prioritize romance over friendship!”
How could Juchen accept that? She downed the cup in one go.
A faint smile playing at her lips, Xuyang lifted the wine pot to refill Juchen’s cup, then raised the rest high and tipped it straight into her own mouth. Before Juchen could snatch the pot away, it was already empty.
Juchen frowned. “Weren’t we drinking together? Why did you finish it all yourself?”
“I wanted to.”
Juchen studied the faint melancholy flowing between her brows. “Ranran, are you jealous because you saw Yuan Zheng talking to his cousin today?”
“I’m not jealous. Why would I be jealous of him?”
“He’s your husband. Isn’t it normal to be jealous?”
“Husband.” Xuyang seemed to taste the word in her mouth, the rich wine burning down her throat as she let out a mocking laugh. “He’s not. He never wanted to be my husband. He won’t even consummate the marriage.”
“Yuan Zheng is afraid you’re unwilling.”
“Right. I’m unwilling.”
Juchen silently noted the trace of flustered anger on her face and, after a pause, asked, “But haven’t you two been intimate before?”
Xuyang choked on her wine. Under Juchen’s light pats, she stared at her in shock, wide eyed. “Who told you that? Yuan Zheng?”
“Why would he tell me such a thing? Wasn’t the person you mentioned last time him?”
Xuyang was stunned for a long moment. “Why would you think that?”
Instinct and years of understanding her made Juchen certain. “You’re not the type to stray.”
Xuyang fell silent.
Juchen pressed, “When did it happen?”
The alcohol was starting to cloud her mind. Xuyang rubbed her temples. “Back at the princess’ residence, around the time you just came of age.”
Juchen was horrified. It had been that long ago? How had she never noticed?
“How… how did it happen?”
“How? It was all because of you.” Xuyang’s eyes grew hazy as she scoffed.
“Me?”
Xuyang pressed a hand to her forehead, her head swaying slightly. Half joking, half serious, she said, “My marriage to Yuan Zheng it’s all thanks to you.”
“What do you mean?”
Juchen instinctively moved closer, taking her hand. The familiar warmth from her palm seeped into Xuyang’s skin, and suddenly, as if snapping back to reality, Xuyang jerked her head up and grabbed Juchen’s shoulders. “Forget what I just said! Right now! I was joking!”
“Ranran?”
Xuyang clamped her hands over Juchen’s ears. “Forget it, forget it! I didn’t say anything! You didn’t hear anything!”
“What’s really going on?”
“Nothing. It has nothing to do with you.”
Nothing to do with you.
Xuyang began holding her, repeating these words over and over. By the end, Juchen remained solemn, and Xuyang grew frustrated. Years of pent up grievances seemed to burst forth as she slumped onto the table, sobbing uncontrollably.
Juchen was momentarily at a loss. Hearing the commotion, Nanny Hong hurried in to console her. Midway through her tears, Xuyang grabbed Juchen’s hand.
“A-Chen, I don’t blame you. Don’t take it to heart. That day none of us could have predicted it. It wasn’t your fault. It was those damned people. Yuan Zheng already killed them. Don’t be afraid.”
“A-Chen, it wasn’t your fault. Really.”
“I misspoke. Don’t be angry.”
Nanny Hong patted Xuyang’s shoulder gently, soothing her. “Miss Chen knows.
She understands. She won’t be upset with you.”
“Really?”
“Really, really.”
Xuyang asked repeatedly, receiving the same reassuring answers each time before finally calming down. Exhausted, she drifted into sleep.
Juchen helped Nanny Hong carry her to the bed and tucked her in. Her expression darkened as she turned to Nanny Hong. “Nanny, what day was Ranran referring to?”
Nanny Hong had been smiling dismissively, but under Juchen’s intense, silent gaze, she sighed. Realizing she couldn’t hide it, she glanced at Xuyang on the bed and led Juchen to the table. “If I tell you, Miss, can you pretend tomorrow that you heard nothing? I fear the princess will worry that her slip of the tongue today might drive a wedge between you.”
No matter what, Juchen would never let that happen. The tragic ending of their past life she would never allow it to repeat.
Juchen gave a slight nod. Nanny Hong sighed, studying her. “Miss, do you remember the Lantern Festival when you were fifteen, the year of your coming of age ceremony? The streets were packed, and the city’s guards were lax. The princess worried it wasn’t safe and urged you not to go out, but you were drawn by the fireworks and sneaked away to see the lanterns… only to be abducted by villains.”
Juchen remembered, of course. Even now, the memory sent a chill down her spine. Fortunately, Xuyang and Yuan Zheng had arrived in time to rescue her otherwise, the consequences would have been unthinkable.
But she hadn’t known the full story. That night, the four kidnappers, struck by her extraordinary beauty, had taken her aboard a boat, intending to sell her as a “slender horse” in Yangzhou. In the struggle, Juchen’s head struck a wooden beam. Dazed, she felt a dull pain at the back of her skull before glimpsing Xuyang’s figure pushing through the boat’s curtain.
She lost consciousness. The next day, she awoke safely at home.
Yet in the moment Juchen had fainted, Xuyang had thrown herself forward to shield her from the knockout powder the assailants had flung at her.
The boat had already left the capital, drifting through desolate wilderness.
The powder was what they typically used to subdue unruly “slender horses” a potent aphrodisiac that took immediate effect. Without relief within an hour, the victim would perish.
Just as they pinned Xuyang down and began tearing at her clothes, Yuan Zheng arrived. The sight before him seared his eyes. In a rage, for the first time in Xuyang’s presence, he drew his blade and cut down all four men in swift succession.
Xuyang had always despised violence, and Yuan Zheng had never shown her his ruthless side except that once. Hot bl00d splattered across her face, yet she showed no fear.
Yuan Zheng stepped forward to help her up, but her hands were already uncontrollably reaching to undo his leather belt. Meeting his deep, solemn gaze, Xu Yang clenched her teeth, turned, and leaped out the window into the water.
In that moment, she had almost wanted to die. Xu Yang was too proud she could not bear the thought of herself in such a pitiful, desperate state, clawing at his clothes and begging him to save her.
Without a second thought, Yuan Zheng followed her into the water.
The next day, Xu Yang awoke in his arms. To keep her from discomfort, Yuan Zheng had laid his cloak and outer robe beneath them. The pale moon-colored fabric was now stained with a few crimson plum blossoms of bl00d.
Xu Yang wept silently for a long time.
On the other side of the cabin, Juchen furrowed her brows, showing signs of stirring. Xu Yang forcibly swallowed her tears, straightened her robes, and coldly said to Yuan Zheng, “What happened last night never speak of it again.”
Yuan Zheng had been contemplating how to formally propose to the Empress Dowager to show his sincerity. Xu Yang’s icy demeanor now was like a bucket of freezing water poured over his heart.
He kept his silence, complying with her wishes as if nothing had happened.
But eventually, the Empress Dowager found out. Xu Yang, who had always insisted on marrying Lin Zongbai, suddenly claimed she was unworthy of her senior brother and even spoke of becoming a nun. Suspicious, the Empress Dowager uncovered the truth and forced her to marry Yuan Zheng.
As soon as the words were spoken, Nanny Hong grasped Juchen’s gradually chilling hands, repeatedly insisting that Xu Yang had misspoken in drunkenness and hadn’t meant it. “Her Highness is just heartbroken she absolutely doesn’t blame you.”
“After all these years, you know best how the princess feels about you. She’s never been unreasonable she even said herself that no one could have foreseen this. Just now, she was simply overwhelmed and spoke hastily. Her tone was even joking.”
Juchen remained silent for a long time before squeezing Nanny Hong’s hand in return. “Don’t worry, Nanny. I understand.”
Of course, she understood. Xu Yang was just in a bad mood. When people were upset, they sometimes couldn’t help but vent to those closest to themnit was only human.
Like when they were children and failed their exams, punished by the Princess to kneel, they would blame each other for skipping lessons.
Juchen saw everything clearly, yet she couldn’t stop the sour ache in her chest. Despondently, she thought if only, back then, she had listened to Xu Yang’s warnings and not stubbornly pushed forward to see the grandest lantern display atop the mountain pavilion.
Would this mistake never have happened?
Juchen returned to the Li residence in low spirits.
Passing through the corridor, she happened to meet Li Ling, who had just finished reviewing Li Wuyou’s studies. Seeing her approach, he paused a rare gesture and praised her sisterly devotion to Li Wanyu.
Last night, when the Phoenix Pavilion caught fire, Li Wanyu had left early and narrowly escaped disaster. But the tale of Li Zhangji charging into the flames to save her had already spread far and wide. Overnight, in the eyes of the world, Juchen was no longer the domineering sister who bullied her younger siblings in her past life.
The higher her reputation soared, the prouder her family became. Juchen knew this would please her parents. She had always longed for them to cherish having a daughter like her. But now, all she could recall was that the first person she saw after emerging from the fire wasn’t Lady Wen or Li Ling it was Xu Yang.
“However, as sisters, supporting each other is only natural,” Li Ling remarked.
Juchen lowered her eyes. “Does Father have any other matters? If not, your daughter will take her leave.”
Li Ling froze, standing in place as he watched Juchen’s retreating figure.
For some reason, he suddenly recalled the tiny silhouette of her childhood how she would come running joyfully whenever he found time to visit her at the princess’s residence.
The Phoenix Pavilion had originally been situated between the Front and Rear Departments. After the fire that night, the female officials lost their workspace, and for convenience, a temporary office was set up in the vacant western courtyard of the Grand Secretariat.
Later, it never moved out.
Looking back, that night’s accident was actually the beginning of the Phoenix Pavilion’s entry into the Grand Secretariat.
Juchen, naive and inexperienced in her past life, had noticed nothing. But now, having relived a lifetime and witnessed countless storms of bloodshed and schemes, her instincts told her that fire was no accident.
Burning down the old site was all for the sake of this new residence.
One could only say, Heaven had not forsaken her.
Juchen let out a soft laugh and stepped unhurriedly through the courtyard gate, faintly sensing that the court would soon undergo turbulent changes.
Whether her fate would mirror her past life, she could not yet know.
After her duties ended, Xuyang intercepted Juchen on the palace thoroughfare at the first opportunity.
Her expression evasive, she repeatedly probed until she confirmed Juchen had no recollection of her drunken words from the previous day. Only then did she exhale in relief, her mind at ease.
On their way home, Xuyang linked arms with Juchen and cleared her throat. “In a few days, it’ll be Yuan Zheng’s birthday. Every year on mine, he prepares a gift for me. It’s only proper to return the courtesy could you deliver my gift to him then?”
Juchen was silent for a moment. “Very well.”
Xuyang blinked in surprise. “Huh, you’ve changed? I thought you’d tell me to go myself.”
Juchen had initially intended to say just that. But then, she hesitated unsure whether she should encourage reconciliation between them. Knowing the truth of what had happened back then, speaking such words now filled her with self-doubt. Did she want them to reconcile for Xuyang’s sake, or for her own peace of mind?
As if their reconciliation would erase the past mistake. Yet that would be unfair to Xuyang after all, the one she had truly wished to marry was Senior Brother Lin.
Juchen felt lost, adrift in uncertainty.
When she arrived at the Yuan residence, gift box in hand, and was about to step past the threshold, the sound of carriage wheels rolling over the road echoed behind her.
Juchen turned to see the princess’s carriage halting at the entrance. Xuyang lifted her skirts and descended, ultimately entering the residence alongside her.
Yuan Zheng had been sent to the capital as a political hostage. For years, his birthdays had been spent in their company.
Yet just as they reached the door, they saw the old princess consort and Yuan Zheng’s young cousin presenting him with a bowl of longevity noodles. “Yan’er made this herself, just for you. See how much she cares? Even though she’s never been skilled in the kitchen, the moment she learned you liked my cooking, she patiently studied under me.”
The words had barely faded when Xuyang turned to Juchen with a cold laugh.
“That was aimed at me.”
Her voice was neither too loud nor too soft just enough to reach every ear inside. In an instant, all eyes gathered at the entrance, settling upon the two of them.