Math Teacher, Please Get Lost (GL) - Chapter 24

Yao Shuhan froze. “Outside the school?”

That day, Da Xiong was on duty. Bored out of his mind, he sat in a chair watching students with backpacks walk into the school one by one. Suddenly, a boy with an unusually bulging backpack caught his eye!

“Hey, you there, student!” Da Xiong raised the loudspeaker and shouted, “Stop! Stop right there!”

“Huh?” The boy pulled a long face. “What’s the matter?”

Da Xiong strode over in big steps and patted the stuffed backpack. “What’s in here?”

The boy quickly shielded his bag. “Ah! Nothing, just books! All books!”

“Books?” Da Xiong widened his eyes. “What kind of books could there be so many of? Open it up and let me check!”

“I’m in my senior year! There’s a lot of homework, okay? I took them home to study, is that a problem?”

“No way, open it up and let me see! You’re not sneaking breakfast in for the boarders, are you? Think you can fool me? Hmph, you’re still too green for that!”

Just then, Yao Shuhan came walking past the school gate with Lan Xi. Da Xiong’s eyes lit up. He turned, waving the loudspeaker. “Hey, hey, Teacher Yao—so early! Isn’t it before class still? Eh? And this young lady is…” In his heart, Da Xiong was already blooming with joy, dancing in the sunshine. Ah~ two beautiful girls, how wonderful!

Yao Shuhan smiled politely. “This is a journalist here to do an interview, Miss Lan Xi.”

Da Xiong scratched his head cheerfully. “Miss Lan Xi, hello there, hehe, hehe… you’re so pretty.”

Lan Xi was amused by how shy this burly man looked. She covered her mouth and laughed softly. “Hello.”

Meanwhile, the boy saw Da Xiong’s attention had been completely captured by the beauty. He quickly slung on his backpack and bolted, thinking: People say beauty is a curse. Nonsense! At crucial times, beauty is salvation!

Lan Xi looked puzzled. “Eh, why did that kid run off so fast?”

Da Xiong instantly whipped his head around. Oh no! He raised his loudspeaker and chased after him. “Hey, you there! Stop right now—”

Yao Shuhan shook her head with a smile, then turned to Lan Xi. “Sister Lan Xi, where would you like to start looking first?”

Lan Xi rested her finger against her chin and thought for a moment. “Teacher Yao, a little girl once told me that anyone who meets you ends up liking you. So I’d like to see for myself—how do you make people care about you like that?”

Yao Shuhan blinked. “Ah?”

Lan Xi patted her shoulder. “Just kidding.” She pointed to a street stall decorated with red lanterns. “I want to write a travel piece, recording the street food culture outside Yingcai. I’ve arranged to meet that child as my guide.”

Yao Shuhan looked toward the oden stall and was a little surprised. “Jiang Xue?”

Lan Xi smiled. “Jiang Xue? You sound very close. Seems like you two have quite a relationship.”

Does it sound close? Yao Shuhan didn’t think so. Strange, why did it feel like whenever she was near Lan Xi, something felt a little off?

At noon, Shu Yan usually didn’t return to her apartment. She would stay in her office, answering questions patiently for any students who came to her. But today, instead of her diligent little student, she received an unexpected visitor.

“Teacher Shu.” Lan Xi tapped on Shu Yan’s desk.

Shu Yan stretched out her legs and leaned back, twirling a pen in her hand. Squinting with one eye, she looked at her. “Miss Lan Xi.”

Lan Xi curved her lips into a smile and sat across from her. “Interested in having a chat?”

Shu Yan tilted her head with a grin. “Ah, what kind of chat?”

Lan Xi clasped her hands together, fingers interlaced. “Talk about the stars, talk about the moon, talk about life, talk about you, then talk about me.”

Shu Yan tapped her chin. “Mm, it’s still daylight. Let’s talk about the sun instead.”

Lan Xi chuckled. “Fine, we can talk about anything. What matters is who you talk to.”

Still smiling, Shu Yan put the pen back in the holder, zipped up her down jacket, and raised her head. “My pleasure.”

They went up to the rooftop. The cold wind whistled. Normally, no one came up here; weeds grew strong between the cracks in the concrete, enduring all storms and winds.

Lan Xi tightened her tasseled scarf. “Where should we start?”

Shu Yan laughed softly, pulling her hood over her head. “Do you want to flirt with me, or with Yao Shuhan?”

Lan Xi widened her eyes innocently, spreading her hands. “We’re both women—how can you say I want to flirt with you?”

Shu Yan kicked at the weeds. “You’re too famous, senior sister.”

Lan Xi looked surprised. “You know me?”

Shu Yan waved her hand. “Not really. My memory’s bad, and I don’t usually care much about people around me. But your hungry look is too obvious. Don’t you think so yourself?” She raised her chin slightly, smiling.

Lan Xi shrugged. “I don’t recall doing anything so sensational. Which school are you from? I must be several years your senior.”

Shu Yan tugged her sleeves down over her hands. “I was from D University, Class of ’04, Statistics Department. I was an out-of-province student, and our dorm room of four all had different majors. One of them studied psychology—half the reason she chose D’s psychology program was because her goddess was there. But in our freshman year, that goddess just happened to be graduating. She was devastated. Said even if she couldn’t study with her, just living in the same place she had been was enough.”

Lan Xi smiled but stayed quiet.

Shu Yan went on. “She had a treasured school paper she read every day, especially the psychology column. She guarded it like a jewel. If I’m not mistaken, that issue featured an article about lesbian psychology, signed ‘Lan Xi.’ Am I wrong, senior?”

Lan Xi touched her chin and nodded. “Mm.”

Shu Yan thought again and added, “Ah, and I seem to remember something else. The Guardian Angel of the Soul Whisper, the spirited beauty from the She people of Guangxi, the campus flower of the Education and Science Department, the undefeated goddess of the Class of ’10.”

Lan Xi couldn’t help but laugh, cutting her off. “Okay, okay, stop digging up my old titles. Those were just tricks by the campus radio club to stir up hype. They used my name without permission. I never even collected endorsement fees.”

Shu Yan brushed her thumb across the corner of her mouth. “Alright, that’s you covered. As for me, I don’t feel like talking. Stars? None. Moon? Not now. What else do you want to talk about?”

Lan Xi didn’t answer. She looked toward the opposite building.

The north, central, and south teaching blocks of Yingcai stood close together, each connected by galleries on every floor. Portraits of great figures and calligraphy hung along the corridors. Just earlier, Lan Xi had deliberately led Shu Yan from the central block to the south, saying she wanted to see the galleries. Eventually, they reached the south building rooftop. Each block was four stories high—anyone looking up from a third-floor office could clearly see the rooftop.

Lan Xi fluttered her lashes, slowly stepping forward, and whispered into Shu Yan’s ear, “Tell me, if someone looked up from the third-floor office, would Teacher Yao see us?”

Shu Yan shivered and pushed her away. “What?”

Lan Xi curved her lips, stepped closer, and wrapped Shu Yan in her arms. Tilting her chin, she bent down and dropped a kiss on her forehead.

Shu Yan tore away instantly, retreating several steps. Instinctively, she glanced down toward the central block. Frowning, she said, “Lan Xi, what do you mean by this?”

“You like Yao Shuhan, don’t you.” Lan Xi cut straight to the point. “No need to deny it. Over the years, my gaydar’s never failed me. Once you’ve hung around bars long enough, made a few friends, you’ll understand.”

Shu Yan rubbed her forehead with the back of her hand. She hadn’t planned on denying it. She had already understood: she did like Yao Shuhan. Perhaps in the eyes of most, being gay was shameful, and it was true that they would face difficulties unimaginable to others. But Shu Yan was never the kind to back away from hardship. What’s more, if you give up before even trying, wouldn’t you miss even the last window God might open for you when all other doors are shut?

But she hated having her feelings for Yao Shuhan lumped together with things like nightclubs and promiscuity.

They would live together, grieve together, rejoice together—just like countless other couples. So what if they were both women? There wasn’t that much difference.

Lan Xi’s words left her uncomfortable. She said, “Yes, I like her. But that’s between her and me. You don’t need to drag us into the same category as your own decadent lifestyle.”

Lan Xi wasn’t surprised by her reaction. “Little junior, judging by how serious you look, this must be your first awakening of love, right? Have you confessed to Yao Shuhan? She didn’t accept you, did she?”

Shu Yan’s heart ached. Yes, of course she wouldn’t accept her. After all, back then Shu Yan had humiliated her so cruelly. Twelve years of cold wind and ice water—how could any flame of passion survive?

Lan Xi smiled. “Looks like not. But I can see she does care about you. And yet she rejected you. Do you know why?”

It felt like lightning struck Shu Yan’s head. Slowly, she raised her eyes. “Why?”

Lan Xi replied, “Do you think lesbian love is the same as straight love? Little junior, you’re too naïve.”

Shu Yan stood frozen, her gaze unfocused.

Lan Xi asked, “Have you ever thought about this: if your friends find out you’re dating a woman, what would they think?”

Shu Yan said, “That’s my business. Even my friends don’t have the right to interfere with my feelings.”

Lan Xi shook her head. “Some female friends would think: Oh wow, I didn’t expect that. You’re actually gay? Ah, I’d better keep my distance. What if one day you suddenly hit on me and cause trouble?”

Shu Yan’s mind went blank.

Lan Xi continued with a smile, “And further, what if your family finds out? Your father, your mother, your uncles and aunts—don’t they all expect you to marry a good man and give them a grandson? What if you suddenly bring a woman home and say: Dad, Mom, I like women. I’m gay.” She paused, then asked, “Tell me, what would your parents say?”

Shu Yan suddenly felt her breath tighten. She thought of her bedridden mother, her haggard father. They rarely said much, only urged her to rest more, to not overwork herself. They never said it outright, but she knew they wanted her to settle down with someone, continue the family line. Her mother had even said she would fight to live just to see her grandchild someday…

Lan Xi pressed on, not giving her time to answer. “Do you know how many once-steadfast loves were eventually defeated by society, by family ties? Your feelings aren’t even love yet—barely a spark—and you dare bring them out? You look down on my life, call it decadent, but does your so-called clean and pure life make you superior?

“Unable to admit it, unable to be open about it, unable to promise the other person a clear future. Some people would rather hear a sweet lie, even if it’s a promise that can never be kept, than watch their lover suffer. But when love finally wears down under pressure and pain, people leave in a heartbeat, all the sweet memories turning into nothing but illusions—no big deal.

“But some people are different. They place a single bet in their whole life, staking everything on it. What they want isn’t just the present, but the future—a complete, real promise. If they believe you can’t see it through to the end, they won’t give you a chance from the start. That doesn’t mean they don’t trust you, or that they don’t love you enough. It’s just because they can’t bear for you to suffer.”

After speaking so much, Lan Xi was slightly out of breath, her chest rising and falling, her cheeks a little flushed. She looked at Shu Yan. “Shu Yan, do you understand what I’m saying?”