My Childhood Friend Meows Under My Skirt. (GL) - Chapter 3

I realized that my body was floating.

A place covered in a thin, muffled gray mist, devoid of anything. There was no pull towards anywhere, no floating, no falling. I simply remained in that spot. I quickly understood that I had once again been entranced by that white cat. This was the space I always visited whenever I lost consciousness recently.

Looking up, it was higher than the sky, and looking down, deeper than the sea. There were expanses to the left and right that stretched infinitely, with no horizon in sight. It was a place as vast as the universe, but not as lonely as the cosmos. I couldn’t tell if it was a world of consciousness shared by everyone or a place conjured from my own imagination. If it were the latter, then my imagination was indeed lacking. There was nothing interesting about it.

Though this was not the universe, sometimes small lights dotted the space like tiny windows. Peering through them, I could see outside. In other words, I could share the exact view that the white cat was currently observing.

“Ichika…”

At the entrance of the room stood Ichika, her face blank with bewilderment. She had just fought with me and gone home. Had she come back? Had she forgotten something, or was she worried? Or perhaps she wanted to continue our discussion.

Her expression was one of fear, as if she were terrified of something. She understood that there was no turning back, and felt helpless, yet she wasn’t quite at the point of breaking down into tears.

I had seen that face before. A memory flickered in my mind, sharp as a claw digging into my heart, and there was only one.

The trip we were supposed to take together, an escape. Three days after she failed to show up at our meeting place, an unexpected proposal came from my parents (strictly speaking, from my father).

“There’s also the option of Maki staying here. Your grandmother said she would be willing to take care of you. What do you want to do?”

I thought perhaps they had found out about my plan to run away, but that didn’t seem to be the case. It was merely a coincidence that the timing aligned.

I no longer felt like talking to Ichika. She wasn’t there when I needed her the most. I knew it was selfish and unreasonable, but still, I wanted her to be on my side. I wanted to know I wasn’t alone.

Staying in this town held no meaning anymore. Loneliness only grew stronger. At first, I intended to refuse. At that moment, I was certain I would answer that I would go with her.

“I’ll stay.”

The answer that came out of my mouth was the exact opposite.

I didn’t even understand why I had answered that way. It felt as if someone had taken over my body.

There was no atmosphere to correct myself immediately and say, “Actually, I want to go with you,” and so, in the end, I ended up staying at my grandmother’s house until I graduated from middle school.

It seemed that my staying in Miyage Town eventually reached Ichika’s ears. One day, as I was catching my breath in the school hallway, Ichika chased after me. When she called my name, I didn’t recognize her at first, and when I finally realized who it was, I regretted it. I had intended not to speak to her anymore.

“Ma-Maki, I heard from your mom that you don’t have to move.”

Was she catching her breath, or was she pretending to do so out of awkwardness? Ichika was stammering as she pieced her words together.

“Hey, Maki, is that true?”

“It is true.”

A smile began to form on Ichika’s face.

“So what?”

“Huh?”

I could see that smile deflating. Naturally. I was saying those words with that intention.

“I don’t have any obligation to tell you, Ichika.”

“Wha-why would you say that—”

“I’m sorry, but my staying isn’t for your sake.”

Ichika’s face stiffened. She looked frightened and scared. She was pale and desperately trying to fix something. It was a look of despair I had never seen before. For some reason, it hurt as if I were wearing that expression myself.

She responded with a strong tone, losing her composure.

“I apologized for not being able to meet you! It was my fault, but I had a cold!”

“It wasn’t a cold.”

Ichika fell silent. We both understood what was happening, and now, she was bringing it up again on purpose. I couldn’t bear to watch her dig her own grave with every word.

In fact, none of that mattered. I didn’t care that she had lied about having a cold, nor did I want an apology.

I just wanted her to be by my side. No matter how futile it was, I wanted her to struggle alongside me. That was all.

When would you realize the reason I’m cutting ties with you?

It was surely impossible, but would there ever come a day when I would have the opportunity to speak to her again? Would I be able to tell her then? A future that may or may not come flickered briefly in my mind, and then I told Ichika.

“Don’t talk to me anymore.”

Ichika didn’t say anything back. She slowly turned away, leaving as if to accept our severed ties. It was I who wanted to leave.

Since then, Ichika never spoke to me again. Until recently, she hadn’t been involved in my life at all.

And now, I was once again looking at Ichika’s face, filled with despair.

Entranced by the white cat, in this gray space devoid of both comfort and anxiety, I watched you through the small window of light.

I know you’re suffering right now.

I understand it’s not your fault.

I know that I’m the selfish one.

Yet still, no matter what, I find myself clinging to you in tears.

“Help me, Ichika…”