New Normal - Chapter 69

“But this… this was something I’d been planning before I even met you, Shin Jisoo. And… more importantly, I want to keep being with you, no matter what.”

His words tumbled out in a rush, the ending trembling faintly. He wanted to sound as calm as usual, but his sentences kept breaking awkwardly, stopping and starting again. Biting down on his lip, Juwon rubbed a hand over his cheek.

“I know the timing’s all wrong. I’m still figuring out where I’d go, and when. I was trying to find the right time to tell you. Honestly, even going overseas at all isn’t set in stone yet, it’s not a done deal. That’s the truth.”

The urgency in his heart only made him sound more unsteady. He grabbed her hand in a hurry, but her skin felt strangely cold, almost unfamiliar. A bad feeling crept in, but he forced himself to meet her gaze.

“Anyway, what I’m trying to say is, no matter where I go, I want us to be in a real, committed relationship. I want us to talk about the future and move forward together. So… I’d like you to come with me. You’re planning to go abroad next year anyway, so I thought this wouldn’t be a big problem—”

Before he could finish, she drew in a long breath and pulled her hand free. Blinking slowly, she gave him a small, sorrowful smile.

“Juwon.”

Her voice trembled slightly. Despite the quiver in her tone, her gaze stayed fixed on him, steady enough that he could feel the faint vibration in his fingertips, born from his own anxiety.

“If I don’t get selected for the visiting scholar program, and I said I wouldn’t go with you… what were you planning to do then?”

The sharpness of her question left him staring, speechless. And only then did it hit him, what a mistake he’d made. He opened his mouth to answer, but she was quicker.

“And … the fact remains, you were planning to go abroad, right? Without saying a word to me, without discussing it at all. Just… telling me like this. Isn’t that right?”

The silence that fell over her small face was cold and unyielding, her once warm eyes now unfamiliar in their stillness.

His throat suddenly felt parched. The fingers gripping the jewelry box twitched slightly. The excitement that had filled his whole body earlier had vanished completely, replaced by a razor-sharp tension that set every nerve on edge.

Ah, damn it.

Juwon ran a hand over the back of his neck, searching for the right words.

“…I’m sorry. For not telling you sooner. And for letting you find out like this. But what matters is, I love you. A lot. And I want you to keep being by my side, Shin Jisoo.”

He’d missed the perfect moment, but his confession was still sincere. Her eyes wavered just a little, lips trembling as she drew in a small breath.

But as the seconds passed without a reply, Juwon began to grow restless. Time seemed to crawl unbearably slow. Jisoo kept her gaze on the ground for a while, then took a small step back, drawing a line between them. Juwon reached out instinctively, but his hand didn’t reach her.

“I think… I need some time to think.” She lifted her face, voice firm with resolve.

The uncharacteristic coldness caught him off guard. Before he could react, she quietly slipped off the jacket he’d placed over her shoulders and handed it back.

Caught unprepared, Juwon took it automatically, frowning as he stumbled over his words.

“Time? Ah… you mean, about leaving—”

“No. Time to think about our relationship.”

His heart dropped straight to the floor.

***

The only light in the dark room came from the desk lamp. Jisoo froze in the middle of making her class PPT and stared blankly at the screen. Her eyes were on the laptop, but her mind had wandered far away.

“Ah, I only mentioned it because I’d heard rumors that Chae Juwon’s… not exactly the type to take relationships seriously. Thought you should know, did you not hear about it? I just heard it too… I’m not even sure if it’s true yet. But a mutual acquaintance told me he got an offer from the place he used to work at. And if he leaves this time, he’s gone for good.”

Letting out a deep sigh, Jisoo pressed her palm to her forehead and shut her eyes. The moment she’d heard those words from Choi Seyeon, a cold, sharp chill had spread from somewhere deep inside her chest.

Betrayal. Disappointment. And right after that, the shame and hurt of hearing something like this from Seyeon instead of from him. Jisoo tried to pull herself together, but her face refused to hide what she was feeling.

The discomfort lingered long after. She kept telling herself it couldn’t be true since she hadn’t heard it directly from him. But the fear that his plans might not match hers, the realization that their relationship could be cut off depending on what he decided, the creeping thought that maybe she was the only one intoxicated by this thing she’d been calling love—all of it gnawed at her.

She kept denying it, but the truth was, the deeper her feelings grew, the harder it became to let him go. That, more than anything, disgusted her.

It could be nothing. Just a stupid rumor. She told herself that as she deliberately avoided seeing him, trying to buy herself time to think. But eventually, she convinced herself it couldn’t be true and agreed to meet him, only for him to show up drunk, whispering sweet nothings and nothing else. That was when it hit her, maybe he never had any intention of telling her the truth at all.

She’d worked up the courage to ask him first, but he’d stammered and dodged the question. And when she said she needed time, he didn’t press further. That was the moment something inside her twisted.

Jisoo pressed the heel of her palm hard against her eyelids. She was sure they’d opened up to each other, that they’d given themselves to one another. So how could he keep something so important, such a big decision, completely to himself? How could he decide something like that without even talking to her?

Unwanted truths always seemed to find their own way to her. Seyeon had done it once, and today, Chae Juwon had done it again.

He had plans she’d never been told about. Whether it was New York or Berlin or somewhere else, he’d been getting ready to leave, without a single word to her.

Unlike the time with Seyeon, she didn’t fight it as hard this time. When Juwon told her himself, her first reaction was shock. She tried to soothe herself, insisting it couldn’t be real, denying the reality. But she couldn’t hide the dull ache that throbbed in one corner of her heart.

The shock quickly turned to anger. The gentle smiles he’d shown her, the sincerity she thought she’d felt in all those little moments, what if it had all been an act? That thought sent a chill through her chest.

How could he make such a decision without saying a word? And worse, how could he not tell her anything? The mix of hurt and betrayal surged up in her throat.

Then that anger turned inward. Maybe, to Juwon, she was never worth that much to begin with. Maybe she’d been the one placing too much weight on their relationship. Her pride stung, raw and bitter.

Was she too naive for believing his love was real?

She picked up her phone and stared at Juwon’s name on the screen. She wanted to call him right then, to demand an explanation or maybe not demand, but confirm what was in his heart. But she couldn’t bring herself to do it. The contradiction in her emotions left her feeling lost all over again.

She let out a long, heavy sigh. One thing was clear, she couldn’t keep torturing herself like this. She had to decide, hold onto him, or pull away.

Getting up from her chair, Jisoo walked to the window. Outside, the distant apartment buildings looked peaceful, but inside, her mind was still a tangled, restless mess.

Just then, her phone lit up with a call from an unknown number. It didn’t last long before it disconnected, followed by a text.

When Jisoo checked the screen, she frowned.

[Jisoo, it’s me, Song Woohyun. How have you been? I’m back in Korea. Let’s meet up sometime if you’re free.]

The moment she saw Woohyun’s name, a chill slid down her chest, and her heart thumped heavily once, as if a piece of the past had suddenly reached out and grabbed her ankle. She stared at the screen for a long time without moving.

Woohyun was an ex-boyfriend she’d met during her master’s program, not her first boyfriend, but the one she’d liked enough to picture marrying. In a way, he was her first love.

The sting of disappointment she felt toward Chae Juwon today tangled with the old betrayal she’d once suffered from Song Woohyun, pressing down on her chest until her heartbeat felt dull and heavy.

Her thumb hovered over the delete button but stopped mid-action. Maybe… meeting Woohyun this time, once and for all, could help her cut the lingering thread of feelings she hadn’t truly severed inside herself.

Exhaling slowly, Jisoo picked up her phone.