Reasonable Loss - 8

Chapter 2: Distorted Memories

Eunsu entered the hospital as usual today. He took the elevator and pressed the button for the top floor, then checked his phone. There were no special messages. For instance, nothing like word that Dokwon had returned to “normal.” He wondered if maybe Myunghee or Kiho, or even Dokwon himself, had reached out.

He knew it was a pointless hope. It hadn’t even been twelve hours yet—what could have changed in that time? Still, just a little, even if it was just the size of a fingernail, maybe something had shifted. Maybe a short memory had surfaced. He just couldn’t let go of that hope.

The door to the hospital room stood open. He couldn’t tell if the doctor had just left or if a visitor had come by.

What if it was an important guest? Eunsu peeked inside, craning his neck just a bit. He saw Dokwon half-reclining in bed and a man standing in front of him. The man wore a neat suit, was fairly tall—not quite as much as Dokwon—and had a familiar hairstyle.

The corner of Eunsu’s mouth tugged upward in a grin.

It was Dokwon’s secretary. As someone who managed Dokwon’s every move, he was familiar to Eunsu too. And enviously enough, since he’d been with Dokwon for ten years, they must still be close, whether before the memory loss or now.

Eunsu was watching their mood, about to step into the room, when Dokwon suddenly glanced at the door. It was as if he’d heard Eunsu’s footsteps alone, even though Eunsu hadn’t made a sound.

Eunsu gave an awkward smile and raised his hand. Dokwon showed no reaction. From that cold gaze, Eunsu realized he still didn’t remember him at all. The usual Dokwon wouldn’t have looked at him so chillingly.

Eunsu couldn’t hide his disappointment as he lowered his hand. Dokwon kept his eyes fixed on him. Secretary Jeong turned his head toward the door as well. When he spotted Eunsu, a bright smile spread across his face.

That smile somehow warmed Eunsu’s heart. He stepped into the room. Secretary Jeong crossed the room in quick strides to greet him too.

“Hello, Secretary Jeong.”

Eunsu dipped his head slightly.

“Hello, Team Leader Yoo.”

Secretary Jeong bowed in return. He stepped a half-pace closer to Eunsu. Then, with his handsome eyebrows drooping downward, he expressed his concern.

“Are you feeling okay? I came right after the accident, but there was so much work to handle in the director’s place that I haven’t been able to stop by the hospital until now. I did hear you’d been discharged.”

“Oh, yes. I didn’t get hurt too badly… I’m fine.”

“Still, it was a car accident.”

“Well… sometimes my body aches here and there, like an old grandpa.”

Eunsu hunched his back and patted it, mimicking an elderly man. Secretary Jeong covered his mouth and laughed. Eunsu laughed too, his eyes crinkling wide.

Dokwon stared at the scene. The sunlight streaming through the window clung to Eunsu like it was drawn to him. Dokwon’s eyes lingered on the round swell of his cheeks, the gentle fold at the corners of his eyes, and the pretty curve of his lips. His smile looked so pure, so innocent.

And the longer he looked at that face, the more his head throbbed. Dokwon pressed his thumb and middle finger hard against his temple.

“How’s the baby?”

Secretary Jeong asked Eunsu.

“They said it’s fine here at this hospital. I haven’t gone to a specialist OB-GYN yet, but… oh, now that I think about it, I should go today.”

Eunsu stroked his belly over his coat. He’d heard that early pregnancy meant being careful about a lot of things. But he hadn’t heard what exactly to watch out for. Before it got too late, he had to visit the OB-GYN today.

“Shall I drive you there?”

Secretary Jeong offered gently. Sometimes when Dokwon had work, he’d pick Eunsu up or drop him home after a meeting. So playing chauffeur was nothing. Especially to an OB-GYN—it felt a bit heartbreaking to let him go alone.

But Eunsu shook his head side to side.

“I… I can’t ride in cars.”

“Why? Oh, don’t tell me it’s because of the accident…?”

“Yes. I’ll just take the subway.”

“Oh, man… What a mess this all is.”

“It’ll be okay soon. It’ll get better quick, real quick.”

Eunsu smiled faintly. Secretary Jeong looked at him with pity. As he said, if it got better soon, there’d be nothing more to wish for. But Dokwon’s condition wasn’t okay at all.

Eunsu bowed his head a little. Then he absently stroked the smooth nape of his own neck. It was a thoughtless gesture.

But seeing that, Dokwon drew in a sharp breath. An unfamiliar scent pierced his nostrils and spread straight to his lungs in an instant. His face hardened coolly. Then it crumpled like a crushed aluminum can, with a crunch.

“Urgh…”

The short groan made Eunsu and Secretary Jeong’s gazes snap toward Dokwon. Eunsu’s eyes met Dokwon’s, still holding traces of his smile. In that moment, Dokwon clutched his head and tumbled off the bed onto the floor.

“Dokwon!”

“Director!”

Eunsu and Secretary Jeong rushed toward him. Dokwon rolled on the floor, curling his massive body into a tight ball.

“Dokwon. Dokwon, get up.”

Eunsu tried to support his body. His elbows, shoulders, and ankles bumping against the hard marble floor looked so painful.

“Don’t touch me!”

But Dokwon shoved Eunsu away, so he couldn’t even get close.

“Get the hell out!”

Dokwon glared at Eunsu with eyes bloodshot red. He ground his teeth with a harsh grind, grind, veins bulging on the hands clutching his head. His body trembled violently.

Even in that state, he glared at Eunsu like he was his sworn enemy, and for a moment, Eunsu felt like his throat was being squeezed.

“Dokwon…”

Eunsu hunched his shoulders. He’d never seen Dokwon make that face before. It was like someone was swinging an axe down on his head.

Eunsu backed away on his butt. He instinctively knew he was the one causing Dokwon’s pain. At that moment, a thick trickle of bl00d oozed from Dokwon’s nose.

Eunsu’s eyelashes flicked upward toward the ceiling. Bl00d, bl00d. He hurried to Dokwon’s side and wiped the nosebleed with the back of his hand.

“…”

Dokwon stopped breathing.

“…”

Eunsu swallowed backward.

For a split second, silence fell. The only sound was the emergency bell that Secretary Jeong pressed repeatedly. Then Eunsu let out a long breath without realizing it.

Dokwon’s nose bridge twitched. Then he slapped Eunsu’s hand away hard. Eunsu pulled his hand back quickly, as if he’d touched something hot, the back stinging.

Dokwon glared at Eunsu, his jaw trembling. Under that fierce gaze, Eunsu felt a sharp pang like his chest was being gouged.

Just as Dokwon’s face was fully overtaken by anger and pain, doctors burst into the room.

Dokwon was lifted onto the bed by hands that were unclear if they were helping or restraining. Painkillers and sedatives went into the IV, alcohol swabs wiped away the bl00d. A penlight examined his twitching eyeballs, and his convulsing limbs were bound by sturdy nurses.

Eunsu gathered his shaking legs and stood. He tried to approach Dokwon, but a nurse blocked him.

“Guardian, please step out for a moment.”

“Why, why? Can’t I stay?”

“It’s for the patient’s stability. Just step out for a bit.”

The nurse smiled gently and coaxed Eunsu. But as she subtly pushed him back, her touch felt like she was shoving out an indecent intruder. She said nothing to Secretary Jeong standing to the side, making it feel even more that way.

Eunsu ended up leaving the room half by his own will, half against it. The nurse holding the door handle smiled at him.

It was a smile with no special meaning. The kind used in social situations, the common one nurses give to patients or guardians. Then she closed the door without hesitation.

“…”

Eunsu stared blankly at the closed door. From beyond it came the faint sound of Dokwon’s groans. As he listened, he stroked the back of his hand. The one stained with Dokwon’s bl00d.

‘Don’t touch me!’

‘Get the hell out!’

Dokwon’s shouts echoed in his ears. And the red eyes that had glared at him, the nose bridge wrinkled like my scent disgusted him, dominated his vision.

Eunsu rubbed the back of his hand harder. He scrubbed until the whole thing turned red and raw, until he couldn’t tell Dokwon’s bl00d from his own skin.

It couldn’t be.

The reason you’re in pain couldn’t be because of me.

What did I do? What kind of memory was I to you? Why does the time we spent together hurt you like that?

What’s the reason you look at me like I’m so repulsive? Why won’t you look at me with those gentle eyes like before?

Eunsu scrubbed at the back of his hand until he clawed at it with his nails. Only after a long while did he feel the stinging pain. His skin was torn up unpleasantly. He stared down at it quietly, then turned away.