Mint Is Pure Love - Chapter 34

B side ◀◀

There was only silence on the other end of the line. Even so, I forced the last of my words out. If I didn’t say it now, I felt like I’d never be able to.

“He’s in prison right now… He stole someone’s money.”

My brother always insisted our dad had taken the blame for someone else, but in the end, there was no other way to explain it. It was money in the billions, and Dad never gained a single won from it. But still, money that big had disappeared into thin air — so in the eyes of the world, it was Dad’s fault.

“After Dad was locked up… I think we were a complete mess.”

Especially Mom and my brother. Like people who had forgotten how to use their own two legs, they staggered and stumbled. Like people who had forgotten that even if you don’t die, you still have to live each day.

And in all that, they seemed to forget that I was barely sixteen — a minor, and the weakest one of us all.

“I’d never seen so many tears in my life.”

I didn’t even know where all those tears could possibly come from. Grief, despair, stubborn refusal to accept the truth, indignation, self-pity — all tangled up, spilling endlessly from my mom and my brother.

They clung to my pant leg like they were begging me to break down with them, to join their misery. Their tragedy was endless, as if my own spirit was the only place they could keep it alive.

I always felt like I was stepping onto a floor slick with tears. Like the hem of my pants was forever damp.

“…But I think those tears… might’ve been mine, all along.”

It was like something had cracked at the bottom of me, and everything inside was slowly leaking out. Every bit of emotion I couldn’t pour into comfort just drained away through the grip they had on me, sliding down my pant leg and pooling beneath us.

“Mom remarried. To Dad’s friend… They’re doing fine now.”

He was the one who had stepped forward the most during Dad’s case. And in front of him, Mom cried harder than ever.

Seokyung-ah… your mom betrayed us. She betrayed your dad and me. She abandoned us.

That was another blow to my brother.

Seokyung-ah… I’m sorry. But can’t you pity your mom, just a little? Help me understand her. She can’t live without leaning on him.

My mom, crying so pitifully — her small shoulders and tear-stained face became a way to get sympathy. She got what she wanted in the end, but she was greedy.

Seokyung-ah, don’t abandon me. Understand me. Don’t turn away from me.

Seokyung-ah… I’m in pain too. We should pity each other, right?

But who was I supposed to pity? Whose crying was I supposed to listen to? Mom’s? My brother’s? …Or my mom’s through my brother’s?

In the end, I was completely drained.

Their wailing echoed inside my hollow chest, leaving cracks everywhere, making me leak even more until nothing could be held inside for long.

But maybe… they weren’t the problem. Maybe the problem had been me from the very start. I was afraid of your silence, but my mouth — once opened — couldn’t stop spilling my first real confession.

“I have nothing to give to anyone.”

You, who could share warmth even with a beggar you met on the street — what would you think of me? If you saw me, someone who couldn’t pity anyone, would you avoid me?

“I’m… empty.”

You, who are so different from me — what would you think of a beggar with nothing inside?

—”Seokyung-ah.”

If you’re not crying, what would you say?

—”Then you can become anything.”

“…”

—”Because you’re empty. You can fill it with anything.”

No matter how big. No matter how grand.

Ji Yeonseo whispered,

—”It’s okay.”

“…”

—”We’re not even adults yet. We’re not complete. No one knows what we’ll be filled with.”

I just sat there, listening to her voice like it was salvation.

—”So it’s fine. You can stay empty for now. Until we slowly fill up with something — whatever that may be.”

She couldn’t even solve a simple math problem, yet here she was, offering me this clumsy comfort.

Ji Yeonseo — who could take a fire dropped on her own feet and still offer warmth to someone else — gave that to me. And it lit something small inside me.

“…Until then.”

It was instinct — a pure impulse. Cha Seokyung, who had never once asked anyone for anything, making his first and only plea.

“Will you stay by my side?”

***

I’d forgotten that this whole conversation had started because I wanted to soothe your heavy voice on the other end of the line. That’s all I am, at my core — even my attempts at comfort end up being about satisfying my own selfish needs.

In place of an answer, I heard your low, steady breathing. I gripped the phone tighter. My chest felt tight, my breathing shallow. That moment dragged on forever.

—”…Yeah.”

At that tiny reply, the tense muscles in my chest slowly loosened.

—”I’ll wait with you.”

“…”

—”I’ll stay with you until you’re okay again.”

Maybe… that was what I’d always wanted to hear from my mom and my brother.

Finally, I could breathe again. Deep, easy breaths. I couldn’t say a word back to Ji Yeonseo’s perfect comfort. My throat itched stupidly, and the taste of that long-overdue breath was so sweet I just kept breathing it in.

***

“I got my draft notice.”

I looked up from the poetry book in my hands. My brother was standing there with an envelope, smiling faintly.

I snatched the paper from him as he sat heavily on the living room floor. Under the heading Active Duty Enlistment Date Notice, the name Cha Wookyung was printed.

“They said I can postpone it if I meet the conditions.”

…

“But I think I’m just gonna go, Seokyung-ah.”

With his gaze turned toward the sky beyond the veranda, my brother’s face looked oddly refreshed.

“I’ve heard from my friends that the army straightens you out. No room for daydreaming when they run you ragged. I think I want that. To get my head on straight.”

He looked at me and smiled, like he was trying to reassure me.

“I told you, right? I’m getting better.”

“…”

“I put the deposit money for this place, plus what was left and my part-time earnings, into the household account. We won’t be rolling in it, but it should last until I’m discharged. Can’t give you pocket money though.”

“It’s fine. I’m working anyway.”

“Sorry. I haven’t been much of a brother.”

“…I know you tried your best.”

“Oh? You can say stuff like that now?”

He gave me a look of mock surprise.

“You used to be like an empty tin robot — didn’t care either way. Guess you’re human now.”

Something in that made me think of her, and I found myself smiling faintly. My brother noticed and glanced at the thin book in my hand.

“Mom used to like that poet.”

The word mom from his lips made my body freeze before I realized it.

“Back when I was in school, I’d come home all sweaty after practice and she’d be out on the terrace couch, reading that poetry book. Mug full of tea she liked. I didn’t feel like I was really home until I saw her like that.”

A faint, nostalgic expression crossed his face.

“I’m trying to stop hating her, Seokyung-ah.”

“…”

“Mom’s in the past now. She doesn’t exist in my present. I even tried thinking of her as dead, but… that was too hard.”

He lay back on the cold living room floor, hands pillowing his head, eyes fixed on the empty ceiling. His gaze was calm, like someone who’d reached enlightenment after a long struggle.

“I’m not forgiving her for her sake — I’m doing it for me. So I can live.”

There was light in his eyes now — the same kind of light he used to have when he told Dad his dream was to be a good person. My brother, Cha Wookyung, as he used to be.

I lay down beside him in the same way. His low voice began to fill our once-empty living room.

“If anything happens, tell your homeroom teacher. I’ve already explained things to him. I’ll leave you a list of contacts — ask for help if you need it. Oh, and guess what? I ran into Hyeji the other day. Remember her?”

“…Baek Hyeji?”

“Yeah. She said she was in the area for something. She cried when she saw me — said she missed me. I’m thinking of having a meal with her before I go. You wanna come?”

“I’m good. You go.”

He didn’t seem surprised by my refusal and kept talking.

“Don’t scrimp too hard. The army pays a bit now. And if you have worries—” He smirked. “—Nah, you never have worries, do you, Cha Seokyung?”

It wasn’t exactly unfair — I’d never really had problems I wanted to unload on anyone.

“…Who says I don’t have worries?”

He turned his head toward me, like he’d misheard. Still staring at the white ceiling, I thought of a face just as pale. My only real worry.

“Hyung… have you ever been in love?”