Longing for Love (Twice Reborn) - Chapter 65

The moment Song Mo pushed open the prison door, the surroundings of the dream began to solidify.

Juchen found herself back on that day, her hands trembling uncontrollably.

The imperial edict had just been read, and she was asking the eunuch why the poisoned wine mentioned in the decree was missing when he walked in, carrying a pot of aged liquor.

Years had passed, yet he remained as elegant and noble as ever, his demeanor peerless. Time was often cruel, yet it had spared him any trace of age. When those eyes too beautiful and profound for a man swept over Juchen, she lowered her head and couldn’t help but touch the streak of silver hair at her temple.

She thought he had come to see her off. In truth, Juchen found it rather fitting that he would be the one to accompany her on her final journey.

They sat at a small square table in a corner of the cell. How ironic it was rare for them to sit down together in peace, sharing a drink, yet the setting was so crude. The exquisite jade wine pot Song Mo had brought clashed starkly with the grimy, worn out wooden table.

After two cups, they raised a third. When the topic of the Magpie Bridge came up, Juchen heard him utter the words, “If there is a next life.” She couldn’t help but smile. “A next life? Does the Prince of Pengshan believe in such things?”

Song Mo chuckled softly, his laughter as captivating as ever. “In the next life, I don’t want to be your enemy anymore.”

Facing death, even harsh words turn gentle. Juchen fell silent briefly before sighing. “Neither do I.”

Their eyes met, and for once, Juchen let her usual cold, guarded expression soften, revealing a trace of genuine emotion. “You might not believe this, but I’ve actually wondered if we hadn’t started as adversaries, if we’d met differently, we might have been suited as friends. We could have played chess together, shared drinks, and when the Magpie Bridge arrived, gone to the Luo River to light lanterns, offering blessings for each other’s wishes.”

A glimmer of tenderness flickered in Song Mo’s eyes. He drained his cup and set it down lightly with a soft tap. With a gentle smile, he said, “Fine. Then it’s settled. In the next life, when the Magpie Bridge comes again, whoever doesn’t show up is a coward.”

Juchen smiled as if in agreement, though in truth, she had never believed in gods, ghosts, or the afterlife.

Nor did she want his last memory of her to be the wretched sight of her succumbing to poison. After three cups, Juchen began to usher him out.

Song Mo didn’t protest. Silently, he gathered the cups, retrieving the one before her. As he placed it back on the lacquered tray, he suddenly laughed.

Under Juchen’s puzzled gaze, he told her that before coming here, he’d had a dream. “I dreamed that I actually married you.”

Her heart gave an inexplicable twinge. Staring at the teasing curve of his lips, she scoffed. “You must have woken up in terror.”

“Not at all.” Song Mo raised an eyebrow and shook his head. “We lived an ordinary married life working at sunrise, resting at sunset. You even bore me two adorable children. Pity I didn’t see clearly whether they were boys or girls. I was too busy watching them laugh.”

“You find this dream amusing, don’t you?”

Song Mo pondered for a long moment before laughing ruefully. “It was just a dream.”

As the words left his lips, his expression sobered. He stood and said to her solemnly, “I’ll take my leave.”

Juchen nodded slightly and sat motionless at the table, quietly awaiting death, until an abrupt cough sounded behind her. Startled, she turned to see the dim dungeon, where he leaned against the doorframe, his expression indistinct, his entire body as though drained of its very core.

Staggering, his form wavered like a withered leaf in the flickering light before collapsing.

“Never thought I’d get a hug from you when I’m about to die.”

Juchen knelt on the ground, her arms wrapped around his sinking body, staring blankly at him for what felt like an eternity. His bitter laughter still echoed in her ears as he had rested against her chest.

The new emperor, out of lingering sentiment, allowed Juchen to depart with dignity. Before issuing the decree, he had sent officials from the Wardrobe Bureau to remove her prison garb and restore her appearance. Now, her pristine white robes were stained crimson, and even her sapphire outer garment had darkened to a murky purple.

All from the bl00d he had coughed up. Yet now, with his eyes closed and leaning against her, he looked as though he were merely asleep.

His complexion had always been naturally pale, so even in death, it betrayed nothing just like the man’s thoughts.

The moment stretched endlessly as Juchen held him in the dungeon, her mind blank. When she finally regained her senses, she realized the new emperor had long been standing at the entrance, silently watching them. With a sigh, he murmured, “So this is how devoted my uncle was.”

The emperor revealed the truth of their exchanged fates, frowning as he handed her the newly written national annals. He gently explained that while her life had been spared, to stabilize imperial authority and restore the patriarchal order, he could not cleanse her tarnished reputation.

At this, the emperor turned and took a drafted epitaph from a eunuch. “This is what my uncle asked me to give you.”

Juchen numbly accepted it, suddenly recalling a dangerous mission they had undertaken together. When their cover was blown, Song Mi had ordered her to flee. Halfway to safety, unease gripped her, and she turned back, disguising herself as a man to rescue him from the wolves’ den.

On their return journey, Song Mi had joked that he would one day sing her praises. Juchen had scoffed, “Who knows who’ll be writing whose epitaph first?”

Laughing, Song Mi had replied, “Rest assured, Magistrate Li. If I die before you, I’ll make sure to write yours in advance.”

Now, she held the epitaph he had penned for her.

Yet she felt no joy.

Juchen lowered her gaze to the hastily written but elegant script. After years of working together, she could skim his writing effortlessly. But now, she wondered why his handwriting had always been so hard to read.
It burned her eyes, blurring her vision with heat.

Clutching the epitaph, she stared down at it as the surroundings seemed to spin. The weight in her arms vanished, and she found herself standing in a study instead of kneeling on the dungeon floor. To her left, a figure sat at a desk by the window, brush in hand, pausing in thought before writing with flowing ink.

Penning the last words of praise the world would ever tenderly bestow upon her.

“Li Juchen, graceful and composed, pure as ice, inwardly refined as jade, outwardly elegant as poetry.

From youth she studied literature, entering officialdom exceptionally, her foresight and strategy bringing glory to her family.

Her talent soared above the clouds; her virtue warmed like jade.

Her probing intellect left even Deng Man marveling at her brilliance.

Her outstanding writings put even Ban Zhao to shame.

“Heaven is unkind, earth is unjust flowers wither, the moon falls, jade shatters, orchids fade.

Such beauty shall turn to dust.

No path through the misty skies to trace the lost azure; peach and plum blossoms, forever stripped of their youthful hues.”

Having penned these lines with flourish, he stood and held the paper to the light by the window to dry the ink. Glancing back at Juchen, he curled his lips and gestured for her opinion. “Well, Minister Li, how is it?”

Her eyes reddened as she stepped forward and embraced him. “It’s beautiful, truly beautiful.”

But how could I ever deserve such words?

Worth your life’s devotion?

—

Song Mi strode into the Hall of Longevity and, without the Empress Dowager’s permission, barged into the side chamber.

In a corner, the golden incense burner still wafted tendrils of smoke. His steps were hurried as he swept past the curtains, stirring a brief gust of wind.

Rounding the screen, his gaze fell upon Juchen curled up on the chaise lounge, her brows tightly knit, a sheen of sweat on her forehead clearly tormented by nightmares, her delicate face deathly pale.

She looked utterly pitiful. Song Mi drew a deep breath and approached, bending down to gather her into his arms.

By the time he reached the main hall’s entrance and was stopped by Chief Steward Pei, he had already learned why she had been taken away it was because she had defied Her Majesty’s orders and delivered Princess Xuyang into Yuan Zheng’s arms.

Today’s events vaguely reminded him of something. After Princess Xuyang’s marriage, she had always been at odds with her husband, their relationship stagnant. Only today, under the influence of wine, had they finally consummated their union, easing the tension in their precarious marriage.

He hadn’t paid much attention to their affairs before, nor did he know the details of today’s events. But from Chief Steward Pei’s words, it seemed this consummation was the Empress Dowager’s doing.

And in her past life, Juchen had inadvertently played a part in reconciling the couple.

So, in this life, she didn’t want them to reconcile?

Song Mi lowered his gaze, studying her as his expression darkened. Slowly, he reached out and tucked the stray locks of hair behind her ear, one by one.

“Chief Steward, bring the antidote,” he said to Pei, who had followed him inside.

Pei halted, inwardly wincing. His head ached how could he dare to hand over the antidote for the Binding Spirit Wine without Her Majesty’s permission?

But the man before him wasn’t someone his old bones could afford to provoke either.

Fortunately, his mistress spared him further torment. The sound of familiar footsteps echoed as the side chamber’s doors swung open. The Empress Dowager swept through the layers of curtains and stood before them, her sharp gaze landing on the man by the chaise. “Song Zhengzhi, you’ve grown bold indeed, daring to force your way into the Hall of Longevity.”

It was a mystery why this mother and son, so amiable with others, always clashed like gunpowder meeting flame whenever they faced each other.

“If the Censorate learns that you, for the sake of a woman, disregarded the hierarchy and overstepped your bounds, all your reputation will be ruined in an instant!”

Song Mi didn’t know what nightmares plagued Juchen, but her delicate frame trembled as if chilled by a cold wind. He wiped the sweat from her brow and draped a fur blanket over her before replying calmly, “Reputation has never meant anything to me.”

“Wasn’t my reputation already tarnished the moment my birth mother married my elder brother?”

Truly, he had a knack for infuriating people without remorse.
The Empress Dowager was left speechless by his words and fumed, “Fine! I’ll take you for a man of honor who dares to take responsibility for his actions.

At least she didn’t waste her time with you.”

A vein twitched at Song Mi’s temple, but he managed to maintain his composure.

With a glance from the Empress Dowager, Chamberlain Pei understood her intention and went to the inner chamber to retrieve the antidote. The Empress Dowager took it and threw it before him, saying, “I’ll allow you to take her away, but you must promise me you’ll never have that kind of relationship with her again.”

Song Mi quickly opened the snuff bottle and held it under Juchen’s nose. The tension in her brows visibly eased, and his heart settled back into place.

Keeping his voice calm, he replied, “Isn’t Your Majesty overstepping? I’m nearly twenty-five, not a child. What’s abnormal about such matters? Weren’t you the one always urging me to marry?”

“Of course you may have such relations just not with her.”

His presence here today made it clear to the Empress Dowager that this was no fleeting affair. He had genuinely grown attached. Her hopes for his marriage had always been politically motivated; she never expected him to actually care for someone. She had thought him incapable of such feelings.

Song Mi replied coolly, “Why not? If her status isn’t lofty enough for you, I can always renounce my title.”

His words struck right at the Empress Dowager’s greatest fear his willingness to abandon everything.

She let out a cold laugh. “Go ahead, dream on. But she might not need your reckless devotion. Take her away if you wish. I’d like to see just how much you weigh in her heart whether she’ll choose you or Yuan Zheng.”