My Childhood Friend Who Was Doing Personal V-Tubing Got Ntr’d by a Singer (LOL), but I’ve Decided to Just Sit Back and Watch the Two of Them Roll Down the Hill of Life and Fall Into Ruin - Chapter 26: In Regret and Despair ~Masao After~ [Masao's Perspective]

Chapter 26: In Regret and Despair ~Masao After~ [Masao’s Perspective]

…How much time had passed since then?

After the police caught me, I collapsed badly and was sent to the hospital before being locked up in a facility.

On top of the magical happy herb turning out to be bad for the body, I had taken way too much of it, so my body had fallen completely to pieces.

Now, it was hard for me even to sit up on my own, so all I could do was lie strapped to the bed, staring up at the ceiling all day long. My mind was clear, but speaking words was difficult too, and it felt like I was alive but no different from being dead.

Damn damn damn damn damn, in this state, I could not even get busy with s3x and a girl.

My lord’s big and magnum peppy-peppy guy was crying!! And that too, this too, all of it, everything everything everything everything everything was all Tak-kun’s fault, that sh1t ugly bastard…!! He made me like this, I absolutely would not forgive him… no, I would not forgive him…!!

I did not know how long I had to live this caterpillar life, but I would get better soon, take revenge on Tak-kun, and make his bratty girl followers and the women who betrayed me squeal in pain!!

Yeah, after punching Tak-kun’s face until it swelled up huge, I would castrate him! And in front of Tak-kun who could not move, I would punch the girl he brought along over and over while playing with her like a toy. Ku~h, the best! Get better quick, my body!!

—

In that way, revenge thoughts and fantasies of eventually doing payback rape were all I had to live for, and I lived day by day like that.

Sometimes, the unmotivated old man who was Dad’s proxy came to visit to check on me, but otherwise, nothing changed in these bedridden days of just waking up in the morning and going to sleep, so there was nothing to do but indulge in fantasies, which could not be helped.

On one such day, the old man who came to visit me acted different from usual.

He sat down in the chair near my bedridden spot and started talking to himself while looking at me with pitying eyes.

“Your dad’s company liquidation is finished. The company got absorbed and merged into another company, and it’s gone now.”

I could not reply, but I heard it clearly. Dad’s company was gone.

It was a shock. That huge company where Dad had been strutting around so much… I had thought that after quitting as a singer, I could become vice president of Dad’s company. I even had a life plan to power harass subordinates while going full throttle at the company.

“And, your dad passed away. It’s thought to be from stress, but he collapsed on the roadside and never came back.

Most of Dad’s inheritance and the company sale money went to pay off debts and the compensation for the incidents you caused, but the lawyer who got you released before managed to recover enough for you to live in this facility, so you can stay here. …Not sure if you’re hearing this, though.”

…Dad, died?

Aaaaaaaaah! Vaaaaaaaah!! Why why why why on the roadside? Why something like that?! Aaaaaah, ah!! Ho, ho~h hoah~!! Hoa~h!

Lies, lies! I wanted to scream that it was a lie!

I wanted to claw at my head and cry out. But my body would not move, and no voice came out!!! What the hell is wrong with my damn body!!

As expected, it was all Tak-kun’s fault, aaaaaah!!

“I won’t be coming here anymore after today. …Your dad seemed to apologize to your victims’ people until the end, while worrying about you.”

After the unmotivated old man said that and left the room, in the now empty room, I cried without a voice. I could not move or shout, but tears came out. They would not stop. And in that moment, something dropped into my chest with a thud, and I understood.

—Tak-kun’s fault? No. …Lies… It’s my fault.

Everything was all my fault.

…Because I acted like an idiot, I caused trouble for so many people, so I had to apologize.

I wrecked the lives of so many girls and their families.

Each one I made into a fvck buddy and threw away had a family and a home and a life. I trampled on all that too.

Just like Dad thought of me as precious, the girls I trampled had families who thought of them as precious, and those suffered. I wrecked all of that.

I was trash. A hopeless scum, garbage, a worthless maggot, a s3x criminal. Just a grade-school-minded kidult who conveniently blamed others and ranted without facing reality.

Now, alone at last, I finally understood that. Falling this far before finally getting it made me too hopeless a guy.

I knew apologies would never be enough to forgive me, but still, I wanted to apologize. To atone. To make amends.

If only I could have stayed a dumb trash who never understood.

But now, I slowly came to understand the sin of what I did and how big it was. So now, all I had was the feeling that I wanted to apologize, and regret for what I had done.

Maybe because my heart got filled with despair like that, or because I used up energy getting excited, it felt like something important was draining out of my body.

I could not stop my eyelids from falling. The pain and languor attacking my body, this was not just sleepiness. It was the kind where my eyelids would never open again.

No, I did not want to end like this. Dying was fine, but I finally understood that what I did was awful. Yet I did not want to end like this; even if it meant prostrating on a hot iron plate, or if told to cut off fingers, I would cut five or ten; if told to chop off my proud magnum guy, I would chop it.

But dying without being able to atone or apologize to anyone, that was no good. No good, no…!!

But, my desperate heart cries went in vain, my eyelids closed, and the world in front of my eyes went pitch black!

This was my own doing, karma, right? Yeah, right.

Ah, but… if I could redo life, this time I would not make mistakes.

I would not twist up from complexes, or hold grudges against anyone.

I would not live just for myself, but become useful to people, and in that way get liked by people, live righteously.

Like a hero of justice, like that, I wanted to live, ah, ah… ah… dying… no, I, am dying, ze…. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorr―――

In my fading consciousness, with that last wish, I slowly ended my stupid, pitiful, miserable life.