Reasonable Loss - 10

“That… could feel bad… right? Like diffusers or perfumes are nice subtle but gross if too strong.”

“Uh… no. You can’t compare an instinctive scent to artificial ones. The alpha senses his own omega’s scent more vividly on purpose, to protect him. But… that varies by individual too, so it’s hard to say for sure.”

“…”

Eunsu nodded meaninglessly. As he fidgeted with his fingers and sorted his thoughts, he belatedly remembered why he’d come all this way.

“Prescribe me some pheromone suppressants.”

“Yes. Do you need more vitamins or supplements?”

“Oh, I have those.”

Eunsu shuddered as he pictured the boxes of pill bottles stacked in one corner of his house. When he learned about the pregnancy, not just Dokwon but Myunghee and Kiho had made a huge fuss and bought everything under the sun. Even Secretary Jeong had gifted prenatal vitamins, congratulating him.

He could probably survive nearly a year on pills alone without food.

“I’ll give you one bottle of suppressants for now.”

The doctor said as she typed various things.

“Can’t you give me more?”

Eunsu asked suddenly. The doctor shook her head.

“No, you can’t. Come back to the hospital periodically to get them. Pharmacies won’t dispense without a prescription, so don’t think about getting them elsewhere.”

“…It’s just suppressants, though?”

Eunsu tilted his head. Suppressants were like water to an omega. Something you carried daily, for life. But only one bottle? And hard to get? It wasn’t like they were drugs…

“You’re pregnant. Suppressing natural pheromones is very bad for a pregnant omega.”

“Ah…”

“It’s best not to take them, but if you need them for daily life, you have no choice. So maximum four pills a day, no more. During heat cycle, pills won’t cut it, so come back then.”

The doctor said firmly. Eunsu nodded his chin slowly. Four pills a day. He chewed the words over in his mind.

* * *

Eunsu went straight home from the OB-GYN and rested. Being there had made him feel the reality of his pregnancy anew, in a strangely fresh way. Seeing people with big bellies cherishingly stroking them felt like a hard smack to the back of his head.

He had to take care of his body. Even if he was an omega, created to get pregnant, he still needed to do the basics, right?

No, actually… it was to atone and reflect on the rash words he’d spat out.

“If that’s the case, ah, if the baby disappears… would things get better?”

To say something like that. He was crazy, crazy.

Eunsu had thought that the moment a child was born, feelings would suddenly appear out of nowhere, the kind where he could do everything for that child and devote his whole life to it.

But the fact of having a child and the budding of paternal love turned out to be slightly different matters.

Eunsu had learned about the pregnancy before any symptoms even showed up, thanks to Dokwon’s sensitive nose, and then the accident happened before he could fully comprehend and accept that fact, so there hadn’t been any room for paternal love to sprout.

That’s why the baby in his belly didn’t feel that precious or endearing. He was still in a dazed state.

However, what he had said at the OB-GYN was clearly wrong. He had gone too far. There are things you can say and things you can’t. Even if he hadn’t been in his right mind, to say something like that. If Dokwon had known, that Dokwon who loved him, he would have been deeply disappointed and saddened.

Eunsu came home and ate right away. He pulled out every side dish in the house and even grilled the ribs that Dokwon had secretly brought without him knowing, eating a hearty meal. Then he searched the internet for suitable supplements and took them, and drank caffeine-free tea.

Eating well and resting well. That was the only way he could apologize to the baby.

And to aid digestion, he handled the backlog of emails. It had been exactly two weeks since he had let go of company work due to the sudden accident and sudden leave. Since he hadn’t finished the tasks he was working on, he felt terribly sorry to his team members.

After working like that for about three hours, he hugged Dokwon’s coat and fell asleep early.

And the next day. Eunsu stood in front of Dokwon’s hospital room as usual.

The hospital room door was firmly closed. Eunsu took a deep breath and let it out slowly. For no reason, he clenched and unclenched his hand, and his heel fidgeted. His tension was so intense that he could hear his heartbeat echoing in his ears.

After standing there unable to decide what to do for several minutes, Eunsu finally opened the door with effort. But for some reason, the hospital room was completely empty.

Eunsu let out a sigh of relief without realizing it. Then he mocked himself at how ridiculous he looked. He had come to see Dokwon, yet he felt relieved that Dokwon wasn’t there. It was absurd.

Eunsu stepped carefully into the hospital room. And he quietly scanned the silent room. Dokwon’s scent was there. It was a scent so much thicker and more vibrant than the one on the coat he had placed around his bedroom pillow.

In the spacious hospital room, the place most soaked in his scent was, of course, the bed. Eunsu approached the bed as if drawn by something.

On the bed lay a tablet PC that he assumed Dokwon had been using and a thick knit sweater tossed carelessly. Had he been working? Seeing something like this suggested that yesterday’s seizure hadn’t carried over to today.

That’s a relief.

With a faint smile on his lips, Eunsu placed the tablet on the bedside table. He straightened the rumpled bedding and tried to hang the knit on a hanger in the corner.

“……”

At that moment, a naughty thought came to him.

This knit must have even more of Dokwon’s scent on it. A much thicker scent than the one floating in the air. That kind of thought.

His throat went dry and rough. Meanwhile, saliva pooled between his molars. The soft, thick knit felt like a tempting treasure of gold and silver. He wondered if Adam looking up at the fruit of knowledge of good and evil had felt something like this.

Eunsu, who had been biting his lower lip, finally gave in to his desire.

Well, it’s not a big deal. Just sniffing a bit. And it’s not someone else; it’s the father of the baby in his belly. This much should be fine, right? He consoled himself like that.

Eunsu buried his nose in the knit. And he inhaled deeply. Just as he expected, Dokwon’s scent filled him up. It was a scent so good it bordered on ecstasy. It was also the scent he loved most in the world.

The corners of Eunsu’s mouth curved up in a gentle smile. It was a scent he had smelled every day before the accident. A scent he fell asleep to and woke up to. Yet now, even after not that long, those times felt so very distant.

Eunsu hugged Dokwon’s knit, oblivious to the passage of time.

“What are you doing?”

If that cool voice hadn’t sliced across the back of his neck, he might have frozen solid into stone. Startled out of his wits, Eunsu dropped the knit. Shocked twice over, he hurriedly picked it up and hung it on the hanger.

“I, I was just tidying up a bit.”

Eunsu deliberately didn’t turn around to check who it was. He could tell from the voice alone.

Even after hanging the knit, Eunsu fiddled with the sleeve and the fabric for no reason. He had come to meet Dokwon, yet somehow he couldn’t turn around rashly. At that moment, Dokwon let out a short, scoffing laugh.

“Sniffing my scent while you do that?”

At those words, Eunsu paused his breathing for a moment. Then he clenched his fist tightly. The bandage on the back of his hand twisted with a faint creak. Eunsu felt irritated. He really didn’t like how Dokwon was treating him like some shameless thief.

Eunsu pressed the bandage firmly back onto his palm with his other hand. Then, turning around casually, he said in a brazen tone.

“Yes. I used to smell it every day, and now that I can’t, I just can’t stand it.”

It felt like withdrawal symptoms, really. Eunsu walked past Dokwon as if it were nothing. And he settled into the small chair beside the bed as if it were his own spot.

It was an act of utmost boldness, but inside, it was anything but. His body was trembling so much that he worried what Dokwon might think if he noticed.

“……”

Dokwon just stared at Eunsu blankly for a while, saying nothing else. He didn’t go to the bed but sat on the sofa. With the sofa backed against the wall, all he had to do was lift his head to meet Eunsu’s eyes. But Dokwon fixed his gaze on the pile of newspapers stacked like a mountain beside the sofa.

Thanks to that, Eunsu could observe Dokwon freely. He looked fine. He was still in patient clothes, but his expressionless face showed no signs of headache or aftereffects from the accident.

Eunsu felt a little glad. It seemed the suppressant was working. Yesterday, the moment he entered the room, Dokwon’s face had twisted in every possible way.

If they pieced things together bit by bit like this, it would work out. Someday, they could return to how things were before, he thought.

“I took the suppressant. I went to the OB-GYN yesterday. So my scent shouldn’t come out anymore.”

Eunsu said, staring at the fingers gripping the newspaper. The hand, unmarked by any injury, was large and handsome as befitted an alpha. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from the protruding bones and prominent knuckles.

Holding that hand had made even the midwinter cold unnoticeable. It was a firm, warm, and gentle hand.

Especially during s3x, it could grip his entire thigh with one hand…

“Still smells. Very strongly.”

Eunsu, lost in a steamy thought, flinched as his shoulders jerked. Then, oblivious as ever, he rubbed his flushed cheeks as if washing his face roughly. Was he going crazy? After pulling himself together for a moment, Eunsu belatedly registered what Dokwon had said.

“Um……”