Rebirth of the Vulgar Couple - Chapter 1- Regression

“Profit locked in! Thanks for the match!”

Okay, okay. Work’s done for the day.
Got tons of research to do for this weekend’s horse racing. No time to waste on this.

I stubbed out my cigarette and spread out my racing forms and online tips.

“Keita~! Finished editing that video~!”

“Ohhh! Thanks, Atsuki!”

“Work done? I wanna go shopping.”

“Ah, me too. Just wait a sec.”

Hmmm. The favorite has to be one of these two horses.
If I include the longshot #10… what order will they finish?
Should I bet a Box or a Formation?
Tough call. My winning rate hasn’t been great lately… maybe play it safe with a Box. Or maybe pick one or two more horses just in case.

“Hmm. That’s enough thinking. Just gotta chat about this in the video later.”

“Keita, you never get bored, do you? Even though we only have like 100,000 subscribers.”

“Eh, it’s just a hobby. Be nice if it paid for my racing bets, though.”

My name is Keita Tani.
I hit it big betting on horses in college and used that money to start investing. Turns out I had some knack for it. Now I’m a middle-aged guy making about 20 million yen a year as an investor while enjoying gambling. Perfect – I never wanted a regular job anyway.
Yeah, I’m basically a loser pushing 40 who’s never held a real job.

And here with me is my wife, Azusa.
We’ve known each other since kindergarten, started dating in middle school, and got married after college.
She sometimes helps out on my gambling streams and edits my videos.

“Would be cool to have 10 million subscribers someday. Just a pipe dream, though.”

“Can’t do it with just gambling. Need some other special talent.”

“But I think my face is handsome!”

“Well, I’m beautiful! But Keita, we’re almost 40? Can’t compete with young people.”

Maybe I started streaming too late.
If I’d begun earlier, things might be different.
But just gambling is probably too niche.

“Would’ve been nice to be famous, get adored by people online.”

“Guess we should be happy we don’t have to work and can live like this. Sorry to all the corporate slaves out there, but humans get greedy once they get used to things. If we’d become famous streamers, life would be way more glamorous by now.”

“Eh, no point in ‘what ifs’. Let’s go shopping.”

We changed into going-out clothes and left the house.
After college, we built a house on cheap land in the countryside. It’s quiet and comfortable.
Even though it’s the country, there’s a big shopping mall about 30 minutes away by car, so we never struggle. Since we’re both homebodies, I think we picked a great spot.

“~♪~♪” “~♪~♪”

We both sang loudly along to the music in the car.
Even though we’re pushing 40, we’re still childish. Well, it feels good.

“Hey, we haven’t been to karaoke since college, huh?”

“You used to get all cocky because everyone said you were good! Ah, good times. I loved those jealous stares.”

Even though it was just a hobby, people used to praise us for being good singers for amateurs. Those were fun times. After we built our house in the sticks, we became total recluses and lost touch with everyone.

“If we’d done singing streams when we were younger, maybe we’d have gone viral. If we’d practiced seriously, we could’ve been really good.”

“Too late now. Way too late at this age.”

We never thought about being streamers back then. Guess that’s the price of slacking off when you’re young.
What a waste.

“La la la la la… Hey! Hey!!”

“Look out!!!”

I was driving happily, humming along, when a car coming the other way swerved way over the center line, speeding right at us.
I tried to steer away, but it was way too late.
I caught a glimpse of the other driver – he was asleep! Why did everything seem to slow down?
Is this that “time slowing down” thing people feel when they’re about to die? Thanks for the unique experience.

“Ah. We’re dead.”

“Kyaaaaah!!!”

I gave up and grabbed Azusa’s hand.
That instant, our car smashed head-on into the other car.
With a sickening crunch, everything went black.

“Nnngh… Huh!?”

I woke up in bed.
Huh? Not dead? Thought it was instant… maybe I miraculously survived.

“Guess my luck held… huh?”

I sighed with relief and looked around.
I survived… but what about Azusa?
I looked around, panicked. Something felt wrong.
I thought I was in a hospital room… but this was my old bedroom at my parents’ house.

“Huh? What? What’s going on?”

I couldn’t understand at all.
Why was I in my childhood home after a car crash?

“No idea… Huh?”

I got out of bed and immediately felt weird.
I seemed shorter. I’m a tall guy, 188cm.
My eye level was over 10cm lower than it should be.

“Wh-What the hell?!”

I rushed to the mirror and gasped.
I looked way younger. Like my face from middle or high school.

“Wh-What in the world…?”

I stood frozen in shock.
My brain felt overloaded, like it couldn’t process this.
Just then, a semi-transparent hologram-like screen appeared right in front of my eyes.

It said, ‘We will help you redo your life’. Weirdly, it also showed something like my personal stats.

“Too much…”

I collapsed back onto the bed and passed out.
My brain couldn’t handle it.