Small and Fragile Things - Chapter 14

It started raining at midnight.

Half-asleep, Irang woke up the moment she heard the rain and rushed out to the veranda.

But when she flung the window wide open, she hesitated.

“Rain…”

She stared out the window with a look that couldn’t quite believe it. After a long moment of uncertainty, she slowly reached out her hand.

“…!”

When raindrops tapped onto her small palm, a flower-like smile finally bloomed on her face.

“It’s cold…”

That smile was relief and joy.

The fear that had clung to her, that feeling of living in one long dream she couldn’t shake off, melted away in that moment.

“It’s not a dream.”

Every time she closed her eyes and opened them again, she was terrified she’d see that same blank white ceiling. She used to wake up drenched in cold sweat, heart pounding.

But now, finally, it felt real. None of this was an illusion — this was real.

Irang looked at her wet hand and laughed, so overjoyed she didn’t know what to do with herself. She bounced on the spot, arms fluttering like wings. She spun on her tiptoes, twirling and twirling as if dancing to a tune only she could hear — as if she were drunk on the moment itself.

After a while, dizzy from spinning, she flopped down onto the floor, giggling to herself. Then she climbed up onto a cheap blue plastic chair, panting from the tiny effort.

The girl reflected in the glass was so thin that her spine stuck out along her curved back — but that didn’t matter at all. Right now, in this moment, she was happier than she’d ever been.

Tap tap tap. The soft sound of rain outside played like a private celebration.

“…It’s so pretty.”

It was rain she hadn’t seen in such a very, very long time.

The place she’d lived before was sealed up on all sides by walls. Weather simply didn’t exist there. Rain, snow, wind, sunlight, moonlight — she hadn’t felt any of it for ages.

Was she fourteen? That was when she’d first tried to run away for real. Ever since then, she’d been locked up. She couldn’t even remember when they stuck her in a room with no windows. That part of her memory was hazy, like it didn’t want to be found.

By force of habit, Irang bit her lower lip, then poked at the empty space inside her mouth with her tongue. Where a tooth should have been, there was only soft gum now.

The memories that rose up one after another made her laugh — and her mouth watered again.

The food she’d tasted for the first time had all been so unbelievably delicious. It was a shame she’d thrown it all up after.

‘Will I get to eat it again?’

Now that she thought about it, it had been so long since she’d had real food. No wonder her teeth fell out. It had been ages since she’d actually chewed anything properly. And all those years of clenching her jaw probably didn’t help either.

Tied together like beads on a string, her memories also brought up her new name.

“Irang. Irang…”

A name so simple to say — just a soft click of the tongue.

She remembered the people who’d laughed and argued just to give her that name too.

Big Jung-pal, built like a bear. The short-haired Yang Gi-seon, who she’d thought was a man but turned out to be a woman. Yoon, whose steady gaze was kind of scary. And then… him.

‘Bunny.’

That weird man who gave her a strange nickname all on his own and looked so satisfied about it.

Sometimes she wondered if they’d met before, and she just couldn’t remember. The things he said and did were so easy, so unbothered. Was he just naturally friendly with everyone? Or did he think he could do whatever he wanted because he was the one who’d saved her?

‘What did you do today?’

But strangely — so strangely — Irang liked that part of him.

She liked that he didn’t treat her like an object. That he didn’t handle her roughly. He just quietly looked at her, waited for her, and joked around with her like it was nothing.

Until just a few days ago, he’d been a complete stranger. But if someone asked her right now who she liked, she’d probably pick him without even thinking twice.

At first, she’d thought he was terrifying — so big, with that scar on his face.

But once you stripped away that rough first impression, Choi Muk-hyun was the most beautiful person she’d ever seen.

It was hard to point to any one part of him and say this is why, but when she looked at him, she just couldn’t look away.

At the same time, he looked dangerous, too. She couldn’t quite figure out why — maybe it was that long scar slashed across the bridge of his nose, or maybe it was his intimidating size, or maybe… maybe it was his eyes.

‘Do you think I’m a good person, or a bad one?’

For Irang, the line between good and bad was blurry. So it wasn’t an easy choice.

Some of the people she’d met before had pitied her. But even they had all agreed to keep her locked up.

They felt sorry for her, but they looked the other way while she suffered.

So were they good people? Or bad? It was impossible to tell.

The only clear thing was what Muk-hyun himself had said. That he wasn’t a good person.

She was sure he hadn’t done her any favors for nothing. He hadn’t done anything yet, but there was no promise he wouldn’t someday. So she should be wary of him — she knew that. But…

“It’s strange.”

Why did she keep waiting for him? Why did she stare whenever he showed up? Why did she feel like smiling whenever their eyes met? She hadn’t smiled properly in so long, she’d forgotten how to curl her lips nicely.

Meanwhile, he smiled so easily, like there was always something worth smiling about for him.

When he was expressionless, he looked so different, but she liked the way he looked when he smiled much more.

But… could a bad person really smile like that?

When she watched how he looked at the people around him — the way he spoke to them, the way he smiled — it looked so nice that she almost felt desperate. That face, that mood, that kindness… if anyone saw it, of course they’d want it for themselves. She did too. She wanted him to be like that with her.

But… was that too much for her to hope for? Was it wrong to want that for herself?

“….”

A sudden shiver made her hug her knees to her chest.

‘I thought you’d like it outside.’

‘You’re gonna rip my sleeve at this rate.’

Why was he so kind to her?

What did he really think she was? If he found out the truth… would he be disappointed?

Or maybe he already knew everything. Maybe he was just waiting to see what she’d do.

Her thoughts tangled up again, knotting into a headache like always. If it got worse, she’d need painkillers — but she doubted she could get those here.

How many days had it been since she’d stopped getting injections? Was it really okay to just quit cold turkey like this?

The flood of sleep she’d drowned in the past few days was probably because of that last dose she’d gotten before she escaped. Muk-hyun had scolded her for letting her guard down, not knowing anything.

She buried her face between her knees. Old memories drifted up like mist.

‘You’ll be moved somewhere else soon. To keep the cycle on track, we’ll adjust your sleep schedule for a while.’

She wondered what happened to Park Eun-young. She thought she’d seen her collapse.

Even if she survived, she’d lost the thing she’d been so desperate to protect. She’d be furious by now.

‘If you get found out, you won’t survive. You’ll be discarded.’

‘This society has no place for someone like you. You’d be better off biting your tongue and ending it. Because if they find out, what you’ve been through so far will feel like nothing compared to what’s coming.’

Park Eun-young’s cold voice echoed in her mind, floating in and out as her consciousness blurred.

‘Just accept your fate, Illy. No one will help you if you run. You don’t know the world at all. Do you even realize how scary it is out there?’

Irang had known it was just a trick to break her spirit — to brainwash her into giving up on escaping.

“…To think I really did it.”

Irang stared blankly at the closed door. Then her eyes fluttered shut.

Even if that door had been wide open…