Reasonable Loss - 12

“……”

Of course he had. Naturally. His body was shattered in places, and even his memories were fragmented. He had been puzzled why Eunsu was walking around so unscathed. He had even suspected if the accident was staged on purpose for this situation.

So he hadn’t expected the accident to come up from Eunsu’s mouth first.

“……What are you trying to say?”

“The moment the dump truck crushed the car, you unbuckled your seatbelt.”

“I did? Were you trying to commit suicide or…”

“And you hugged me, who was in the passenger seat.”

“……”

Dokwon’s mouth fell open. Unbuckled and hugged Eunsu. So, he had done that to save Eunsu. And now he was supposed to believe that.

Ridiculous nonsense.

Dokwon stood up, pulling his hand free from Eunsu. But Eunsu grabbed it again. He gripped with all his strength, refusing to let go of Dokwon’s hand.

It was feeble effort anyway. An omega couldn’t overpower an alpha, let alone a dominant one, with strength. Dokwon sneered cynically and twisted his wrist, but Eunsu slowly rose. And he met Dokwon’s gaze steadily.

“Dokwon-ssi. Thank you for saving me. Thanks to you, both me and the baby are safe. I want to say that to you.”

“……”

“But the you right now isn’t the Dokwon-ssi who saved me, so I can’t.”

Eunsu released Dokwon’s hand.

What, how long had he held it that the skin where his hand had been felt hot and warm. Dokwon quickly covered the back of his hand with his other hand. He didn’t know why. Was it to erase Eunsu’s trace? Or did he dislike the evaporation of Eunsu’s warmth.

While Dokwon stood there frozen, Eunsu buttoned the coat he had unbuttoned.

“I’ll head out for today. I thought about having lunch together, but… it might not digest well….”

Eunsu headed straight for the door without waiting for Dokwon’s farewell. Because it didn’t seem like Dokwon would say goodbye kindly.

Like that, Eunsu crossed a long distance, took the subway, walked some more, and came home.

And once home,

“Hueeong….”

He clutched Dokwon’s coat and cried like a child, sobbing loudly.

Just the thought of Dokwon doubting only his love made his chest ache as if torn. But for Dokwon to doubt his own love too—it felt like the world was crumbling.

* * *

Eunsu’s vacation that didn’t feel like one ended. In other words, it was time to go back to work.

Eunsu had almost never disliked going to work. Except for times when the weather was uncooperative or he felt a cold coming on, he usually went in happily.

But not today.

Eunsu, arriving at the company, let out a long sigh. It was a day that made him bone-deep realize how arduous and pitiful the commute without a car could be.

The company, which he had come and gone to smoothly every day, felt like the peak of Baekdu Mountain. Why were there so many people on the subway? Where did they all come from and where were they going? And why was his house so far from the company? He spaced out staring at the station display, spaced out again and stared at the display, but [Yeoksam Station] showed no sign of getting closer.

What if he missed his stop? What if he was late? He checked his watch, eyed the people, looked for a gap. But his worries turned out embarrassing; most people poured out at Yeoksam. Swept up in the bursting wave of humans, Eunsu got off at Yeoksam half by his will, half against it.

And he pushed through the crowd to exit the subway. Fortunately, the company wasn’t far from Yeoksam Station, so walking wasn’t too bad.

After barely making it to work like that, he was drained. Was there someone among his team without a car? Who was it. When he saw them, he should buy a large coffee and offer comfort along with praise, he thought such a trivial thought.

Arriving at the 14th floor, the design team exclusive level, Eunsu took a deep breath. Warm yet slightly stuffy air. Bustling people. And the shampoo and perfume scents you could only smell in the morning.

It was the company after several weeks since the accident. He couldn’t help but feel glad. Others might think he was crazy, but Eunsu liked the company.

Before meeting Dokwon, it was the only place where he could feel human warmth and presence. The only place with people moving busily and calling for Team Leader or Eunsu-ssi to find him.

If he didn’t go to the company, Eunsu was completely cut off from the world, utterly alone.

His parents had passed away, and going to university abroad had severed contact with school friends, and he wasn’t the proactive type to join clubs or gatherings to meet people anyway.

The company was just right. And after meeting Dokwon there, it became even better.

Eunsu adjusted his tie and headed to his desk. Spotting him, the team members waved their hands excitedly and approached. Their eyes misty and lips pouting, they seemed thrilled to see him.

“Team Leader!”

“Team Leader, you’re here?”

“Are you okay?”

“Oh my god, a car accident. What happened?”

“It was a huge accident, right? It was even on the news.”

“The driver was a total psycho bastard?”

“Yeah. Drunk driving. If you’re gonna die, die alone. There were multiple victims, right?”

“But is it okay for you to be back already?”

Their characteristically high voices tickled Eunsu’s ears noisily. It felt somehow like coming home. Eunsu hung his coat on the rack and smiled softly.

“I’m fine.”

At his sound voice and smooth movements, the team members’ shoulders, which had risen to their ears, relaxed further. Eunsu sat at his desk. Sitting at the desk after so long brought fresh emotions. The wide monitor, the fan tablet, the keyboard, the neatly arranged Post-its and writing tools.

Eunsu turned on the computer and wiped the desk with a wet wipe when,

“What about the executive? Is the executive okay too?”

One team member asked. Eunsu flinched and stiffened.

No one in the company didn’t know about Eunsu and Dokwon’s relationship. At first, Eunsu had said to hold back in the company because of the stares. Dokwon had agreed if that’s what he wanted.

But things like waiting in front of the 14th floor ten minutes before lunch with a goofy grin, or suddenly distributing expensive desserts to the UI design team, or upgrading only the 14th floor’s air purifiers to the latest model, or standing by with a face like he’d been slapped if they did even one or two hours of overtime—countless such acts had unintentionally turned it into a public relationship, not quite public.

“Uh… yes. He was badly hurt and had surgery, but he’s almost fully recovered now.”

Eunsu said, awkwardly lifting the corner of his mouth. He couldn’t bring himself to say there was a hole in his memory, so he put on an act of being somewhat okay, but shadows fell over the team members’ faces.

“Surgery…?”

“You didn’t get hurt in the face, did you?”

“That face couldn’t be recreated even with plastic surgery.”

“Ah, that driver was really a bad guy.”

The team members clenched their fists in anger. “Yeah, he’s a bad guy.” Eunsu nodded in agreement.

If it hadn’t been for that driver, none of this would have happened right now. Dokwon wouldn’t have gotten hurt, and Dokwon wouldn’t have forgotten him. Eunsu let out a quiet sigh that no one noticed and rubbed his eyes.

Just then, a sharp-eyed team member poked his head up.

“Huh… But Team Leader, your eyes are bloodshot. Didn’t you sleep well?”

“Ah, I’m just a bit tired.”

Eunsu quickly lowered his hand. The truth was, his eyes were red from crying his heart out the night before, but he had fought tooth and nail in the subway rush to get to work that morning, so it wasn’t a complete lie.

“You’re still tired even after resting?”

“You’re not feeling unwell, are you?”

“Should I make you some coffee?”

“No, coffee’s fine.”

Eunsu quickly refused. Caffeine wasn’t allowed during pregnancy. He hadn’t told the team members about the pregnancy yet. It wasn’t that he was deliberately hiding it; there just hadn’t been a chance to say it. But given the situation, it seemed better to keep it under wraps for a while.

Eunsu tossed a wet wipe into the trash can and gave an awkward smile.

“The thing is… I actually took the subway to work.”

At those words, the team members’ heads all tilted to the side in unison.

“Huh? Why?”

“Did your car break down? Because of the accident?”

“Wasn’t it that you were riding in Director’s car and had the accident?”

“Ah, could it be… PTSD or something? Is that why you can’t drive?”

“…Yes.”

Eunsu nodded slowly. There didn’t seem to be any need to hide that he couldn’t ride in cars. Even if he did hide it, it would come out soon enough. Just seeing passing cars made his heart pound wildly, so he wasn’t sure when he’d be able to ride in one again.