Reasonable Loss - 23

“Even if I’m cold-blooded, I couldn’t just brush this off.”

“…….”

“So I thought I should apologize for the sake of later, and that’s why I sent the message.”

Eunsu nodded as if he understood.

The two stared at the shoes in silence for a while. A never-before-felt emotion welled up softly. His heart thumped, his throat felt tight, and strangely, his eyes stung.

Paternity he’d never felt before suddenly poked its head up.

After examining the shoes for a long time, Eunsu slowly spoke.

“It’s the weekend.”

“Yes.”

“Want to go to the OB-GYN with me?”

“…….”

Dokwon’s eyes widened. His mouth tightened, and his cheeks stiffened. Interpreting that as refusal, Eunsu glanced down and muttered like to himself.

“No, you don’t have to come if you don’t want……. I’ve taken all the suppressants, and I’m curious if the baby’s growing well…….”

“…….”

“And…… when I went to the OB-GYN…… everyone else came with someone…….”

Eunsu scratched the box corner with his fingernail tick-tick. It felt embarrassing somehow, like making an impudent request. No, no. Isn’t this something a baby’s dad should naturally do? It’s not just about giving medicine and buying clothes as duty.

When Eunsu, lightly licking the inside of his cheek, put on a stern expression.

“I understand.”

Dokwon nodded. At the unexpectedly easy agreement, Eunsu’s shoulders went slack. Dokwon gently wrapped his hand around Eunsu’s hand holding the baby shoes.

“Is there anything I need to prepare? It’s my first time going to an OB-GYN.”

“Uh…… I don’t think so……? I haven’t gone many times either.”

At Eunsu’s somewhat blank reply, Dokwon chuckled softly. Right, he just remembered more than I do. Eunsu was also a novice dad just entering the third month of pregnancy.

The two giggled at how ridiculous they seemed. Then Eunsu held up the shoes and said.

“Give this to me.”

“Yes.”

Dokwon agreed without a moment’s hesitation. One of Eunsu’s eyebrows quirked up.

“What……. That easily?”

“There are about ten similar ones.”

“Ah…….”

Eunsu let out a short exclamation of admiration. He hadn’t known there were ten. He thought it was just one shoe, one rattle, one outfit. The old Dokwon who always overdid everything had bought ten of each.

He could easily imagine him going to a baby store and buying every type, every color, but he hadn’t. His own oversight.

Even before, with macarons or donuts, let alone cake—if he said something was good, he’d buy every kind. He bought eighty macarons once and shared them with all the staff on the fourteenth floor.

Eunsu chuckled to himself and glanced at his wristwatch. It was already ten o’clock. He’d eaten dinner, half-watched the movie, just rubbed lips, yet how was it ten.

Eunsu stood from the sofa holding the box.

“I should head home now. It’s ten.”

“……Already?”

“What do you mean already. Even leaving now, I’ll get home past eleven.”

Eunsu frowned as if it were dreadful. Thinking of taking the subway across Seoul made his heels feel heavy. Still, he had to go soon. So he could wash quickly and lie down.

A working person falls asleep to survive and wakes dragged to work.

Eunsu put on his jacket and rummaged through Dokwon’s house to find a paper bag. He packed food to eat for breakfast tomorrow and the baby shoes in it. Dokwon followed him around closely, tending to him in a way that wasn’t quite tending.

“Take this too.”

Dokwon tried to put the miyeokguk thick with beef into the bag. Eunsu grimaced and pulled the bag back sharply.

“It’s heavy, so no.”

“What’s heavy about this?”

“It’s not heavy if you just hold it. But holding it for an hour makes it heavy. If there’s no seat on the subway, it’s hell.”

“Then let me go with…….”

As Dokwon started to say something, he clamped his mouth shut. He’d almost said he’d go together, but it felt like too much consideration, so he stopped.

Actually, when Eunsu said he’d go home earlier, he’d thought, really?

He can’t drive. He hates taking the subway. Leaving his place fifteen minutes from the company, why go home this late? Just stay and sleep here. But thinking that made him feel creepy and unfamiliar about himself, so he couldn’t say it.

“Yes?”

Eunsu asked again.

“……Never mind.”

Dokwon stepped back a pace. Eunsu looked at him oddly, then hurried to the entrance. Dokwon followed with a somewhat sulky face.

“See you on the weekend.”

Eunsu, shoes on, gave a flat farewell and turned away. Then Dokwon quickly grabbed his elbow.

“Tomorrow.”

“Yes?”

“We said tomorrow. We talked earlier about eating dinner at my place tomorrow.”

At those words, Eunsu let out an “Ah” of short realization. During the kiss, Dokwon had said it. ‘Let’s eat dinner here tomorrow too.’ And he, hazily entranced by his pheromones, had replied ‘……Yes.’

It wasn’t just talk. Meeting from tomorrow to the weekend meant seeing each other every day this week without a break. But was that okay.

Eunsu scratched his cheek with his index finger and eyed Dokwon.

No particular pain showed on his handsome face. He hadn’t complained of headaches the whole time together today. Let alone, they’d even rubbed lips and he was fine.

Eunsu nodded lightly.

“Got it. I’ll come here after work. Then we can eat the miyeokguk together for tomorrow’s dinner.”

“That should do it.”

Dokwon let go of his hand with a satisfied smile. Eunsu smiled faintly in response. He opened the front door and stepped outside.

“Then I’ll be going, Mr. Dokwon. Good night.”

“Yes. You too, Mr. Yoo Eunsu.”

The door closed. The sound of the door lock engaging echoed loudly through the entrance.

Dokwon stood quietly in the entrance, listening to the sound of Eunsu’s footsteps beyond the door. Soon, the alarm indicating the elevator’s arrival rang out. He could also hear the sound of the elevator doors opening and closing.

By then, the scent of Eunsu that had permeated the air began to dissipate. Dokwon clenched his fist tightly.

He needed an excuse.

An excuse to take Eunsu home without it feeling awkward.

Or an excuse to let him sleep in his house, at his side.

Dokwon stood in the entrance for a long while, repeating the worries he had once had in the past.

* * *

Eunsu and Dokwon met in front of the obstetrics and gynecology clinic. It was the same obstetrics and gynecology clinic that Eunsu had hurriedly searched for and visited before.

“Do we really…… have to come here? There are so many obstetrics and gynecology clinics in Seoul.”

Dokwon twisted his lips as if displeased. It seemed the shabby exterior of the obstetrics and gynecology clinic did not sit well with him at all.

That was understandable. The obstetrics and gynecology clinic was on the second floor of a rundown five-story building. There was a narrow elevator that smelled musty, and on the first floor, there was a small pharmacy and a shabby-looking beer hall with a tattered sign—an odd sort of obstetrics and gynecology clinic.

Still, the interior of the clinic was clean, the windows had not a single stain, and it was fairly spacious, with everything one could need, like examination rooms, delivery rooms, and inpatient rooms. The best part was that it was close to Eunsu’s house.

When his body ached, he did not have the confidence to force himself into a taxi. He had even less confidence to take the subway. So it had to be unconditionally close to home. Close enough to walk to.

“I like the doctor here.”

Eunsu said as he held Dokwon’s hand.

“Wouldn’t the doctors at expensive obstetrics and gynecology clinics be even better?”

Dokwon countered.

“Still, I like it here.”

Eunsu pulled Dokwon’s hand along as if he would hear no more. He liked that the doctor was clichéd and robotic-like, not prying into this and that. What could he say. It was like the person had done this so many times that he felt no emotion at all. But even so, he did not skip anything that needed to be done.

Thanks to that, the consultation time was short, and it was easy to ask what he wanted to ask or hide what he wanted to hide.

As they took the elevator up to the obstetrics and gynecology clinic, Dokwon’s expression grew a bit more grim. This was the place where his child would be born, a place that deserved to be gilded in gold, yet it was such a place. He did not feel good.

Whether Dokwon felt that way or not, Eunsu finished checking in and settled into a seat on the corner sofa. Then he patted the seat next to him, gesturing for Dokwon to come over. Dokwon reluctantly sat down beside him.

There were many people in the obstetrics and gynecology clinic. It was not as noisy as a market floor, but just full enough to fill the sofas.

Eunsu looked them over carefully. There were few with bellies as flat as his, and most were swollen large. Even in loose-fitting clothes, the size was clearly visible.

How do they walk around with something like that attached. It seemed like if you bumped it wrong, it would pop like a balloon.

He had learned a certain amount about pregnancy and childbirth through his regular education process, but encountering it this close up felt newly strange and unfamiliar.

Eunsu stroked his own belly with a dazed expression. In a few months, his own belly would swell that big too. Would it be heavy. It would be heavy. Would he be able to go to work. From what he had seen, Manager Seong from the next team had gone right up to full term.

Lost deep in thought for a while, Eunsu suddenly remembered Dokwon’s presence and looked at him. For him, this was at least the third time, but for Dokwon, it was the first, so all sorts of thoughts must be running through his mind.

Sure enough. Dokwon was staring piercingly at the belly of a pregnant woman in the seat in front of them. It was a fiery gaze. He stared only at the perfectly rounded belly without a single inch of deviation, and Eunsu, feeling that gaze indirectly, shrugged his shoulders all the way up. So of course, the person herself could not fail to notice the gaze.

As expected, the pregnant woman glared back at Dokwon with an expression that said what kind of jerk is this.