Reasonable Loss - 14

Still, still… this wasn’t right. What had he done to make Dokwon hurt? What wrong had he committed to not even being allowed to stand before Dokwon?

Eunsu clenched his fist tightly. He glared at the doctor with bloodshot eyes.

“So what? You’re telling me to stay away until the lost memories come back?”

“We’ll continue with medication and counseling. Please leave it to us.”

Eunsu ground his teeth at the doctor’s clichéd words. He knew it wasn’t right to get angry at the doctor now. He knew the direction of his boiling rage, hot enough to make his head throb, was wrong.

But how furious did he have to be? How aggrieved and sad? As Eunsu glared at the doctor with a flushed face,

“Darling.”

Myunghee gripped Eunsu’s wrist. Eunsu looked at her with eyes full of injustice.

“They say you can schedule visits and meet periodically. So he can prepare enough.”

“…”

“They said twice a week would be good.”

Myunghee soothed Eunsu gently. But it didn’t have much effect. Twice a week. Even that would probably drag on for an hour or two, like a forced blind date or an uncomfortable interview.

Eunsu knew that was the best option. What could he do when Dokwon was hurting? It couldn’t be helped. He understood rationally. The smart doctors would handle it well. He knew it wasn’t because Dokwon hated him as a stranger for life.

He really… knew. He knew well.

But accepting it was so hard. Eunsu rubbed his stinging eyelids roughly.

The doctor, looking at Eunsu with pity, added,

“The patient hasn’t just forgotten Eunsu; he’s forgotten everything. And he doesn’t feel like he’s forgotten—he feels like the world has changed.”

“…”

“Not just the people around him and himself, but even the president has changed, the company situation has changed, so there’s a lot of information he needs to learn. Among that, the lover Eunsu and the baby in the belly are the biggest changes.”

“…”

“So you need to give him time and approach slowly. One-sided, forced learning can easily overload him.”

It was utterly persuasive and at the same time consoling. The tone and voice were like coaxing a sulking child. So Eunsu had no choice but to nod.

“Then today… I’ll go back for now.”

As he turned to leave,

“Eunsu, it’s…”

Myunghee didn’t let go of his wrist.

“What do I need to remove?”

Eunsu asked while looking at Dokwon reflected in the hospital elevator mirror.

“All traces of you. Everything you used.”

Dokwon answered with a face rippling with fatigue.

Eunsu had been asked to clear out the items at Dokwon’s house. Dokwon couldn’t distinguish what was his and what was Eunsu’s, and his parents or Secretary Jeong couldn’t know either, so Eunsu had to do it himself.

“Do I… really have to go this far?”

Eunsu asked in a sad voice.

“If not, I might faint ten times a day, so yes, I really have to. But I can’t just throw out the whole house.”

Dokwon replied in a heavy low tone. Eunsu let out a hollow laugh. Dokwon, who would rather throw out the house than keep his traces, was both ridiculous and hateful.

Dokwon slightly turned his head to look down at Eunsu.

“If it’s a hassle, I’ll move. That would be more of a hassle, but if you hate it, I have no choice.”

“…I’ll do it.”

Eunsu dry-washed his face. While doing so, he mentally gauged what of his things were at Dokwon’s house.

Nothing came to mind except his toothbrush. Did he have to replace everything that held memories? Then he’d have to discard the bed and sofa they had rolled around on together, the dining table where they ate, the bathtub where they soaked together.

In that case, moving would be better, as Dokwon said.

Eunsu’s expression sank seriously.

Around that time, the elevator dinged cheerfully and stopped at the underground parking lot. Secretary Jeong, who had ridden with them, got out first. Dokwon followed him, and Eunsu,

“…”

froze blankly. Underground parking lot. That meant they were taking the car. Eunsu gaped, mouth open.

The heartless elevator didn’t wait for the stunned Eunsu and tried to close its doors. If Dokwon hadn’t stuck his hand in, Eunsu would have gone down to a deeper level as is.

“What are you doing?”

Dokwon asked irritably.

“Are you… going by car?”

Eunsu asked in a trembling voice.

“Are we walking?”

Dokwon asked back with an expression like what kind of ridiculous question is that.

“…”

Eunsu couldn’t answer. Right. He hadn’t thought about how to get to Dokwon’s house while coming down in the elevator. Taking the subway side by side with him would be weird too.

As Eunsu floundered, just gnawing at his lips, Dokwon’s brows furrowed more and more at the dragging conversation.

“Why? Did you bring your own car? Then come to the house. Do you know the address?”

“Ah, no. Let’s go together.”

Eunsu quickly got out of the elevator. He’d endure it this time too, whatever. He could endure it. Just imagining riding in a car made his thighs quiver, but if he kept enduring like this, it would get better before he knew it.

Foolishly and stubbornly enduring. Eunsu was quite immune to that.

The car the three of them got into was familiar to Eunsu as well. A luxury sedan with a black body that looked thick and a bit rugged. It was the car Dokwon used for company business and official matters.

Secretary Jeong opened the driver’s door. Dokwon also opened the back door. Eunsu swallowed dryly. At that moment, Secretary Jeong widened his eyes as if realizing a crucial fact.

“Ah, Team Leader Yoo. You said you can’t ride in cars?”

“Can’t ride in cars? Why?”

Dokwon quickly turned his head to look at Eunsu. A faint irritation rippled across his face. ‘What nonsense.’ It was exactly that expression, nothing more, nothing less.

Facing that expression head-on, Eunsu scratched the back of his hand with his nails. It was the back of the hand he had used to wipe Dokwon’s nosebleed a few days ago. The hand he had been shoved away with, and the hand that had been gripped roughly by him.

“I heard it’s aftereffects from the traffic accident. So last time you came to the hospital, you took the subway…”

Secretary Jeong said in a troubled voice. It was already late at night. He wasn’t sure if the subway was running. Even if it was, it would take quite a while to get to Dokwon’s house from here.

It was when Secretary Jeong lit up his phone to check the subway schedule.

“It’s fine now, fine!”

Eunsu said in a loud voice like a shout. It echoed loudly in the quiet underground parking lot. Secretary Jeong nearly dropped his phone, and Dokwon grimaced as much as he could.

At that reaction, Eunsu muttered just loud enough to be heard.

“Really. I took a taxi to the hospital too.”

“…”

Dokwon said nothing. He just looked at Eunsu for a moment and got into the car.

Instead, Secretary Jeong asked with drooping eyes if he was really okay. Eunsu gave a vague smile and, as if to show off, opened the car door and plopped down in the seat next to Dokwon.

Secretary Jeong, who had been fidgeting, had no choice but to start the car.

Eunsu stared out the window with unfocused eyes. The car passed the parking lot and entered a dark tunnel. Up to then, it was okay. There were no other moving cars around.

But once they hit the road, it was different.

Seoul doesn’t feel like night at night. Everywhere is bright, and there are always lots of cars. At least it was nearing midnight, so fewer than daytime, but dozens of glowing headlights whooshed past with wind sounds.

Eunsu couldn’t withstand that fierce assault and finally squeezed his eyes shut tight. As soon as he did, the fear that had been waiting poured down like a torrent. His body trembled. Along with a throbbing pain, a chill ran down his spine.

The car engine noise, barely audible, pounded at his eardrums. Whenever the car stopped or started at a signal, he nearly dry-heaved.

Eunsu scratched the back of his hand again. Not just that, but he rubbed his shoulders and chest too. The sensation of the seatbelt pressing down during the accident was vivid.

Then he felt a sticky gaze. Eunsu stiffened with a jerk. In the thick fear, he had forgotten someone was sitting next to him. It was stupid.

Eunsu belatedly straightened his back, pretending to be calm. And acting expressionless, he looked at Dokwon.

“For Dokwon… riding in a car doesn’t bother you… at all, does it.”

“I have no memory of the accident, so no reason to be scared.”

“Ah… I see, yeah…”