Reasonable Loss - 31

“….”

“So say it. Quick.”

“….”

Dokwon wrinkled his nose. Back then, twelve times, huh. But lately, he hadn’t said it even once. It made perfect sense why.

Dokwon slipped an arm under Eunsu’s head and wrapped around his shoulders. His other hand encircled Eunsu’s waist. Then, gazing deeply into his eyes with utmost sincerity, he whispered earnestly.

“I love you.”

“….”

“I love you, Eunsu-ssi.”

Eunsu smiled prettily, his eyes curving. Dokwon carefully brushed back Eunsu’s hair.

Confessing love wasn’t hard. Once his heart had fallen for Eunsu, falling again was easy, and realizing it wasn’t difficult either.

But what nagged at him was.

“I’ll say it twenty times from now on, so don’t miss the old Seo Dokwon anymore.”

“….Huh?”

“I’m dying of jealousy.”

Whenever words like ‘back then,’ ‘in the old days,’ ‘at that time,’ ‘in the beginning,’ or ‘originally’ came from Eunsu’s mouth, along with mentions of the Seo Dokwon he’d lost. It was truly…. creepy how much he hated it.

Even though that lost self was stupidly his own, something he had to reclaim someday.

Eunsu tilted his head as if he didn’t get it either.

“That doesn’t make sense. You’re jealous of yourself? What is that.”

“I’m amazed by myself too.”

Dokwon let out a small chuckle. Amnesia was a first in his life, but everything after was new too, making every day a total variety show lately.

Having a beloved omega, that omega being so amazingly pretty and lovable, him being pregnant, the baby being a girl, and hearing that little girl’s heartbeat thumping today.

Dokwon found these days quite…. enjoyable. But the forgotten Seo Dokwon had savored this joy for two whole years. How could he not resent that.

“….”

Eunsu watched Dokwon without a word. From the quick flickers across Dokwon’s face, he could vaguely sense what he was thinking.

Eunsu hugged Dokwon’s neck and rubbed his nose against his chest. He inhaled his scent deeply, then exhaled slowly.

“I love you too, Dokwon-ssi.”

Eunsu’s voice came out muffled and thick. Dokwon, who had paused his breathing for a moment, hugged him back tightly. The small body filling his arms was achingly dear.

As they poured out their love for each other like that, Eunsu suddenly lifted his head brightly.

“In that spirit, then.”

“Yeah.”

“Wanna go eat gopchang?”

“….Pardon?”

Dokwon’s lips twisted oddly.

* * *

The mixed gopchang sizzled on the thick, hot griddle, spitting oil as it cooked. Eunsu, chopsticks in hand, stared at it with unfocused eyes. His head bent toward the gopchang little by little, like rice ripening in the field.

Dokwon, sitting beside him, gently pushed Eunsu’s forehead to straighten him back up.

“That won’t make it cook faster.”

Dokwon chided him softly. Eunsu pouted his lips. Then he tapped his toes against the floor. Just then, a cool spring breeze brushed past Eunsu’s hair. Dokwon adjusted the jacket he’d draped over Eunsu’s shoulders.

The two had chosen an outdoor table in the mostly empty restaurant at dawn. It was Eunsu’s insistence. Dokwon had tried to convince him it was spring but still chilly at night. But Eunsu insisted he’d get hot from eating and stubbornly sat outside.

After about five minutes, the server came, wiped off the oil once, and said it was ready. Eunsu moved his chopsticks like he’d been waiting.

“Wow…. This is so good. What do I do….”

Eunsu chewed on a plump daechang and bounced his knees like a girl, making a fuss.

“So nutty. So juicy. The oil spreads all through your mouth. It’s totally fattening flavor.”

Dokwon chuckled at the incomprehensible exclamations. He transferred a well-cooked piece of gopchang to Eunsu’s small plate. He added onions and chives to the empty spot. He didn’t forget to push the myeongnamul closer to Eunsu either.

Eunsu needs to eat well. Just eating a lot wasn’t enough.

While Dokwon carefully balanced the nutrients, Eunsu polished off two servings in one go. It was a fair amount, and Dokwon hadn’t touched it, but Eunsu didn’t seem overwhelmed. Then he downed a can of soda and called the server for ‘two more mixed servings!’

“Ah…. If I could just have one shot—no, one bottle—of soju, I’d want nothing else….”

Eunsu murmured, gazing at a streetlamp standing alone in the dimness. Dokwon recalled the conversation between him and the doctor at the OB-GYN.

“You said you like alcohol. Did we drink together often?”

“Of course. I taught you makgeolli, you taught me whiskey, we obviously did soju, and wine and vodka too—we drank all kinds, with different sides, at different times, a lot.”

Eunsu chattered excitedly. His face brightened right away, like he really loved booze. Dokwon hummed in his throat. There were seven months until delivery. And he couldn’t drink right after birth anyway; he’d need recovery time, so no booze until then.

As Dokwon pondered what could substitute for alcohol, Eunsu shoved his face close.

“Dokwon-ssi, you’ve never had s3x with me drunk, right?”

“….”

“It’s amaaazing, what a shame. You don’t know.”

Eunsu giggled like a kid. Dokwon’s face twisted sharply. Drunk Eunsu. He’d be cute. Flashing this kind of charm, laughing all bubbly. Way more aggressive and naughty.

Dokwon’s throat bobbed largely. Then he clicked the tongs open and shut as a warning.

“Don’t tempt me. You’ll take all the consequences.”

“….”

Eunsu shut his mouth. Right. The fallout would be his to bear. As an apology, Eunsu raised his palm and dropped it. Around then, the additional gopchang arrived. The server placed the wide plate on the burner, lit it, said to wait a bit, and left.

Eunsu stared blankly at the sizzling gopchang and said.

“You came to our team dinner once too, Dokwon-ssi.”

“….The UI design team dinner?”

“Yeah. At first the team hated it, but you bought such expensive stuff that their mouths hung open.”

“….Hated it?”

“Pfft, no. Loved it. You sprang for a 280,000 won per person beef course. Drinks separate.”

Eunsu narrowed his eyes as if recalling that time, staring at the distant night street.

“The company director shows up out of nowhere, and we super hated it. We were just gonna do samgyeopsal, but it turns into a fancy beef course, and he’s not prying uncomfortably or giving dirty looks, just sitting quietly next to me—so no big deal to worry about, right?”

“….”

“After that, the team kept asking if Director Seo would come to the next dinner.”

Eunsu picked up a piece of tteok mixed in with the gopchang and brought it to his mouth. Dokwon rested his chin obliquely on the table and watched him.

“Not bad.”

“Yeah, not bad at all.”

“….The team? Or you, Eunsu-ssi?”

“The team.”

Eunsu said it like, why ask something obvious. Then he chewed and swallowed the tteok thoroughly. Dokwon pressed his lips tight then relaxed them, rummaging through the gopchang again, when Eunsu rubbed his cheek against Dokwon’s forearm. Like a cat acting cute.

“And me too.”

“Hah….”

Dokwon let out a hollow laugh. Her skill at reeling him in and letting go was top-notch. In thirty years, he’d never been swayed by anyone like this. With Eunsu, it happened several times a day, leaving his head spinning.

Dokwon froze with daechang in his tongs, and Eunsu snatched it away with his chopsticks and put it back on the grill. In a middle-schooler tone, she said.

“Of course it felt good. Wow, my boyfriend’s loaded. Super hot too. You know, bragging like that. Yeah? Bragging isn’t a bad feeling.”

“….Next time, I’ll look for a 380,000 won course.”

Dokwon swallowed a smile, cheeks dimpling. Being a cool partner for Eunsu. Him wanting to boast about him to others. Sitting beside him to make Eunsu shine even more.

It felt damn good. He’d never thought of his looks or wealth as bragging rights before. But from now on, he’d pay attention for different reasons.

The server appeared again. He poked around the gopchang, wiped the oil once, said it was done, and left.

After that, a brief silence fell. Because Eunsu’s meal had resumed. Dokwon quietly did his part: transferring well-cooked pieces to Eunsu’s plate, refilling his empty glass with drink.

By the time the grill was nearly empty, the excited Eunsu hummed some unintelligible tune. His cheeks were flushed red, unlike before. He really did get hot from eating.