My Husband Is Not Easy To Mess With. - Chapter 65: His Majesty, Quiet and Elegant
Chapter 65: His Majesty, Quiet and Elegant
Nie Yao made a small gift for his wife.
But now was not the time to give it to him.
Today’s exercise goal had not yet been achieved. Nie Yao pulled out a large basket of firecrackers from the corner of the stable that he had arranged for people to prepare earlier.
“These are new products from our factory.” Nie Yao told his wife not to hold the lantern so close, as it was dangerous. “How about we play with firecrackers tonight?”
“Okay, hubby.”
Du Suilan thought firecrackers were something only children liked.
He was already married.
And had a baby.
He was an adult!
He definitely wouldn’t like…
“Woah! It’s so loud, hubby!” Du Suilan followed his husband’s instructions, lit the fuse, stood up, and quickly ran away.
“Jiu—Dong!!”
Nie Yao’s factory was built to produce basic thermal weapons, so making these small firecrackers was no problem at all.
The quality was far superior to similar products on the market.
They were safe, gorgeous, and the sound was loud enough.
His Majesty the Emperor played one after another, and even taught himself how to blow up horse manure.
“Are you ready, hubby?” His Majesty the Emperor was nervous. He ordered his husband to ensure that absolutely no horse manure would get on him.
Absolutely!!!
“Don’t worry, wife!”
Nie Yao had already gotten tired of playing with these messy things when he was a child in his previous life.
Tonight, he was here to protect his wife’s safety.
The doctor said it was best not to let his wife get knocked or bruised, or the consequences would be severe.
“Then… I’ll blow it up?”
“Woah, ah, ah, ah!!”
Du Suilan ran incredibly fast, terrified that if he were a moment too slow, he would be in deep trouble. “Quick, quick, quick!!! Hubby, save me, ah, ah, ah, ah!!!!!”
There was a “Bang!!” behind him.
The adventurous Emperor had specifically chosen a large firecracker for this job.
Fortunately, Nie Yao was prepared.
He had already covered both himself and his wife tightly with a large piece of oiled paper.
Horse manure shot up into the sky.
And then drifted down.
“Pat-a, pat-a,” Du Suilan felt the horse manure, which had been blown to bits, occasionally land on the oiled paper above his head.
It was terrifying!!
Du Suilan held his husband tightly, hiding in his arms.
He silently chanted a mantra: Don’t fall on me, don’t fall on me!!! If there’s a breach, I’ll go after my husband! It was my husband who brought me here to play!
“It’s alright, wife.”
When the dust settled, Nie Yao quickly lifted and threw away the large piece of oiled paper stained with horse manure.
His wife was truly terrible at it, yet loved to play.
He could just imagine the scene—if even a tiny bit of horse manure had stained his wife anywhere today, it would have been utter chaos, turning everything upside down.
“Wife, there’s bamboo over there. Shall we go blow up some bamboo?” Blowing up bamboo should be enough. Horse manure or a cesspit weren’t suitable for his wife, the little immortal who loved cleanliness so much.
“But there’s another pile of horse poop there!”
The scene just now had been too thrilling.
Du Suilan, who had never played with anything like this before, was a little addicted.
Seeing another pile nearby, he rolled up his sleeves, wanting to go for a bigger one.
“Wife…”
Nie Yao tried to dissuade him, but his wife, who was already hyped up, wouldn’t listen to him at all.
Fine.
He had tried to reason with him. If something uncontrollable happened later, his wife shouldn’t blame him.
“Quick, quick, quick! Hubby, I want to use this one!”
Du Suilan found a firecracker under the basket that was bigger than his hand. Just by its size, he knew its power was extraordinary.
Nie Yao was starting to regret preparing something this exciting for his wife.
Big babies are also babies; playing with small pop-pops should be enough.
This kind of lethal power wasn’t suitable for him.
“Wait, wife.”
Nie Yao had already foreseen the coming messy scene. To prevent his wife from running too fast and hurting himself, he suggested: “Stand over there later. How about I teach you how to throw a bomb?”
The old imperial physician said that for the next year, his wife should only exercise appropriately.
Definitely no vigorous exercise.
This firecracker would surely scatter the fresh horse manure everywhere. If his wife ran even a little bit slow, he would be “hit” (stained).
“Okay, fine.”
Du Suilan still listened to advice.
He skipped and hopped, holding his husband’s hand, to the spot Nie Yao had chosen.
“Watch closely, wife.” Nie Yao demonstrated with a small pebble, hitting the target precisely.
“Ew~ Hubby, you’re so dirty! You actually threw a rock at the poop!”
His wife showed disgust.
Nie Yao was speechless.
Who was the one who wanted to blow up the horse manure? And he was calling him dirty. Wife, how clean could you be, the one holding the firecracker?
“Wife, are you sure you want to do this?” Before his wife made a move, Nie Yao confirmed his intention one last time.
“Will you protect me well, hubby?”
Du Suilan also confirmed his personal safety with Nie Yao.
Nie Yao said he would definitely not let any dirt get on him, but he couldn’t control the psychological experience.
So…
“That’s enough!” Du Suilan considered his willpower strong. Ordinary small scares wouldn’t frighten him at all. He hugged his husband, “As long as you say you can protect me, I’m not afraid!”
He then lit the fuse with a determined look.
His learning ability was unusually strong. Even though the instructor’s teaching skills were not great, the clever Emperor grasped the essence in one go.
He threw it with a standard posture.
Successfully hitting the target.
“Sizzle, sizzle, sizzle…”
The long fuse visibly shortened.
Nie Yao was about to open a new large piece of oiled paper when Du Suilan whined, “Hubby, hubby! I want to see how it explodes!”
“You’ll figure it out, won’t you, hubby?”
“Hubby? Hubby~~ Hubby~~~”
The fuse was getting shorter and shorter.
Nie Yao quickly warned him three times that the scene would be very disgusting, to prepare himself mentally, and to close his eyes if he couldn’t handle it.
Du Suilan was determined.
“Don’t worry, hubby, I can handle it!”
He insisted on watching.
Nie Yao then put down the oiled paper in his hand.
“Boom!!!”
The moment the firecracker exploded, Nie Yao shielded his wife, his profound internal energy expanding outwards to form a small, all-around protective shield.
It’s truly disgusting…
That was the only thought left in Du Suilan’s mind.
“Ugh…”
With the crisis averted, Du Suilan, who had just been full of excitement, instantly wilted.
Unable to hold back the nausea, he instantly threw up.
“Go… ugh… ugh…” He had to leave this place quickly! “Dis… ugh… Disgusting… ugh, ugh, ugh…”
“Quick! Take me away!!”
Due to his wife’s strong demand to quickly leave the scene, Nie Yao didn’t even have time to let him rinse his mouth before carrying him and flying back.
Inside the bedchamber.
Du Suilan rinsed his mouth repeatedly with precious tea.
Afterward, he took a bath using a large amount of highly fragrant plum blossom petals.
Having done everything, Du Suilan lay sprawled on his husband, feeling as if he had lost half his life. He felt sad, but didn’t want to admit that he had caused all of this.
So, he pitifully sniffled, shifting the blame: “It’s all your fault. If you hadn’t brought me to play with firecrackers, how would I have ended up like this…”
This world was already dirty; he wanted to emigrate to Mars.
Du Suilan: “Hubby, will there be an emperor on Mars? What if no one waits on me after we move there?”
“Don’t worry, I will wait on you well.”
Nie Yao saw that his wife was greatly affected and explained to him that horses eat grass, and what comes out after the grass is digested and absorbed by the horse’s digestive system is what they just saw.
It wasn’t as dirty as he imagined.
At least it was thousands of times cleaner than the [excrement] of people who eat miscellaneous food.
“Don’t talk about it!”
Du Suilan was exasperated. He decided to seal this dark history and no one would ever be allowed to mention it again.