On Standby - Chapter 17

After receiving Lin Ye’s reply, Tang Feihuan felt like she had suddenly won the lottery. She leaped up from her armchair, heedless of the cushions and wine bottles that tumbled to the floor. She rushed to the bathroom and turned on the faucet. Cold water gushed out as she gazed at her reflection in the mirror. Her cheeks were flushed like ripe September apples.

Though she had already downed three bottles of wine, leaving her head a bit foggy, she remained lucid enough to understand what she was doing. She knew the alcohol had merely accelerated this conversation.

She washed her face, wiped the light sweat from her arms, changed her clothes, and left the house with the twelve registered letters she had written to Lin Ye.

They had agreed to meet at the basketball court bleachers behind the Shu Jiang University School of Medicine—the same spot where Tang Feihuan and Lu Yuqing had once clumsily played basketball while Lin Ye watched from below. By now, it was nearly nine o’clock. The students had dispersed, and the court lights were off. Tang Feihuan found a corner near a streetlight and waited quietly for Lin Ye.

The southern summer air hung thick and humid, offering no respite even at night. Tang Feihuan had rushed out without her small fan and resorted to fanning herself with her hand. But after several futile attempts, she only felt hotter from the ridiculous effort.

As the old saying goes, drinking makes you stupid.

Tang Feihuan placed the registered letter on her lap, burying her head in her phone as she watched the minutes tick by, yet still no sign of Lin Ye. Did she regret it? she muttered, immediately retracting the thought. Lin Ye was a woman of her word; she never broke a promise. That was true in the past, and it must still be true now. Sure enough, Tang Feihuan got up to throw a sweat-soaked tissue into the trash can. As she turned back, she spotted Lin Ye walking toward her from about five meters away.

Under the night sky, Lin Ye wore the simplest of outfits: a white T-shirt, gray shorts, and a ponytail. Yet even in this ordinary attire, she effortlessly struck Tang Feihuan’s heart, leaving her mesmerized.

“I’m sorry I’m late,” Lin Ye said. She had just finished putting Lin Yangyang to sleep and changing before rushing out.

“No, no problem,” Tang Feihuan replied, quickly averting her too-direct gaze and gesturing for Lin Ye to sit on the bamboo mat beside her.

Lin Ye thanked her and sat down as instructed.

For the next half-minute, neither spoke. Tang Feihuan, suddenly nervous, fidgeted with the letter on her lap, her lips pressed tightly together, unsure how to break the silence. She stole a glance to her right, noticing Lin Ye sitting with her hands resting on her knees, her head tilted slightly upward as she gazed into the night.

“Director Lin… Director Lin…” Tang Feihuan hesitated, unsure how to address him at this moment. After a long pause, she finally managed to stammer out the three words.

“Hmm,” Lin Ye responded coldly, his voice so icy that it sent a shiver down the spine of the person to his right.

The courage Tang Feihuan had mustered moments earlier instantly crumbled. She had prepared a long speech thanking Lin Ye for his letters, but now she couldn’t remember a single word. Forced to improvise, she began with the period after their breakup: “At the end of 2013, I received the four letters you sent. I also learned that you had written twelve in total.”

Lin Ye remained silent, maintaining his earlier posture. Unable to see his expression, Tang Feihuan continued, “After reading the letters, I immediately tried to call you and send messages on QQ, but I couldn’t reach you.” She paused, her voice choked with emotion. “I know I deserved it.”

As the night deepened and the surroundings grew quieter, Tang Feihuan could clearly hear Lin Ye swallow. Before she could continue, a woman’s voice, devoid of emotion, cut through the silence: “On December 7th, I sent that message. I waited until December 15th to delete your QQ account, and only on December 16th did I go to the service center to change my phone number.”

Letters, representing an unknown romance. In truth, Lin Ye had already shared the contents of these twelve letters with Tang Feihuan over the phone. He had written them down to surprise her, hoping that if they weren’t lost, Tang Feihuan would find them in her distant land, pulling them out to relax when she was weary from studying or working.

“I…” Tang Feihuan was at a loss for words. During that time, she had been preparing for her first surgical assistant role, spending consecutive days at the hospital reviewing literature and practicing surgical techniques.

Seeing her silence, Lin Ye felt a sudden pang in his chest, as if pricked by a needle. He struggled to control his emotions and said softly, “Whether you read these letters or not… it doesn’t matter anymore.”

“It does matter,” Tang Feihuan insisted, sniffing. Her voice was firm. “I wrote twelve letters too, and sent them to your rental apartment behind the Second Affiliated Hospital. But you must have moved by then, because they were all returned by the post office.” She gently pushed the stack of envelopes toward Lin Ye.

Lin Ye had glimpsed the tears shimmering in the corner of her eye, but he steeled his heart and ignored them.

The stack of envelopes lay silently between them.

“If you really wanted me to receive your letters, you could have sent them to the triage desk in the Emergency Department.” Despite suppressing her emotions, Lin Ye lost her usual composure, her voice catching in her throat as she said, “So, Tang Feihuan, you never truly cared.”

She had never spoken so harshly to Tang Feihuan before. Now, she wanted to lay everything bare, hoping to make the reasons for their breakup clear and ensure a clean break, free from lingering regrets.

“Tang Feihuan, you always do this—assuming you’ve done your best. But have you ever considered whether I felt it?” Lin Ye’s eyes welled with tears, her words cutting deep.

“You could ignore my messages for two days, then reply with ‘I’m so tired, so sleepy,’ and leave it at that…”

Each word Lin Ye spoke crashed into Tang Feihuan’s mind like a flood, instantly extinguishing the simmering fire in her heart.

She’s right, Tang Feihuan thought. I’ve always given too little in return. I assumed she wouldn’t mind, that she would understand. As medical students, their time together was already scarce, and a long-distance relationship only compounded the difficulty. Yet Lin Ye always made time for her. Why couldn’t she do the same?

Had she grown too comfortable with Lin Ye’s initiative, forgetting that she needed her reciprocation too?

How could a relationship built on such inequality ever last?

Tang Feihuan felt as if she had been struck by a sudden realization. She wiped away the tears that had unconsciously slipped down her chin and looked up to meet Lin Ye’s gaze. Backlit, Tang Feihuan couldn’t see the tears Lin Ye was desperately holding back, but she could sense the other woman’s strained breathing. The words slipped out before she could stop them: “I’m sorry.”

“There’s no need,” Lin Ye said, averting her gaze. “Our breakup wasn’t anyone’s fault alone. I was wrong too—I never told you about my dissatisfaction.”

Tang Feihuan remembered the times Lin Ye had hinted at her feelings through jokes and playful teasing. Now, speechless, she could only shake her head and listen as the woman laid out all her past disappointments, one by one.

“I can’t control you, so I can only control myself.” Less longing, slowly trying to sever the past. Lin Ye erased the second half of the thought from her mind, stood up, and turned her back to Tang Feihuan, her voice hoarse. “I hope that in the future, when you meet someone you like, you’ll treat her better.”

Tang Feihuan hurriedly called out, “Lin Ye.”

The figure before her paused slightly.

Tang Feihuan took a deep breath and finally voiced the words that had been weighing on her heart for so long: “Could you… give me another chance?”

Lin Ye’s heart skipped a beat. She didn’t answer, pausing for only two seconds before leaving Tang Feihuan with the sight of her retreating back.