Reasonable Loss - 27

Chapter 4: The Second Romance

The surroundings were quiet. When he woke up in the morning, right before opening his eyes, that is, when his mind barely cleared, he could always feel that silence. But it felt strangely off.

There was a hissing sound like steam spraying out, and a heavy machine noise too. And his body felt excessively heavy. Just like he’d gotten totally wasted the night before.

Eunsu, who had been floating in the silence with his eyes closed for a long while, slowly lifted his eyelids. At that moment,

“Eunsu?”

A familiar voice tickled his ear softly. It was Dokwon’s voice.

Dokwon was right in front of him. He was sitting on a simple chair, holding Eunsu’s limp hand tightly. Eunsu stared at him blankly. He wondered why he was next to his bed… and then realized this wasn’t his bedroom.

A faint smell of disinfectant. A wide space. A pale interior. The sparkling night view visible through the large window. It was a single room in a hospital. It didn’t seem like the place where he’d been hospitalized with Dokwon before; it felt like a different hospital.

As soon as he recognized the place, memories right before passing out flooded in. Eunsu took a deep breath and slowly let it out.

“Does it hurt anywhere? Should I call the doctor?”

Dokwon asked while gently brushing Eunsu’s bangs aside. Eunsu shook his head.

“It’s a… hospital.”

“Yeah. There didn’t seem to be any injuries, but just in case, I brought you here. You rode in the ambulance, remember?”

Eunsu shook his head again. Dokwon gently stroked Eunsu’s cheek with his thumb, looking relieved. Eunsu looked at Dokwon like that and moved his lips.

“My throat… is dry.”

Dokwon stood up without hesitation. As he did, he let go of Eunsu’s hand, but Eunsu grabbed it again.

“…Eunsu?”

“…”

Eunsu blinked slowly and looked at Dokwon. His throat was dry. But he didn’t like Dokwon letting go of his hand. So, what should he do? With his face still not fully awake, Eunsu just sat there blankly, and Dokwon chuckled softly.

He kissed Eunsu’s forehead briefly and reached across the bed for the water bottle on the other side, stretching out his arm. In the process, his chest briefly brushed Eunsu’s nose tip. Dokwon’s scent was strong. It was so thick it overpowered the sharp disinfectant smell.

Eunsu secretly sniffed that scent deeply. Meanwhile, Dokwon poured water and took a sip first to check the temperature. It was lukewarm, which was a bit disappointing, but better than cold.

Eunsu took the water Dokwon offered and drank it. As his dry throat moistened, his mind cleared a bit.

“More?”

Dokwon asked. Instead of answering, Eunsu squirmed his body to the side. Then he dangled off the edge of the bed. He patted the wide empty spot next to him.

“No more water, hug me.”

“…Pardon?”

“Come up here.”

At the sudden request, Dokwon froze, unable even to blink. Then Eunsu furrowed his brows deeply and let out signs of pain.

“I feel like throwing up.”

“Thro, throwing up? I’ll get the doctor right now…”

“No, not that… My heart’s still pounding like crazy. I’m dizzy, and my legs are shaking.”

“…”

“The OB-GYN said it, right? An alpha’s pheromones give stability to a pregnant omega. They can even prevent depression. I need your pheromones right now, Dokwon.”

Dokwon let out a short “Ah” in realization at the gentle words. Then he climbed onto the bed without a word. The single room bed was spacious for one but narrow for two. As he wondered how to fit his long limbs, Eunsu suddenly lifted one of Dokwon’s arms and snuggled into his embrace familiarly.

Using Dokwon’s thick forearm as a pillow, resting his head on the firm chest, and wrapping his arm around Dokwon’s waist—it wasn’t the work of someone who’d done it once or twice. Dokwon laughed silently and wrapped his arms around Eunsu’s back.

Thanks to that, Eunsu could breathe in Dokwon’s scent freely. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt just his scent without any worries. His body melted away like a snowman meeting spring sunshine.

The two stayed like that for a while, feeling only each other without any talk. Each other’s breathing, the faint humidifier sound, and the occasional anonymous footsteps passing in the hallway were all they could perceive.

Then Eunsu shifted uncomfortably. It was hot. It was common when pressed against Dokwon, who had a high body temperature. He sat up abruptly and pulled off his hoodie. A thin short-sleeved shirt underneath was revealed. Eunsu tossed the hoodie carelessly onto the simple chair and crawled back into Dokwon’s arms.

“…”

Dokwon was quite surprised by Eunsu’s actions but held back, thinking showing it would ruin the mood. Whether Eunsu knew or not, his face was peaceful. As he gently stroked Dokwon’s abs with his index finger, Eunsu moved his lips.

“That accident from before.”

“Yeah.”

Dokwon swallowed dryly and answered quickly.

“I thought I was forgetting it bit by bit. Guess not.”

“…”

“When the car came, I really couldn’t move a muscle. In that moment, it wasn’t like I was on the crosswalk—it was like I was back in that car with you on the day of the accident. When the dump truck was charging at us.”

“It was a big accident. It won’t fade easily.”

Dokwon gently stroked Eunsu’s hair. It was ridiculous that he couldn’t even remember it himself yet was saying this, but he had no particular words to offer. He had no talent for comforting someone.

“It’s just inconvenient not being able to drive right now, but I’m worried it’ll be like this later too. What if our daughter is born and I can’t even take her on a picnic?”

“…”

“Of course, we could take the subway, but that’s only once or twice. For things like entrance ceremonies or graduations, she can’t go alone on the subway every time. And a wedding? What then? What if the subway breaks down that day? A dad late to his daughter’s wedding. That’s the worst.”

“Isn’t that… too far in the future?”

“Yeah… I guess? Even saying it, I thought it was a bit much. But I’m really that worried…”

Eunsu smiled embarrassedly. As he did, he gently stroked his belly. He didn’t want to be such a weak dad. He wanted to do everything perfectly without any shortcomings. Not being able to drive in modern society meant too many restrictions, so his worries were big.

“I’m thinking of trying psychological counseling or something. With all the work and chaos, I haven’t thought about treatment.”

“Should I do it with you?”

“Aren’t you already doing it?”

“…It doesn’t seem that effective. Maybe it’d be better with you.”

Dokwon recalled the counseling from a few days ago. The counselor had great credentials. A degree from some American university, grad school from somewhere prestigious, famous papers… But credentials didn’t equal skill, so there was no real progress. It just ended with the same questions back and forth.

Dokwon wanted to recover his memories as soon as possible. He didn’t care how the president was elected or how the Korean economy fluctuated. He wanted to know how he’d loved Eunsu and what conversations they’d had. He was even jealous of the “Seo Dokwon” from those lost four years.

“Ah…”

Eunsu sighed softly. He petted Dokwon’s chest like stroking a cat’s back, thinking deeply about something. Then he propped his upper body on one elbow, half-lying down, and looked at Dokwon.

“Do we really need to find it?”

“My memories?”

“Yeah. That time of the accident… it was really scary. I’m living a normal life like this only because you hugged me. I just can’t drive. But for you, it’s not like that. It’s a really painful and agonizing memory. Do you really need to recall it?”

“I’m not trying to recover the memory of the accident itself. It’s with Yoo Eunsu…”

“That’s why I wonder if you really need to find that too. Anyway, you like me now, right?”

“…Pardon?”

Dokwon made a dumb face like he’d been hit on the back of the head out of nowhere. At that, Eunsu chuckled and stroked Dokwon’s high nose bridge with his index finger.

“You always say let’s meet, you’re dying to feed me anything, and when the car came rushing, you hid me behind you. What’s different from back then?”

“…”

“You like me.”

Eunsu whispered in a playful voice. Then he flopped down onto Dokwon’s body. The moderately curved chest was so attractive. Nestled here, thinking this alpha was his alpha, that he loved him—it made him sink into that silly sense of superiority.

The current Dokwon was the same. The ecstatic pheromones were unchanged, and this firm chest and thick arms were too. So it didn’t matter.

Eunsu kissed Dokwon’s cheek lightly and whispered.

“So you don’t need to find the memories. I don’t want to see you hurt.”

“…”

Eunsu met Dokwon’s eyes and smiled gently. As he tried to lie back down right away, his waist was suddenly grabbed. His body was pulled toward Dokwon with a whoosh. Surprised, Eunsu widened his eyes. Before he could say anything, his chin was lifted. And their lips met.