Reasonable Loss - 7

It was the biggest reaction he had shown since regaining consciousness. But unfortunately, it was not a good one.

Flustered by such Dokwon, Eunsu hurriedly moved his lips to make an excuse that was not an excuse, no, to state the fact.

“After the accident, I’ve been so out of it that I haven’t gotten the pregnancy-safe suppressants yet……”

At that moment, Dokwon gripped Eunsu’s wrist again. Eunsu’s mouth shut tight. Their gazes clashed at close range.

“No way. That’s mine?”

Dokwon said in a voice trembling finely. It was a voice where confusion and anger were strangely tangled.

Eunsu swallowed dryly. In that instant, he thought he wanted to run away. It was not a child I made alone, nor one made secretly, but thinking that Dokwon might hate the child made him want to escape from him right away.

But he could not do that. Eunsu had a duty to be proud in front of the child. It was the natural duty as the child’s father.

“Yes. Your child.”

Eunsu said in a calm voice, without shaking. At that, one of Dokwon’s eyebrows arched upward.

“……Are you sure? That you slept with me? I did?”

“Yes.”

“You know what sleeping means? s3x.”

“I…… know.”

“So, I had s3x with you?”

“……”

“And got you pregnant?”

The conversation kept veering in a strange direction. The obscene word felt uncomfortable. Eunsu let out a light sigh. And he twisted his wrist.

“It hurts. Let go of this first……”

But Dokwon’s grip only grew stronger. His wrist felt like it would snap like a stick snack. As Eunsu gritted his teeth and tried to pull his wrist free, Dokwon lowered his head and whispered lowly in a voice only Eunsu could hear.

“Well, s3x, I could do as much as I want. Whether it’s rutting like an idiot with an omega or with a pig, who cares.”

Rut, with an omega, with a pig. At the stinging words, Eunsu squeezed his eyes shut and then opened them.

‘Rut’ was a biological phenomenon that came to alphas two or three times a year. It prioritized reproduction above all, so it could be called a kind of heat cycle. Omegas also had a ‘heat cycle’ every couple of months.

These days, with advanced medical technology, drugs like suppressants could control it, but without medicine, it was horrific. Because one became a beast chasing only pleasure.

So, right now Dokwon was saying that because of that rut, he had chased pleasure like a beast, slept with me, and as a result, the child was conceived.

“……”

It was an utterly vulgar conversation. Dokwon’s thoughts flowing uncontrollably in that direction were repulsive too.

That day, the day the child was conceived. The love and romance we created was so beautiful that it could not be belittled like this. It had been utterly fulfilling, hot, and warm.

As alpha and omega, we had thirsted for each other and craved pleasure, that was true, but it had not been so promiscuous as to be dismissed as animalistic.

Dokwon, denying all those emotions, sensations, and times, felt unfamiliar. No, more than unfamiliar, scary.

Eunsu felt his chest tighten as if he had swallowed a stone. His head hurt. His eyeballs felt dry, and thick fatigue rushed in. Breathing in and out felt like very grueling labor.

At Eunsu’s face, which had paled in an instant, Dokwon’s grip loosened. The corners of his eyes twitched. He could not tear his gaze from Eunsu’s face, dotted with sadness.

Eunsu pulled his wrist free. Dokwon’s handprint was left red. Eunsu pulled down his sleeve to cover it. And he raised the corner of his mouth and smiled.

“It’s late. I’ll…… go for today. Don’t skip your meal.”

“……”

“I’ll come again tomorrow, tomorrow.”

Eunsu turned around. The sole of his shoe crunched over the broken glass shards. Even so, Eunsu walked toward the door step by step. There was nothing to take. He had come out without even putting on his coat upon hearing that Dokwon had opened his eyes.

It was when Eunsu’s foot was just crossing the hospital room door. Eunsu glanced back. Dokwon was looking at him. At that, Eunsu murmured lowly with a somewhat dazed face.

“What we did that day…… was not s3x, it was love.”

He did not know if Dokwon heard those words or not. Because he only stared blankly, giving no reply.

* * *

Eunsu took the subway and, after a long, winding journey, arrived home. And as soon as he entered the house, he rushed to the bathroom.

Being squeezed among the people standing densely like hedgehog spines, with the subway’s characteristic stuffy and damp smell, made his stomach feel awful. He had not ridden the subway since college, so everything was hard to endure.

Going up and down the stairs leading underground, enduring people bumping his shoulders and back roughly, the subway’s loud alarm sounds, the wriggling vibration of the train. The unfamiliar discomforts tormented Eunsu relentlessly.

He thought about just taking a taxi, but if he did that, he would end up doing something unsightly inside the taxi. For example,

“Ugh……”

Vomiting like now. Or flipping his eyes back and fainting disgracefully.

Eunsu, clutching the toilet, repeated retching after retch. His stomach churned as if he had ridden a bus winding through mountain roads for six hours straight.

Only saliva dripped down onto the toilet. Occasionally, tears mixed in. They were never emotional tears. They were just physiological tears from the retching. Really.

Eunsu, who had buried his face in the toilet for a long while, left the bathroom because of the phone ringing loudly. He rinsed his mouth roughly and half-stumbled out of the bathroom.

The caller was Myunghee, Dokwon’s mother. Eunsu quickly cleared his throat with a cough.

“Yes, Mother.”

-Eunsu, where are you? At home?

“Ah, yes, at home. I’m sorry. I, I left without saying anything. I was a bit tired……”

-No, no. As long as you’re home. I was worried you had collapsed somewhere……. Have you eaten?

“I’m about to.”

-Good. Make sure to eat properly. If there’s anything you want to eat, call right away.

After that, Myunghee poured out worries for a while. He had to sleep well, avoid drinking cold water if possible, not have bad thoughts, cover up with the blanket to avoid catching a cold, and so on—it was more than one or two. Then suddenly she cursed Dokwon, said this might be stressful too, and ended the call abruptly.

Eunsu quietly looked at the word [Mom] blinking on the screen. Then he drew in a deep breath and stretched. And with a resolute expression like a general heading to battle, he entered the kitchen.

Let’s eat first. After that, he would wash with warm water and watch TV. He would drink fruit-scented tea while watching a program funny enough to drive away all thoughts. And he would fall asleep having completely forgotten the words he heard from the doctor today and the conversation with Dokwon.

Eunsu carefully made his plan while putting the cold porridge in the microwave and closing the door with a click.

“Ah……”

Eunsu slowly blinked his dry eyes. The plan he had set up ambitiously last night had only been carried out halfway. He had eaten, and showered with warm water. Up to there was perfect. He had watched a funny program and drunk tea too.

But he could not laugh. No matter how much he watched, no laughter came out.

He could not forget the words from the doctor or the conversation with Dokwon. He could not sleep. He had dozed off lightly here and there, but the longest sleep was just over an hour.

“This isn’t good.”

Eunsu, lying long on the sofa, gently stroked his belly. A sigh rose automatically at the belly that seemed even slimmer than yesterday.

He needed to eat well. He needed to sleep well.

He thought that about a hundred times through the night. Doing so, it came as an obsession. At this age, feeling so pathetic and incompetent for not even being able to take care of his own body.

Eunsu raised his upper body and fetched the crumpled blanket from far away. He covered himself up to his chest with it and lay down in a proper position, closing his eyes. And he put all his effort into trying to sleep. However, his mind only grew clearer and clearer.

Then, thinking maybe the position was bad, he tried lying on his side a little. Not enough with that, he lay sideways, then prone, swimming around on the bed like that.

Even so, he could not sleep.

Eunsu, drained of energy, sprawled out star-shaped on the bed. His head buzzed and clamored. What should he do about this. As he worried and rolled only his eyeballs, a one-person sofa caught his eye. Exactly, it was someone’s coat placed on that sofa.

“……”

It was Dokwon’s. The day before the accident. After their date, when the weather was cold, he had put it on me, and he had come home wearing it.

Eunsu approached the coat as if possessed by something. The black coat was large enough to serve as a blanket without issue. Swallowing dryly, Eunsu picked up the coat and buried his nose in it.

As he inhaled deeply, Dokwon’s scent came rushing in thickly. No matter when or how he smelled it, it was an ecstatic scent.

Eunsu took the coat and returned to the bed. He wrapped a large pillow round and round with the coat, then hugged it. As if it were Dokwon. Doing so, his mind became at ease. His rigidly bunched shoulders and neck loosened.

Eunsu slowly closed his eyes. And he murmured words no one could hear.

“I’m sorry for wrinkling the coat. But it’s your responsibility too, so understand. It can’t be helped.”

Saying that, Eunsu let out a faint smile. And finally, he could meet the dream he had longed for all night.