The Detective is Useless (GL) - Chapter 4

Jin Yunjue paced back and forth inside the detective agency, sometimes touching the decorations around the room, sometimes estimating the size of the furniture.
Did the agency need a makeover? Should she renovate to give it a more modern, stylish feel?

But after thinking it over, Jin Yunjue realized this would only treat the symptoms, not the root cause. Renovating would only matter if customers actually showed up. The real problem was simple—there were no customers at all.

Yes, everything came back to that fundamental issue: no clients.

She flipped open the drawer of her desk, pulled out a fountain pen, and began sketching ideas in her notebook—drafts for promotional flyers.

No capital, no influence—back to basics. Start with handing out leaflets and spreading the word! Looks like the plan she wrote up last night needed a lot of revisions.

She drew and redrew, revising everything from the wording, the layout of the text, to the choice of illustrations. After several attempts, she finally produced a draft she was satisfied with. Smiling at it, she then heard noises outside. A glance at the old TV’s little round clock told her that Tian Sisi must be on her way back.

“Xiao Jinjin, I’m back!”

Of course Jin Yunjue knew she was back—no need to shout at the top of her lungs. But the next thing Tian Sisi bellowed made Jin Yunjue freeze on the spot:

“Want to fry some rice with me?”

“No!” Jin Yunjue could only pray that the neighbors hadn’t heard that sentence. How embarrassing would that be!

“I bought lots of ingredients! Five kinds of vegetables, plus char siu and shrimp. Fried rice only tastes right with char siu, and you need shrimp for that perfect texture.”

Tian Sisi came running in, holding up a bulging reusable shopping bag proudly.

Jin Yunjue peered inside—ah, it really was just for fried rice. She suddenly felt ashamed of her own dirty thoughts and a wave of groundless guilt washed over her.

To hide her embarrassment and avoid feeling small in front of Tian Sisi, an idea struck her.

“Turn on your retro computer. I’m going to set up a shared drive for work.”

Seeing her enthusiasm for fried rice completely ignored, Tian Sisi’s smiling face turned into a sulky pout. Grudgingly, she dumped the groceries in the kitchen and then brought out her little laptop for Jin Yunjue.

Just as Tian Sisi had boasted, the laptop only looked old on the outside. Inside, its performance was top-notch—fast, efficient, smooth. Using it was a joy. For a brief moment, Jin Yunjue even regretted refusing Tian Sisi’s earlier offer to use it.

But seriously—no password? If there were sensitive files, what if someone else peeked inside?

“Hey, you need to set a password. Use a mix of letters and numbers, and remember it.” Jin Yunjue turned the laptop toward her.

Tian Sisi tilted her head, thought for a moment, then typed: no1friedrice.

Jin Yunjue’s lips twitched. Number One Fried Rice? Who on earth would use that as a password? Whatever, she decided to let it go. Not worth arguing with a child.

She took back the laptop and started working between her own and Tian Sisi’s machine. After a while, everything was set up.

“I just created a shared drive. Now our laptops can exchange files through a shared folder. I also synced my phone, so I can grab documents on the go. Hand me your phone, I’ll set yours up too. Afterward, you can change the password yourself.”

Tian Sisi obediently handed over her phone. One look and Jin Yunjue froze.

“This… is your phone?”

“Yeah.” Tian Sisi said as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

“A Nokia 3310? Why don’t you just use an 8250 while you’re at it? Do you even know what century this is?” Jin Yunjue could barely stop herself from rolling her eyes. Was Tian Sisi really from the city?

“It still works fine.” Tian Sisi shrugged.

“Or is this another one of your tricks? Like how you shoved high-end parts into that old TV, and crammed cutting-edge specs into that 90s computer shell?”

“Hehe, nope. This one’s the real deal, straight from the factory, no mods at all.” Tian Sisi grinned, then snatched the phone back, opening it to show off. “See? Snake! Best game in the universe!”

“You really are one of a kind,” Jin Yunjue muttered, snatching it back to check if it really hadn’t been tampered with.

“Aw, Xiao Jinjin, if you praise me like that, I’ll get shy.”

Another eye roll. Praise? That was sarcasm! How did she even pass the detective license exam? How did she get through the Level 1 test? How did the registration committee approve her application? A hundred thousand unanswered questions.

“I’m requiring you to switch to a smartphone. Even the entry-level ones are fine—just enough to install communication apps and connect to the shared drive. If you had a proper phone, I could link it up to the system.”

“Why? My phone works just fine.” Clearly, Tian Sisi had no intention of replacing it.

Jin Yunjue massaged her temples and tried patience. “Because your phone can’t run the software.”

“But your flyer only mentions Line. I can just use the PC version. And I can use the computer for data too.”

“You can’t carry a laptop everywhere you go and check for new messages every minute!” Jin Yunjue was losing patience.

“You already have it, so why should I bother…” Tian Sisi frowned, then fished out a lollipop from her pocket and handed it over. “Here, have some candy. Pink giraffe’s strawberry flavor! With green tea polyphenols—good for preventing cavities!”

Quickly pocketing it before Tian Sisi could derail the conversation, Jin Yunjue shot back, “Are you stingy or just lazy?”

“Actually, I’m just dumb. Heehee.”

“You’re insane.” Jin Yunjue shook her head. How had she ended up stuck with this hopeless brat?

“Call me crazy if you like, but don’t call me dumb~”

And off she went, singing. Jin Yunjue clamped her hands over her ears. Noise pollution!

Still, Tian Sisi wasn’t useless at everything. For example—her fried rice was genuinely delicious. The moisture of the rice was perfect, the ingredients cooked just right, the balance harmonious. As the saying went: “Find the right balance, and everything works.” That was exactly it. Simple fried rice, nothing extraordinary, yet with balance, it became wonderful.

So a humble fried rice dinner turned out to be the happiest moment Jin Yunjue had experienced since arriving here. Though, admittedly, every encounter with Tian Sisi seemed to end in exasperation.

Jin Yunjue preferred coffee. After such a satisfying meal, nothing was better than a cup of Blue Mountain coffee to round out the evening. She retrieved some hand-ground beans she’d brought back from England and boiled water to brew.

The rich aroma brought Tian Sisi bounding over. She inhaled deeply, lifted an eyebrow. “Ooh, Blue Mountain? Hand-ground?”

“You know coffee too? I brought a box—want to try?” Jin Yunjue asked, reaching for the box. But Tian Sisi innocently replied, “My coffee’s for watering flowers.”

Jin Yunjue’s mouth twitched again. Watering flowers?! With Blue Mountain?! That coffee wasn’t cheap! Not to mention—its fragrance, its mellow sweetness—it was a luxury meant to be savored! Using it on plants was sacrilege.

“You actually like drinking it?” Tian Sisi tilted her head.

“Better than your flowers, anyway,” Jin Yunjue muttered coldly, still sulking.

“Uh-huh. Real Blue Mountain is rare. Even in Jamaica, it’s hard to buy. You usually need to go to Japan. Yours isn’t the genuine article—it’s a blend, mostly high-quality Colombian beans, designed to mimic Blue Mountain flavor. Hehe.”

“What? Impossible…”

But when she turned around, Tian Sisi was smirking mischievously. Was she telling the truth or just teasing? Hard to say.

“Personally, I usually brew Nicaraguan beans. Medium roast, with a jasmine aroma—bright, sweetly acidic. My flowers love it. Adjusts the soil acidity nicely.”

Jin Yunjue ignored her, sipping her “Blue Mountain” slowly, then washing the cup once finished and heading upstairs for a shower.

Tian Sisi obediently went in next. That surprised Jin Yunjue—no jokes, no teasing? For once, silent? Usually, the girl never shut up.

Later, lying on the sofa bed, Jin Yunjue played the latest escape-room game on her phone. She was so absorbed she didn’t notice when Tian Sisi finished showering and went downstairs. She only realized when the smell of fresh coffee drifted up.

Looking over the railing, she spotted Tian Sisi crouched on the floor, drinking coffee.

“You just showered and are about to sleep, and you’re drinking coffee? Aren’t you afraid you won’t fall asleep?” Jin Yunjue asked. Though what she really wanted to ask was—why on earth are you crouching to drink it?

Tian Sisi looked up blankly, then grinned. “It’s fine. I usually sleep after sunrise anyway. You go ahead and use my bed. I’ll go chat with the flowers.” With that, she walked toward the back garden, cup in hand.

Flowers? Oh—she meant actual flowers. For a moment, Jin Yunjue chuckled to herself, but then frowned. Wait. Didn’t she say her coffee was for flowers? So… by drinking it herself, was she treating herself as one? At least she’d finally turned the tables on Tian Sisi in wordplay. Hah, victory at last!

But… why was she even competing with a child? Ridiculous.

“Uh-huh,” Tian Sisi beamed. “I’m drinking your coffee.”

Jin Yunjue blinked. So that was her trick. Your coffee, not mine.

“You stole my coffee?”

“Borrowed it fair and square.” Tian Sisi waved her hand breezily and strolled off. “Wow, Colombian beans can taste this close to Blue Mountain? Not bad!”

“You shameless freeloader!” Jin Yunjue shouted.

Sometimes these little skirmishes were amusing. But right now, Jin Yunjue was too annoyed to enjoy her game anymore. She switched off the light and went to bed.

In the middle of the night, restless, she woke up. Looking around, she realized Tian Sisi wasn’t in bed. Curious, she went downstairs and peered through the glass door to the back garden.

Empty. Nobody there.

As she wondered where Tian Sisi had gone, a voice suddenly spoke behind her.

“Were you looking for me?”

“Ahhh!” Jin Yunjue jumped out of her skin. Turning, she saw Tian Sisi shining a flashlight under her own face, pulling a ghostly prank. Furious, Jin Yunjue yelled: “Scaring people is dangerous!”

“Heehee. So Xiao Jinjin’s afraid of ghosts?” Tian Sisi giggled, then widened her eyes innocently. “Aw, don’t be mad. I’ll be super good.”

“Then go to bed. Stop roaming around with a flashlight.” Jin Yunjue tried to calm herself.

“But it’s a new day, the earth has spun one more time, and since I’m lucky enough to still be alive, of course I have to be happy—”

“Stop!” Jin Yunjue groaned. That awful singing voice again.

“What, you don’t like my singing? Xiao Jinjin’s standards are too high. Flowers love listening to me.”

Another wide-eyed, innocent look. Cute but unbearable.

In the end, Jin Yunjue swallowed her retort. She reminded herself—her job was to restore this branch of the agency to its former glory, nothing more. Still, maybe she could try disciplining this kid… a little. If it didn’t work, well, that wasn’t her problem.