My Sun and Your Star - Episode 3

“What are you doing?!”

I was so startled I felt my heart might leap out, and my feet unconsciously stepped backward. It was a voice I’d heard before. Why was Endō-san here?

With a fierce expression, Endō-san moved closer.

Just like when she’d helped me before, my arm was gripped firmly, and I was led to the open area of the rooftop.

If it had been just a moment later, surely everything would have gone according to plan—I think I was unconsciously looking at Endō-san with a resentful expression. She looked at me with a face that couldn’t be described as either angry or sad and asked,

“What were you about to do just now…?”

I’ve never told anyone about these feelings, and I have no intention of confiding in anyone in the future. I didn’t want someone who wasn’t even a friend, like Endō-san, to figure it out, so I decided to brush off the situation with a lie.

“I like walking along the edge of the rooftop.”

It was a pretty flimsy lie. Even so, it was the best lie I could come up with to gloss over the situation.

“What did you think would happen if you died?”

She moved closer, her face clearly showing she was angry. She had no right to worry about me like that. This is my problem; she’s a complete stranger and has nothing to do with it.

“I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it.”

Even though Endō-san wasn’t at fault, I became defensive, stringing together careless words and blaming her. But I think she’s at fault too.

I’ve felt it for a long time: I really dislike people like Endō-san and want nothing to do with them. She might think she’s doing what’s best, but from my perspective, she’s just a hypocrite.

Ever since the day she helped me, I’d wondered why she did it. When I passed by her classroom, I’d unconsciously look for her and watch her. But the more I saw of her life, the more irritated I became.

Because Endō-san resembled my older sister, whom I detest.

My sister would always hold my hand and say, “It’s okay. I’m on Hoshizora’s side.” Even on that day when the other three family members went out to eat without me, when I was crying in my room, she said, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry…” over and over, and stroked my head until I fell asleep.

That day, after crying so much, tired and sleepy, I still can’t forget what my sister said and the look on her face.

“I’ll handle things in this house. I’ll always be on Hoshizora’s side,” she said with a smile. But it wasn’t a genuine smile; it looked like nothing more than a strained, polite smile meant to suppress her own pain.

How can you say you’re on my side when you’re suffering yourself?

It made me angry when she said things like she’d carry the burden of the family alone.

Why does my sister have to make such a pained face?

Why won’t she rely on me?

If we worked together, maybe the situation could change, but she was suffering in a situation she couldn’t handle alone.

From that day on, my sister was always studying, and she started interacting with our parents, her friends, and even me with a fake smile. She was pleasant and well-liked by everyone. Our parents cherished her, and I grew sick of her, started avoiding any involvement with her.

The times I liked my sister the most were when she was smiling from the heart, and even now, I look for that smile from back then. She was so caring; we used to play together often, both at the park and at home.

Those times were so fun, we were always laughing together so happily, I wished they would last forever.

Why did my sister become like this?

There’s only one reason.

Because I was born incompetent.

The parents I loved so much started treating me as if I weren’t their child, and the sister I loved and was my only reliable person started lying to me.

I hate hypocrites.
I hate my big sister so much.

Endō-san looks just like that sister I hate so much.

When she’s with friends, she smiles at everything she’s asked to do. But it never looks like a real smile.

As far as I could see, she never refused a request from a friend. She acts as if it’s fine to just go along with everyone, even if she gets hurt, as long as things stay peaceful.

‘Hypocrite.’

It’s a word that suits both my sister and Endō-san perfectly.

She must think she did a good thing by ‘saving’ me again.

Right now, I’m not in a good state; all sorts of emotions are mixed together, and I can’t suppress my irritation. I’m usually able to control my emotions, but I ended up lashing out at Endō-san because she resembles my sister.

Really, if Endō-san hadn’t helped someone like me in the first place, I wouldn’t have had to see her life and get so irritated.

“Are you okay…?”

Endō-san’s hand touched my cheek. The sensation suddenly felt like a cold wind on my spine, and a nasty feeling welled up.

“Don’t touch me!”

I reflexively slapped her hand away.

“Tears…”

Ignoring my attitude, she just murmured that single word.

Tears? I checked my own cheek. Maybe because I got emotional and the bl00d rushed to my head, I hadn’t even noticed what was happening to my own body.

I didn’t understand why I was crying. At any rate, I didn’t want Endō-san to see. I tried to run away from the spot, but she grabbed my arm again.

“Let go! Don’t touch me!”

I tried to shake her hand off, but she held my arm firmly, her grip so tight it almost hurt as it dug into my skin.

“If you go like that, you’ll worry a lot of people. For now, it’s just me here, so why don’t you stay until you stop crying? If I’m bothering you, I’ll leave.”

Saying that, she pressed something into the hand she was holding.

It was a yellow handkerchief with a small embroidered flower on it.