My Bloody Valentine - 35

When he managed to lift his heavy eyelids, the first thing Han saw was his familiar room. It wasn’t the single-room with a nameplate; it was his own prison, Room 301.

The room, devoid of a single ray of sunlight, was so dark that he couldn’t distinguish the colors. Outside the closed door, not a single sound of ants could be heard; it was eerily quiet.

Han, using only his eyeballs, looked around his room. The water from the sprinklers seemed to have disappeared, leaving the room clean and the bed with its neatly tucked blanket.

He slowly lowered his hands, exploring between his buttocks with hands that lacked proper strength. Something slippery touched him above the swollen entrance. He still felt a foreign substance inside, as if something was still lodged in his stomach.

Feeling the urge to cry, Han pulled back the blanket and sat up. There was no pain-free area, and he had no sensation below his waist. The only relief was that, unlike before, it didn’t seem like anything had been torn or injured significantly.

But, for a moment, Han didn’t want to contain any bodily fluids. He placed his legs outside the bed, but due to the lack of strength, they collapsed on the floor.

“Ugh….”

After a brief struggle, Han bit his lips, suppressing the urge to cry, and managed to get up. Dragging his dangling legs, he headed to the bathroom.

As soon as he saw his naked body in the mirror, a sigh escaped him. Traces of Jang Taesin were all over him. The way he had thoroughly chewed and slobbered on him was astounding. Especially the bite marks on the nape, earlobes, and forehead were vividly clear, making it impossible for anyone to not know what happened last night.

Han clenched his teeth and reached down between his buttocks. Something slippery touched his fingers as he explored the interior. However, there was nothing left inside when he probed with his finger. The substance at the entrance wasn’t semen; he could recognize it as ointment by its familiar scent. Someone had taken care of him after he passed out. They had removed the semen, applied ointment, and left.

Maybe it was Jang Taesin.

In a brief moment of thought, Han shook his head. Not only was that unlikely, but even thinking about it made him feel uneasy in its own way.

It was better for his peace of mind to believe that the doctor who had once inserted a saline needle into him had done it.

Han quietly looked at himself in the mirror. His pale face, looking as if it was always heavily burdened, was staring at him with a gaze that seemed to ask, “What are you doing here?” A reproachful gaze, as if questioning what he was doing.

Both body and mind, even morality, were beyond repair. The guilt and the pain were the consequences of his chosen descent into corruption.

And the starting point of that corruption was the meeting with Jang Taesin. Since reuniting with him, everything had turned into chaos.

He was a vandal and a destroyer. Not only did he ruin his body, but he also tainted and tore apart precious memories.

“It’s all because of you….”

He needed someone to blame, to cry like a child. Someone to scream at, throw things at, and punch. Only then could he endure it. Thus, resentment and hatred blossomed like flowers in full bloom.

After coming out of the bathroom, Han picked up a pen and went to one side of the wall. Under the place where the previous tenant used to calculate his debts, he drew twenty circles. Then he drew a long line piercing through the first circle, like someone stranded on a deserted island counting.

❖ ❖ ❖

“Oh, long time no see. How have you been, hyung?”

Seeing Han in the elevator, Jaegu was initially taken aback but pretended to be nonchalant. It was a similar reaction to when they met the day after spending the night with Taesin. Even without asking, Jaegu could tell the reason for his surprise by the way his gaze brushed against Han’s ears and neck.

After days of not being able to get up properly, Han was now in a condition where he could move a bit.

“It’s been three days, and the bite marks on my ear and neck are still deeply visible. The marks on my cheek are faint, but if you look closely, you can still see them. It was an oddly distinctive trace, wondering what kind of night led to this.”

“Jaegu, are you on your way home?”

“Yeah. No clients to find, planning to leave early today. What about you?”

“Going to the convenience store. Want to come along? Yujung said he’ll change clothes and come up right away.”

“Really? Yujung’s coming too?”

Reacting to Han’s words, Jaegu, who reflected his image on the sparkling elevator wall, ran his fingers through his hair and adjusted his appearance. In that moment, the excitement of a twenty-year-old was clearly revealed. Despite often boasting about having experienced everything in life, Jaegu looked quite adorable when he smiled. Han chuckled softly.

“Choose whatever you want, hyung. I’ll pay.”

“Thanks.”

Han chose an ice cream made of dark chocolate, feeling like a swollen vein. Jaegu picked up a bottle of carbonated water and a hangover relief remedy. After settling the bill, as if they had prearranged, they sat under the parasol placed outside.

Entering December, the weather had become noticeably colder. People carrying document bags were dressed more warmly.

“Jaegu-ya, what time is it now?”

“7 o’clock.”

This time, when people were starting their day, it felt like the end of the day in Taesenda. The sensation of being far away, as if in a country with a significant time difference, felt peculiar.

“Why? Envious of those going to work?”

As Han absentmindedly observed the passing people, Jaegu asked with concern.

“Just… those people seem to have somewhere to go. They have a company to go to and probably a house to live in… I envy that.”

“There’s no need to envy them too much. You know that saying, right? Even if someone appears completely content, if you tap deep inside their hearts, you can hear a somewhat sad sound.”

“Wow… Jaegu, you seem unexpectedly smart.”

Jaegu raised his chin arrogantly, laughed, and shrugged his shoulders.

“I don’t remember who it was. It was a status message from someone I know, so I kept a note of it. Planning to use it on customers.”

As a sigh escaped Han, a faint breath rose weakly and disappeared.

Wearing the thickest of his clothes, a hoodie jacket he bought at a large mart in Angol village, where he lived with his grandmother, Han looked at the people passing by. After being captured here at the beginning of autumn, the hoodie jacket was the thickest among the clothes he had. Han pulled up the zipper of the jacket to the neck and put on the hood.

Seeing Han looking worried, Jaegu patted his shoulder.

“Feeling cold? Want to go inside?”

“No. I like it here.”

Han insisted on staying outside, even though his fingertips were turning blue. If he didn’t expose himself to the outside air and sunlight like this, he felt like he would wither and die, like a plant unable to photosynthesize.

A while later, after removing his makeup and changing into workout clothes, Yujung joined them. He held a chocolate milk in his hand.

“Yujung, are you drinking chocolate milk? Did you drink a lot of alcohol today?”

“I really want to beat you up.”

“…I’m sorry, noona.”

Without needing a straw, Yujung pressed the milk carton to his mouth and gulped it down. He sighed heavily, as if to say he could now survive, and then looked at Han, who had flipped his hood.

“Oh? Han, why are you wearing so lightly and eating ice cream? It’s cold.”

As Jaegu seemed worried, he quickly raised his hand to stop Yujung and took off his jacket.

“No. I’d rather wear mine. Mine.”

“It’s okay. It’s not that cold.”

Han, trying to decline, handed over the jacket, but Jaegu, who couldn’t be defeated, put it back on after Yujung tried to wear it.

“No, it’s okay. I’m not cold.”

Han, having no choice, chuckled as Jaegu muttered softly toward Yujung.

“But, Yujung-nuna, do you find me disgusting every time you see me? Do you hate me that much?”

“Yeah. Kind of.”

“Just kind of? Then hate me more intensely.”

“Why?”

“Intense hatred hides beneath passionate love.”

“Ha… Who says such absurd crap.”

Listening to their conversation, Han silently gazed into the empty space. The winter morning sky was clear. He thought it was just as nonsensical as discussing something with far-off, pure white clouds.

Even if I hate Taesin to the extreme, there will never be a moment when I fall in love with him.

Yujung, tilting her head with excitement, asked Jaegu.

“Do you like me that much?”

“Yeah.”

“You’re impressive too. Both of us, developing feelings in such a complicated situation?”

“Nuna. Flowers bloom even in a barren field. Babies are born even during a war.”

Jaegu, unfolding his own theory about love over a long period, clapped his hands as if something had occurred to him.

“Oh, how about we do that? There’s a game from the movie Notting Hill. We talk about who is more unfortunate, and the one who wins gets a wish granted.”

At Jaegu’s suggestion, Yujung chuckled.

“I have a pretty sad story, but my life isn’t considered losing. Han, what about you?”

“Guys… Look at my situation right now.”

The three silently agreed, and they decided to play the unfortunate game. Since Jaegu lost in rock-paper-scissors, he was the first one to share his story.

“Our mom is an HIV carrier. So, we were even kicked out of the neighborhood where we lived.”

Expecting a shocked reaction, Jaegu rolled his eyes and scrutinized the two. However, there was no audience showing as much surprise as he anticipated. Yujung commented.

“It’s not considered a terminal illness nowadays. They say you can manage it with medication, like diabetes.”

“Well, yeah.”

Jaegu wore a somewhat deflated expression and gestured toward Yujung for the next turn.

“Our dad sold me for two billion won.”

“…Well, at least he sold you for a high price.”

Surprised, Jaegu comforted Yujung, who seemed taken aback.

“Is that supposed to be comforting?”

“Now, it’s Han’s turn.”

“A healthy beggar is happier than a sick prince… I’m a sick beggar.”

Yujung burst into laughter at the earnest words. She waved her hand, indicating him to stop, as if he were about to spray milk from his mouth. Looking at her face, Han spoke.

“Beggars may not have debts… I have debts.”

Jaegu comforted Han with a slightly deflated expression.

“Cheer up. Those who complain a lot tend to live longer. Enduring hardships.”

What the three busy sharing their own stories didn’t know was that behind the corner, Taesin was passing by, smoking a cigarette, and listening to all these stories. With a sly smile, he remarked.

“The kids seem to be having fun, don’t they?”

Looking at them with eyes filled with resentment, as if wanting to crush them with hatred, he added, “Especially that one. Don’t they?”

Taesin’s cigarette pack in his hand crumpled slightly.