Mint Is Pure Love - Chapter 77

[Playlist 05]

Sadness is blue. Just as the English phrase “feeling blue” or the blues music that carries sorrow and pain suggest, if sadness had a color, Yeonseo thought, it would surely be a deep, heavy blue.

She lay sprawled across the cold wooden floor, the fan turning lazily overhead, staring awkwardly at the innocent ceiling. It wasn’t even her period, but her body felt weak, her motivation absent. Her mood sagged, damp and heavy. If someone could peek into her head right now, she thought, they’d find it overflowing with rolling waves of blue.

Only after a long time did Yeonseo finally name the color of her emotion. She was sad on this bright summer day.

“Yeonseo, I’m heading out.” Her mother, Youngseon, stepped out of the bedroom dressed to leave, frowning.

“It’s hot. Why don’t you turn on the air conditioner?”

“Waste of electricity. I’m the only one here in the living room anyway.”

“Good grief… sometimes I think you’re the most frugal one in this house.”

Sniffling for no reason, Yeonseo went to the door to see her off. In the shoulder bag her mother only carried for work, she could see pamphlets and documents sticking out.

“Where are you going?”

“To Aunt Youngju’s. She said she’d introduce me to someone who might buy insurance.”

“…But it’s so hot.”

“I’m not canvassing outside. We’ll just talk in her salon, it’s fine.”

It had been six years since they’d moved to Chungju. Her mother ran a small lingerie shop near the market, and on top of that, sold insurance whenever she could. Before university, Yeonseo had even chipped in with part-time wages. Business wasn’t bad, but with three kids still in school, their mother’s life was always hectic.

And though Yeonseo often told her not to, her mom always sent pocket money, homemade side dishes, and snacks—always the good kind. That caring insistence was, Yeonseo knew, one of the things that made her life even busier. Hugging her narrow shoulders beneath her loose summer jacket, Yeonseo murmured.

“…Mom, I’ll get a good job soon.”

“You just started college, and you’re already talking about work?”

Her mother scoffed, picking up her shoulder bag as if she’d just heard a five-year-old claiming they were off to work in an office.

“Anyway, eat lunch. I’ll bring beef for dinner.”

“…Pork belly’s fine. You don’t have to.”

“What kind of mother can’t buy her daughter beef when she’s home? I’m making good money.”

“Tch.”

“Don’t come out in this heat.”

Exchanging waves with her mom, who left with lighthearted words, Yeonseo locked the door and immediately flopped back onto her side on the floor. She didn’t want to do anything, though she knew she should. She didn’t even have an appetite.

The coolness rising from the brown wooden floor was soothing. Through the long window facing the yard, she saw the top of her mother’s head disappear out the gate. From the shaded living room, the outside world looked blindingly bright.

Yeonseo glanced at the cuckoo clock on the wall. One in the afternoon. Everyone else would be back at work after lunch, except for university students like her on summer break.

Coming down to Chungju had been a bit impulsive. No matter how she tried to steer her thoughts elsewhere, they always circled back to that sting in her chest.

She opened her messages and scrolled through old conversations.

[Yeonseo, I want to talk. I miss you.]

[I don’t want to see you right now.]

[Then at least let me hear your voice.]
[I won’t say a word, I’ll just listen.]
[5 missed calls]
[Yeonseo, please just answer once.]

[Don’t contact me for now. I need to think.]
[I mean it—don’t. Or I’ll really get mad.]

That was the last of it. It had already been five days. Since then, Seohyuk hadn’t sent a word. So obedient, Yeonseo thought bitterly. Except when it came to saying what actually mattered.

She was glaring at her phone screen as if it were the culprit when the ringtone chimed. Seeing the caller ID, she picked up immediately.

“Hey, Youngeun.”

—”Ugh, it’s so hot. What’re you eating tonight? Chicken and beer?”

Yeonseo rolled onto her back, staring at the ceiling, and answered listlessly.

“Not tonight. Mom wants me to eat at home.”

—”Family gathering? Is Minseo coming too?”

“No, he’s off at some summer camp, training or something.”

Her younger brother Minseo had played soccer all through high school and joined a university team. He aimed to go pro before graduation, so breaks were his busiest time.

—”C’mon, then let’s at least grab late-night snacks. Chani’s back home too.”

“Chani? Choi Chan?”

At the mention of a name she hadn’t heard in a while, Yeonseo’s voice brightened slightly.

—”Yeah, he’s home for break. So let’s meet. It’s been too long.”

It had been days since she came to Chungju, and aside from bumping into acquaintances at the convenience store, she hadn’t properly met anyone. Now that she thought about it, it had been a while since she’d seen Choi Chan too.

Chan was Youngeun’s childhood friend, the son of the snack shop next to her mom’s lingerie store. Thanks to that connection, the three of them often hung out back in school. For Yeonseo, he was practically her only male friend she could really name. Even after going to different universities and Yeonseo repeating her entrance exams more than once, they’d still exchanged updates once or twice a year.

I should also visit Chan’s aunt’s place sometime, Yeonseo thought, and said aloud,

“What time are we meeting?”

After rough plans were made and the call ended, silence fell again over the house, broken only by the refrigerator’s hum. Forcing herself up, Yeonseo stretched.

If Mom was out working in this heat, she could at least clean the house. Moving around would keep her from doing pointless things, like scrolling through her messages again and again.

She opened the windows, rinsed a rag in cold water, and scrubbed the TV stand and floors. The three-bedroom brick house with its little yard gleamed wherever her hands reached.

She remembered the day she first came here. Her brothers Minseo and Minjae had each given up a room for her, delighted to finally have their sister back. They had even cried with joy.

Back then, Yeonseo had wiped her own tears, still haunted by someone she’d left behind in Seoul. But seeing her mother and brothers so happy, she’d made a vow.

She would live well. At least, she would pretend to. For all the cruel words she’d used to push someone away, she owed it to her waiting brothers to show them she was doing fine.

“…So I tried to live well.”

She studied, ate school lunches, made friends. She had to. It felt like a kind of respect for the time she’d let go of. I let go so I could live well, she would tell herself.

Watering the cherry tomatoes and lettuce patch in the yard, Yeonseo sat down on the shaded steps. Her hands had worked calmly, but her thoughts churned like worms squirming under the sun.

So I hoped you were doing well too, Seohyuk. I wanted to respect that time. But finding out you weren’t—makes me angry, makes me sad. And it makes me feel like such a hypocrite. And truthfully…

Yeonseo scattered the thought before it could surface. She wanted to see him, to demand answers, to sulk and be consoled. But she was also afraid to ask.

The idea of snapping, Why did you let me feel jealous? seemed ridiculous even to herself. Childish, foolish. Yet she still felt hurt, frustrated—messy with emotions. Wasn’t adulthood supposed to mean settling such things quickly?

Just then, the front gate squeaked open, and a boy in a taekwondo uniform stepped in, holding a paper cup with a straw sticking out, surely a slushie.

“Hey, Minjae. Where’s mine?”

As if it had been meant for her all along, the elementary schooler handed her a fresh slushie without hesitation and plopped down beside her.

She took a sip of the icy blue drink, her brain freezing pleasantly, when a deep sigh escaped him. His face was so troubled she had to ask.

“…What’s wrong?”

“…”

“Is someone bothering you? Did the kids say something? Tell me, who was it?”

“Noona, I really don’t understand girls.”

“What?”

“Why are girls like that?”

The boy who once wore glasses too big for his face was now twelve, a red belt in taekwondo, but still had the babyish face of her little brother. Yeonseo blinked at him and asked, carefully.

“…You like someone? A girl?”

“…”

“Tell me. I’ll give you advice.”

A flicker of doubt crossed his small face.

“Do you even know anything about dating?”

“…”

“What’s the point in telling you then?”

With another deep sigh, far too adult for his age, Minjae shook his head and stole a sip of her slushie.

“…”

Well. She couldn’t argue. What advice could she give when her own love life was in shambles? Side by side on the steps, the siblings let out the same long sigh.