Reasonable Loss - 19

Moreover, they came here several times a month. He even knew the owner. Just Eunsu’s faint smile and greeting finished the order. Oh, and he heard what seasonal ingredients had come in that Dokwon would like.

“You don’t need to worry that much. You’ll like it.”

“….Have I been here before?”

“Yes. Often. It’s not far from the company, and the food is good.”

“So Secretary Jeong reserved here.”

“Secretary Jeong always has good sense.”

Eunsu sipped water and smiled. Secretary Jeong was Dokwon’s suffering subordinate and also a good ally in their relationship.

It was when Eunsu thought he should message thanks to Secretary Jeong after the meal. Dokwon stared piercingly at Eunsu. Then, while pouring water into his own glass, he said.

“Your voice sounds different.”

“Ah…. It’s been a while since I worked, so maybe I’m a bit tired. Commuting by subway is tough, too.”

Eunsu stroked his throat with his hand. The cold hadn’t fully gone yet. Luckily no coughing, but his throat scratched and a low fever tickled his veins faintly.

Dokwon clicked his tongue lightly. Just four days without seeing him, and Eunsu had thinned noticeably. No, how on earth did he manage his body while even getting pregnant? He had money. Was he just not interested in eating?

“You still can’t drive?”

“Yes. Still.”

“Then move your house next to the company. There are officetels all over Gangnam. Or stay in a hotel until the trauma fades.”

Easy to say, hard to do. But Dokwon was someone who could execute easily. He didn’t remember, but the one who got hit by the van was his love, right? If wanted, he could book a hotel or buy a house—whatever.

Thinking about it, a hotel seemed better. They cleaned, twenty-four-hour room service meant no hunger, and if sick or hurt, help came right away. As Dokwon mentally listed hotels near the company,

“Um…. I’ve thought about that, too.”

Eunsu scattered his train of thought.

“But?”

“But then there’d be no Dokwon scent, and I don’t like that.”

“…What?”

“My place has your scent everywhere. But moving would mean just a new house. I don’t like it. Now I can’t sleep without your scent.”

Eunsu said the embarrassing words so boldly, in an even voice. Dokwon blinked rapidly, repeating the words to check if he misheard.

He was talking about me as “Dokwon,” yet with such an indifferent face.

“Aren’t you embarrassed saying that?”

“I used to be, but you changed me like this.”

“Me? You?”

“Yes. You loved it when I said things like this. You grinned like a kid.”

If the man sitting here now was the old Dokwon, he would have said he’d soak a new place with his scent, that he’d commute from there for a while, and made a fuss.

He might have packed a big suitcase with clothes and daily items, fully prepared to live together.

“….”

Dokwon gave no reply. Just then, a knock-knock sounded. The food had arrived. Eunsu answered softly. Soon two familiar-faced servers came in and neatly set out the dishes.

Dokwon and Eunsu kept silent for a moment.

Soon the table was full, and the server bowed and left. Once again, only Eunsu and Dokwon remained.

Eunsu picked up his chopsticks. Dokwon scanned the dishes carefully. Like a beast wary of something. Eunsu deliberately put a pumpkin pancake in his mouth. He chewed and swallowed thoroughly, then pushed the deodeok roast plate toward Dokwon.

“This is what you like. You always get seconds or thirds here. Try it.”

Dokwon reluctantly picked up his chopsticks. Eunsu watched him, lips moving.

“And something I’ve wanted to say for a while.”

“Yes.”

“I’m not ‘that side.'”

“…What?”

Dokwon’s eyelids twitched as he transferred deodeok to his small plate. It was hard to grasp at once. Not “that side”—then which side? He had no idea what he meant.

Eunsu laughed soundlessly at Dokwon’s bizarrely twisted expression.

“Not ‘that side,’ but Yoo Eunsu.”

“….”

“Yoo Eunsu. Eunsu-ssi. Eunsu-ya. Call me whatever, just use my name.”

Eunsu kindly gave three examples. “Eunsu-ya” like before was best, but others were fine, too. Anything was better than “that side.”

Eunsu threw out the words first and slowly ate alone. It had been so long since eating with Dokwon, his subtly wafting scent calmed his mind, and the food was delicious. He could finish two bowls of rice easily.

“….”

Dokwon poked the deodeok with his chopsticks without answering. It was already tenderized lightly, but apparently not enough. It was when Eunsu tsked his tongue and served fresh deodeok to his small plate.

“Fine. Yoo Eunsu-ssi.”

“….”

Eunsu dropped the deodeok with a clunk. Luckily it fell on Dokwon’s small plate, not the table. Dokwon picked it up and put it in his mouth. He chewed a few times, then raised an eyebrow. After that, he ate this and that well.

Eunsu gazed at him steadily.

Why? Why had he suddenly become nice? Before, he was like a moody high schooler. Why had he suddenly matured?

Apologizing to me, suggesting we eat first, and now this.

“Today’s Dokwon is… quite different from usual.”

Eunsu murmured slowly, withdrawing his hand.

“In a good way?”

Dokwon asked back while cutting tofu stew with his chopsticks. His moving hand had no excess. The bulging knuckles moving were oddly sexy.

“Yes. In a good way.”

Eunsu nodded, looking at Dokwon’s hand. At that, Dokwon placed a fresh piece of tofu on Eunsu’s small plate instead of the one he had cut. He seemed to misread the lingering gaze as wanting the tofu.

“I’ve been thinking about it. About my relationship with you—no, Yoo Eunsu-ssi.”

“So? What conclusion did you reach?”

Eunsu chipped away at the tofu with his spoon. The tofu stew, spiced mildly with plenty of braised pork, was very tasty. With his cheeks puffed full, Eunsu scooped rice right away.

“My house is full of traces of Yoo Eunsu-ssi, my parents who usually ignore others would die for you, Secretary Jeong’s briefing on my forgotten past never skipped your name, and every time I face you, my head feels like it’s splitting.”

“…And?”

“We must have been in love.”

“Wow…. You realized something really important.”

Eunsu let out a hollow laugh. He had hinted so obviously, and only now he got it. It was ridiculous. Saying it like Columbus discovering a new continent was funny, too.

Eunsu shook his head side to side and tried to focus on eating,

“If I recover my memories, I’ll regret the things I did to Yoo Eunsu-ssi.”

Dokwon said in a low voice.

“Probably. I’ll scold you a lot, too.”

Eunsu nodded and began deboning the mackerel. He wasn’t bad with chopsticks, but filleting bones was hard. He wanted to eat a lot. He wanted to devour a whole one at once. It was when he pressed strength into his lip end at the chopsticks that kept missing.

Dokwon took the mackerel plate. Eunsu, suddenly robbed of a side dish, widened his eyes round.

“So from now on, I’ll make an effort.”

Unexpectedly, Dokwon personally deboned the mackerel for him. The chunks of flesh that Eunsu had used his chopsticks to shield like a barrier melted away easily under Dokwon’s chopsticks.

“What kind of effort?”

“Well. I haven’t thought that far. Probably Yoo Eunsu would have to help.”

“Me?”

“Yes. Since you’re pregnant, if there’s anything you need, contact me. Besides that, anything a lover should do, I’ll do it.”

Dokwon placed the neatly deboned mackerel in front of Eunsu.

Eunsu quietly stared at the white exposed flesh. Dokwon finished filleting the fish to his heart’s content and then sipped his water.

“But right now, I’m not even sure if I love you, and I don’t know how to find that out or how to express it.”

“……”

“So Yoo Eunsu, you tell me. Tell me what to do, what not to do.”

“……”