My Bloody Valentine - 42

The next day, the group meeting under the convenience store parasol expanded to four people. It was because Woo-sin, after finishing work, once again followed Han to the convenience store. While Yujung remained indifferent, maintaining neutrality, Jae-gu openly showed his displeasure.

“Why do you keep tagging along, hyung?”

“Why? Is there a membership fee here or something?”

Jae-gu’s unexpectedly candid response and Woo-sin’s cheerful retort seemed out of the ordinary.

“Can I be honest with you? Are you interested in Yu-Yujung, hyung?”

As Jae-gu was about to reply, Yujung, who had been silently sipping on his drink, spat out the straw he was holding as if he couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

“I’d never be interested in Yu-Yujung. It’s more likely to be you.”

Jae-gu’s widened eyes blinked foolishly.

“What? What do you mean…”

“I’m gay.”

Jae-gu seemed to sense the gravity in Yujung’s statement and quickly wrapped his arms around him. Yujung appeared slightly surprised, and Han had nothing to say. But everyone tried their best to maintain their composure.

Perhaps because he had revealed a secret that was difficult to disclose anywhere, Woo-sin naturally blended in. They shared everything from small anecdotes they experienced while working to minor concerns they had. Han also confided in them about his own troubles.

“I met someone by chance. A younger brother I lived with in the orphanage like a family, like siblings.”

Han cautiously brought up the story of Taesin and himself. How affectionate he was, how close they were. Of course, he didn’t mention his name.

“But… he doesn’t seem to remember me at all.”

“When did you part ways?”

“About ten years ago.”

“That’s vague. But I don’t remember any of my friends from back then either.”

“Me neither. I remember some from middle school, but it’s all blurry.”

Yujung answered first, and Jae-gu followed suit. Woo-sin chuckled and teased Jae-gu.

“Jae-gu, it’s only been a few years, why is it so blurry? Isn’t that just a problem with your memory?”

“Hmm… Maybe it’s because I drank too much.”

Their reactions suggested that not remembering was natural. Perhaps I was just naive to have been waiting all this time, or maybe I was just forgetful.

“How about sharing it? Tell us some memorable episodes. Maybe that’ll jog your memory.”

“What? Are you going to talk about how close we were, how well you followed me, and whatnot? Ridiculous.”

Jae-gu retorted, and Woo-sin countered his words.

“But those memories are precious to Han. He doesn’t want to let them go. Jae-gu, maybe you’re too young to understand, but in life, there’s nothing as useless as a thorn or a bone.”

“No, but why does this hyung keep harping on about age? Is being old something to be proud of?”

Watching their banter unfold like Tom and Jerry, Han fell into deep thought.

Over the years, Han had thought about Taesin a lot. It was natural for the remaining person to think about the other person more. During that long time, most of the time, I missed him, and sometimes I resented him. I tried to understand myself by thinking that there must have been reasons for it. Each time I went through that process, Taesin’s memories, which I brought up again and again, became clearer in my mind.

So I had vividly remembered Taesin all this time. But as time passed, just like memories of Taesin faded away, I found myself wearing away without even realizing it.

After the gathering ended, the four scattered. Yujung and Han went back into the building, while Jae-gu took a taxi.

Walking alone, Woo-sin began to stride briskly, then glanced around before getting into a newly-model sedan parked in the public parking lot. It seemed a bit too extravagant for someone who had been struggling as a waiter.

As Woo-sin got into the driver’s seat, he dialed a number. After a few rings, the call connected.

“Yes, this is Woo-sin. It’s about Mr. Jang’s lover, a person named ‘Lee Han.’ No, it’s a man. Yes. I think it was Jang Taesin over there. He’s around twenty-eight, but I’m not sure if that’s his real age.”

Woo-sin stretched his neck from side to side, as if he had been burdened with more than his fair share of waiting tables. A faint creaking sound was heard.

“Oh, do you happen to know which orphanage he came from? It might give us some clues.”

After the call ended, the sedan pulled out of the parking lot and swiftly merged onto the road.

❖ ❖ ❖

“Yujung-ah, raise your hand a bit more.”

“Like this?”

“Yeah. Now, naturally spread your fingers apart. Bring your little finger closer to your lips.”

Han was sitting on the floor, while Yujung lay on Han’s bed, cradling his face with both hands.

Han’s eyes scrutinized every feature of Yujung’s face, then lightly marked the contours and positions of his facial features on the canvas beneath him.

“Wow, Yujung, your eyes look just like a cat’s.”

“Really? I like cats.”

“It’s beautiful, Yujung-ah.”

Although Han’s praise sounded sincere, it left Yujung feeling somewhat disappointed. There was no hint of emotion mixed in Han’s eyes or tone, just a clear, pure sincerity.

“Is it tiring? You only need to model for today. Just for the sketch.”

“Not at all.”

The canvas, about the size of a diplomat envelope, was intended to be filled with a close-up of Yujung’s face. Despite just sketching, Han already envisioned colors that complemented Yujung.

Yellow, pink, lilac, sky blue. Most were vibrant, transparent colors. Then, suddenly, Taesin came to mind. What color was Jang Taesin?

Black, black, black, and a shade darker than blood-red burgundy. As I pondered his thoughts even at this moment, a bitter smile crept onto my face.

“Han, did you dream of becoming an artist?”

“When I was very young.”

“And what about when you grew up?”

“A nurse.”

“A nurse? Why?”

Han began his story with a voice tinged with reminiscence.

“I was, and still am, physically weak since I was young. Whenever I caught a cold, it always turned into pneumonia and such.”

“I see.”

“When I was in the children’s ward, I was always alone. Everyone else had their moms, dads, or caregivers with them.”

“…”

“It was usually okay, but when I had to get shots or undergo scary procedures, it was really tough.”

Han’s pupils flickered with memories of his childhood. Even Taesin disappeared, leaving him utterly alone in this world.

“Ugh… What should I do…”

“The doctor was preparing for the procedure, and I was so scared, crying alone. Then one of the nurse sisters came to me, held my hand. It was so reassuring… It was really intense… But it made me feel so relieved.”

“Ah…”

With a look as if she might cry, Yujung widened her eyebrows. Han, knowing it was all in the past, tried to smile reassuringly.

“Is it because I always play the patient role? I wanted to play the role of someone who takes care of others.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“Why didn’t I? I couldn’t. I just couldn’t. I couldn’t attend school properly, couldn’t study, and all that.”

Han chuckled lightly. With a shortage of attendance days, Han barely graduated from high school. He thought even having a future goal was unrealistic given his situation.

“You should definitely go out, Han.”

“…”

“I’ve seen many nursing schools around here. You should go out. Okay?”

Until coming here, he had lived a life settling for ordinary days. With many underlying health conditions, even minor viral illnesses like colds could be fatal for Han.

He always thought, ‘I might die any moment, so what’s the point of someone like me.’ He hesitated for reasons that weren’t even funny. But after experiencing rock bottom, he realized that where he used to be wasn’t the bottom. If he just got out of here someday, he felt like there was nothing he couldn’t do.

“Yeah… I should. Yujung, what would you want to do when I go out?”

“Maybe I’ll open a café near the hospital where you work?”

When they were together, they always fantasized about distant freedom and welcomed a new day.

❖ ❖ ❖

“Hey, go and buy a pack of cigarettes.”

As he was bringing some snacks and about to leave, one of the customers threw a 10,000-won bill, which brushed against Han’s face and fell to the ground. Han picked up the bill, nodded politely, then went outside.

As he passed through the corridor and approached the counter, he saw a familiar face. Han’s steps faltered. Near his cheekbone, where he hadn’t seen before, was a scar. Manager Jo Kyeong-cheol was talking to someone.

Han knew why he had that scar and why he hadn’t been coming to work lately. It was because he had been hit by Jang Taesin, and the reason was because I ran away.

Feeling a presence, Han turned his head, and his shoulders tensed slightly as his eyes met Kyeong-cheol’s. His gaze was icy cold, like an ice block.

“Oh, hello… How are you…?”

“Do I look like I’m doing well to you?”

“I’m sorry…”

“Sigh… Get lost. Don’t stand out.”

Han passed him with a suppressed anger and quickly left. Then, on his way back after buying cigarettes at the convenience store, he cautiously looked around to see if Kyeong-cheol was still at the counter.

The store was unusually bustling, with people crowded near the entrance. Out of curiosity, Han pushed through and stretched his neck to look over people’s shoulders.

“…!”

Jaegu, his face covered in blood, was being carried out.